Reviving my old gabblyguk Pt 1
Title: A little bit of hope, a little bit of lightning
Fandom: Final Fantaxy XIII
Pairing: whatddya think?? Hope/Lightning ONESIDED...
Genre: romance? friendship? psychological??
Warnings: mild game cutscene spoilers
Note: I am so weird but basically, I am obsessed with watching FF cutscenes even though i don't play the games.
"Mom..." murmurred Hope in his sleep.
Lightning snorted. "Not by a long shot," she said. But she continued to watch him.
Sleeping, he looked even more like a baby than he normally does. Except a baby would look more peaceful. More carefree. This boy has got sadness draped on him like a heavy coat. How old was he? He looked thirteen or fourteen. The age when he was supposed to be playing ball with his friends or running around in the streets, or whatever kids did for fun. Lightning didn't really know, because when she was that age she did none of it.
Instead, she stood on the corner of the street with bags of groceries she managed to scrape for the week in one hand and medicine for her sick mother in the other, watching her schoolmates laugh and shout as they played some kind of battle simulation game. "Hey, there's Claire!" one girl had yelled, and waved at her to join. Lightning didn't answer and went home, where beaming, sweet Serah was the only thing that made her smile feel not so forced. The next day, she passed the same children again, but this time they didn't invite her to play. The girl who had done so the day before said to her friends loudly, so that Lightning could hear, "Look, you can see holes in her uniform. Isn't that so embarrassing?"
Lightning skipped sleep for that night and spent it patching up all of Serah's clothes. She herself could go around wearing a trash bag if she had to but Serah. Not Serah. From then on she always made sure Serah went outside in the cleanest, nicest clothes with not a single tear on them. Her performance in school slipped down several notches as a result but Lightning hardly cared. She was going to join the army after all. You don't need stellar grades for that.
Then her mother died, and if it weren't for the fact that joining the army required you to graduate high school Lightning would have gladly dropped out. She spent her fifteenth year working one odd job after the other, often lying about her age so she could get hired and several times even cross-dressing for the manual labor jobs that wanted only boys. She got her sleep during class and lived on sandwiches and water. Lightning kind of liked it though, as it made her body stronger and kept her too busy to think unnecessary thoughts.
It was only in the deep of night, when she checked in on Serah sleeping in bed, did those thoughts come creeping up. The stupid memories. Her mother's dying, emaciated face. Or worse, when her mother was alive and well and so was her father - whose face Lightning didn't even remember, but his gentle voice and large hand holding hers she did. Lightning hated this. They made her feel like a child. A needy child who wanted someone to lean on and hold her hand, just like her father had done once.
One night Lightning, for no reason, broke down, and Serah caught her. This was the worst. Lightning was supposed to be strong. And strong people don't cry. Serah, sleepily climbing out of bed, held Lightning close and whispered, "It's alright, nee-chan. Cry it all out." Lightning had tried to push her away, but Serah wouldn't let her. Which was good, because it really was true: Lightning cried herself dry that night and never shed a tear again.
Serah... Her little sister. The only person she had left in this world. Lightning had always thought of Serah as someone fragile and delicate, there for her to protect. It wasn't until she was gone did Lightning realize her sister had been the force keeping her strong.
Lightning shook her head. She did not want to go down that route. Looking back at Hope's sleeping face, she imagined what it'd be like in his shoes. One part of her wanted to slap him because what he is suffering now is nothing compared to what she had to go through at his age. Did she have a grown-up to guide her along every step of the way? Not in the least. But now, thinking about Serah, Lightning realized that Hope might be worse off, in a way. He didn't have his most important person beside him just when he needed one most. Or if he had one, they weren't here any longer.
Lightning could understand what that was like. But unlike Hope, she was older, knew what to expect, and her past prepared her for it. And more than anything, she was used to being strong. She'd had to be for Serah. Even though Serah wasn't here right now, the hardened shell Lightning had worn for so many years wasn't so easy to break.
--
"Lightning-san... Lightning-san?"
A cool hand laid on Lightning's arm, shaking her. Lightning opened her eyes, and it took a moment for her to register where she was, why she was here, and who was the young boy currently looking hesitantly at her.
Then the moment was over and Lightning was on her feet, tempted to hit herself. "I fell asleep? How long?" she demanded. She felt incredibly stupid. She was an ex-soldier. She knew better than to fall asleep on watch. Not to mention the situation they were in was a thousandfold more dangerous than any training session.
"N-not that long," said Hope, which definitely meant it was pretty long. "But don't worry. We're still safe, see?"
He was right. The sky was quiet and their surroundings unchanged from before. Nevertheless Lightning ignored him and began moving forwards, angry with herself. She could go days without sleep and never have a problem. So why? How could she let her guard down?
"Lightning-san, are you ok?"
She glanced over her shoulder and saw the boy catching up quickly. "Tch," she muttered, looking away and crossing her arms. "That was my fault. It won't happen again."
"I didn't mean..." The two of them continued their ways for a while in silence. Then, while Lightning was calculating the best path to take, Hope interrupted her thoughts again.
"When you were sleeping," he said, looking at his shoes. "You - you seemed like you were having a bad dream. So that's why I asked."
Lightning chose not to reply.
"You really love her, don't you? Your sister?"
"What's your point," she said, not very nicely either. She really had no patience when it came to kids.
Hope's voice sounded suddenly small and quiet. "So... how can you go on so... fearlessly? How do you do it? How do you put it all behind you?"
Lightning stopped and turned around. The boy's eyes were looking into hers, waiting. So trusting. Did she deserve that trust? But somehow she couldn't break her gaze.
"You don't stop to think about it," she said after a long pause. "You keep moving."
Hope nodded.
"No more questions," said Lightning, turning back to the path. The boy was wrong to trust her after all. Her answer had been a lie. She wasn't fearless. She hadn't put it all behind her. Maybe she was running away-
No. Stop. Don't think. Just go.
Her own advice sounded in her head, a cool voice of reason. Lightning sighed, so ever softly. She cleared those unnecessary thoughts to the back of her head. Yes, now was not the time. For she had to stay strong for someone else now.
Fandom: Final Fantaxy XIII
Pairing: whatddya think?? Hope/Lightning ONESIDED...
Genre: romance? friendship? psychological??
Warnings: mild game cutscene spoilers
Note: I am so weird but basically, I am obsessed with watching FF cutscenes even though i don't play the games.
"Mom..." murmurred Hope in his sleep.
Lightning snorted. "Not by a long shot," she said. But she continued to watch him.
Sleeping, he looked even more like a baby than he normally does. Except a baby would look more peaceful. More carefree. This boy has got sadness draped on him like a heavy coat. How old was he? He looked thirteen or fourteen. The age when he was supposed to be playing ball with his friends or running around in the streets, or whatever kids did for fun. Lightning didn't really know, because when she was that age she did none of it.
Instead, she stood on the corner of the street with bags of groceries she managed to scrape for the week in one hand and medicine for her sick mother in the other, watching her schoolmates laugh and shout as they played some kind of battle simulation game. "Hey, there's Claire!" one girl had yelled, and waved at her to join. Lightning didn't answer and went home, where beaming, sweet Serah was the only thing that made her smile feel not so forced. The next day, she passed the same children again, but this time they didn't invite her to play. The girl who had done so the day before said to her friends loudly, so that Lightning could hear, "Look, you can see holes in her uniform. Isn't that so embarrassing?"
Lightning skipped sleep for that night and spent it patching up all of Serah's clothes. She herself could go around wearing a trash bag if she had to but Serah. Not Serah. From then on she always made sure Serah went outside in the cleanest, nicest clothes with not a single tear on them. Her performance in school slipped down several notches as a result but Lightning hardly cared. She was going to join the army after all. You don't need stellar grades for that.
Then her mother died, and if it weren't for the fact that joining the army required you to graduate high school Lightning would have gladly dropped out. She spent her fifteenth year working one odd job after the other, often lying about her age so she could get hired and several times even cross-dressing for the manual labor jobs that wanted only boys. She got her sleep during class and lived on sandwiches and water. Lightning kind of liked it though, as it made her body stronger and kept her too busy to think unnecessary thoughts.
It was only in the deep of night, when she checked in on Serah sleeping in bed, did those thoughts come creeping up. The stupid memories. Her mother's dying, emaciated face. Or worse, when her mother was alive and well and so was her father - whose face Lightning didn't even remember, but his gentle voice and large hand holding hers she did. Lightning hated this. They made her feel like a child. A needy child who wanted someone to lean on and hold her hand, just like her father had done once.
One night Lightning, for no reason, broke down, and Serah caught her. This was the worst. Lightning was supposed to be strong. And strong people don't cry. Serah, sleepily climbing out of bed, held Lightning close and whispered, "It's alright, nee-chan. Cry it all out." Lightning had tried to push her away, but Serah wouldn't let her. Which was good, because it really was true: Lightning cried herself dry that night and never shed a tear again.
Serah... Her little sister. The only person she had left in this world. Lightning had always thought of Serah as someone fragile and delicate, there for her to protect. It wasn't until she was gone did Lightning realize her sister had been the force keeping her strong.
Lightning shook her head. She did not want to go down that route. Looking back at Hope's sleeping face, she imagined what it'd be like in his shoes. One part of her wanted to slap him because what he is suffering now is nothing compared to what she had to go through at his age. Did she have a grown-up to guide her along every step of the way? Not in the least. But now, thinking about Serah, Lightning realized that Hope might be worse off, in a way. He didn't have his most important person beside him just when he needed one most. Or if he had one, they weren't here any longer.
Lightning could understand what that was like. But unlike Hope, she was older, knew what to expect, and her past prepared her for it. And more than anything, she was used to being strong. She'd had to be for Serah. Even though Serah wasn't here right now, the hardened shell Lightning had worn for so many years wasn't so easy to break.
--
"Lightning-san... Lightning-san?"
A cool hand laid on Lightning's arm, shaking her. Lightning opened her eyes, and it took a moment for her to register where she was, why she was here, and who was the young boy currently looking hesitantly at her.
Then the moment was over and Lightning was on her feet, tempted to hit herself. "I fell asleep? How long?" she demanded. She felt incredibly stupid. She was an ex-soldier. She knew better than to fall asleep on watch. Not to mention the situation they were in was a thousandfold more dangerous than any training session.
"N-not that long," said Hope, which definitely meant it was pretty long. "But don't worry. We're still safe, see?"
He was right. The sky was quiet and their surroundings unchanged from before. Nevertheless Lightning ignored him and began moving forwards, angry with herself. She could go days without sleep and never have a problem. So why? How could she let her guard down?
"Lightning-san, are you ok?"
She glanced over her shoulder and saw the boy catching up quickly. "Tch," she muttered, looking away and crossing her arms. "That was my fault. It won't happen again."
"I didn't mean..." The two of them continued their ways for a while in silence. Then, while Lightning was calculating the best path to take, Hope interrupted her thoughts again.
"When you were sleeping," he said, looking at his shoes. "You - you seemed like you were having a bad dream. So that's why I asked."
Lightning chose not to reply.
"You really love her, don't you? Your sister?"
"What's your point," she said, not very nicely either. She really had no patience when it came to kids.
Hope's voice sounded suddenly small and quiet. "So... how can you go on so... fearlessly? How do you do it? How do you put it all behind you?"
Lightning stopped and turned around. The boy's eyes were looking into hers, waiting. So trusting. Did she deserve that trust? But somehow she couldn't break her gaze.
"You don't stop to think about it," she said after a long pause. "You keep moving."
Hope nodded.
"No more questions," said Lightning, turning back to the path. The boy was wrong to trust her after all. Her answer had been a lie. She wasn't fearless. She hadn't put it all behind her. Maybe she was running away-
No. Stop. Don't think. Just go.
Her own advice sounded in her head, a cool voice of reason. Lightning sighed, so ever softly. She cleared those unnecessary thoughts to the back of her head. Yes, now was not the time. For she had to stay strong for someone else now.