It’s not fair; you’re pretty. (1/1)
Title: It’s not fair; you’re pretty.
Author: eleanor126
Beta: My friend (she doesn't have lj)
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Rating: PG13
Warning: Nothing much, teenage angst maybe.
Disclaimer: I don't own the character’s but I do own the story.
Summary: Frank meets Gerard three times and that’s all it takes.
Frank was sat in the warm evening air, the smoke from Mikey’s cigarette wafting across him. He was feeling pretty awkward and felt like he should join in the conversation but everyone was already talking so much he didn’t think he’d be heard. This always happened, he’d be invited to someone’s house on a Friday night and there’d be a bunch of people there he’d never met before and of course he’d be too fucking nervous to try and introduce himself to them.
The thing was Frank really did try, he could just never think of anything to say, and then he’d panic. When Frank panicked he drank alcohol. It made perfect sense to him, that drinking alcohol would loosen him up a bit, help him talk to people.
So now as Frank sat on the wooden bench surrounded by laughing teenagers with Mikey’s smoke clogging his senses, he let himself relax into the blurriness the alcohol provided. The best thing about this gathering of teenagers Frank thought to himself, was Gerard. Gerard was Mikey’s older brother he thought, he wasn’t completely certain as he’d only met Gerard twice before and both times got too distracted by his face to listen to what he was saying.
The first time Frank met Gerard was at Brendon’s house. Two weeks after Frank moved to Belleville, Brendon invited him to his house to get to know people in a situation that wasn’t school. As far as Frank could tell this had meant sitting around outside getting drunk and high. Frank being the good boy that he was had skipped on the drinking and smoking that time. He’d spent the evening just sort of absorbing everything and trying to remember people’s names. Half way through the evening Gerard, an older college friend of Brendon’s, had arrived. Frank had liked this because Gerard was really nice. Gerard was pretty and hugged Frank even though they’d never met before, it was very warm. Then for the rest of the evening Gerard had tried to involve Frank in the conversations so he wasn’t left out. Frank thought this was very kind. And then just before he had left Frank hugged Gerard again and Gerard told him he had nice eyes. Frank had blushed and mumbled something. No one had ever told him he had nice eyes before.
From then on Frank had been developing a little crush on Gerard which was ridiculous because they’d only met once. It was just that no one had ever been that nice to him before.
And then Frank met Gerard again. It was about a month later and Frank was much more settled into his new home, he’d become good friends with Brendon and others in his new class, especially a guy called Ray. He and Ray were weirdly alike in the way they thought and so had bonded ridiculously fast. Frank and Ray had been invited to go out to the local park on a Saturday afternoon. Frank was pretty much up for going but unfortunately Ray was busy with a school project or something. This kind of sucked because Frank knew there was going to be a lot of people at the park, a lot of whom he didn’t know. Frank had been right, the park was crammed full of drinking teenagers of which he knew only four. It was his worst nightmare. Frank hated social situations because he was so awkward in them. He ended up spending most of the afternoon sat on the grass next to Andy, this weird kid in the year below him. After a few hours Frank decided he had been there long enough that it was acceptable for him to leave. It was just as he decided this that Gerard appeared. Frank had forgotten how Gerard looked. The last time he’d met him he’d been so overwhelmed by everyone he hadn’t actually taken in Gerard’s appearance that much. Gerard was average height (taller than Frank), had pale skin and dark hair. His hair was very striking against the white of his skin. Frank wanted to touch it. His face was the best part, his cheeks were impeccably smooth, and his nose was slightly pointed at the end. It worried Frank that Gerard was attractive. It had been long enough since he last saw him that Frank had gotten over his sudden crush, but now seeing him again Frank wasn’t so sure how long it would stay away.
Gerard had immediately sat down and started smoking something, from what Frank gathered Gerard was one of those people that was always high and sometimes drunk as well. He decided this was a good thing because it should put him off Gerard, he wouldn’t want to be with someone who was always high. It didn’t work though because although Gerard was high he went on being his charming self and he even talked to Frank a little. So by the end of the day Frank went home with a smile on his face. A smile that he kind of wished wasn’t there.
A few weeks later Frank was still thinking about Gerard. He decided to talk to Ray about it. Frank told Ray that he thought he had a crush on Gerard but he wasn’t sure because he’d never really liked anyone before. Ray told him he probably did have a crush on Gerard but that it shouldn’t develop to more than that. From bits and pieces they’d heard from other people they built up quite a picture of Gerard. Although he was kind and pretty, he was not the kind of person you dated. He was one of those guys that had girlfriends or boyfriends occasionally but they were more like people that he slept with for a little while before getting bored and moving on to someone else. Frank did not want to end up as one of those people. It would crush his poor little heart. So it was decided that Frank would just be careful around Gerard, and Ray would keep an eye on him to help stop his feelings developing.
Frank was pretty sure that he was safe though, it was just a little crush, he almost felt like he was a twelve year old girl.
Frank was not safe from his feelings at all though. Sat on that bench as everyone was talking Frank looked across at Gerard. And then he caught himself looking at Gerard’s Adam’s apple and thinking how pretty he looked when he gulped. That’s when he realised maybe he was going a bit too far past the safety of “crush”. Frank turned to Ray who was sat next to him laughing at something Brendon had said.
“Ray, please will you keep an eye on me? I’m worried about how much I’ve drunk.” Ray nodded at Frank and then looked warily at Gerard who was on his goodness knows what number beer. Frank knew Ray wasn’t going to drink that night and so would look out for him.
As the evening progressed Frank felt himself losing control slightly. He couldn’t quite remember how he’d got from one place to the next or from arguing with Mikey about music to arguing with Bob about hockey.
After a while Frank found himself sat back on the wooden bench. Ray was sat on his left with Gerard next to him. He’s not quite sure how but suddenly his hand is in Gerard’s dark hair and its so soft Frank can’t stop touching. The best part is, Gerard’s laughing and telling him “You know if your hand gets stuck I have to have sex with you?” Frank laughs and says the same thing back. And then Gerard’s hand is in his hair. His hair is long at the moment and awfully tangled and so Gerard’s hand does actually get stuck in it. Then Gerard’s wiggling his eyebrows at Frank and they’re leaning across Ray and kissing. They’re fucking kissing and Frank doesn’t quite know what to do. And then there’s a hand on his chest. Its Ray’s hand and he pushing them apart and taking Frank’s arm and dragging him inside.
“Frank you have to stop. Come on man, sober up.” Frank can’t really remember the rest of Ray’s lecture because the room is spinning and Ray’s hair is so distracting. He does hear Ray say that Gerard already kissed someone else this evening though. Frank feels momentarily sick. He knew that Gerard had only kissed him because he was really high and Frank happened to be there touching his hair but still it kind of sucked that he had been kissing someone else. And then Frank’s on the bench again. He’s pretty certain he’s getting drunker although he’s not sure how. And then Gerard’s there. Gerard’s mouth is on his and Frank can’t not kiss back. And then there’s Ray’s voice telling him to stop but Frank can’t. Gerard’s tongue explores his mouth and he really can’t think of why he’d want to stop this. Frank’s really not sure how much time has past all he knows is Gerard’s mouth, and Gerard’s hair in his hands, and Gerard’s hand sliding up his thigh. And that’s when Frank’s brain start’s to function. Frank feels himself pull back slowly and say no. But then Gerard’s face is right there. His nose pressed against Frank’s. His forehead pressed against Frank’s. And his pale cheeks and bright eyes asking “Why?” And Frank doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why. He just knows that he really, really should not be letting Gerard touch him. And then he blinks. He’s kissing Gerard again and Gerard’s hand is in his hair, tugging. And all Frank knows is that it feels so good.
And then suddenly they’re not kissing any more and Frank is stood talking to Bob and Mikey. He’s stealing Mikey’s cigarette. In the back of his mind he knows that it’s cool to smoke a Marlboro cigarette, he thinks maybe someone from a band he likes has Marlboro tattooed across his knuckles. Frank would like words on his knuckles. He thinks that he would be cool then.
And then Frank’s going home. He’s sat in his car acting sober in front of his dad and trying to remember how he got there.
The next morning Frank panics. He doesn’t remember a lot of the night before but he definitely remembers that he kissed Gerard. Frank can’t remember for how long or why or whether it meant anything, although he doubts that it did.
Later that day when Frank’s head has stopped hurting a bit he goes around to Ray’s house. Ray helps clear up Frank’s memory a bit. It’s really not good though. Frank kind of wishes he’d gone on not remembering. The more Ray tells him, the more comes back. Frank feels like an idiot, he can’t believe he let himself do this because now he like Gerard. He likes Gerard a lot. He knows that Gerard was really high and drunk and was only kissing Frank because Frank was there. Gerard does not have feelings for Frank, which makes Frank feel shit because Frank really does seem to have a lot of feelings for Gerard. Also Frank discovers he was a total douche-bag to Ray. Ray being the best friend ever, tried really hard to stop Frank and spent all evening watching out for him, so he obviously didn’t have a lot of fun himself. When Frank had refused to stop Ray had almost given up but ended up getting a couple of Gerard’s friends involved when it looked like things were going to far. Apparently they’d taken Gerard and had a word with him, which is why they’d stopped making out. Frank feels kind of nice about this, that so many people were looking out for him, but also kind of shit that he put Ray in the position where he had to spend his evening looking after a drunk idiot.
After apologising profusely to Ray, Frank goes home to wallow in his feelings. He’s embarrassed and slightly worried about going to school on Monday, he hadn’t been drunk around his classmates before that night. Frank was also still feeling slightly guilty still about Ray. But mostly he was scared. He was scared about how much he was starting to like Gerard. He was scared about how easily he let himself carried away. But mostly he was scared about how if he was put in that situation again, he knew he’d say yes.
Frank spent the next week thinking about Gerard. He couldn’t get the image of Gerard’s face close to his out of his head or the feel of Gerard’s hand tugging his hair. It was awful. Frank had no idea what to do with the feelings. He’d considered writing them down in a diary or journal, or even writing some kind of fictional tale based on what had happened to him. He figured if he wrote a story he could make it have a happy ending.
Suddenly it was Friday. Frank barely noticed the week pass he was so swamped down with his feelings. He just wanted to curl up in bed and cry. He was in fact considering going to bed early when he received a text from Brendon asking him to come out to Club Paris. Frank wasn’t sure he was in the mood for clubbing but then again he wouldn’t mind drowning his sorrows. So that’s how an hour later, Frank found himself grinding against some random guy, while trying to get his vision to focus.
Frank couldn’t help but wonder whether Gerard was about somewhere. Gerard normally turned up halfway through the night. Frank really hoped he did, but at the same time hoped he didn’t. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to control himself. So when Brendon bounded over to him to inform him that Gerard was at the bar he didn’t know what to feel. Except he knew he should keep away. He wasn’t sure how awkward it would be for one thing, although he’s pretty sure Gerard wouldn’t remember kissing him. And secondly he knew that there was no one sober enough in the club to look out for him, and Frank sure as Hell didn’t trust himself.
Half an hour later though Frank found himself bumping into a very drunk Gerard on the dance floor. And then yet again all Frank knows is that one minute he’s stood there staring and the next he’s kissing Gerard. Like really kissing. Kissing enough That Frank has to stand on his tiptoes and grab Gerard’s shirt to keep from falling over.
“No.” Frank’s proud of himself for that. It is ridiculously hard to say no to something your body so clearly wants.
And then Gerard’s doing that thing again where he presses his face close to Frank’s and asks why. And then they’re kissing again and its perfect. Or it would be if everything wasn’t so blurry.
“No.” Frank stops again. He can do this. He does have self control.
“Why?” Gerard’s eyes are so pretty and Frank just wants to reach out with his tongue and lick a stripe across Gerard’s perfect fucking cheekbone.
“Because… Because no. Because you’re high and I’m… I’m drunk and you’re so fucking pretty it’s not fair.” Frank moaned as Gerard tugged on his hair.
“No, just stop please.” Frank tried to breathe. “Not now. Not like this. It’s not fair you’re too pretty. Stop making me like you.”
Frank felt Gerard release him. Frank saw Gerard laugh and start to turn away. And Frank felt his poor, little heart getting crushed. Because no matter how nice or good looking Gerard was, he was still that guy. The guy who slept around. The guy who didn’t have actual romantic feelings for anyone.
Frank hated this. He hated everything. He hated liking Gerard and he hated being a stupid fucking teenager. He hated that everything was so over dramatic when it came to feelings. And he hated that there was no God damn air an this stupid club. Frank wanted to leave and he wanted everything to stop being blurry. He somehow found his way outside and into the side alley next to the club. It smelt like puke and urine but Frank couldn't think about that because all he could concentrate on was the overwhelming urge he had to hit the stone wall he was collapsed against. Frank hated this.
If this was been a story, a work of fiction, Frank thought it would have a different ending. He thought if it was a story he would have stayed inside the club and Gerard would have come back.
Inside Frank's head Gerard came back. Gerard walked back over to Frank and told him he wasn’t high. For once in his life he wasn’t high.
He wasn’t high because a week ago he’d done something stupid whilst under the influence of weed. He’d kissed this young guy. He’d kissed him then ruined things by taking it too far. And the thing was he kind of liked this guy. They’d only met three times but there was something between them, he was sure of it. But he’d fucked it up by being high so now here he was saying sorry. He was giving up the safety of what he knew to apologise to Frank. And to maybe ask him out.
Frank wished his life was like a piece of fiction.
A/N: The ending of this isn’t very satisfying, I kind of did this on purpose though. I don’t think the story would have a happy ending. This is why the last paragraph or so doesn’t really fit in with the story, why it’s just a sudden turn of events. I think maybe it could be Frankie’s imagination or what he would want to happen.
A/N 2: I've edited the story to fit in my idea of Frank's imagination better.