Fic: Bumps in the road (1/2), Crossover Leverage/A:tS, PG-13
Just in time before I go on holiday!!! And I have to break it in two parts because LJ insists that the thing is too big. But it gives me the faultless preview. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. *headsdesk*
On to the fic!
Title: Bumps in the road
Author: elebridith
Rating: PG-13, some swearing, kisses.
Genre: Slash, Crossover Leverage/Angel the Series
Pairing/Characters: Lindsey/Eliot, rest of the Leverage team. Nate/Sophie is a given, and Parker and Alec have something going on in their own lovable way.
Summary: Lindsey overhears part of a conversation. And makes a decision. If you ask Eliot, it's the wrong one.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no one, nothing of it. Just playing.
Beta'd by
havenward .
Bunny feeder:
honeyjojames
Banner by
charlies_dragon :
A/N: Crossover Leverage/A:tS. Set in my Face Value!Verse, three months after "Burn". See here for master post and time line.
Eliot groaned as he woke up for the second time tonight. He tried to ignore that his hand reached out to the still-empty place next to him. Then tried to pretend that the fact that Lindsey was away now for the fifth night in a row had absolutely nothing to do with his sleeping problems. And failed miserably on both.
Yes, it was the fifth night. And no, he was not grumpy during the day because he missed Lindsey. He wasn't grumpy because it was supposed to be a one-day-only job that had, due to unforeseen circumstances, turned to an I-don't-know-how-fucking-long-this-will-take job. He couldn't even call Lindsey without blowing his cover. Not even Nate could tell at the moment when Lindsey would be back - it could take another week, it could take only a few more hours.
Really, he was only grumpy because he didn't sleep well, and he wasn't used to that. Usually you could just lean him against a wall and he'd sleep - and of course be awake and alert in split second if necessary - but now it didn't seem to work that well anymore. Waking up more than twice a night simply wasn't normal. And the only reason for that seemed to be the empty place next to him.
He dozed off again only to wake up for good at five in the morning. He sat up slowly and ran his fingers through his hair, tired, cranky and more than a little confused. He stared at the empty pillow on the other side of the bed and had to laugh as he caught himself doing it. Okay. Okay. I confess. I miss him. Can I sleep now? He shook his head at himself. He couldn't understand how someone he had barely known just a few months ago had somehow gotten under his skin so quickly.
He hadn't really realized how fast it had happened. The bed in Nate's guest room was big enough for two, and Eliot didn't see the point in using the couch anymore since they'd gotten together three months ago. Gradually he spent fewer nights in his own apartment, until he finally realized that he'd more or less moved in. No. It's not a relationship. It's not. It's... what the hell is it? He let out a resigned sigh and swung his legs out of the bed. Tea. And I guess I have to do some thinking.
Nathan padded sleepily to the bathroom and frowned when he saw light seeping through under the kitchen door. He slowly opened it and found Eliot sitting at the table, wrapped in a blanket and sipping hot tea. He had to smile. "Good morning, Eliot."
Eliot looked up and smiled back. “Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”
Nate shook his head and yawned. “Don't worry. I saw the light and thought Hardison had come back, wanted to hear how it went. Sophie's still asleep." He looked at Eliot, curious now. “Why are you up already?”
Eliot shrugged. “Couldn't sleep.”
Nate just looked at him and arched an eyebrow. “Yeah. I kinda see that.”
Eliot grinned a little sheepishly. “Sorry. I... got lot on my mind.”
Nate gave him a concerned look. “You wanna talk?”
Eliot hesitated. “I... I don't know. No. Maybe.”
Nate waited a moment and then nodded. “I'm gonna make a cup of tea. If you want to talk then, I'll listen. If not, it's fine. We'll just keep each other company, okay?” He went to the cupboard and heated some more water. He frowned as he got no snarky comment from Eliot about using tea bags. He's really distracted. What's going on? And then he figured it out. Of course. Just a few more weeks and he has to decide if he moves in with Lindsey when he gets his new apartment. He sat down with his cup. “Is it about Lindsey?” Eliot gave him a sharp look. Nate just grinned. “Eliot, I'm not stupid, you know?”
Eliot sat the cup down and rubbed his temples. “Yeah, okay. It is.” Nate just waited, and after a little while Eliot spoke again. “I... I'm not used to this, ya know? There wasn't anyone after Aimee, not... like this. It's crazy, me not sleeping because... yeah. And it's not - I don't know what it is, Nate.”
Nate sat his cup down and grinned. He doesn't know it yet, but he already made his decision. He simply stated “You miss him.”
Eliot opened his mouth as if to deny it automatically, but then sighed, shoulders slumping. “Yeah.”
Nate leaned forward. “And you look like it's scaring you to death. Why? It's not like he's expecting you to marry him on the spot, right?”
Eliot had to laugh at the idea. “No. Guess not." His grin faded. "But... Nate, I don't know how to deal with it!”
"With what?” Nate's tone was gentle. He could see now that there were a lot of wheels turning in Eliot's head, more than he had thought, and not in a good way. “You wanna tell me? Clear your head?” Nate looked at him and waited patiently. He took this on a friendly basis for the moment, and he'd certainly prefer it if Eliot would speak voluntarily. But as soon as this, whatever it was, would somehow affect teamwork on a job, he knew that he had to demand an explanation.
Obviously Eliot knew this, too. He sighed and began to speak, slowly and hesitating at first, but then the words bursted out. “So - this, this thing happens. Lindsey an' me. And, and it's good. Feels good. And just now, that he's been away a bit, I suddenly realize how deep I'm into it already. I mean, come on, I should be able to sleep in an empty bed, right? Done that for years! But... I can't. All of a sudden there's someone with me who's maybe as fucked up as I am. All of a sudden it's 'we' instead of 'I'. Something I never wanted, because it's always trouble. You remember Aimee, Nate - look what happened. I can't be too close to people. I hurt'm. Makes you vulnerable. Makes you... weak.”
Nate looked up. This was maybe the longest speech he had ever heard from the man. Eliot sounded almost desperate, and it felt like he was merely trying to convince himself rather than Nate of what he was saying. “Eliot - there's a lot I can say to this. For a start, relax. You don't need to dive in head first. Small steps, okay? What is it you want? Do you want a 'we'? Because if not, please do yourself and Lindsey a favor and end it as soon as possible.”
Eliot looked shocked. He sat down his now empty mug and stared at Nate. “No. I don't want to end it. That ain't the point. I want this, Nate. Really. I... just don't know how.”
Nate stood up and fetched more tea. “Good. Then that's clear. But why do you think it makes you weak?”
Eliot looked down. “What if...” He searched for the right words, trying to put his somehow vague fears into words. “What if I need to make a choice? What if two of us need my help - him and let's say Sophie? What if I can help only Lindsey and Sophie gets hurt? Or worse? What if I make the wrong choice? Fuck it up?”
Eliot's voice was rough and Nate could hear the rising despair in it. He looked in Eliot's eyes. “So that's what kills you? You think your personal bond with Lindsey could jeopardize the team?”
Eliot exhaled heavily. “Yeah. I have no idea how I'd react. I'm scared of making the wrong decision because I got too attached.”
Nate paused for a moment, thinking it over. Then he shook his head. “I think you're caught in the wrong loop here. I think you know very well that you won't let personal feelings get in the way if it really matters. I trust you for that. I think you're afraid that you'll choose Lindsey for the right reasons and I would think you got it wrong. Hold you responsible for it. That so?”
Eliot blinked and pondered the thought for a moment. Then he nodded. “Yeah. Maybe that too.”
Nate grinned. “You forget that I'm in the same boat. You're not the only one who's with a teammate, remember? You never questioned my ability to make unbiased decisions even if Sophie is heavily involved. Why do you think you would be different?”
Eliot stared at him, caught by surprise. He opened his mouth but couldn't find the right argument. Nate continued. “I can recall a few times where you had to decide whether you could help only Sophie or Hardison. Or only Sophie or Parker. How did you make that decision?”
Eliot answered without thinking. “I analyzed the situation and tried to find the best possible way.”
Nate nodded. “Right. And sometimes it was Sophie who came second. Did you ever see me getting back at you for that? Blaming you?”
Eliot slowly shook his head. “No.”
“Then why do you think I would with Lindsey? Eliot, I trust your ability to choose correctly.”
“I don't.” Eliot's voice was barely audible.
“Then you just have to trust me on that. Because you know what? Those fears you have now? I had them too. And you know what I discovered? They just make you try harder. To find better ways. They make you stronger.”
Eliot let it sink in and then gave Nate a small smile. “How'd you deal?”
Nate grinned. “First time Sophie was in real danger after we got together? I was so scared that I thought I'd freeze. Thought I could never come up with something. But when it mattered - I knew the others were also depending on me. And I knew that Sophie would kick my ass if someone else would get hurt because of me favoring her. So that got me going. And it worked. And it will work for you too. You'll see.”
Eliot released the breath he'd been holding. “I hope you're right. I'll... think about it.”
Nate gave him a reassuring smile. “Good. Going back to sleep now? I think you could use it.”
Before Eliot could answer, they heard the front door fall shut and Alec's cheerful voice.
“Honey, I'm home!”
Eliot rolled his eyes. “I'll make some more tea. I guess he wants to tell stories now.”
Nate stood up as Alec entered the kitchen. “Hardison. How did it go?”
Alec grinned. “Everything was smooth sailing, boss.” He sat down, gladly accepted the offered tea and began to talk, only interrupted by Nathan's occasional questions.
Eliot just sat and sipped his tea, barely listening, lost in his thoughts. He actually felt better now - to know that Nate trusted his judgment was really reassuring. It's okay. We're gonna be okay, it will work out. Together. He smiled at the thought. And now, I'll just finish my cup, and then I think I can sleep. And later I'll think about... everything else. They had sat for over half an hour without Eliot realizing. Alec had explained and shown every detail to Nathan until he had finally gotten a nod of approval.
“Good work, Hardison. You want to catch some sleep here?”
Alec shook his head. “Nah. I hear my own bed calling, thanks.” He stood up and then seemed to remember something. “By the way, Nate, that job you just assigned Lindsey to? I could have done that, I'm not that exhausted! Really man, the boy hasn't seen Eliot for four days now - was it really necessary to keep the lovebirds apart for longer? They'll go into withdrawal!”
Nathan stared at him, looking completely confused. “Hardison - what are you talking about?”
***
About forty-five minutes earlier
Lindsey snuck into Nate's apartment with a relieved sigh, dropped his full bag carefully on the floor and fell into the next chair, rubbing his eyes.
In the end the job had gone more smoothly than expected. When it was clear that he was finished, he decided to check out of his hotel even though it was already late. He couldn't wait to get home again - Home. Strange thought - and the thought of maybe surprising a sleepy Eliot in "their" bed had been too tempting. But of course the plane was delayed, the batteries of his cell phone had died and Chicago traffic was worse than usual, so when the cab had dropped him off in front of Nate's house it was already dawn.
He looked up as he heard voices. He had been very quiet with the doors, thinking that everyone was still asleep, but obviously they were not. He smiled fondly as he recognized Eliot's voice. Just three more weeks and my own place will be ready to move in. Wonder if he'll ask or if he'll simply put his toothbrush in my bathroom. He stood up and went towards the kitchen. He almost had his hand on the doorknob as he finally could understand words, and as he did, his smile faded away.
“But why do you think it makes you weak?”
“What if I need to make a choice? What if two of us need my help - him and let's say Sophie? What if I can help only Lindsey and Sophie gets hurt? Or worse? What if I make the wrong choice? Fuck it up?”
"So that's what kills you? You think your personal bond with Lindsey could jeopardize the team?”
“Yeah. I have no idea how I'd react. I'm scared of making the wrong decision because I got too attached.”
Lindsey felt like someone had punched him in the guts. He stumbled backwards, blood draining from his face. He had been sure that this particular train of thought had left the station some time ago, but here it was again. Kicking into into full speed, aiming towards a dead end.
There. There it is, Lindsey. You knew you had it coming. You're really skilled in destroying everything good you have, aren't you? I just thought I'd have a little more time. Have this... a little longer.
He pressed his hands to his ears, not wanting to hear more, not wanting to hear the despair in Eliot's voice, not wanting to hear Nate's answer that would condemn him. Not wanting to hear what was obviously the only solution to this. “Right, Eliot. You have to stay focused. Can't let you get distracted. Get rid of the attachment.” He could hear the words in his head, so clearly that he wasn't sure for a moment if they had really been spoken or not.
“No,” he whispered. He fell back into the chair next to his bag, hands still pressed against his ears. I'm destroying a team. Way to go, Lindsey. My fault. If I hadn't... No. Ain't gonna let that happen. He stood up, reached for his bag and blindly stumbled out of the door again. No need to make a decision, Eliot. Can't let you do that. Team's more important. More important than us... than me. He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears already stinging in his eyes. God, that hurts.
He felt numb as he slowly took the stairs down again and stepped back out on the streets. He looked around without really seeing anything. He didn't even notice Hardison coming towards him until the hacker cheerfully addressed him.
“Hey, Lindsey, how did it go?”
Lindsey blinked, needed a few seconds to actually recognize Alec and then tried to smile. It didn't feel convincing, but at least he could feel the corners of his lips moving upwards. "Hey. Yeah, it went... okay. In the end faster than expected."
Alec grinned widely. "Great, man. But hey, why are you already off again?"
The fake smile began to hurt. "Something urgent came up. You know how it is. And it's ... law stuff, so..." Lindsey's voice trailed off, and he hoped that Alec wouldn't ask further. His head started to hurt, tears still looming, and he wasn't sure if he could make up more details. Luckily Alec seemed eager to go inside.
"Aw, shit. Sorry for that. Good luck." He waved goodbye, but then frowned and turned back to Lindsey. "Are you all right, man? You look pale."
Lindsey managed to give him a somewhat reassuring look. "It's nothing. I... have a headache, but I'll have a few hours on the train and I'll catch some sleep. Look, I gotta call a cab. I'll... see you around."
"Sure, man." Alec stood and watched Lindsey waving for the next cab, getting inside and leaving. He frowned a bit. He was a little ... off. Oh well, probably missing his boy already. He shrugged it off and went upstairs to Nate's place.
"Honey, I'm home!"
***
Alec looked into Nathan's questioning face and grinned. "Aw, come on, Nate. I met Lindsey outside, so what's this law stuff he has to do now? I know he's all qualified and shit, but I've done that before. Did you even give him time to kiss Eliot? You're plain cruel sometimes, Nate!" Alec had put on a joking tone and therefore expected to get a laugh or at least some eyerolls. What he clearly didn't expect was Nathan continuing to look confused and Eliot suddenly looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He shook his head. "Guys? What's wrong?"
Nathan blinked. "I didn't give him another job. I didn't even know he was back... outside the house, you say?"
Alec nodded. "Yeah. I saw him come out."
"When?"
Alec looked now irritated at Eliot's sharp tone of voice. "Just before I came in of course." He checked his watch. "That was about... a good half an hour ago. Said he had to catch a train, he got in a cab."
"He... came in and left again?" Nathan still sounded confused. Then a sharp cracking sound and a choking noise next to him made him jump out of his chair. "Jesus - Eliot!"
Eliot didn't notice the hot tea dripping on his legs or his fingers bleeding from the shards of the mug that had broken apart under his grip. His world had just fallen apart as realization had hit home. A hard fist clenched around his stomach. His voice was hoarse. "He left. He's gone." The blow had been totally unexpected and had hit all the more for that. He didn't even react as Nate pried his clenched fingers apart, picked remaining splinters out of his flesh and tried to stop the bleeding with a clean towel.
"What do you mean, left?" Alec studied Eliot's pale face, the wild look in his eyes behind his glasses, and looked a little scared himself now. "Why should he?"
Eliot still didn't notice his injuries. Nate barely prevented him from running the bleeding hand through his hair by grabbing his wrist. "Stop that! Eliot! HEY!" He held the grip on Eliot's wrist and finally decided to simply wrap the small towel around the still bleeding hand. Eliot blinked and finally seemed to come back to reality, but was still breathing too fast and shallow.
"He heard us."
Eliot's voice was only a whisper, but Nate finally understood. He slowly nodded. "He must have, yes."
Alec's eyes widened almost comically. "Whoa, whoa, what? He heard you doing what?"
That snapped Eliot out of it. "Mind out of the gutter, Hardison!" He glared at Alec who slowly took a few steps back and raised his hands.
"Okay, okay, easy! Can someone explain it to me?"
Nate had collected his thoughts in the meantime. He turned to Hardison. "Eliot and I had a discussion, and I guess Lindsey has heard exactly the wrong part of it. I'll explain later, but I think Lindsey thinks now that he can't be a part of the team anymore."
Alec stared. Now it made sense. "He looked... sick. Said he has a headache."
A strangled sound like a wounded animal escaped Eliot's throat. He made a move as if he wanted to flee the room. Nate grabbed his shoulders and pressed him back in the chair, hoping he wouldn't catch a reflexive punch. "Eliot, calm down, okay?" His voice was just a little bit commanding. "Hardison said he took a cab. Where would he go?"
Eliot closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control. His head swam a little, but his self-control slowly kicked in again. Finally he opened his eyes. "He... had a lot of stuff with him - clothes, money... papers. He's gonna need his papers, the new ones. He doesn't use them for cons, he keeps them... Office."
Alec had his laptop open already. "I'm on it." He typed a few things, searched and then looked up. "Outgoing call from the office. To Chicago Cab Central. Twelve minutes ago."
Eliot was already on his feet. Everyone's here except Parker. And she's already on her way here, otherwise we'd gotten a call. "Car keys. I'm gonna get there. No one else needs help and it's really my business."
Nate hesitated for a moment, then grabbed the keys and threw it in Eliot's direction. "Here you go. We'll try to get you some information. Hardison, try to get the cab communications."
Alec raised his eyebrows. "Already on it, Nate... Eliot, keep the comm open. If I hear anything, I'll tell you. And relax, okay? If everything else fails - since I was the one who made his papers I should be able to track it if he uses them. We'll find him."
Eliot nodded and hurried to the door.
"Eliot?"
Nate's voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned around impatiently. "What?"
Nate looked satisfied despite the situation. "You realize what you just did, right?"
Eliot looked confused and even more impatient. "Nate..."
Nate cut him off. "You made sure first that everyone else is okay. See? Trust yourself." He smiled, with just a touch of smugness. "Now go."
Eliot opened his mouth and closed it again as he realized that Nate had a point. He nodded sharply, looking a little relieved, and then left, almost flying down the steps.
Nathan and Alec exchanged glances.
"Fuck."
"You said it, boss. Let's hope he doesn't kill himself with your car."
Part Two is here.
On to the fic!
Title: Bumps in the road
Author: elebridith
Rating: PG-13, some swearing, kisses.
Genre: Slash, Crossover Leverage/Angel the Series
Pairing/Characters: Lindsey/Eliot, rest of the Leverage team. Nate/Sophie is a given, and Parker and Alec have something going on in their own lovable way.
Summary: Lindsey overhears part of a conversation. And makes a decision. If you ask Eliot, it's the wrong one.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no one, nothing of it. Just playing.
Beta'd by
havenward .
Bunny feeder:
honeyjojames
Banner by
charlies_dragon :
A/N: Crossover Leverage/A:tS. Set in my Face Value!Verse, three months after "Burn". See here for master post and time line.
Eliot groaned as he woke up for the second time tonight. He tried to ignore that his hand reached out to the still-empty place next to him. Then tried to pretend that the fact that Lindsey was away now for the fifth night in a row had absolutely nothing to do with his sleeping problems. And failed miserably on both.
Yes, it was the fifth night. And no, he was not grumpy during the day because he missed Lindsey. He wasn't grumpy because it was supposed to be a one-day-only job that had, due to unforeseen circumstances, turned to an I-don't-know-how-fucking-long-this-will-take job. He couldn't even call Lindsey without blowing his cover. Not even Nate could tell at the moment when Lindsey would be back - it could take another week, it could take only a few more hours.
Really, he was only grumpy because he didn't sleep well, and he wasn't used to that. Usually you could just lean him against a wall and he'd sleep - and of course be awake and alert in split second if necessary - but now it didn't seem to work that well anymore. Waking up more than twice a night simply wasn't normal. And the only reason for that seemed to be the empty place next to him.
He dozed off again only to wake up for good at five in the morning. He sat up slowly and ran his fingers through his hair, tired, cranky and more than a little confused. He stared at the empty pillow on the other side of the bed and had to laugh as he caught himself doing it. Okay. Okay. I confess. I miss him. Can I sleep now? He shook his head at himself. He couldn't understand how someone he had barely known just a few months ago had somehow gotten under his skin so quickly.
He hadn't really realized how fast it had happened. The bed in Nate's guest room was big enough for two, and Eliot didn't see the point in using the couch anymore since they'd gotten together three months ago. Gradually he spent fewer nights in his own apartment, until he finally realized that he'd more or less moved in. No. It's not a relationship. It's not. It's... what the hell is it? He let out a resigned sigh and swung his legs out of the bed. Tea. And I guess I have to do some thinking.
Nathan padded sleepily to the bathroom and frowned when he saw light seeping through under the kitchen door. He slowly opened it and found Eliot sitting at the table, wrapped in a blanket and sipping hot tea. He had to smile. "Good morning, Eliot."
Eliot looked up and smiled back. “Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”
Nate shook his head and yawned. “Don't worry. I saw the light and thought Hardison had come back, wanted to hear how it went. Sophie's still asleep." He looked at Eliot, curious now. “Why are you up already?”
Eliot shrugged. “Couldn't sleep.”
Nate just looked at him and arched an eyebrow. “Yeah. I kinda see that.”
Eliot grinned a little sheepishly. “Sorry. I... got lot on my mind.”
Nate gave him a concerned look. “You wanna talk?”
Eliot hesitated. “I... I don't know. No. Maybe.”
Nate waited a moment and then nodded. “I'm gonna make a cup of tea. If you want to talk then, I'll listen. If not, it's fine. We'll just keep each other company, okay?” He went to the cupboard and heated some more water. He frowned as he got no snarky comment from Eliot about using tea bags. He's really distracted. What's going on? And then he figured it out. Of course. Just a few more weeks and he has to decide if he moves in with Lindsey when he gets his new apartment. He sat down with his cup. “Is it about Lindsey?” Eliot gave him a sharp look. Nate just grinned. “Eliot, I'm not stupid, you know?”
Eliot sat the cup down and rubbed his temples. “Yeah, okay. It is.” Nate just waited, and after a little while Eliot spoke again. “I... I'm not used to this, ya know? There wasn't anyone after Aimee, not... like this. It's crazy, me not sleeping because... yeah. And it's not - I don't know what it is, Nate.”
Nate sat his cup down and grinned. He doesn't know it yet, but he already made his decision. He simply stated “You miss him.”
Eliot opened his mouth as if to deny it automatically, but then sighed, shoulders slumping. “Yeah.”
Nate leaned forward. “And you look like it's scaring you to death. Why? It's not like he's expecting you to marry him on the spot, right?”
Eliot had to laugh at the idea. “No. Guess not." His grin faded. "But... Nate, I don't know how to deal with it!”
"With what?” Nate's tone was gentle. He could see now that there were a lot of wheels turning in Eliot's head, more than he had thought, and not in a good way. “You wanna tell me? Clear your head?” Nate looked at him and waited patiently. He took this on a friendly basis for the moment, and he'd certainly prefer it if Eliot would speak voluntarily. But as soon as this, whatever it was, would somehow affect teamwork on a job, he knew that he had to demand an explanation.
Obviously Eliot knew this, too. He sighed and began to speak, slowly and hesitating at first, but then the words bursted out. “So - this, this thing happens. Lindsey an' me. And, and it's good. Feels good. And just now, that he's been away a bit, I suddenly realize how deep I'm into it already. I mean, come on, I should be able to sleep in an empty bed, right? Done that for years! But... I can't. All of a sudden there's someone with me who's maybe as fucked up as I am. All of a sudden it's 'we' instead of 'I'. Something I never wanted, because it's always trouble. You remember Aimee, Nate - look what happened. I can't be too close to people. I hurt'm. Makes you vulnerable. Makes you... weak.”
Nate looked up. This was maybe the longest speech he had ever heard from the man. Eliot sounded almost desperate, and it felt like he was merely trying to convince himself rather than Nate of what he was saying. “Eliot - there's a lot I can say to this. For a start, relax. You don't need to dive in head first. Small steps, okay? What is it you want? Do you want a 'we'? Because if not, please do yourself and Lindsey a favor and end it as soon as possible.”
Eliot looked shocked. He sat down his now empty mug and stared at Nate. “No. I don't want to end it. That ain't the point. I want this, Nate. Really. I... just don't know how.”
Nate stood up and fetched more tea. “Good. Then that's clear. But why do you think it makes you weak?”
Eliot looked down. “What if...” He searched for the right words, trying to put his somehow vague fears into words. “What if I need to make a choice? What if two of us need my help - him and let's say Sophie? What if I can help only Lindsey and Sophie gets hurt? Or worse? What if I make the wrong choice? Fuck it up?”
Eliot's voice was rough and Nate could hear the rising despair in it. He looked in Eliot's eyes. “So that's what kills you? You think your personal bond with Lindsey could jeopardize the team?”
Eliot exhaled heavily. “Yeah. I have no idea how I'd react. I'm scared of making the wrong decision because I got too attached.”
Nate paused for a moment, thinking it over. Then he shook his head. “I think you're caught in the wrong loop here. I think you know very well that you won't let personal feelings get in the way if it really matters. I trust you for that. I think you're afraid that you'll choose Lindsey for the right reasons and I would think you got it wrong. Hold you responsible for it. That so?”
Eliot blinked and pondered the thought for a moment. Then he nodded. “Yeah. Maybe that too.”
Nate grinned. “You forget that I'm in the same boat. You're not the only one who's with a teammate, remember? You never questioned my ability to make unbiased decisions even if Sophie is heavily involved. Why do you think you would be different?”
Eliot stared at him, caught by surprise. He opened his mouth but couldn't find the right argument. Nate continued. “I can recall a few times where you had to decide whether you could help only Sophie or Hardison. Or only Sophie or Parker. How did you make that decision?”
Eliot answered without thinking. “I analyzed the situation and tried to find the best possible way.”
Nate nodded. “Right. And sometimes it was Sophie who came second. Did you ever see me getting back at you for that? Blaming you?”
Eliot slowly shook his head. “No.”
“Then why do you think I would with Lindsey? Eliot, I trust your ability to choose correctly.”
“I don't.” Eliot's voice was barely audible.
“Then you just have to trust me on that. Because you know what? Those fears you have now? I had them too. And you know what I discovered? They just make you try harder. To find better ways. They make you stronger.”
Eliot let it sink in and then gave Nate a small smile. “How'd you deal?”
Nate grinned. “First time Sophie was in real danger after we got together? I was so scared that I thought I'd freeze. Thought I could never come up with something. But when it mattered - I knew the others were also depending on me. And I knew that Sophie would kick my ass if someone else would get hurt because of me favoring her. So that got me going. And it worked. And it will work for you too. You'll see.”
Eliot released the breath he'd been holding. “I hope you're right. I'll... think about it.”
Nate gave him a reassuring smile. “Good. Going back to sleep now? I think you could use it.”
Before Eliot could answer, they heard the front door fall shut and Alec's cheerful voice.
“Honey, I'm home!”
Eliot rolled his eyes. “I'll make some more tea. I guess he wants to tell stories now.”
Nate stood up as Alec entered the kitchen. “Hardison. How did it go?”
Alec grinned. “Everything was smooth sailing, boss.” He sat down, gladly accepted the offered tea and began to talk, only interrupted by Nathan's occasional questions.
Eliot just sat and sipped his tea, barely listening, lost in his thoughts. He actually felt better now - to know that Nate trusted his judgment was really reassuring. It's okay. We're gonna be okay, it will work out. Together. He smiled at the thought. And now, I'll just finish my cup, and then I think I can sleep. And later I'll think about... everything else. They had sat for over half an hour without Eliot realizing. Alec had explained and shown every detail to Nathan until he had finally gotten a nod of approval.
“Good work, Hardison. You want to catch some sleep here?”
Alec shook his head. “Nah. I hear my own bed calling, thanks.” He stood up and then seemed to remember something. “By the way, Nate, that job you just assigned Lindsey to? I could have done that, I'm not that exhausted! Really man, the boy hasn't seen Eliot for four days now - was it really necessary to keep the lovebirds apart for longer? They'll go into withdrawal!”
Nathan stared at him, looking completely confused. “Hardison - what are you talking about?”
***
About forty-five minutes earlier
Lindsey snuck into Nate's apartment with a relieved sigh, dropped his full bag carefully on the floor and fell into the next chair, rubbing his eyes.
In the end the job had gone more smoothly than expected. When it was clear that he was finished, he decided to check out of his hotel even though it was already late. He couldn't wait to get home again - Home. Strange thought - and the thought of maybe surprising a sleepy Eliot in "their" bed had been too tempting. But of course the plane was delayed, the batteries of his cell phone had died and Chicago traffic was worse than usual, so when the cab had dropped him off in front of Nate's house it was already dawn.
He looked up as he heard voices. He had been very quiet with the doors, thinking that everyone was still asleep, but obviously they were not. He smiled fondly as he recognized Eliot's voice. Just three more weeks and my own place will be ready to move in. Wonder if he'll ask or if he'll simply put his toothbrush in my bathroom. He stood up and went towards the kitchen. He almost had his hand on the doorknob as he finally could understand words, and as he did, his smile faded away.
“But why do you think it makes you weak?”
“What if I need to make a choice? What if two of us need my help - him and let's say Sophie? What if I can help only Lindsey and Sophie gets hurt? Or worse? What if I make the wrong choice? Fuck it up?”
"So that's what kills you? You think your personal bond with Lindsey could jeopardize the team?”
“Yeah. I have no idea how I'd react. I'm scared of making the wrong decision because I got too attached.”
Lindsey felt like someone had punched him in the guts. He stumbled backwards, blood draining from his face. He had been sure that this particular train of thought had left the station some time ago, but here it was again. Kicking into into full speed, aiming towards a dead end.
There. There it is, Lindsey. You knew you had it coming. You're really skilled in destroying everything good you have, aren't you? I just thought I'd have a little more time. Have this... a little longer.
He pressed his hands to his ears, not wanting to hear more, not wanting to hear the despair in Eliot's voice, not wanting to hear Nate's answer that would condemn him. Not wanting to hear what was obviously the only solution to this. “Right, Eliot. You have to stay focused. Can't let you get distracted. Get rid of the attachment.” He could hear the words in his head, so clearly that he wasn't sure for a moment if they had really been spoken or not.
“No,” he whispered. He fell back into the chair next to his bag, hands still pressed against his ears. I'm destroying a team. Way to go, Lindsey. My fault. If I hadn't... No. Ain't gonna let that happen. He stood up, reached for his bag and blindly stumbled out of the door again. No need to make a decision, Eliot. Can't let you do that. Team's more important. More important than us... than me. He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears already stinging in his eyes. God, that hurts.
He felt numb as he slowly took the stairs down again and stepped back out on the streets. He looked around without really seeing anything. He didn't even notice Hardison coming towards him until the hacker cheerfully addressed him.
“Hey, Lindsey, how did it go?”
Lindsey blinked, needed a few seconds to actually recognize Alec and then tried to smile. It didn't feel convincing, but at least he could feel the corners of his lips moving upwards. "Hey. Yeah, it went... okay. In the end faster than expected."
Alec grinned widely. "Great, man. But hey, why are you already off again?"
The fake smile began to hurt. "Something urgent came up. You know how it is. And it's ... law stuff, so..." Lindsey's voice trailed off, and he hoped that Alec wouldn't ask further. His head started to hurt, tears still looming, and he wasn't sure if he could make up more details. Luckily Alec seemed eager to go inside.
"Aw, shit. Sorry for that. Good luck." He waved goodbye, but then frowned and turned back to Lindsey. "Are you all right, man? You look pale."
Lindsey managed to give him a somewhat reassuring look. "It's nothing. I... have a headache, but I'll have a few hours on the train and I'll catch some sleep. Look, I gotta call a cab. I'll... see you around."
"Sure, man." Alec stood and watched Lindsey waving for the next cab, getting inside and leaving. He frowned a bit. He was a little ... off. Oh well, probably missing his boy already. He shrugged it off and went upstairs to Nate's place.
"Honey, I'm home!"
***
Alec looked into Nathan's questioning face and grinned. "Aw, come on, Nate. I met Lindsey outside, so what's this law stuff he has to do now? I know he's all qualified and shit, but I've done that before. Did you even give him time to kiss Eliot? You're plain cruel sometimes, Nate!" Alec had put on a joking tone and therefore expected to get a laugh or at least some eyerolls. What he clearly didn't expect was Nathan continuing to look confused and Eliot suddenly looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He shook his head. "Guys? What's wrong?"
Nathan blinked. "I didn't give him another job. I didn't even know he was back... outside the house, you say?"
Alec nodded. "Yeah. I saw him come out."
"When?"
Alec looked now irritated at Eliot's sharp tone of voice. "Just before I came in of course." He checked his watch. "That was about... a good half an hour ago. Said he had to catch a train, he got in a cab."
"He... came in and left again?" Nathan still sounded confused. Then a sharp cracking sound and a choking noise next to him made him jump out of his chair. "Jesus - Eliot!"
Eliot didn't notice the hot tea dripping on his legs or his fingers bleeding from the shards of the mug that had broken apart under his grip. His world had just fallen apart as realization had hit home. A hard fist clenched around his stomach. His voice was hoarse. "He left. He's gone." The blow had been totally unexpected and had hit all the more for that. He didn't even react as Nate pried his clenched fingers apart, picked remaining splinters out of his flesh and tried to stop the bleeding with a clean towel.
"What do you mean, left?" Alec studied Eliot's pale face, the wild look in his eyes behind his glasses, and looked a little scared himself now. "Why should he?"
Eliot still didn't notice his injuries. Nate barely prevented him from running the bleeding hand through his hair by grabbing his wrist. "Stop that! Eliot! HEY!" He held the grip on Eliot's wrist and finally decided to simply wrap the small towel around the still bleeding hand. Eliot blinked and finally seemed to come back to reality, but was still breathing too fast and shallow.
"He heard us."
Eliot's voice was only a whisper, but Nate finally understood. He slowly nodded. "He must have, yes."
Alec's eyes widened almost comically. "Whoa, whoa, what? He heard you doing what?"
That snapped Eliot out of it. "Mind out of the gutter, Hardison!" He glared at Alec who slowly took a few steps back and raised his hands.
"Okay, okay, easy! Can someone explain it to me?"
Nate had collected his thoughts in the meantime. He turned to Hardison. "Eliot and I had a discussion, and I guess Lindsey has heard exactly the wrong part of it. I'll explain later, but I think Lindsey thinks now that he can't be a part of the team anymore."
Alec stared. Now it made sense. "He looked... sick. Said he has a headache."
A strangled sound like a wounded animal escaped Eliot's throat. He made a move as if he wanted to flee the room. Nate grabbed his shoulders and pressed him back in the chair, hoping he wouldn't catch a reflexive punch. "Eliot, calm down, okay?" His voice was just a little bit commanding. "Hardison said he took a cab. Where would he go?"
Eliot closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control. His head swam a little, but his self-control slowly kicked in again. Finally he opened his eyes. "He... had a lot of stuff with him - clothes, money... papers. He's gonna need his papers, the new ones. He doesn't use them for cons, he keeps them... Office."
Alec had his laptop open already. "I'm on it." He typed a few things, searched and then looked up. "Outgoing call from the office. To Chicago Cab Central. Twelve minutes ago."
Eliot was already on his feet. Everyone's here except Parker. And she's already on her way here, otherwise we'd gotten a call. "Car keys. I'm gonna get there. No one else needs help and it's really my business."
Nate hesitated for a moment, then grabbed the keys and threw it in Eliot's direction. "Here you go. We'll try to get you some information. Hardison, try to get the cab communications."
Alec raised his eyebrows. "Already on it, Nate... Eliot, keep the comm open. If I hear anything, I'll tell you. And relax, okay? If everything else fails - since I was the one who made his papers I should be able to track it if he uses them. We'll find him."
Eliot nodded and hurried to the door.
"Eliot?"
Nate's voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned around impatiently. "What?"
Nate looked satisfied despite the situation. "You realize what you just did, right?"
Eliot looked confused and even more impatient. "Nate..."
Nate cut him off. "You made sure first that everyone else is okay. See? Trust yourself." He smiled, with just a touch of smugness. "Now go."
Eliot opened his mouth and closed it again as he realized that Nate had a point. He nodded sharply, looking a little relieved, and then left, almost flying down the steps.
Nathan and Alec exchanged glances.
"Fuck."
"You said it, boss. Let's hope he doesn't kill himself with your car."
Part Two is here.