Manifest Destiny
If you've ever looked at my profile, you should recognize this. I want to update my LJ profile, but I still resonate with this so much, and I don't want to get rid of it. So I'm going to post it here as a manifesto or something.
I'm the kind of person you either love or hate. You'll either think I'm an honest, kind, and good person, or an ignorant, arrogant bitch. I am both, and I am neither. I am dynamic, constantly shifting attitudes, beliefs, ideas, moods, hopes, and dreams. I contradict myself yet I'm always true to myself, because my nature is not static, but changes. I'm the raging wind in the storm and a gentle summer breeze. I am an ember and I am a forest fire. I am a pebble and I am a mountain. I am a drop of rain and I am the sea. I am physical and I am mental, emotional, and psychic. But at all times I am myself. Love is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. It lifts me up, motivates me, lets me help others, teaches me new things, and helps me to forgive. Yet love has also blinded me, made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and inspired me to change for others instead of for myself. It has healed me, but it has also made me suffer. I try to embrace suffering. I prefer to learn things the hard way. I don't take the easy path, or the best path, or the least painful path. I take the one that gets me where I need to go, the one that calls out the loudest to me when my heart weighs the options. I listen to my intuition. I try to always do right by others, but refuse to sacrifice so much of myself for others that there is nothing left for me. I recognize that self sacrifice feels good to me and to those I'm sacrificing for, but that in reality it limits my ability to help others. And if there's one thing I hate, it's limits. I live with as few limits boundaries as I am able at any given time, and I constantly push and redefine the ones I've got. I try not to hurt anyone too badly or get too hurt myself along the way, but you can't shield anyone from everything, and I wouldn't want to. Pain is the greatest teacher, and I'm proud of all my scars. Some are badges of courage and remind me of my own strength. Others are reminders of my fuck ups, warnings not to repeat my mistakes. I don't mind fucking up. I don't mind being wrong. I've fallen down, I've hurt myself, I've hurt people I love, and I wish I hadn't. But what's done is done and can't be changed. I take my lessons, learn them well, and move on. Sometimes I try to set things right. Sometimes making things right means not doing anything at all. I'm not perfect; I've never claimed to be and I'd never want to be. I just do my best with the choices I make and the situations I find myself in, and try always to love myself. Loving myself is something new to me. I've been called selfish for it, a bitch, a whore, a narcissist, a liar, worthless, and a fundamentally bad person. And that's okay, because every night before I go to sleep, I have to square with the choices I made that day. Every night I have to decide if I'm happy with myself and with what I've done. So long as I remain true to myself, those insults mean nothing.
I'm the kind of person you either love or hate. You'll either think I'm an honest, kind, and good person, or an ignorant, arrogant bitch. I am both, and I am neither. I am dynamic, constantly shifting attitudes, beliefs, ideas, moods, hopes, and dreams. I contradict myself yet I'm always true to myself, because my nature is not static, but changes. I'm the raging wind in the storm and a gentle summer breeze. I am an ember and I am a forest fire. I am a pebble and I am a mountain. I am a drop of rain and I am the sea. I am physical and I am mental, emotional, and psychic. But at all times I am myself. Love is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. It lifts me up, motivates me, lets me help others, teaches me new things, and helps me to forgive. Yet love has also blinded me, made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and inspired me to change for others instead of for myself. It has healed me, but it has also made me suffer. I try to embrace suffering. I prefer to learn things the hard way. I don't take the easy path, or the best path, or the least painful path. I take the one that gets me where I need to go, the one that calls out the loudest to me when my heart weighs the options. I listen to my intuition. I try to always do right by others, but refuse to sacrifice so much of myself for others that there is nothing left for me. I recognize that self sacrifice feels good to me and to those I'm sacrificing for, but that in reality it limits my ability to help others. And if there's one thing I hate, it's limits. I live with as few limits boundaries as I am able at any given time, and I constantly push and redefine the ones I've got. I try not to hurt anyone too badly or get too hurt myself along the way, but you can't shield anyone from everything, and I wouldn't want to. Pain is the greatest teacher, and I'm proud of all my scars. Some are badges of courage and remind me of my own strength. Others are reminders of my fuck ups, warnings not to repeat my mistakes. I don't mind fucking up. I don't mind being wrong. I've fallen down, I've hurt myself, I've hurt people I love, and I wish I hadn't. But what's done is done and can't be changed. I take my lessons, learn them well, and move on. Sometimes I try to set things right. Sometimes making things right means not doing anything at all. I'm not perfect; I've never claimed to be and I'd never want to be. I just do my best with the choices I make and the situations I find myself in, and try always to love myself. Loving myself is something new to me. I've been called selfish for it, a bitch, a whore, a narcissist, a liar, worthless, and a fundamentally bad person. And that's okay, because every night before I go to sleep, I have to square with the choices I made that day. Every night I have to decide if I'm happy with myself and with what I've done. So long as I remain true to myself, those insults mean nothing.