Sunshine and Loneliness
Title: Sunshine and Loneliness
Pairing: Massu/Ryo
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1845
Summary: Massu and Ryo make it work. (Still suck at summaries.)
Author's Note: Had a hard time getting this right. Thank you sooooo much to catskilt for beta-ing otherwise you would have had some seriously bad!fic moments. Originally posted here.
Ryo likes kissing Massu because he tastes like honey and sunshine. When he told Massu, the man grinned and laughed and rewarded him with a honey/sunshine kiss. When Ryo asked shyly what Massu thinks he tastes like, he took a moment to think before, quite seriously, answering, “Smoke and loneliness.” The shy smile slipped from Ryo’s face and the two stared wordlessly at each other. Ryo’s brows furrowed. He opened and closed his mouth - opened and closed his mouth. Massu gazed unblinkingly at him. Ryo turned, walked out - and Massu let him.
~~~~
The other members exchanged glances before turning their eyes back to the two. Massu, unlike Ryo, refused to yell but rather chose to stare, immobile, at his foe until he caved or Massu got hungry - and he had just eaten.
“Uh, guys?” Koyama cut in. “Why don’t we just compromise a bit on this one ok?” The two turned death glares on him. “Erk - well, look. We’ll just leave that detail for now and take a break, all right? Cool down.” Everyone else stood, Tegoshi, Koyama and Shige a little uncertainly and Yamapi unconcernedly.
After the other members had filed out, Massu stood, unruffled and cool, and made to walk out.
Ryo’s voice stopped him. “Why the HELL are you so stubborn?!” he asked. “Don’t you ever back down?”
The younger man’s gaze slid away from Ryo’s face to focus on something past his shoulder. “I was right,” he mumbled.
Ryo stepped close. “You piss me off.”
Massu fidgeted nervously but refused to apologize, his eyes never meeting the other man’s. Finally Ryo, frustrated, stomped out of the room.
Massu was strangely un-opinionated the rest of the meeting.
There was a constant struggle between the two after that, however. Massu was stoically stubborn. Ryo blew up more and more easily at his band mate until the rest of the band was frazzled by the confrontation.
It was Yamapi who finally stood up to Ryo about it. He was driving Ryo home when he blurted out, “Just stop it, Ryo.”
“Stop what?” Ryo gave Yamapi a confused and irritated look.
“Stop it with Massu. You’re being a jerk. Yes, he’s too stubborn. But so are you. I’m tired of watching you two go at it, though. I don’t care how you do it, but work it out.” He stopped at the train station. “Get out. Go do it now.” Ryo, knowing when Yamapi meant business, got out.
Massu was obviously surprised to open the door to Ryo’s grimacing face. “Er. Yes?”
Ryo picked invisible lint off his shirt. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
Massu stepped aside to let him in. Ryo nodded his head to Massu’s mother in the kitchen and let Massu lead him to his room.
“What’s up?” Massu sort of rocked on his feet, switching his weight from right to left foot nervously.
“We need to work this out. The other members can’t take it anymore, us fighting.”
“We don’t normally …” Massu trailed off.
Running fingers through his hair, Ryo moved to Massu’s bed and sat on it. “Look. I’ll try to be more understanding of your opinions, ok? But you need to do the same. There are six of us. Pick your battles and I’ll pick mine.”
They stared at each other for several minutes before Massu nodded, looked at his feet and asked, “Um, do you want to stay for dinner? Mom’s making gyoza.” Massu peeked up at Ryo through his bangs.
Ryo feigned shock, pressing his hand to his chest. “You’re willing to share your precious gyoza with me?”
Massu cocked his head to one side and smiled shyly. “Peace offering.”
~~~~
Massu knew Ryo and specifically that he required time to chew on difficult thoughts before confrontation - the years had taught them both that. Ryo knew his temperamental nature got the best of him but as he’d grown older, he’d learned to step away from the situation and think before speaking. More than once Ryo had watched Massu’s face crumple as a consequence of his thoughtless words and he hated the nauseated, desperate feeling in his stomach that resulted. So he waited.
~~~~
The day had been rough. Long and difficult filming was only made worse by the sleep-deprivation brought on by nightmares the night before. When he got home the only thing he wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep forever. So when he walked into his apartment to see Massu waiting and dressed up in clothing even more eye-smacking than usual, his mood actually took a turn for the worse. It was when he saw Massu that he remembered that he had agreed to plans to go to dinner that night after shooting. Shit, he thought, I just want to sleep! Maybe cuddle. No. Just sleep. But he was too grumpy to just say that and instead growled at Massu, “There’s no way I’m going out with you dressed like THAT. You look like an electric light parade gone wild.”
He watched Massu’s face fold into one of his rare frowns and Ryo’s stomach tied its first knot. The frown was gone almost as quick as it came, though, and Massu went to him and gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. “It’s ok. Rough day, right? I’ll let you unwind and get some sleep. See you tomorrow.” He was gone before Ryo could even get his “wait!” out.
He knew Massu meant exactly what he said and that he understood that the problem was not with himself at all. But that didn’t stop Ryo from feeling like a complete ass. Especially when he walked into the bedroom to see a big card on his bed with “Happy Anniversary!” surrounded by lots of glittery hearts and smiley faces. He felt like screaming.
~~~~
So Massu waited. He could have lied to Ryo - could have made up something impossibly cute and sweet like Ryo’s description but it wouldn’t have been as honest as Ryo’s. His answer was honest, because when Massu kissed Ryo he always tasted the smoke from his last cigarette - a habit formed and kept because of his overloaded schedule. And because of this schedule, when Massu finally got to kiss Ryo he always thought of the loneliness endured by both parties. Ryo’s kisses were what he thought of on nights alone (which were most) and when they did come together their kisses were hard and desperate and seeking to wear down the loneliness that had built up between them, an endless and losing battle. They had little time alone together and Massu even looked forward to post-party Ryo. Ryo would sneak into his own bedroom late those nights and crawl in next to Massu, exhausted and needy. Massu would turn over, wrap his warm, lithe body around Ryo’s cold, hard one and breathe him in.
~~~~
Massu never asked Ryo to stay. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want him to; he did - desperately. But he knew it would only cause Ryo conflict because, hopefully, Ryo wanted to stay too and they both knew he couldn’t - he had too many obligations on his time. So instead Massu would lay in bed, awake before common sense, watching Ryo. The rise and fall of his chest, the way the sunlight fitted itself to the curves of his face, the slight parting of his lips as he took a deeper breath. And when the sun had risen high enough, he would nuzzle against Ryo’s neck, run his hand down Ryo’s side to his hip and squeeze gently to wake him.
~~~~
Ryo awoke to the familiar squeeze on his hip but was too comfortable to move. Massu leaned in to nibble his ear and he grinned lazily as he saw the corner of Ryo’s mouth widen into a sleepy smile. Massu moved his hand from Ryo’s hip to trail lazy circles up Ryo’s naked chest to his neck and then back down where it dipped underneath his pajama pants to grip his hip a little tighter.
Ryo’s little moan at that shot straight to Massu’s groin and he pushed his hips into Ryo’s ass. Ryo snuggled back against him making contented noises. Massu’s hand drifted to the side to brush lightly against Ryo’s erection and he chuckled low as Ryo shifted his body to bring his erection under Massu’s hand. He rubbed his cheek against Ryo’s. On mornings like this Ryo was just a glorified cat and Massu had no problems scratching his itch.
~~~~
Massu was comfortable being alone - everyone knew he was and that was probably the only reason the relationship worked. Massu was usually available to Ryo’s often crazy schedule and Ryo did his best to make time for Massu. Nevertheless, empty moments filled his every day, moments that encompassed a deep longing for his lover. He would read or watch videos or shop to try and fill these voids but sometimes they came when there was no alternative but to languish in the longing of the moment.
~~~~
He sat waiting for the train, shopping bags at his feet, and watched the people passing. He hunched over and rested his chin in his hands. He’d tried to push it away, the feeling of lonely depression. He’d gone to karaoke with Tegoshi and then shopping but here he was, waiting for the train and desperately wanting to take his mind off Ryo and how he hadn’t seen him in thirty-three hours, twenty-seven minutes. He knew Ryo would laugh at him if he knew Massu was counting but the jig was up, Massu knew Ryo was counting too. His lower lip trembled with the effort of forgetting until he gave in and lowered his face into his palms letting memories wash over him.
~~~~
It was difficult, to say the least, maintaining their relationship. But the moments together outweighed the hours apart. Massu grounded Ryo, giving him something in his life on which to depend wholeheartedly, something that stayed put. Ryo challenged Massu’s ideals and forced him outside his comfort zone. They not only wanted but depended on each other, Ryo to stay sane and Massu to grow.
~~~~
After the latest meeting about their upcoming concert tour, during which Massu and Ryo had a shouting match (well, Ryo shouted and Massu glared,) Tegoshi laughingly asked Massu how the two most stubborn members of NewS stayed together. Massu shrugged, serious, and said, “We make it work.”
But then Tegoshi was shocked to see the naughtiest smile he'd ever seen appear on Massu's normally innocent face. Tegoshi stared at Massu a full moment before smirking and drawling, "Make-up sex is good, ne?" Massu winked and rushed out of the room after Ryo.
~~~~
There was no surprise, were no harsh words spoken when Ryo returned. Ryo looked at Massu with understanding, now. There were no words, so Ryo showed Massu that he understood by touching him, embracing him, melting into him so that there was no loneliness - for now. And it was more than enough.
Pairing: Massu/Ryo
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1845
Summary: Massu and Ryo make it work. (Still suck at summaries.)
Author's Note: Had a hard time getting this right. Thank you sooooo much to catskilt for beta-ing otherwise you would have had some seriously bad!fic moments. Originally posted here.
Ryo likes kissing Massu because he tastes like honey and sunshine. When he told Massu, the man grinned and laughed and rewarded him with a honey/sunshine kiss. When Ryo asked shyly what Massu thinks he tastes like, he took a moment to think before, quite seriously, answering, “Smoke and loneliness.” The shy smile slipped from Ryo’s face and the two stared wordlessly at each other. Ryo’s brows furrowed. He opened and closed his mouth - opened and closed his mouth. Massu gazed unblinkingly at him. Ryo turned, walked out - and Massu let him.
~~~~
The other members exchanged glances before turning their eyes back to the two. Massu, unlike Ryo, refused to yell but rather chose to stare, immobile, at his foe until he caved or Massu got hungry - and he had just eaten.
“Uh, guys?” Koyama cut in. “Why don’t we just compromise a bit on this one ok?” The two turned death glares on him. “Erk - well, look. We’ll just leave that detail for now and take a break, all right? Cool down.” Everyone else stood, Tegoshi, Koyama and Shige a little uncertainly and Yamapi unconcernedly.
After the other members had filed out, Massu stood, unruffled and cool, and made to walk out.
Ryo’s voice stopped him. “Why the HELL are you so stubborn?!” he asked. “Don’t you ever back down?”
The younger man’s gaze slid away from Ryo’s face to focus on something past his shoulder. “I was right,” he mumbled.
Ryo stepped close. “You piss me off.”
Massu fidgeted nervously but refused to apologize, his eyes never meeting the other man’s. Finally Ryo, frustrated, stomped out of the room.
Massu was strangely un-opinionated the rest of the meeting.
There was a constant struggle between the two after that, however. Massu was stoically stubborn. Ryo blew up more and more easily at his band mate until the rest of the band was frazzled by the confrontation.
It was Yamapi who finally stood up to Ryo about it. He was driving Ryo home when he blurted out, “Just stop it, Ryo.”
“Stop what?” Ryo gave Yamapi a confused and irritated look.
“Stop it with Massu. You’re being a jerk. Yes, he’s too stubborn. But so are you. I’m tired of watching you two go at it, though. I don’t care how you do it, but work it out.” He stopped at the train station. “Get out. Go do it now.” Ryo, knowing when Yamapi meant business, got out.
Massu was obviously surprised to open the door to Ryo’s grimacing face. “Er. Yes?”
Ryo picked invisible lint off his shirt. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
Massu stepped aside to let him in. Ryo nodded his head to Massu’s mother in the kitchen and let Massu lead him to his room.
“What’s up?” Massu sort of rocked on his feet, switching his weight from right to left foot nervously.
“We need to work this out. The other members can’t take it anymore, us fighting.”
“We don’t normally …” Massu trailed off.
Running fingers through his hair, Ryo moved to Massu’s bed and sat on it. “Look. I’ll try to be more understanding of your opinions, ok? But you need to do the same. There are six of us. Pick your battles and I’ll pick mine.”
They stared at each other for several minutes before Massu nodded, looked at his feet and asked, “Um, do you want to stay for dinner? Mom’s making gyoza.” Massu peeked up at Ryo through his bangs.
Ryo feigned shock, pressing his hand to his chest. “You’re willing to share your precious gyoza with me?”
Massu cocked his head to one side and smiled shyly. “Peace offering.”
~~~~
Massu knew Ryo and specifically that he required time to chew on difficult thoughts before confrontation - the years had taught them both that. Ryo knew his temperamental nature got the best of him but as he’d grown older, he’d learned to step away from the situation and think before speaking. More than once Ryo had watched Massu’s face crumple as a consequence of his thoughtless words and he hated the nauseated, desperate feeling in his stomach that resulted. So he waited.
~~~~
The day had been rough. Long and difficult filming was only made worse by the sleep-deprivation brought on by nightmares the night before. When he got home the only thing he wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep forever. So when he walked into his apartment to see Massu waiting and dressed up in clothing even more eye-smacking than usual, his mood actually took a turn for the worse. It was when he saw Massu that he remembered that he had agreed to plans to go to dinner that night after shooting. Shit, he thought, I just want to sleep! Maybe cuddle. No. Just sleep. But he was too grumpy to just say that and instead growled at Massu, “There’s no way I’m going out with you dressed like THAT. You look like an electric light parade gone wild.”
He watched Massu’s face fold into one of his rare frowns and Ryo’s stomach tied its first knot. The frown was gone almost as quick as it came, though, and Massu went to him and gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. “It’s ok. Rough day, right? I’ll let you unwind and get some sleep. See you tomorrow.” He was gone before Ryo could even get his “wait!” out.
He knew Massu meant exactly what he said and that he understood that the problem was not with himself at all. But that didn’t stop Ryo from feeling like a complete ass. Especially when he walked into the bedroom to see a big card on his bed with “Happy Anniversary!” surrounded by lots of glittery hearts and smiley faces. He felt like screaming.
~~~~
So Massu waited. He could have lied to Ryo - could have made up something impossibly cute and sweet like Ryo’s description but it wouldn’t have been as honest as Ryo’s. His answer was honest, because when Massu kissed Ryo he always tasted the smoke from his last cigarette - a habit formed and kept because of his overloaded schedule. And because of this schedule, when Massu finally got to kiss Ryo he always thought of the loneliness endured by both parties. Ryo’s kisses were what he thought of on nights alone (which were most) and when they did come together their kisses were hard and desperate and seeking to wear down the loneliness that had built up between them, an endless and losing battle. They had little time alone together and Massu even looked forward to post-party Ryo. Ryo would sneak into his own bedroom late those nights and crawl in next to Massu, exhausted and needy. Massu would turn over, wrap his warm, lithe body around Ryo’s cold, hard one and breathe him in.
~~~~
Massu never asked Ryo to stay. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want him to; he did - desperately. But he knew it would only cause Ryo conflict because, hopefully, Ryo wanted to stay too and they both knew he couldn’t - he had too many obligations on his time. So instead Massu would lay in bed, awake before common sense, watching Ryo. The rise and fall of his chest, the way the sunlight fitted itself to the curves of his face, the slight parting of his lips as he took a deeper breath. And when the sun had risen high enough, he would nuzzle against Ryo’s neck, run his hand down Ryo’s side to his hip and squeeze gently to wake him.
~~~~
Ryo awoke to the familiar squeeze on his hip but was too comfortable to move. Massu leaned in to nibble his ear and he grinned lazily as he saw the corner of Ryo’s mouth widen into a sleepy smile. Massu moved his hand from Ryo’s hip to trail lazy circles up Ryo’s naked chest to his neck and then back down where it dipped underneath his pajama pants to grip his hip a little tighter.
Ryo’s little moan at that shot straight to Massu’s groin and he pushed his hips into Ryo’s ass. Ryo snuggled back against him making contented noises. Massu’s hand drifted to the side to brush lightly against Ryo’s erection and he chuckled low as Ryo shifted his body to bring his erection under Massu’s hand. He rubbed his cheek against Ryo’s. On mornings like this Ryo was just a glorified cat and Massu had no problems scratching his itch.
~~~~
Massu was comfortable being alone - everyone knew he was and that was probably the only reason the relationship worked. Massu was usually available to Ryo’s often crazy schedule and Ryo did his best to make time for Massu. Nevertheless, empty moments filled his every day, moments that encompassed a deep longing for his lover. He would read or watch videos or shop to try and fill these voids but sometimes they came when there was no alternative but to languish in the longing of the moment.
~~~~
He sat waiting for the train, shopping bags at his feet, and watched the people passing. He hunched over and rested his chin in his hands. He’d tried to push it away, the feeling of lonely depression. He’d gone to karaoke with Tegoshi and then shopping but here he was, waiting for the train and desperately wanting to take his mind off Ryo and how he hadn’t seen him in thirty-three hours, twenty-seven minutes. He knew Ryo would laugh at him if he knew Massu was counting but the jig was up, Massu knew Ryo was counting too. His lower lip trembled with the effort of forgetting until he gave in and lowered his face into his palms letting memories wash over him.
~~~~
It was difficult, to say the least, maintaining their relationship. But the moments together outweighed the hours apart. Massu grounded Ryo, giving him something in his life on which to depend wholeheartedly, something that stayed put. Ryo challenged Massu’s ideals and forced him outside his comfort zone. They not only wanted but depended on each other, Ryo to stay sane and Massu to grow.
~~~~
After the latest meeting about their upcoming concert tour, during which Massu and Ryo had a shouting match (well, Ryo shouted and Massu glared,) Tegoshi laughingly asked Massu how the two most stubborn members of NewS stayed together. Massu shrugged, serious, and said, “We make it work.”
But then Tegoshi was shocked to see the naughtiest smile he'd ever seen appear on Massu's normally innocent face. Tegoshi stared at Massu a full moment before smirking and drawling, "Make-up sex is good, ne?" Massu winked and rushed out of the room after Ryo.
~~~~
There was no surprise, were no harsh words spoken when Ryo returned. Ryo looked at Massu with understanding, now. There were no words, so Ryo showed Massu that he understood by touching him, embracing him, melting into him so that there was no loneliness - for now. And it was more than enough.