To Heaven In A Wheelbarrow (the burn-it-up remix)
Title: To Heaven In A Wheelbarrow (the burn-it-up remix)
Characters: Koyama, Yamashita, Shige
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: The original is about zombie apocalypse. Fragmented storytelling, angst?
Words: 1,845
Summary: Yamapi never understood why Koyama was so attached to Shige even when they'd hardly met. But that was okay… Koyama didn't either.
Notes: *Repost*This does not stand alone. You need to have read the very awesome original by yey-yey. Expands the scenes where Koyama is left on the pier and Yamapi finds him, and Koyama's fever. Much thanks to my betas. Written for jentfic_remix cycle 6 and was originally posted here.
---
The world had been remade - in whose image no one knew. Perhaps man's. Certainly man was to blame for the fact that his twisted past had come back to haunt him, in the most corporeal of ways. There were no delusions - once he'd missed the boat, his life was over. But he was happy. Happy that what was left of his family had made it safe. And he'd thought he could be okay like that. But at the end of the first day, as the light slipped to dark, he realized that this was what it was like to live in fear.
---
"What's wrong?" Pi asked, glancing at Koyama in the half-light of dusk, and Koyama snatched his hand from his forehead guiltily.
"Nothing. I'm fine," he lied. "You should be watching the road."
"I am, I am," he said, but Koyama saw him sneaking glances and resolved to keep his hands in his lap, leaning back against the headrest and closing his eyes.
His vision began to swim a little later, and he tried not to drink too much water though his throat was parched. Pain began to accompany the heat, deep aches in his body, and he went to sleep that night hoping that the morning would bring a blessed coolness to his overheated body, hands clutched against the blanket as shivers racked him.
He awoke to pain, shuddery pain over every inch of his body, and Pi's hands on his shoulders.
"Koyama!" His name was fuzzy around the edges, like he was hearing it from underwater, and then Pi shook him and the pain flared and he gasped and reached out to grip Pi's forearms.
"Stop. Stop," he sobbed, and felt Pi's fingers unclench from his shoulders and flutter over his face, smoothing across his cheekbones and up across his forehead.
"Koyama, you're burning up," Pi told him, the concern in his voice clear even though the words weren't. A bottle was pressed against his lips and he drank greedily, Pi's fingers smearing the water over Koyama's chin and neck where it dribbled out the sides and it felt so good. "Hang on. Just hang on," he heard before everything went black.
---
Curled up into a little ball on the corner of the pier, he stayed like that for days, staring off into the distance, the clean water, not touching a bite of food or a drink of water he'd stashed in his backpack that bulged the front of his shirt, for fear that the other people on the pier would wrest it from him. The fear was dull, because he wasn't sure he wanted to eat anyway, his time was limited, he knew that. They would let the disease take over their island and die out before they even thought about coming back. Koyama would be long gone by then.
He spent his days contemplating the ocean and wondering if he was weak enough to not fight the water when he plunged over the edge, because he wasn't afraid of death, he was afraid of dying, and he wanted it to be quick. So he stayed and withered away, eating and drinking just enough to keep him from too much pain. Waiting for the day when he could end it.
---
He thought he was drowning at first, drowning in a desert, dry heat all around him stinging his throat and eyes feeling grainy under scratchy lids, because everything looked wobbly and he held his breath desperately and tried to claw to the surface.
"Careful! Koyama! Koyama, breathe," he heard Pi say indistinctly, but he shook his head, felt his heart pound harder with every denied breath, and then Pi's mouth was covering his own, breathing into him, moist heat that Koyama wanted to gobble up, clutching feebly at Pi's shoulders when he tried to pull away. "It's okay, Koyama, I'm here. Come on, drink this. We're almost there." More mumbling about hopes that he couldn't understand and he was slipping away again.
Snatches of words whispered gossamer-thin across his skin and he writhed against his restraint, cocooned like a caterpillar and too weak yet to transform, screaming wildly, voice hoarse and ragged in his throat, until he'd spent the last of his strength and fell away.
The hands on his body were unfamiliar. Soft and cool as they pulled off his shirt gently, easing him back down. When they left him, he opened his eyes a sliver to see a young man haloed by morning light, kneeling beside him and wringing out a damp cloth. The youth stopped when he saw Koyama's eyes were open, and lifted Koyama's head to help him drink some water. The liquid was cool and sweet, not tepid like it always was, and he drank it greedily until he couldn't swallow anymore. Gentle hands ran the chill, wet cloth down his body and it made him shiver, but it was wonderfully cool and he looked up into the young man's eyes, his vision going perfect for a moment, only a little soft around the edges, and he smiled. "An angel," he said, "come to take me away."
"…smiling…" "…fever talking … angel… hand me…" "Do you…" "No, more… can't… too much… for now."
'Too much for now, yes,' he thought. But not for long. He'd always thought Pi had been a little bit of an angel himself. Maybe this had all been a test. Maybe he'd died back at the docks. And now he was dying again. A giggle escaped his lips and then a groan as he curled in on himself.
It was night again when he opened his eyes, a faint whisper in the air and the bus shimmering around him like a mirage. open the door the night sighed around him, and he rose carefully to his feet, the bus rocking under him as he moved forward. He was so hot, his own slender fingers smoothing the sweat over his skin did nothing without a breeze, his cautious forward motion not enough. open the door and he reached for the handle.
"What are you doing?" the angel asked, and Koyama turned his head slowly to face him.
"They told me to open the door." He looked back to the handle. "I'm so hot."
"Don't." Kindness and panic gave the angel a dual voice and Koyama frowned, confused. "You can't."
"Another test?" Koyama asked thickly. "I don't want to go to hell, I'm already too hot, please." He felt tears running down his cheeks and he reached up to wipe them away, licking them from his fingers.
"You're not going to hell… Pi."
He let himself be led, the angel's cool hands pressed against his back and shoulder as they swayed down the aisle.
"Pi, the water." The angel laid him down and ran a cool cloth over him again.
Reaching up desperately, Koyama gripped the angel's wrist. "You'll save me, won't you? That's why you're here?"
Frowning, the angel searched his face. "Yeah. I'm here to save you."
"Okay," he whispered, letting his hand fall to his side, "Okay."
---
He'd lost track of his days, his mind slipping away too often to be able to remember clearly, and he'd finally fought to drag himself to his feet. Swaying, he contemplated the water, felt the trembling in his limbs as they struggled to hold him up and steady. He'd already been so thin there hadn't been much for his body to eat at. It was time, he thought sluggishly, but stayed there, trembling like a leaf in the wind even though there was nothing more than a slight breeze.
---
"…not safe…" "Please… going to make it…" "I'm doing…"
come with me
"Who are you?" he whispered.
"...talking…" "…would I know…"
"I know you're there…"
"Shhhh, Koyama. There's no one here but us," Pi told him, threading his fingers through Koyama's sweaty hair.
"The angel?" he asked almost desperately, because he couldn't see him.
Pi gave him a weird smile and then the angel kneeled down next to him with a wry look. "Yeah, I'm here."
"Don't let me go."
"I'm right here."
Hours and days and years, decades, lifetimes, eons shimmered long and flat around him, voices calling to him in the fluctuating light, words tuning in and out nonsensically. And then… and then blessed silence. The calm after the storm. He smiled. Blissful, uninterrupted slumber.
---
Soft, cool hands that were obviously not Pi's woke him, pressing fingers gently against his wrist, moving up to his forehead, and Koyama reached up groggily to weakly wrap his fingers around the person's wrists. "Who are you?" he asked, rasping against the dryness in his throat. "Where's Pi?"
The strange young man smiled.
"I'm right here, Koyama," Pi said, scooting close and smoothing Koyama's hair from his face. "This is Shige."
"Shige," Koyama said, repeated it, looked up at Shige with a small frown. A fragment of a feeling he couldn't quite catch.
"He'll be fine now, Pi."
"Thank god."
---
"You're not a crazy, are you?" a voice called tentatively to him and Koyama blinked, turned his head.
"I guess that depends," he replied, a wry smile tugging at his lips as he eyed the dirty young man. His voice was harsh and scratchy and he was a little surprised because it didn't sound anything like it used to.
"Why are you here? They're going to get you eventually."
He turned back to face the ocean. "The world is nothing," he rasped, "and I am alone. Is there really a point in trying?" The words echoed hollowly inside him and he knew them for truth. And yet, when the young man took him gently by the hand and led him into his bus, Koyama didn't protest, just let him lead. Inside, the barest flicker of hope shone forth.
---
"Are you coming with us?" Koyama asked Shige. He found that he desperately wanted him to. There was something about him that drew Koyama to him; he couldn't put his finger on it and he didn't care. He just wanted him to stay.
Shige looked a little shocked, slightly disbelieving, like maybe he thought they'd have left him there. "…Can I?"
"Of course," Pi answered without hesitation. "You practically saved Koyama."
'Saved Koyama.' Koyama bit his lip and furrowed his brow.
That night, Koyama snuggled tightly between Pi and Shige and felt safer than he had since the day before the disease hit. He pressed his face against Shige's shoulder and breathed in deeply, felt Shige tense a little. "Finding you," Koyama murmured, "was like fate." Shige grunted, unsure of exactly how to answer that. Several minutes later Koyama spoke again, obviously right on the cusp of sleep, perhaps already in another world because his next words, slurred almost beyond understanding, were a direct contradiction. "I don't know how, but I'm glad you found me."
Shige was silent for a long time, and when he finally spoke, Koyama wouldn't hear him. "But you found me," he whispered.
Characters: Koyama, Yamashita, Shige
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: The original is about zombie apocalypse. Fragmented storytelling, angst?
Words: 1,845
Summary: Yamapi never understood why Koyama was so attached to Shige even when they'd hardly met. But that was okay… Koyama didn't either.
Notes: *Repost*This does not stand alone. You need to have read the very awesome original by yey-yey. Expands the scenes where Koyama is left on the pier and Yamapi finds him, and Koyama's fever. Much thanks to my betas. Written for jentfic_remix cycle 6 and was originally posted here.
---
The world had been remade - in whose image no one knew. Perhaps man's. Certainly man was to blame for the fact that his twisted past had come back to haunt him, in the most corporeal of ways. There were no delusions - once he'd missed the boat, his life was over. But he was happy. Happy that what was left of his family had made it safe. And he'd thought he could be okay like that. But at the end of the first day, as the light slipped to dark, he realized that this was what it was like to live in fear.
---
"What's wrong?" Pi asked, glancing at Koyama in the half-light of dusk, and Koyama snatched his hand from his forehead guiltily.
"Nothing. I'm fine," he lied. "You should be watching the road."
"I am, I am," he said, but Koyama saw him sneaking glances and resolved to keep his hands in his lap, leaning back against the headrest and closing his eyes.
His vision began to swim a little later, and he tried not to drink too much water though his throat was parched. Pain began to accompany the heat, deep aches in his body, and he went to sleep that night hoping that the morning would bring a blessed coolness to his overheated body, hands clutched against the blanket as shivers racked him.
He awoke to pain, shuddery pain over every inch of his body, and Pi's hands on his shoulders.
"Koyama!" His name was fuzzy around the edges, like he was hearing it from underwater, and then Pi shook him and the pain flared and he gasped and reached out to grip Pi's forearms.
"Stop. Stop," he sobbed, and felt Pi's fingers unclench from his shoulders and flutter over his face, smoothing across his cheekbones and up across his forehead.
"Koyama, you're burning up," Pi told him, the concern in his voice clear even though the words weren't. A bottle was pressed against his lips and he drank greedily, Pi's fingers smearing the water over Koyama's chin and neck where it dribbled out the sides and it felt so good. "Hang on. Just hang on," he heard before everything went black.
---
Curled up into a little ball on the corner of the pier, he stayed like that for days, staring off into the distance, the clean water, not touching a bite of food or a drink of water he'd stashed in his backpack that bulged the front of his shirt, for fear that the other people on the pier would wrest it from him. The fear was dull, because he wasn't sure he wanted to eat anyway, his time was limited, he knew that. They would let the disease take over their island and die out before they even thought about coming back. Koyama would be long gone by then.
He spent his days contemplating the ocean and wondering if he was weak enough to not fight the water when he plunged over the edge, because he wasn't afraid of death, he was afraid of dying, and he wanted it to be quick. So he stayed and withered away, eating and drinking just enough to keep him from too much pain. Waiting for the day when he could end it.
---
He thought he was drowning at first, drowning in a desert, dry heat all around him stinging his throat and eyes feeling grainy under scratchy lids, because everything looked wobbly and he held his breath desperately and tried to claw to the surface.
"Careful! Koyama! Koyama, breathe," he heard Pi say indistinctly, but he shook his head, felt his heart pound harder with every denied breath, and then Pi's mouth was covering his own, breathing into him, moist heat that Koyama wanted to gobble up, clutching feebly at Pi's shoulders when he tried to pull away. "It's okay, Koyama, I'm here. Come on, drink this. We're almost there." More mumbling about hopes that he couldn't understand and he was slipping away again.
Snatches of words whispered gossamer-thin across his skin and he writhed against his restraint, cocooned like a caterpillar and too weak yet to transform, screaming wildly, voice hoarse and ragged in his throat, until he'd spent the last of his strength and fell away.
The hands on his body were unfamiliar. Soft and cool as they pulled off his shirt gently, easing him back down. When they left him, he opened his eyes a sliver to see a young man haloed by morning light, kneeling beside him and wringing out a damp cloth. The youth stopped when he saw Koyama's eyes were open, and lifted Koyama's head to help him drink some water. The liquid was cool and sweet, not tepid like it always was, and he drank it greedily until he couldn't swallow anymore. Gentle hands ran the chill, wet cloth down his body and it made him shiver, but it was wonderfully cool and he looked up into the young man's eyes, his vision going perfect for a moment, only a little soft around the edges, and he smiled. "An angel," he said, "come to take me away."
"…smiling…" "…fever talking … angel… hand me…" "Do you…" "No, more… can't… too much… for now."
'Too much for now, yes,' he thought. But not for long. He'd always thought Pi had been a little bit of an angel himself. Maybe this had all been a test. Maybe he'd died back at the docks. And now he was dying again. A giggle escaped his lips and then a groan as he curled in on himself.
It was night again when he opened his eyes, a faint whisper in the air and the bus shimmering around him like a mirage. open the door the night sighed around him, and he rose carefully to his feet, the bus rocking under him as he moved forward. He was so hot, his own slender fingers smoothing the sweat over his skin did nothing without a breeze, his cautious forward motion not enough. open the door and he reached for the handle.
"What are you doing?" the angel asked, and Koyama turned his head slowly to face him.
"They told me to open the door." He looked back to the handle. "I'm so hot."
"Don't." Kindness and panic gave the angel a dual voice and Koyama frowned, confused. "You can't."
"Another test?" Koyama asked thickly. "I don't want to go to hell, I'm already too hot, please." He felt tears running down his cheeks and he reached up to wipe them away, licking them from his fingers.
"You're not going to hell… Pi."
He let himself be led, the angel's cool hands pressed against his back and shoulder as they swayed down the aisle.
"Pi, the water." The angel laid him down and ran a cool cloth over him again.
Reaching up desperately, Koyama gripped the angel's wrist. "You'll save me, won't you? That's why you're here?"
Frowning, the angel searched his face. "Yeah. I'm here to save you."
"Okay," he whispered, letting his hand fall to his side, "Okay."
---
He'd lost track of his days, his mind slipping away too often to be able to remember clearly, and he'd finally fought to drag himself to his feet. Swaying, he contemplated the water, felt the trembling in his limbs as they struggled to hold him up and steady. He'd already been so thin there hadn't been much for his body to eat at. It was time, he thought sluggishly, but stayed there, trembling like a leaf in the wind even though there was nothing more than a slight breeze.
---
"…not safe…" "Please… going to make it…" "I'm doing…"
come with me
"Who are you?" he whispered.
"...talking…" "…would I know…"
"I know you're there…"
"Shhhh, Koyama. There's no one here but us," Pi told him, threading his fingers through Koyama's sweaty hair.
"The angel?" he asked almost desperately, because he couldn't see him.
Pi gave him a weird smile and then the angel kneeled down next to him with a wry look. "Yeah, I'm here."
"Don't let me go."
"I'm right here."
Hours and days and years, decades, lifetimes, eons shimmered long and flat around him, voices calling to him in the fluctuating light, words tuning in and out nonsensically. And then… and then blessed silence. The calm after the storm. He smiled. Blissful, uninterrupted slumber.
---
Soft, cool hands that were obviously not Pi's woke him, pressing fingers gently against his wrist, moving up to his forehead, and Koyama reached up groggily to weakly wrap his fingers around the person's wrists. "Who are you?" he asked, rasping against the dryness in his throat. "Where's Pi?"
The strange young man smiled.
"I'm right here, Koyama," Pi said, scooting close and smoothing Koyama's hair from his face. "This is Shige."
"Shige," Koyama said, repeated it, looked up at Shige with a small frown. A fragment of a feeling he couldn't quite catch.
"He'll be fine now, Pi."
"Thank god."
---
"You're not a crazy, are you?" a voice called tentatively to him and Koyama blinked, turned his head.
"I guess that depends," he replied, a wry smile tugging at his lips as he eyed the dirty young man. His voice was harsh and scratchy and he was a little surprised because it didn't sound anything like it used to.
"Why are you here? They're going to get you eventually."
He turned back to face the ocean. "The world is nothing," he rasped, "and I am alone. Is there really a point in trying?" The words echoed hollowly inside him and he knew them for truth. And yet, when the young man took him gently by the hand and led him into his bus, Koyama didn't protest, just let him lead. Inside, the barest flicker of hope shone forth.
---
"Are you coming with us?" Koyama asked Shige. He found that he desperately wanted him to. There was something about him that drew Koyama to him; he couldn't put his finger on it and he didn't care. He just wanted him to stay.
Shige looked a little shocked, slightly disbelieving, like maybe he thought they'd have left him there. "…Can I?"
"Of course," Pi answered without hesitation. "You practically saved Koyama."
'Saved Koyama.' Koyama bit his lip and furrowed his brow.
That night, Koyama snuggled tightly between Pi and Shige and felt safer than he had since the day before the disease hit. He pressed his face against Shige's shoulder and breathed in deeply, felt Shige tense a little. "Finding you," Koyama murmured, "was like fate." Shige grunted, unsure of exactly how to answer that. Several minutes later Koyama spoke again, obviously right on the cusp of sleep, perhaps already in another world because his next words, slurred almost beyond understanding, were a direct contradiction. "I don't know how, but I'm glad you found me."
Shige was silent for a long time, and when he finally spoke, Koyama wouldn't hear him. "But you found me," he whispered.