It's a long, long road with many a winding turn
It's been a long, long time since I've written anything that's been going on with my life. There's been a lot. Some good, some not so good.
In the last 2 weeks, I've lost another 2 people. I don't mean this in any disrespectful manner by any stretch of the imagination, but the body count is up to 20 in the last 14 months. That's... That's just not healthy in any way, shape, or form.
Both recent losses were complete shocks. The first was the father of a girl I had grown up with. I just about grew up at her house because she lived just up the road. Doni committed suicide. Evidently he was clinically depressed and just couldn't take it any more. I hadn't seen or spoken to Alyssa since high school, maybe even middle school, but she was always around- just in a different circle of friends. That one really threw me for a loop. I just wasn't expecting it.
The second was Caryn's brother, Rob. Truth be told, I didn't know him and maybe met him just a handful of times. Caryn's from a town not too far from wehre I work and live, so I attended both the wake and the funeral. It was so hard to do. Rob was only 27 and passed in his sleep from natural causes. Sleep isn't supposed to be scary. It's supposed to be the time to recharge and the whole 9, but I guess he never woke up. The funeral was yesterday and one of the most awful things I've ever had to do. Rob was loved by everybody. It broke my heart to see Caryn and her family in so much pain. Caryn delivered one hell of a eulogy. Holy shit. There was so much in there. I felt like I needed a dictionary with a side of Kleenex. In typical Caryn fashion, there was dry humor, promptly followed by a punch line that made everybody laugh. That's her. That euology was all her.
And it's not that I didn't feel this way before, but I was so proud that she had the (for lack of a better term) balls to go up there and be so brave. If I lost somebody that close to me, I'd be inconsolable. I'd greive until I couldn't anymore. Caryn just... she channeled it into something very beautiful. Caryn, if you're reading this (and part of me sincerely hopes that you're not just because we've all had enough dealings with death), I love you and am so, so humbled and honored to be your friend. lean on me...
My job is, well... it's my job. If it was fun they'd call it as such. I'm the company manager for a big theater. My boss and I get along (big surprise there- he's gay and I do exceptionally well with gay men), but he can be all sorts of a jerk. (Like yesterday when he made me work before going to the funeral because he wanted to sleep in...) I'm meeting all sorts of people. I love dealing with the actors and I'm learning more and more that maybe I have more of a head for business than I thought. Managerial positions and I get along quite well. It's enough to make me think that maybe, just maybe pursuing my MBA in sports management is really the right thing to do with my life.
Right now we're in rehearsals for a production of August Wilson's Radio Golf. It goes to Broadway after this, which is all sorts of exciting. The cast, to be honest, is the biggest pain in the ass. It consists of very spoiled actors (for the most part) that just can't seem to get their act together. That goes for the director as well. Kenny has connections out the hoo-ha. (When I picked him up, he was talking to Forrest Whitacker about knocking on Ludacris's door...) Yeah, crazy shit. There's also a Tony Award winner in the group who's also on a soap opera, with her own book and CD. She's the biggest problem. But once you break through that facade, she's actually very nice. She was very concerned when I wasn't acting quite right the other day. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's a mother. Sure her kids are younger than me, but it made me feel better to know that she was also looking out for me a bit. I stick my neck out and bend over backwards a few times a day for this cast. It's a small comfort to feel it being reciprocated.
There's another actor that I absolutely adore. He's very nice and very sweet (and very tall!). He's lead a rather interesting life and we hit it off right away. He's a sweet man and a true gentleman. It's a warm welcome from the chaos of the rest of them. He's also a musician, which automatically gives us common ground. He was the only person in the cast to ask me how I was after yesterday. I picked him up to do a costume fitting yesterday morning and I was wearing my nice dress pants. being a gentleman, he told me that i looked nice and asked where I was going. I told him that I was going to a funeral and he asked why I was even driving him around and where my boss was. Today he asked how i was doing (it's usually the other way around) and gave me a gigantic hug. This man would not let go until he felt like I was really OK. Sweet. Very, very sweet man. He's my favorite. Hands down.
So today went well. I didn't really do any work (shocker!) and basically tooled around in the company van all day before going home for an hour, where I fell asleep. (oops!) I made it back in time to catch the end of rehearsal for Radio Golf, make sure everyone was OK, tote the director around, and go back to the theater in time to catch Turandot. I LOVE Turandot! It was awesome. So, so good. This was my first opera stateside, so I was a little nervous. (Vienna and Salzberg might have ruined it for me!) But I was not disappointed at all. Nessun Dorma wounded fantastic with a full choir and orchestra, so I'm a happy camper.
What else...
There's a lot more that's going on that I'm not ready to talk about yet. A few people know about an interesting choice that has made its way back into my life, but not many. I've learned in recent times that there is work and then there is my personal life. It's best not to combine the two. I don't really have friends here. I don't. I have work friends, 2 of whom happen to be my roommates. I don't want them knowing all about me. The last time I did that, it ended badly. Like Catie and Eric badly for those who understand that reference. All I want is a friend.
What made me realize that I was lonely was seeing Pete last month. I finally had someone to really talk to, to pal around with- to be emotionally intimate with. It made such a diference. I felt so much better having that kind of person around. Having my Peter around makes everything better. He's my best friend- someone I can really talk to and use as a sounding board for just about everything. And vice versa. when he left, I felt awful. That's when I realized just how lonely I am here. I also realized how easy it is to become a cat lady.
I'm seeing Pete in 6 days, which makes me all sorts of happy. I'll have my Peter and everything will be good. It'll be a nice change and a bit of imtimacy, both physical (YAY GETTING LAID!) and emotional. I need a bit of both, truth be told.
I can't think of anything else that I want to divulge at the moment. Like I always say, I'm an open book, so if you ask, you're gonna get an honest response. Feel free.
In the last 2 weeks, I've lost another 2 people. I don't mean this in any disrespectful manner by any stretch of the imagination, but the body count is up to 20 in the last 14 months. That's... That's just not healthy in any way, shape, or form.
Both recent losses were complete shocks. The first was the father of a girl I had grown up with. I just about grew up at her house because she lived just up the road. Doni committed suicide. Evidently he was clinically depressed and just couldn't take it any more. I hadn't seen or spoken to Alyssa since high school, maybe even middle school, but she was always around- just in a different circle of friends. That one really threw me for a loop. I just wasn't expecting it.
The second was Caryn's brother, Rob. Truth be told, I didn't know him and maybe met him just a handful of times. Caryn's from a town not too far from wehre I work and live, so I attended both the wake and the funeral. It was so hard to do. Rob was only 27 and passed in his sleep from natural causes. Sleep isn't supposed to be scary. It's supposed to be the time to recharge and the whole 9, but I guess he never woke up. The funeral was yesterday and one of the most awful things I've ever had to do. Rob was loved by everybody. It broke my heart to see Caryn and her family in so much pain. Caryn delivered one hell of a eulogy. Holy shit. There was so much in there. I felt like I needed a dictionary with a side of Kleenex. In typical Caryn fashion, there was dry humor, promptly followed by a punch line that made everybody laugh. That's her. That euology was all her.
And it's not that I didn't feel this way before, but I was so proud that she had the (for lack of a better term) balls to go up there and be so brave. If I lost somebody that close to me, I'd be inconsolable. I'd greive until I couldn't anymore. Caryn just... she channeled it into something very beautiful. Caryn, if you're reading this (and part of me sincerely hopes that you're not just because we've all had enough dealings with death), I love you and am so, so humbled and honored to be your friend. lean on me...
My job is, well... it's my job. If it was fun they'd call it as such. I'm the company manager for a big theater. My boss and I get along (big surprise there- he's gay and I do exceptionally well with gay men), but he can be all sorts of a jerk. (Like yesterday when he made me work before going to the funeral because he wanted to sleep in...) I'm meeting all sorts of people. I love dealing with the actors and I'm learning more and more that maybe I have more of a head for business than I thought. Managerial positions and I get along quite well. It's enough to make me think that maybe, just maybe pursuing my MBA in sports management is really the right thing to do with my life.
Right now we're in rehearsals for a production of August Wilson's Radio Golf. It goes to Broadway after this, which is all sorts of exciting. The cast, to be honest, is the biggest pain in the ass. It consists of very spoiled actors (for the most part) that just can't seem to get their act together. That goes for the director as well. Kenny has connections out the hoo-ha. (When I picked him up, he was talking to Forrest Whitacker about knocking on Ludacris's door...) Yeah, crazy shit. There's also a Tony Award winner in the group who's also on a soap opera, with her own book and CD. She's the biggest problem. But once you break through that facade, she's actually very nice. She was very concerned when I wasn't acting quite right the other day. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's a mother. Sure her kids are younger than me, but it made me feel better to know that she was also looking out for me a bit. I stick my neck out and bend over backwards a few times a day for this cast. It's a small comfort to feel it being reciprocated.
There's another actor that I absolutely adore. He's very nice and very sweet (and very tall!). He's lead a rather interesting life and we hit it off right away. He's a sweet man and a true gentleman. It's a warm welcome from the chaos of the rest of them. He's also a musician, which automatically gives us common ground. He was the only person in the cast to ask me how I was after yesterday. I picked him up to do a costume fitting yesterday morning and I was wearing my nice dress pants. being a gentleman, he told me that i looked nice and asked where I was going. I told him that I was going to a funeral and he asked why I was even driving him around and where my boss was. Today he asked how i was doing (it's usually the other way around) and gave me a gigantic hug. This man would not let go until he felt like I was really OK. Sweet. Very, very sweet man. He's my favorite. Hands down.
So today went well. I didn't really do any work (shocker!) and basically tooled around in the company van all day before going home for an hour, where I fell asleep. (oops!) I made it back in time to catch the end of rehearsal for Radio Golf, make sure everyone was OK, tote the director around, and go back to the theater in time to catch Turandot. I LOVE Turandot! It was awesome. So, so good. This was my first opera stateside, so I was a little nervous. (Vienna and Salzberg might have ruined it for me!) But I was not disappointed at all. Nessun Dorma wounded fantastic with a full choir and orchestra, so I'm a happy camper.
What else...
There's a lot more that's going on that I'm not ready to talk about yet. A few people know about an interesting choice that has made its way back into my life, but not many. I've learned in recent times that there is work and then there is my personal life. It's best not to combine the two. I don't really have friends here. I don't. I have work friends, 2 of whom happen to be my roommates. I don't want them knowing all about me. The last time I did that, it ended badly. Like Catie and Eric badly for those who understand that reference. All I want is a friend.
What made me realize that I was lonely was seeing Pete last month. I finally had someone to really talk to, to pal around with- to be emotionally intimate with. It made such a diference. I felt so much better having that kind of person around. Having my Peter around makes everything better. He's my best friend- someone I can really talk to and use as a sounding board for just about everything. And vice versa. when he left, I felt awful. That's when I realized just how lonely I am here. I also realized how easy it is to become a cat lady.
I'm seeing Pete in 6 days, which makes me all sorts of happy. I'll have my Peter and everything will be good. It'll be a nice change and a bit of imtimacy, both physical (YAY GETTING LAID!) and emotional. I need a bit of both, truth be told.
I can't think of anything else that I want to divulge at the moment. Like I always say, I'm an open book, so if you ask, you're gonna get an honest response. Feel free.