(no subject)
I'm still jobless, although that's my own damn fault. It's very PA of me. The ex said, and I don't exactly quote, but close enough: "I can stay if you get a job, because then you can pay the rent". Never mind -he- could get a job too now he's finished uni, never mind that I paid half the damn rent up front and he refuses to remember it, never mind he took half MY deposit money back from the landlord and bought a sofa with it that has to stay in the house, never mind that when I -had- a job, he got at least half my monthly wage, I am apparently a terrible financial burden. I have made very little effort to get a job, because I'm kinda fed up with him and everything being my fault, and how my hobbies are wrong, and how he has to know and talk to all -my- friends (sorry, guys. Really, I am very sorry.)
Obviously, if the ex is going back to Jersey, I need to find my own place to live. I've never had to think about living on my own before, and the ex, controlling sod he can be, did pretty much all the financial and legal set-up for the rent, bills, etc here. I also can't afford to stay in Liverpool, with the rent, so I need to move -and- find a job, ASAP. Got no savings, got no higher education, so I only slightly hope I can find somewhere damn fast. I think dad would take me in, but he shouldn't really have to.
I still haven't seen a GP, even though even the ex admits my mood is pretty low and has been for a while. The one I was told to go to, being the local GP, won't take me without my medical records, which I have apparently lost some point in the last 8 years since I saw an NHS doctor.
I'm not really eating. Today, I'm running on 4 cans of pepsi, and a small plate of chicken wings. Im sleeping all over the place, too.
This thing with mother's not helping much either.
So yeah. Life sucks. I'm half-tempted to just get out of it, but that would be messy and I'm a total wuss about pain. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I really feel like I'm in some cosmic version of the Truman Show.