(no subject)
This will be my last play-related update, oh that's so *depressing!* :( I was quite concerned that at 3 I still had the stomach pain from drinking too much, so I tried to sleep it off, which just about worked, but I accidentally slept til 4:45pm, meaning I had to speedily wash my hair and get ready for the final night. We got there a bit later than usual, around 6:20pm, and I saw Chris was in the green room but I had to get my makeup on so I rushed off to the ladies dressing-room. We had about an hour to go, and I figured when I saw him, I would be normal and it would be fine. It wasn't. I could barely speak to him and he had no idea what he'd done wrong. I then had to go and cry, oh what wonderful spirits that left me in! By about 7pm I was getting scared as I'd never had a performance where I hadn't done a quick run through of me and Chris' lines, so I dragged him into the...erm, bit inbetween the stairs leading up to the wings, and really tried to muster up the energy to pretend nothing was wrong. I couldn't put any energy into it and he said we needed to do it properly, and I stormed off, sort of. Then I came back, apologised, and it was a bit better, though no-where near as right as it had been before. He asked me again what was wrong, I said nothing. A bit before we had to go up on the wings, I apologised and hugged him, then did what I usually do in the wings which is cuddle him for reassurance, him with his arms around my waist.
Somehow, despite the way I was feeling, I managed to make our onstage chemistry pretty much how it usually is. I was really proud of that. The under-the-table scene was a bit awkward, as we'd landed differently to usual, and I basically had my legs between his with no way of moving them, for about 3 minutes. Gemma managed to break her bong on stage, which fitted with the character but was a bit unfortunate! And it ended, we bowed, and went offstage. I wanted to see Joey's play, so me and Gemma went outside the doors to the Van Emden theatre and watched through the window. Joey is really flexible. o.0 I briefly went in to see Liz Who, but then I realised actually, I hadn't eaten anything since 1:30pm, my stomach is unsteady and it will rumble loudly, so I snuck out during a scene change, and hung out in the green room. I find it a bit disturbing that the sight of Simon menacingly wielding a power-drill (without the actual drill part) at people doesn't disturb me. :) Micheal said we should all audition for RUDS' production of The Crucible, as he's running it. I might do it, maybe.
Chris was really freaking out about the hamster play, which I really don't understand as it's the one we all know pretty perfectly. We really did do extremely well last night, it was our best performance of it ever. There was quite a lot of ad-libbing, which was fantastic. :) The tech team kept fucking up though, especially with the lights and curtains. When it was me and Gemma's first scene, we positioned ourselves and the curtain was still fairly open, despite the lights being down this was a bit worrisome! Gemma said for the last night I should come on stronger to her, so I did. I stroked her face and all but molested her, hee. She asked for it! For some reason, the tech team kept throwing hamsters on stage at random intervals, which was fucking annoying, as it took away from our performance as the audience was waiting to see what they would do. Simon kicked one into the audience. :D The audience was quite intimidating last night, about 3/4 of the theatre was full! When Simon's character re-appears after supposedly dying, me and Kim both went "oh god!" and put our head in our hands, without planning it, which I thought was great. It's easy to get into character and despise Simon/Wigglesworth. :D
Dai let us each take home one of the hamsters, and mine is currently sitting on my desk. I love him so much! It's wrong to love a towel full of newspapers like a childhood toy, isn't it? :)
The after-show party. Hmm. It started off at Joey's, and omg, he has the cutest kitten I've ever seen in my life! I think it was a tabby, me and Jenny squeed over it. :) I only drank one can of Strongbow (courtesy of Gemma) all night, through fear of my tummy exploding when I woke up. It was enough to get me tipsy. :) After a while though, we moved to Micheal's house, as Joey's flatmates wanted to go to sleep. It was really fun, and it was nice to be in our big group one last time. Jen wanted to go by about 1:30am, but I'm a bitch and asked if we could stay til 2:30am, as I was determined to say something to Chris about what was bothering me. Kim finally got to snog Micheal. :D I was so happy for her! However, if he now does nothing about it, she will be heartbroken, as he's all she's talked about for the last few weeks. At around 2:10ish, Chris went over to our side of the room again to grab his bag, and I asked if he was leaving. He said he was walking Mary home. I said oh, I was hoping I could talk to you about something, but it doesn't matter. He said no, it's fine, he could wait a few more minutes.
So. We went outside. I shuffled about a bit and mostly looked at the floor, and said the reason I was so off with him on the walk home was because I was jealous of Gemma, as I "kind of like you." He then said he'd just got out of a really long relationship, and wasn't ready for anything like that yet. I said it's fine, really, don't worry about it. He then started to say I was a really great girl and all that rubbish, but I cut him off, and said don't do that, it really doesn't matter. He said he really values our friendship, that he feels like he can tell me basically anything, and that he doesn't want anything interfering with that. I agreed. He hugged me. I hugged back. I went back into the corridor, Jenny was there. I asked her to come up to the loos with me, and I immediately started crying. She hugged me, and I really did try and hold in the sobs by holding my breath, but it didn't work, and she had to put up with me being all rubbish and sad. She was really good though, very reassuring and I do love her to pieces. <333 We went downstairs at around 2:30am and most people had gone, so we said our goodbyes and Sam drove us home, which was VERY wonderful of her as Micheal lives miiiiiles away from us!
But I don't understand it. Because he was clearly flirting with me, a lot of the time. I can't have just imagined that, right? I mean, for gods sake, Sam had never seen us in the same room together, and she kept giving us knowing smiles and saying he pays more attention to me than anyone else. He managed to drag me up to dance, and we kept looking into each others eyes, and so clearly I must have just imagined the looks he was giving me. I don't know why I thought anything could happen anyway, I should have learnt my lesson after Kirsty, that I'm just not meant to be happy in that particular way. The thing is, I had accepted it, years ago, and then he came along. I'm crying again now, and it's so stupid. The thing that upset me the most was that he said he's worked alongside people intimately before, and it's likely that it's just the onstage chemistry, it can make you think that you like people. Don't tell me how I fucking feel.
I don't know how Gemma found out that I'd told him how I felt and he'd rejected me, but she was really quite angry on my behalf, and was texting me saying he's a self-obsessed wanker. I probably won't see him for a while after this, as much as that hurts me. At least I know, and I made myself tell him. I've never told anyone directly to their face that I like them, especially if I've not been sure how they feel.
Somehow, despite the way I was feeling, I managed to make our onstage chemistry pretty much how it usually is. I was really proud of that. The under-the-table scene was a bit awkward, as we'd landed differently to usual, and I basically had my legs between his with no way of moving them, for about 3 minutes. Gemma managed to break her bong on stage, which fitted with the character but was a bit unfortunate! And it ended, we bowed, and went offstage. I wanted to see Joey's play, so me and Gemma went outside the doors to the Van Emden theatre and watched through the window. Joey is really flexible. o.0 I briefly went in to see Liz Who, but then I realised actually, I hadn't eaten anything since 1:30pm, my stomach is unsteady and it will rumble loudly, so I snuck out during a scene change, and hung out in the green room. I find it a bit disturbing that the sight of Simon menacingly wielding a power-drill (without the actual drill part) at people doesn't disturb me. :) Micheal said we should all audition for RUDS' production of The Crucible, as he's running it. I might do it, maybe.
Chris was really freaking out about the hamster play, which I really don't understand as it's the one we all know pretty perfectly. We really did do extremely well last night, it was our best performance of it ever. There was quite a lot of ad-libbing, which was fantastic. :) The tech team kept fucking up though, especially with the lights and curtains. When it was me and Gemma's first scene, we positioned ourselves and the curtain was still fairly open, despite the lights being down this was a bit worrisome! Gemma said for the last night I should come on stronger to her, so I did. I stroked her face and all but molested her, hee. She asked for it! For some reason, the tech team kept throwing hamsters on stage at random intervals, which was fucking annoying, as it took away from our performance as the audience was waiting to see what they would do. Simon kicked one into the audience. :D The audience was quite intimidating last night, about 3/4 of the theatre was full! When Simon's character re-appears after supposedly dying, me and Kim both went "oh god!" and put our head in our hands, without planning it, which I thought was great. It's easy to get into character and despise Simon/Wigglesworth. :D
Dai let us each take home one of the hamsters, and mine is currently sitting on my desk. I love him so much! It's wrong to love a towel full of newspapers like a childhood toy, isn't it? :)
The after-show party. Hmm. It started off at Joey's, and omg, he has the cutest kitten I've ever seen in my life! I think it was a tabby, me and Jenny squeed over it. :) I only drank one can of Strongbow (courtesy of Gemma) all night, through fear of my tummy exploding when I woke up. It was enough to get me tipsy. :) After a while though, we moved to Micheal's house, as Joey's flatmates wanted to go to sleep. It was really fun, and it was nice to be in our big group one last time. Jen wanted to go by about 1:30am, but I'm a bitch and asked if we could stay til 2:30am, as I was determined to say something to Chris about what was bothering me. Kim finally got to snog Micheal. :D I was so happy for her! However, if he now does nothing about it, she will be heartbroken, as he's all she's talked about for the last few weeks. At around 2:10ish, Chris went over to our side of the room again to grab his bag, and I asked if he was leaving. He said he was walking Mary home. I said oh, I was hoping I could talk to you about something, but it doesn't matter. He said no, it's fine, he could wait a few more minutes.
So. We went outside. I shuffled about a bit and mostly looked at the floor, and said the reason I was so off with him on the walk home was because I was jealous of Gemma, as I "kind of like you." He then said he'd just got out of a really long relationship, and wasn't ready for anything like that yet. I said it's fine, really, don't worry about it. He then started to say I was a really great girl and all that rubbish, but I cut him off, and said don't do that, it really doesn't matter. He said he really values our friendship, that he feels like he can tell me basically anything, and that he doesn't want anything interfering with that. I agreed. He hugged me. I hugged back. I went back into the corridor, Jenny was there. I asked her to come up to the loos with me, and I immediately started crying. She hugged me, and I really did try and hold in the sobs by holding my breath, but it didn't work, and she had to put up with me being all rubbish and sad. She was really good though, very reassuring and I do love her to pieces. <333 We went downstairs at around 2:30am and most people had gone, so we said our goodbyes and Sam drove us home, which was VERY wonderful of her as Micheal lives miiiiiles away from us!
But I don't understand it. Because he was clearly flirting with me, a lot of the time. I can't have just imagined that, right? I mean, for gods sake, Sam had never seen us in the same room together, and she kept giving us knowing smiles and saying he pays more attention to me than anyone else. He managed to drag me up to dance, and we kept looking into each others eyes, and so clearly I must have just imagined the looks he was giving me. I don't know why I thought anything could happen anyway, I should have learnt my lesson after Kirsty, that I'm just not meant to be happy in that particular way. The thing is, I had accepted it, years ago, and then he came along. I'm crying again now, and it's so stupid. The thing that upset me the most was that he said he's worked alongside people intimately before, and it's likely that it's just the onstage chemistry, it can make you think that you like people. Don't tell me how I fucking feel.
I don't know how Gemma found out that I'd told him how I felt and he'd rejected me, but she was really quite angry on my behalf, and was texting me saying he's a self-obsessed wanker. I probably won't see him for a while after this, as much as that hurts me. At least I know, and I made myself tell him. I've never told anyone directly to their face that I like them, especially if I've not been sure how they feel.