SGA fic: Them Other Boys Don't Know How to Act
Because I hate it when fandom doesn't cater to my needs.
Title: Them Other Boys Don't Know How to Act [DW] [AO3]
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~4,600 words
Warnings: Sort-of noncon roleplay. Some of the dialogue may be triggery. However, this story is neither noncon nor dubcon.
Summary: Tag for 3x03 Irresistible. Rodney fails at getting his revenge, and Sheppard fails at getting his point across. McKay/Sheppard.
A hilarious podfic by ponceflower can be found here!
*
They put Lucius Lovin in a holding cell while everyone in Atlantis -- except Sheppard, who was being a dick about the whole thing -- received the antidote. Rodney had been feeling justifiably humiliated since he'd been innoculated, and being in the labs hadn't helped much, since everyone there was either embarrassed or furious. Those who were angry were easier to deal with than the ones who were acting like they had something to be ashamed about. It was one thing to be in love with the man, but none of them had tried to give Lucius a jumper.
Carson was loading up his med kit when Rodney wandered into the infirmary. "Hello, Rodney," he called out absently, not looking up from a pile of bottles of what Rodney assumed was the vaccine. "Everyone in Atlantis should be better now. Let me tell you, I've never had that many people crying all at once before."
Rodney hadn't cried. Much. "So, ah," he said, picking up an empty test tube and then setting it back on the table. "Are you doing okay? I mean, it was, uh, quite an interesting experience, what with all those new feelings..."
"What new feelings?" Carson asked, finally looking at him.
"You know, wanting to be--" He waved a hand. "Intimate. With Lucius."
Carson's eyes widened. "I didn't want to be intimate with him. I just wanted him to like me."
Rodney gaped. "But-- you-- you did a handstand!"
"Because I was trying to impress him!" Carson countered. "Rodney, are you trying to tell me you had romantic feelings for Lucius?"
"Of course not. I'm one hundred--" In a violent attempt to overthrow him, his brain flashed to an image of Sheppard in his new leather jacket. "--Ninety percent heterosexual. Maybe eighty. Okay, definitely seventy-five percent heterosexual."
Carson looked worried. "Seventy-five percent heterosexual? What does that even mean?"
"It means I'm less gay than Lance Bass, but more gay than Justin Timberlake."
Carson's brow knitted. "Are you being serious?"
"I don't even know anymore," Rodney said.
*
Zelenka wasn't much help either. Rodney tracked him down after everyone else had gone to lunch, and asked, "When Lucius had you under his spell, did you have any feelings that were -- how do I put this? Gay."
He'd been hoping Zelenka would answer, "Yes, of course, it happened to us all." But when Zelenka didn't immediately answer, Rodney had all the confirmation he needed. Now the best he could hope for was for Zelenka to think he was kidding around. Not that he ever kidded around, not with Zelenka, at any rate.
"You know what, let's forget I said anything," he said quickly. His life was so embarrassing.
"McKay. Rodney." Zelenka pulled off his glasses and slowly cleaned them with the hem of his shirt. Then he slid them back on. "If this is your way of telling me you are attracted to me, I must turn you down. I like women. Tall, dark-haired women with fiery spirits and cute little shirts."
"I'm not attracted to you," Rodney said.
Zelenka patted his hand. "There is no need to lie. It is alright. I am only a little disgusted. In time, you will get over me, and perhaps one day you will learn to love again."
Rodney tore his hand away. "Zelenka, believe me, I'm not attracted to you. I'm an incredibly shallow person."
"Calling me ugly is not going to disguise your love for me," Zelenka said, raising a finger in the air.
"Goddamn it," Rodney said. He scowled, thinking of Lucius resting comfortably in that prison cell, knowing he'd ruined Rodney's life. "That idiotic, monkey-brained, uncivilized witch doctor. I bet this was all part of his plan."
"Yes," Zelenka said seriously, "first he will turn Rodney McKay gay, and then the galaxy will be his. I have often considered that very plan."
"You can't tell anyone about this," Rodney said.
Zelenka snorted. "Who would I tell?" Rodney glared until Zelenka lowered his head shamefully. "Yes, fine."
"McKay?" came a familiar -- and annoying -- voice at the doorway, and Rodney went cold all over.
"What are you doing here?" Rodney demanded.
"Just making sure you guys were okay. Hanging in there, buddy?" Sheppard asked, eyes wide and full of fake concern. Rodney wished that cold had killed him. He'd been making fun of them for hours; he'd even laughed while Rodney had pitifully cried because they'd taken away the man he thought he'd loved. "You're not having any urges to see if Lucius's okay, right? Maybe wanting to sneak down there and longingly press your hand against the glass?"
Rodney said sourly, "No, asshole. Holding cells don't have glass. Don't you have better things to do than to harass me?"
"I'm on break," Sheppard said. He leaned against the doorframe. "Thought I'd stop by and see who was still carving Lucius's name into their arms."
Rodney snorted. "What kind of disturbing teenagehood did you have, Colonel? Oh hey, is that why you wear that stupid wristband?"
"May I see your scars?" Zelenka asked.
Sheppard glowered. "I'm going to go make fun of Ronon some more. You should see his face whenever I bring up Teyla wanting to marry Lucius. Although he says he's not sorry for shooting me, for some reason."
"I can't imagine why not," Rodney said sarcastically.
Sheppard stepped out the door. "See you guys," he said, leaning into the lab, and then he raised a clenched fist to his heart. "Rodney, be strong."
"I hate you," Rodney seethed. When he was sure Sheppard was truly gone, he turned back to Zelenka. "I hate that man."
"You love him," Zelenka said carelessly, and Rodney felt a rush of terror and rage so powerful he felt like his head was going to explode, and then he realized he was just biting down on his tongue.
Rodney thought about Sheppard's cocky swagger and mocking smirk, laughing at them for being under Lucius's spell, when he had no idea, no idea, what a humiliating experience that had been. Especially since Sheppard seemed to think he was too cool for school now. It was infuriating.
"I still have a sample of the chemical," Rodney said quietly. "We'll see what happens when the straightest person in Atlantis gets a whiff of the new and improved Dr Rodney McKay."
"I thought Ronon had already received the antidote?" Zelenka asked.
"I meant Sheppard," Rodney said, exasperated.
Zelenka frowned. "I don't think you have thought this plan through."
But Rodney was excited now. He chuckled to himself. "Imagine Sheppard on his knees, worshiping me in the manner I deserve. That'll show him. Oh, he'll get what's coming to him."
"This conversation is making me uncomfortable," Zelenka said.
*
When it came down to it, Rodney was a petty, petty man. He had accepted this about himself long ago, much in the same way he accepted most of the science he had learned at university had no practical application in a universe of stargates.
Carson had taken all of Lucius' magical mystery weed and disposed of it, but the bottle and its contents were still on Rodney's lab bench, right where he'd left them before he was manhandled by Ronon.
Unfortunately, the lab was full when he went to retrieve it, so he had to make a show of pointing out Opticon's latest mathematical error while discreetly pocketing the bottle. When the fight broke out between Zelenka, Opticon, and Thorne, he slipped out.
In his quarters, he held the bottle of the clear liquid up to the light, making sure there was enough for him to swallow. There was just enough there to humiliate Sheppard for a couple of hours.
"Bottoms up," he murmured, raising it to let a few drops fall on his tongue. It was one of the foulest things he'd ever put in his mouth, and that included Teyla's weird turtle soup thing. He dug around until he found an old, warm bottle of fruit punch on the floor under his desk, and he chugged it down. He didn't know how old that juice was, but it almost got rid of the burning. This was exactly why didn't drink.
Once he finished gagging, he stared at the now-empty bottle in his hand.
"Oh," he said to himself, "I probably shouldn't have done that."
*
He was casually looking for Sheppard while pretending like he wasn't when his radio came to life, and Sergeant Campbell said, "Dr McKay, you're needed in the briefing room."
Rodney was, it seemed, the last one to know there was a meeting taking place; he'd known they were going to send Lucius back to his homeworld eventually, but no one had bothered to give him any sort of time estimate. Apparently there were some problems convincing Lucius to keep his mouth shut about the location of Atlantis.
When he entered the briefing room, Elizabeth and Teyla were sitting together, glaring fiercely at Lucius, who was at Ronon's side. Ronon had one massive hand on his shoulder. Lucius was looking a little terrified.
Sheppard, at Ronon's other side, stopped mid-sentence and stared at Rodney for a long moment. Then he went back to talking to Ronon.
Hmm, Rodney thought, but what he said was, "Colonel," and grabbed his usual seat next to him. He made sure he was sitting close enough for Sheppard to get a big sniff of pheromones.
Sheppard attractively raised an eyebrow. "Rodney," he answered in a tone that was more suspicious than usual.
"How's your cold?"
"Better," Sheppard said, and Rodney noticed he wasn't all nasally anymore. "It's nice to finally be able to breathe again."
Elizabeth was making motions like she was ready to begin. She said, "Obviously, we need to escort Lucius -- Mr Lovin -- back to his homeworld."
"You're too kind, Elizabeth, sweetness," Lucius crooned.
One of her eyebrows rose so high it looked painful. "We also need to give the antidote to the people of his village."
"There's really no need--" Ronon's hand visibly tightened on Lucius's shoulder. He gulped. "Whatever you think is best."
"John?" Elizabeth asked.
"I'm ready to go whenever the rest of my team is," Sheppard said. He leaned back in his seat.
"I am ready," Teyla said quickly.
"Me too, let's go," Ronon replied, pulling Lucius up with him.
Sheppard smirked. "Looks like we're ready to go now."
"My stuff's in my room, if you'll wait a minute," Rodney said.
Sheppard nodded at Teyla and Ronon, who dragged Lucius off somewhere with them. "We can grab it on the way. I need some extra ammo anyway."
When they got to Rodney's quarters, Sheppard followed him right in.
Sheppard grimaced. "Jesus, McKay. It's normally not this bad in here. I thought you were a hypochrondriac," he said, and Rodney snapped, "I'm fine with my own germs, it's everyone else's germs I'm worried about."
When Sheppard bent down and started throwing clothes into the hamper, Rodney was taken aback. Sheppard wasn't the sort of guy who imposed his military corners, leave-no-sock-behind behaviour on other people, so that meant his being nice had to be the potion, even though this was the first real sign of Sheppard behaving strangely. Sheppard was grumbling to himself the entire time, and if the potion was working, he had to be the most disrespectful love slave ever; Rodney specifically remembered lavishing praises upon Lucius.
"Okay, this is pretty nasty," Sheppard said, unearthing a pile of dirty plates.
"Uh, Colonel," Rodney said, beginning to feel just a teeny, tiny bit guilty. He'd wanted Sheppard to follow him around with a goofy, smitten expression and tell everyone how wonderful he was, not clean his room. It was too weird to have Sheppard being himself and doing things for Rodney anyway. It wasn't even funny.
Sheppard blinked at him. "What?"
"It's nothing. Carry on," said Rodney, staring stupidly as Sheppard moved to pick up armfuls of trash. He was still staring when his radio clicked on fifteen minutes later.
*
"Hey, honey, could you loosen these restraints for me?" Lucius asked. "I'm not going to hurt anyone."
"Do not speak to me," Teyla said.
There was a rustle and a loud squeal from the back of the cockpit, and when Rodney turned, Lucius was clutching his bound hands to his chest. It was somewhat gratifying to see him with such a wounded expression.
"If you value your life, you will not touch me again," said Teyla icily.
"If you value your arms, you won't touch her again," Ronon added.
Rodney exchanged glances with Sheppard. "Don't make me come back there," Sheppard said cheerfully.
"There is no 'back here,'" Ronon said. "We're right here."
"I still think there's something wrong with Colonel Sheppard," Lucius said loudly.
"Nevermind," Sheppard grumbled.
*
On the planet, Rodney tripped over a root. No one helped him up. Sheppard didn't even pause his story about how his dad had taken him camping when he was eleven, and how his mom had sent the FBI to look for them after they'd been lost for three days. Rodney mentally put another tally into the 'not completely drugged' category.
He flexed his biceps a little. Sheppard glanced down at them for a brief second, then back at Rodney's face, and asked, "What're you doing?"
"Nothing?" Rodney said. "Why, what did it look like I was doing?"
"Did you sprain something?" Sheppard asked. "Do you need Ronon to give you a back massage?"
"Ronon gives massages?" Rodney asked incredulously. He looked over his shoulder at Ronon, who raised his eyebrows in response. "That's more than a little disturbing."
"He gives 'em to me all the time," Sheppard said.
"Oh yeah, Ronon's back massages are great," Lucius said, beaming at them with one of his stupid, open-mouthed smiles.
"It's a Satedan bonding thing," Ronon explained, shrugging.
"Oh please," Rodney said. "You were trying to get into his pants, weren't you? I knew it."
Ronon scowled ferociously. "I'm the only one on this team who likes women," he said flatly.
"Ronon," Teyla warned.
Rodney sputtered, "What did you just say? I'll have you know, I'm practically heterosexual."
Sheppard looked at him sharply. "Practically?"
"I had a gay experience once," Lucius said thoughtfully. "But I had to tell him, no, Your Majesty, as much as I'd like to share your kingdom, I have my own people to take care of. Ah, yeah. Good times."
"Shut the fuck up," Rodney said.
*
It wasn't like Rodney hadn't been attracted to Sheppard before Lucius. Even when Rodney thought he was so used to Sheppard's face he no longer found him good-looking, Sheppard would want to talk about what went wrong with George Lucas, or how he'd be part of the resistance if real life was like Logan's Run. Really, when he thought about it, Rodney had been fucked the second they'd met.
*
He didn't know why he was surprised when he was finally caught. They would've figured out what was going on sooner if Sheppard had fallen for the potion and declared Rodney his personal god right away, like any normal person.
Sheppard was in his room when he got back from being lectured by Elizabeth, Carson, and his team. Rodney's bed was made, his books were stacked, and his desk was bare, and Sheppard was down to his t-shirt and slacks, on his hands and knees. He didn't want to know where Sheppard had found a Swiffer, and he most certainly didn't want to know why Sheppard thought Rodney cared if the floor under his bed was clean. What he did want to know was what the hell had happened to all his stuff.
"Hey, thanks for cleaning my room, now I can find nothing at all," Rodney said.
Sheppard rolled his eyes, climbing to his feet. "You're welcome." He leaned the Swiffer against the wall and started sorting through the basket of clean clothes Rodney had never gotten around to putting away.
Rodney watched him silently. Eventually, Sheppard noticed. "What's with you?" Sheppard asked.
"What's with you?" Rodney said. "You don't feel weird? Even just a little bit? Is your heart racing? Do you feel the need to be around me at all times? Am I suddenly much hotter than I was before?"
"No, I feel the same as always," Sheppard said slowly.
"You're cleaning my room," Rodney pointed out. He couldn't deal with this.
Sheppard glanced down at the shirt clenched in his hands, and then screwed up his face thoughtfully. "What are you trying to say?"
The thing was, Sheppard should have been finding him irresistible, but either he was immune to it, or he found Rodney irresistible every day, which was absurd.
"I'm saying I used Lucius's potion on you," Rodney said. "Also, I think we should have sex."
Sheppard dropped the shirt. "You what?" he yelled.
"No, I just-- I didn't mean--" Rodney said weakly, feeling sick. "I misinterpreted some things. Can we pretend I didn't say any of that?"
"You drugged me?" Sheppard shouted.
"Oh yeah. That. Let's concentrate on that," Rodney said.
Rodney had always had a fully-developed sense of self-preservation. He was afraid of dying from anaphylactic shock, he was afraid of the Wraith, he was afraid of Ronon's huge muscles, he was afraid of finding someone smarter than himself. But he'd never been scared of Sheppard -- it was hard to be frightened of someone who used Teyla's fighting sticks to pretend he was a Jedi -- not until that very moment, when Sheppard came at him. Reflexively, he threw his hands up to protect his face, shouting, "I take it back, I take it back!" and Sheppard pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him.
"Um," Rodney said. Without thinking, he grabbed Sheppard's hips, so Sheppard wouldn't do something crazy, like get off of him. "This isn't beating me up."
"I don't beat up guys I'm fucking," Sheppard said. "I'm not into that. I mean, unless that's what you like. I'll try anything once."
Rodney's mind blanked out when Sheppard straddled him and started wiggling around a little. "This doesn't make any sense," he protested weakly.
"Sure it does," Sheppard said. "You took the potion because you wanted to sleep with me."
"Actually, I took it because you were being an asshole," he said, and when Sheppard went still, Rodney remembered how much pain he'd been in when he'd thought Lucius had been disappointed in him.
They stared at each other uncomfortably. Sheppard was kind of heavy, and Rodney's erection was probably poking him.
"A sexy asshole," Rodney added.
"Well, as long as I'm sexy," Sheppard said sarcastically.
And that was when Sheppard kissed him.
Their teeth clicked together and Sheppard's nose was kind of big and Rodney felt sweaty and clammy, with this guy sitting on him, but then suddenly he was sucking on Sheppard's tongue and sliding his hands up Sheppard's sides and it was amazing, even though Sheppard was drugged and Rodney was a horrible, horrible person.
"We shouldn't," Rodney said passionately, as Sheppard pressed his face against Rodney's neck. "No," he exclaimed, as Sheppard kissed his jaw. "Okay, if you insist," he said, as Sheppard rocked his hips.
Rodney pushed until Sheppard leaned away from him, looking confused, and Rodney nudged him backwards so he was lying flat, his head off the edge of the bed. Sheppard said, "Hey," and Rodney pulled him towards the metal headboard by his ankles.
"Much better," Rodney murmured, crawling over Sheppard's body.
"Yeah, that's right, push me around," Sheppard said, arching up and wrapping his arms around Rodney's shoulders.
"Jesus Christ," Rodney said. "You're killing the mood."
"Maybe you should restrain me," Sheppard replied huskily.
"Can you not be crazy for fifteen minutes?" Rodney asked. Settling his weight on his calves, he pulled Sheppard's hands off his shoulders and pressed them against the mattress. Sheppard smirked, and Rodney may not have been able to label that feeling blooming in his chest, but he recognized the heat pooling in his belly. He bent down and kissed the corner of Sheppard's mouth.
Sheppard wrestled his hands away and started undoing Rodney's belt. "Take this off." Rodney kissed his neck instead. "You're so-- God, that's good. We're so good together. We're great together. Why haven't we done this before?"
"Because apparently you needed a love potion to lower your inhibitions," Rodney said. "Christ, and I thought I'd be the talkative one."
He spread his legs, shoving down his pants with one hand. Then he ripped out Sheppard's Batman utility belt and tossed it on the floor. It was easy to pull Sheppard's grey slacks down over his hips without unbuttoning them, and then his boxers, and it was just as easy to tug Sheppard's shirt over his head, running his hands up Sheppard's arms while Sheppard shivered, pressing himself into them.
"Tell me what you want," he said, kissing Sheppard's cheek, the pointed tip of his nose. Rodney needed him to see this wasn't a one night stand for him, magic potion or no magic potion. He stroked Sheppard's waist, and Sheppard gazed at him intensely, face softening.
"I want you to come on my face," Sheppard said.
"What?" Rodney asked, horrified. "No, no. I watched bukkake in university once. It wasn't that great. Also, have you ever had that shit on your eyelids before? You have to put soap on your eye before they come unstuck! Do you like anything, say, normal and not creepy?"
"Come on my face," Sheppard repeated in a low tone, slowly sliding his leg over Rodney's hip. He pressed his heel into the small of Rodney's back.
"Christ," Rodney hissed.
"You can fuck me first," Sheppard said.
"Oh, well, in that case." Tentatively, he put a hand on the bed next to Sheppard's head, and the other hand on Sheppard's cock, which was warm and kind of wet. It was a little strange to be jacking someone else off. Sheppard let out a small moan and his head dropped sideways, his warm breath hitting Rodney's hand.
"Yeah, yeah, come on, fuck me, come on, do it," Sheppard said in a rush.
"Stop talking while I'm trying to make love to you," Rodney snapped. He fished under the mattress to find the nearly-empty bottle of lube; he'd brought it to use with the ladies, yet he'd only used it on himself. "Do you have any condoms?"
"Tac vest, back left pocket," Sheppard said.
"Of course," Rodney grumbled. He meant, "Of course you carry condoms with you offworld," but Sheppard said, "Hey, don't look at me, it's not like I put it over there intentionally."
The vest was sitting on the floor by the door, along with Sheppard's jacket and his tac holster. He felt stupid crossing the room naked, with his hard on hanging out, and Sheppard cracked up. He was still laughing when Rodney bounced back on the bed, kissing him until Sheppard sighed into his mouth.
"Can we do it like this?" Rodney asked. "I, um. It's possible I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing."
"Yeah," Sheppard said, "but it'll be easier like this." He rolled over, and damn, Sheppard had a nice back. "You're not going to ask if I've ever done this before?"
Rodney snorted. "Do you really think I want to talk about the other people you've slept with right now?" He licked a long line up Sheppard's spine. Sheppard's skin was salty, and Rodney liked the way the bumps of his vertebrae felt against his tongue. He fumbled with the lubricant, popping open the cap with his thumb, and squirted some onto his first two fingers.
He'd never been in this particular situation before, but he had a pretty good idea where to start, especially when Sheppard started moaning, "Jesus," and moving his hips in time to the stroking of Rodney's fingers. It was hot. It was so fucking hot. Rodney could have come just from watching that.
"Fuck, oh fuck, McKay, stop messing around and fuck me already," Sheppard cursed. He flexed around Rodney's fingers, and a hot flash made Rodney shudder.
"I'm trying to rape you gently, you ungrateful lunatic," Rodney said.
"Call me a cheap slut," Sheppard insisted breathily.
He rolled on the condom. "If this wasn't so hot, it would be terrifying. Where'd you learn all this, a Jenna Jameson movie?"
He pulled Sheppard up a little more, spreading Sheppard's legs apart with his knee. Rodney pushed into him, carefully at first, and then harder. It was tight and hot, and he panted, open-mouthed, against the back of Sheppard's neck. With his right hand, he groped until it bumped Sheppard's cock. He wrapped his palm around it, jerking, and he could feel Sheppard coming from the inside out, the way he shuddered and gasped, and he went at it harder, faster, and then that was it, he was done.
*
When Rodney threw the condom on the floor, Sheppard half-leaned off the bed and said, "Hey, I just cleaned that."
"Oh my God," Rodney said, "I just raped you, didn't I. I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me? I am sick in the head."
He scrambled into a sitting position, throat closing up. "I'm just as bad as Lucius, with his evil, gay-making potion. I totally date-raped you!"
"Yeah, probably," Sheppard drawled. "I couldn't say no. That was so hot."
He rested his chin on Rodney's shoulder. His lips were a little puffy and Rodney could feel his heartbeat racing, but he was glowing and languid. Only Sheppard could be this unbearably attractive after having been coerced into sex.
"Are you going to kill me when the drug leaves your system?" Rodney asked. "Or have Ronon kill me, rather. Or-- I'll turn myself in to Elizabeth. Right after I shower. And maybe eat some lunch. You're not hurt, are you? Did I hurt you?"
"I was a little hurt you wouldn't come on my face," Sheppard said.
"I'm trying to have a serious talk about your sexual assult here," Rodney snapped.
"Look, if it makes you feel better, next time you can do whatever I tell you to do, okay?"
"Next time?" Rodney repeated dumbly. He watched as Sheppard's expression grew worried. That feeling of terror settled in his chest again, along with something that might have been wonder. "Holy crap. This is you normal. You have a-- a thing for me."
"I do not," Sheppard said shiftily. "You know, actually, I am feeling a little raped."
"You thought I was amazing even before I took the potion," Rodney said, and this time when he thought about it, it didn't seem crazy.
Sheppard pulled the sheets back and stood. "I'm going to get something to eat."
Rodney wrestled into his clothes. "You would've done this even without the drug, wouldn't you?"
"I think it's mac and cheese day," Sheppard said.
Rodney followed him out into the corridor. "You have a filthy mouth, I like that," he said to Sheppard as they passed Major Lorne, and Lorne threw him an odd look. Whatever; it wasn't like he was so desperate as to care what Lorne thought about him.
"So you're really okay?" he asked when they were in line.
"Rodney, I'm fine," Sheppard said, sounding irritated.
They took their seats. "When can we do it again?" Rodney asked. He made sure to keep his voice low. "I mean, if you're sure you're not traumatized. Except maybe this time you can keep your disgusting fantasies to yourself. You haven't let other people do those things to you, have you? Wait, on second thought, I don't want to know."
Sheppard's eyes narrowed. "I think the potion's wearing off. Suddenly I find you a lot more annoying."
"It's nice to know you consider it rape when it's convenient for you," Rodney said.
Rolling his eyes, Sheppard reached towards Rodney's tray. Rodney smacked his hand. "Do you mind? Those are my french fries."
"It was my innocence," said Sheppard sadly.
"Take the fucking fries," Rodney said.
*
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The title is a line from Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback." Don't be a hater.
Thanks to kickthebeat for being awesome. She did a lot to make this story all come together.
Title: Them Other Boys Don't Know How to Act [DW] [AO3]
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~4,600 words
Warnings: Sort-of noncon roleplay. Some of the dialogue may be triggery. However, this story is neither noncon nor dubcon.
Summary: Tag for 3x03 Irresistible. Rodney fails at getting his revenge, and Sheppard fails at getting his point across. McKay/Sheppard.
A hilarious podfic by ponceflower can be found here!
*
They put Lucius Lovin in a holding cell while everyone in Atlantis -- except Sheppard, who was being a dick about the whole thing -- received the antidote. Rodney had been feeling justifiably humiliated since he'd been innoculated, and being in the labs hadn't helped much, since everyone there was either embarrassed or furious. Those who were angry were easier to deal with than the ones who were acting like they had something to be ashamed about. It was one thing to be in love with the man, but none of them had tried to give Lucius a jumper.
Carson was loading up his med kit when Rodney wandered into the infirmary. "Hello, Rodney," he called out absently, not looking up from a pile of bottles of what Rodney assumed was the vaccine. "Everyone in Atlantis should be better now. Let me tell you, I've never had that many people crying all at once before."
Rodney hadn't cried. Much. "So, ah," he said, picking up an empty test tube and then setting it back on the table. "Are you doing okay? I mean, it was, uh, quite an interesting experience, what with all those new feelings..."
"What new feelings?" Carson asked, finally looking at him.
"You know, wanting to be--" He waved a hand. "Intimate. With Lucius."
Carson's eyes widened. "I didn't want to be intimate with him. I just wanted him to like me."
Rodney gaped. "But-- you-- you did a handstand!"
"Because I was trying to impress him!" Carson countered. "Rodney, are you trying to tell me you had romantic feelings for Lucius?"
"Of course not. I'm one hundred--" In a violent attempt to overthrow him, his brain flashed to an image of Sheppard in his new leather jacket. "--Ninety percent heterosexual. Maybe eighty. Okay, definitely seventy-five percent heterosexual."
Carson looked worried. "Seventy-five percent heterosexual? What does that even mean?"
"It means I'm less gay than Lance Bass, but more gay than Justin Timberlake."
Carson's brow knitted. "Are you being serious?"
"I don't even know anymore," Rodney said.
*
Zelenka wasn't much help either. Rodney tracked him down after everyone else had gone to lunch, and asked, "When Lucius had you under his spell, did you have any feelings that were -- how do I put this? Gay."
He'd been hoping Zelenka would answer, "Yes, of course, it happened to us all." But when Zelenka didn't immediately answer, Rodney had all the confirmation he needed. Now the best he could hope for was for Zelenka to think he was kidding around. Not that he ever kidded around, not with Zelenka, at any rate.
"You know what, let's forget I said anything," he said quickly. His life was so embarrassing.
"McKay. Rodney." Zelenka pulled off his glasses and slowly cleaned them with the hem of his shirt. Then he slid them back on. "If this is your way of telling me you are attracted to me, I must turn you down. I like women. Tall, dark-haired women with fiery spirits and cute little shirts."
"I'm not attracted to you," Rodney said.
Zelenka patted his hand. "There is no need to lie. It is alright. I am only a little disgusted. In time, you will get over me, and perhaps one day you will learn to love again."
Rodney tore his hand away. "Zelenka, believe me, I'm not attracted to you. I'm an incredibly shallow person."
"Calling me ugly is not going to disguise your love for me," Zelenka said, raising a finger in the air.
"Goddamn it," Rodney said. He scowled, thinking of Lucius resting comfortably in that prison cell, knowing he'd ruined Rodney's life. "That idiotic, monkey-brained, uncivilized witch doctor. I bet this was all part of his plan."
"Yes," Zelenka said seriously, "first he will turn Rodney McKay gay, and then the galaxy will be his. I have often considered that very plan."
"You can't tell anyone about this," Rodney said.
Zelenka snorted. "Who would I tell?" Rodney glared until Zelenka lowered his head shamefully. "Yes, fine."
"McKay?" came a familiar -- and annoying -- voice at the doorway, and Rodney went cold all over.
"What are you doing here?" Rodney demanded.
"Just making sure you guys were okay. Hanging in there, buddy?" Sheppard asked, eyes wide and full of fake concern. Rodney wished that cold had killed him. He'd been making fun of them for hours; he'd even laughed while Rodney had pitifully cried because they'd taken away the man he thought he'd loved. "You're not having any urges to see if Lucius's okay, right? Maybe wanting to sneak down there and longingly press your hand against the glass?"
Rodney said sourly, "No, asshole. Holding cells don't have glass. Don't you have better things to do than to harass me?"
"I'm on break," Sheppard said. He leaned against the doorframe. "Thought I'd stop by and see who was still carving Lucius's name into their arms."
Rodney snorted. "What kind of disturbing teenagehood did you have, Colonel? Oh hey, is that why you wear that stupid wristband?"
"May I see your scars?" Zelenka asked.
Sheppard glowered. "I'm going to go make fun of Ronon some more. You should see his face whenever I bring up Teyla wanting to marry Lucius. Although he says he's not sorry for shooting me, for some reason."
"I can't imagine why not," Rodney said sarcastically.
Sheppard stepped out the door. "See you guys," he said, leaning into the lab, and then he raised a clenched fist to his heart. "Rodney, be strong."
"I hate you," Rodney seethed. When he was sure Sheppard was truly gone, he turned back to Zelenka. "I hate that man."
"You love him," Zelenka said carelessly, and Rodney felt a rush of terror and rage so powerful he felt like his head was going to explode, and then he realized he was just biting down on his tongue.
Rodney thought about Sheppard's cocky swagger and mocking smirk, laughing at them for being under Lucius's spell, when he had no idea, no idea, what a humiliating experience that had been. Especially since Sheppard seemed to think he was too cool for school now. It was infuriating.
"I still have a sample of the chemical," Rodney said quietly. "We'll see what happens when the straightest person in Atlantis gets a whiff of the new and improved Dr Rodney McKay."
"I thought Ronon had already received the antidote?" Zelenka asked.
"I meant Sheppard," Rodney said, exasperated.
Zelenka frowned. "I don't think you have thought this plan through."
But Rodney was excited now. He chuckled to himself. "Imagine Sheppard on his knees, worshiping me in the manner I deserve. That'll show him. Oh, he'll get what's coming to him."
"This conversation is making me uncomfortable," Zelenka said.
*
When it came down to it, Rodney was a petty, petty man. He had accepted this about himself long ago, much in the same way he accepted most of the science he had learned at university had no practical application in a universe of stargates.
Carson had taken all of Lucius' magical mystery weed and disposed of it, but the bottle and its contents were still on Rodney's lab bench, right where he'd left them before he was manhandled by Ronon.
Unfortunately, the lab was full when he went to retrieve it, so he had to make a show of pointing out Opticon's latest mathematical error while discreetly pocketing the bottle. When the fight broke out between Zelenka, Opticon, and Thorne, he slipped out.
In his quarters, he held the bottle of the clear liquid up to the light, making sure there was enough for him to swallow. There was just enough there to humiliate Sheppard for a couple of hours.
"Bottoms up," he murmured, raising it to let a few drops fall on his tongue. It was one of the foulest things he'd ever put in his mouth, and that included Teyla's weird turtle soup thing. He dug around until he found an old, warm bottle of fruit punch on the floor under his desk, and he chugged it down. He didn't know how old that juice was, but it almost got rid of the burning. This was exactly why didn't drink.
Once he finished gagging, he stared at the now-empty bottle in his hand.
"Oh," he said to himself, "I probably shouldn't have done that."
*
He was casually looking for Sheppard while pretending like he wasn't when his radio came to life, and Sergeant Campbell said, "Dr McKay, you're needed in the briefing room."
Rodney was, it seemed, the last one to know there was a meeting taking place; he'd known they were going to send Lucius back to his homeworld eventually, but no one had bothered to give him any sort of time estimate. Apparently there were some problems convincing Lucius to keep his mouth shut about the location of Atlantis.
When he entered the briefing room, Elizabeth and Teyla were sitting together, glaring fiercely at Lucius, who was at Ronon's side. Ronon had one massive hand on his shoulder. Lucius was looking a little terrified.
Sheppard, at Ronon's other side, stopped mid-sentence and stared at Rodney for a long moment. Then he went back to talking to Ronon.
Hmm, Rodney thought, but what he said was, "Colonel," and grabbed his usual seat next to him. He made sure he was sitting close enough for Sheppard to get a big sniff of pheromones.
Sheppard attractively raised an eyebrow. "Rodney," he answered in a tone that was more suspicious than usual.
"How's your cold?"
"Better," Sheppard said, and Rodney noticed he wasn't all nasally anymore. "It's nice to finally be able to breathe again."
Elizabeth was making motions like she was ready to begin. She said, "Obviously, we need to escort Lucius -- Mr Lovin -- back to his homeworld."
"You're too kind, Elizabeth, sweetness," Lucius crooned.
One of her eyebrows rose so high it looked painful. "We also need to give the antidote to the people of his village."
"There's really no need--" Ronon's hand visibly tightened on Lucius's shoulder. He gulped. "Whatever you think is best."
"John?" Elizabeth asked.
"I'm ready to go whenever the rest of my team is," Sheppard said. He leaned back in his seat.
"I am ready," Teyla said quickly.
"Me too, let's go," Ronon replied, pulling Lucius up with him.
Sheppard smirked. "Looks like we're ready to go now."
"My stuff's in my room, if you'll wait a minute," Rodney said.
Sheppard nodded at Teyla and Ronon, who dragged Lucius off somewhere with them. "We can grab it on the way. I need some extra ammo anyway."
When they got to Rodney's quarters, Sheppard followed him right in.
Sheppard grimaced. "Jesus, McKay. It's normally not this bad in here. I thought you were a hypochrondriac," he said, and Rodney snapped, "I'm fine with my own germs, it's everyone else's germs I'm worried about."
When Sheppard bent down and started throwing clothes into the hamper, Rodney was taken aback. Sheppard wasn't the sort of guy who imposed his military corners, leave-no-sock-behind behaviour on other people, so that meant his being nice had to be the potion, even though this was the first real sign of Sheppard behaving strangely. Sheppard was grumbling to himself the entire time, and if the potion was working, he had to be the most disrespectful love slave ever; Rodney specifically remembered lavishing praises upon Lucius.
"Okay, this is pretty nasty," Sheppard said, unearthing a pile of dirty plates.
"Uh, Colonel," Rodney said, beginning to feel just a teeny, tiny bit guilty. He'd wanted Sheppard to follow him around with a goofy, smitten expression and tell everyone how wonderful he was, not clean his room. It was too weird to have Sheppard being himself and doing things for Rodney anyway. It wasn't even funny.
Sheppard blinked at him. "What?"
"It's nothing. Carry on," said Rodney, staring stupidly as Sheppard moved to pick up armfuls of trash. He was still staring when his radio clicked on fifteen minutes later.
*
"Hey, honey, could you loosen these restraints for me?" Lucius asked. "I'm not going to hurt anyone."
"Do not speak to me," Teyla said.
There was a rustle and a loud squeal from the back of the cockpit, and when Rodney turned, Lucius was clutching his bound hands to his chest. It was somewhat gratifying to see him with such a wounded expression.
"If you value your life, you will not touch me again," said Teyla icily.
"If you value your arms, you won't touch her again," Ronon added.
Rodney exchanged glances with Sheppard. "Don't make me come back there," Sheppard said cheerfully.
"There is no 'back here,'" Ronon said. "We're right here."
"I still think there's something wrong with Colonel Sheppard," Lucius said loudly.
"Nevermind," Sheppard grumbled.
*
On the planet, Rodney tripped over a root. No one helped him up. Sheppard didn't even pause his story about how his dad had taken him camping when he was eleven, and how his mom had sent the FBI to look for them after they'd been lost for three days. Rodney mentally put another tally into the 'not completely drugged' category.
He flexed his biceps a little. Sheppard glanced down at them for a brief second, then back at Rodney's face, and asked, "What're you doing?"
"Nothing?" Rodney said. "Why, what did it look like I was doing?"
"Did you sprain something?" Sheppard asked. "Do you need Ronon to give you a back massage?"
"Ronon gives massages?" Rodney asked incredulously. He looked over his shoulder at Ronon, who raised his eyebrows in response. "That's more than a little disturbing."
"He gives 'em to me all the time," Sheppard said.
"Oh yeah, Ronon's back massages are great," Lucius said, beaming at them with one of his stupid, open-mouthed smiles.
"It's a Satedan bonding thing," Ronon explained, shrugging.
"Oh please," Rodney said. "You were trying to get into his pants, weren't you? I knew it."
Ronon scowled ferociously. "I'm the only one on this team who likes women," he said flatly.
"Ronon," Teyla warned.
Rodney sputtered, "What did you just say? I'll have you know, I'm practically heterosexual."
Sheppard looked at him sharply. "Practically?"
"I had a gay experience once," Lucius said thoughtfully. "But I had to tell him, no, Your Majesty, as much as I'd like to share your kingdom, I have my own people to take care of. Ah, yeah. Good times."
"Shut the fuck up," Rodney said.
*
It wasn't like Rodney hadn't been attracted to Sheppard before Lucius. Even when Rodney thought he was so used to Sheppard's face he no longer found him good-looking, Sheppard would want to talk about what went wrong with George Lucas, or how he'd be part of the resistance if real life was like Logan's Run. Really, when he thought about it, Rodney had been fucked the second they'd met.
*
He didn't know why he was surprised when he was finally caught. They would've figured out what was going on sooner if Sheppard had fallen for the potion and declared Rodney his personal god right away, like any normal person.
Sheppard was in his room when he got back from being lectured by Elizabeth, Carson, and his team. Rodney's bed was made, his books were stacked, and his desk was bare, and Sheppard was down to his t-shirt and slacks, on his hands and knees. He didn't want to know where Sheppard had found a Swiffer, and he most certainly didn't want to know why Sheppard thought Rodney cared if the floor under his bed was clean. What he did want to know was what the hell had happened to all his stuff.
"Hey, thanks for cleaning my room, now I can find nothing at all," Rodney said.
Sheppard rolled his eyes, climbing to his feet. "You're welcome." He leaned the Swiffer against the wall and started sorting through the basket of clean clothes Rodney had never gotten around to putting away.
Rodney watched him silently. Eventually, Sheppard noticed. "What's with you?" Sheppard asked.
"What's with you?" Rodney said. "You don't feel weird? Even just a little bit? Is your heart racing? Do you feel the need to be around me at all times? Am I suddenly much hotter than I was before?"
"No, I feel the same as always," Sheppard said slowly.
"You're cleaning my room," Rodney pointed out. He couldn't deal with this.
Sheppard glanced down at the shirt clenched in his hands, and then screwed up his face thoughtfully. "What are you trying to say?"
The thing was, Sheppard should have been finding him irresistible, but either he was immune to it, or he found Rodney irresistible every day, which was absurd.
"I'm saying I used Lucius's potion on you," Rodney said. "Also, I think we should have sex."
Sheppard dropped the shirt. "You what?" he yelled.
"No, I just-- I didn't mean--" Rodney said weakly, feeling sick. "I misinterpreted some things. Can we pretend I didn't say any of that?"
"You drugged me?" Sheppard shouted.
"Oh yeah. That. Let's concentrate on that," Rodney said.
Rodney had always had a fully-developed sense of self-preservation. He was afraid of dying from anaphylactic shock, he was afraid of the Wraith, he was afraid of Ronon's huge muscles, he was afraid of finding someone smarter than himself. But he'd never been scared of Sheppard -- it was hard to be frightened of someone who used Teyla's fighting sticks to pretend he was a Jedi -- not until that very moment, when Sheppard came at him. Reflexively, he threw his hands up to protect his face, shouting, "I take it back, I take it back!" and Sheppard pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him.
"Um," Rodney said. Without thinking, he grabbed Sheppard's hips, so Sheppard wouldn't do something crazy, like get off of him. "This isn't beating me up."
"I don't beat up guys I'm fucking," Sheppard said. "I'm not into that. I mean, unless that's what you like. I'll try anything once."
Rodney's mind blanked out when Sheppard straddled him and started wiggling around a little. "This doesn't make any sense," he protested weakly.
"Sure it does," Sheppard said. "You took the potion because you wanted to sleep with me."
"Actually, I took it because you were being an asshole," he said, and when Sheppard went still, Rodney remembered how much pain he'd been in when he'd thought Lucius had been disappointed in him.
They stared at each other uncomfortably. Sheppard was kind of heavy, and Rodney's erection was probably poking him.
"A sexy asshole," Rodney added.
"Well, as long as I'm sexy," Sheppard said sarcastically.
And that was when Sheppard kissed him.
Their teeth clicked together and Sheppard's nose was kind of big and Rodney felt sweaty and clammy, with this guy sitting on him, but then suddenly he was sucking on Sheppard's tongue and sliding his hands up Sheppard's sides and it was amazing, even though Sheppard was drugged and Rodney was a horrible, horrible person.
"We shouldn't," Rodney said passionately, as Sheppard pressed his face against Rodney's neck. "No," he exclaimed, as Sheppard kissed his jaw. "Okay, if you insist," he said, as Sheppard rocked his hips.
Rodney pushed until Sheppard leaned away from him, looking confused, and Rodney nudged him backwards so he was lying flat, his head off the edge of the bed. Sheppard said, "Hey," and Rodney pulled him towards the metal headboard by his ankles.
"Much better," Rodney murmured, crawling over Sheppard's body.
"Yeah, that's right, push me around," Sheppard said, arching up and wrapping his arms around Rodney's shoulders.
"Jesus Christ," Rodney said. "You're killing the mood."
"Maybe you should restrain me," Sheppard replied huskily.
"Can you not be crazy for fifteen minutes?" Rodney asked. Settling his weight on his calves, he pulled Sheppard's hands off his shoulders and pressed them against the mattress. Sheppard smirked, and Rodney may not have been able to label that feeling blooming in his chest, but he recognized the heat pooling in his belly. He bent down and kissed the corner of Sheppard's mouth.
Sheppard wrestled his hands away and started undoing Rodney's belt. "Take this off." Rodney kissed his neck instead. "You're so-- God, that's good. We're so good together. We're great together. Why haven't we done this before?"
"Because apparently you needed a love potion to lower your inhibitions," Rodney said. "Christ, and I thought I'd be the talkative one."
He spread his legs, shoving down his pants with one hand. Then he ripped out Sheppard's Batman utility belt and tossed it on the floor. It was easy to pull Sheppard's grey slacks down over his hips without unbuttoning them, and then his boxers, and it was just as easy to tug Sheppard's shirt over his head, running his hands up Sheppard's arms while Sheppard shivered, pressing himself into them.
"Tell me what you want," he said, kissing Sheppard's cheek, the pointed tip of his nose. Rodney needed him to see this wasn't a one night stand for him, magic potion or no magic potion. He stroked Sheppard's waist, and Sheppard gazed at him intensely, face softening.
"I want you to come on my face," Sheppard said.
"What?" Rodney asked, horrified. "No, no. I watched bukkake in university once. It wasn't that great. Also, have you ever had that shit on your eyelids before? You have to put soap on your eye before they come unstuck! Do you like anything, say, normal and not creepy?"
"Come on my face," Sheppard repeated in a low tone, slowly sliding his leg over Rodney's hip. He pressed his heel into the small of Rodney's back.
"Christ," Rodney hissed.
"You can fuck me first," Sheppard said.
"Oh, well, in that case." Tentatively, he put a hand on the bed next to Sheppard's head, and the other hand on Sheppard's cock, which was warm and kind of wet. It was a little strange to be jacking someone else off. Sheppard let out a small moan and his head dropped sideways, his warm breath hitting Rodney's hand.
"Yeah, yeah, come on, fuck me, come on, do it," Sheppard said in a rush.
"Stop talking while I'm trying to make love to you," Rodney snapped. He fished under the mattress to find the nearly-empty bottle of lube; he'd brought it to use with the ladies, yet he'd only used it on himself. "Do you have any condoms?"
"Tac vest, back left pocket," Sheppard said.
"Of course," Rodney grumbled. He meant, "Of course you carry condoms with you offworld," but Sheppard said, "Hey, don't look at me, it's not like I put it over there intentionally."
The vest was sitting on the floor by the door, along with Sheppard's jacket and his tac holster. He felt stupid crossing the room naked, with his hard on hanging out, and Sheppard cracked up. He was still laughing when Rodney bounced back on the bed, kissing him until Sheppard sighed into his mouth.
"Can we do it like this?" Rodney asked. "I, um. It's possible I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing."
"Yeah," Sheppard said, "but it'll be easier like this." He rolled over, and damn, Sheppard had a nice back. "You're not going to ask if I've ever done this before?"
Rodney snorted. "Do you really think I want to talk about the other people you've slept with right now?" He licked a long line up Sheppard's spine. Sheppard's skin was salty, and Rodney liked the way the bumps of his vertebrae felt against his tongue. He fumbled with the lubricant, popping open the cap with his thumb, and squirted some onto his first two fingers.
He'd never been in this particular situation before, but he had a pretty good idea where to start, especially when Sheppard started moaning, "Jesus," and moving his hips in time to the stroking of Rodney's fingers. It was hot. It was so fucking hot. Rodney could have come just from watching that.
"Fuck, oh fuck, McKay, stop messing around and fuck me already," Sheppard cursed. He flexed around Rodney's fingers, and a hot flash made Rodney shudder.
"I'm trying to rape you gently, you ungrateful lunatic," Rodney said.
"Call me a cheap slut," Sheppard insisted breathily.
He rolled on the condom. "If this wasn't so hot, it would be terrifying. Where'd you learn all this, a Jenna Jameson movie?"
He pulled Sheppard up a little more, spreading Sheppard's legs apart with his knee. Rodney pushed into him, carefully at first, and then harder. It was tight and hot, and he panted, open-mouthed, against the back of Sheppard's neck. With his right hand, he groped until it bumped Sheppard's cock. He wrapped his palm around it, jerking, and he could feel Sheppard coming from the inside out, the way he shuddered and gasped, and he went at it harder, faster, and then that was it, he was done.
*
When Rodney threw the condom on the floor, Sheppard half-leaned off the bed and said, "Hey, I just cleaned that."
"Oh my God," Rodney said, "I just raped you, didn't I. I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me? I am sick in the head."
He scrambled into a sitting position, throat closing up. "I'm just as bad as Lucius, with his evil, gay-making potion. I totally date-raped you!"
"Yeah, probably," Sheppard drawled. "I couldn't say no. That was so hot."
He rested his chin on Rodney's shoulder. His lips were a little puffy and Rodney could feel his heartbeat racing, but he was glowing and languid. Only Sheppard could be this unbearably attractive after having been coerced into sex.
"Are you going to kill me when the drug leaves your system?" Rodney asked. "Or have Ronon kill me, rather. Or-- I'll turn myself in to Elizabeth. Right after I shower. And maybe eat some lunch. You're not hurt, are you? Did I hurt you?"
"I was a little hurt you wouldn't come on my face," Sheppard said.
"I'm trying to have a serious talk about your sexual assult here," Rodney snapped.
"Look, if it makes you feel better, next time you can do whatever I tell you to do, okay?"
"Next time?" Rodney repeated dumbly. He watched as Sheppard's expression grew worried. That feeling of terror settled in his chest again, along with something that might have been wonder. "Holy crap. This is you normal. You have a-- a thing for me."
"I do not," Sheppard said shiftily. "You know, actually, I am feeling a little raped."
"You thought I was amazing even before I took the potion," Rodney said, and this time when he thought about it, it didn't seem crazy.
Sheppard pulled the sheets back and stood. "I'm going to get something to eat."
Rodney wrestled into his clothes. "You would've done this even without the drug, wouldn't you?"
"I think it's mac and cheese day," Sheppard said.
Rodney followed him out into the corridor. "You have a filthy mouth, I like that," he said to Sheppard as they passed Major Lorne, and Lorne threw him an odd look. Whatever; it wasn't like he was so desperate as to care what Lorne thought about him.
"So you're really okay?" he asked when they were in line.
"Rodney, I'm fine," Sheppard said, sounding irritated.
They took their seats. "When can we do it again?" Rodney asked. He made sure to keep his voice low. "I mean, if you're sure you're not traumatized. Except maybe this time you can keep your disgusting fantasies to yourself. You haven't let other people do those things to you, have you? Wait, on second thought, I don't want to know."
Sheppard's eyes narrowed. "I think the potion's wearing off. Suddenly I find you a lot more annoying."
"It's nice to know you consider it rape when it's convenient for you," Rodney said.
Rolling his eyes, Sheppard reached towards Rodney's tray. Rodney smacked his hand. "Do you mind? Those are my french fries."
"It was my innocence," said Sheppard sadly.
"Take the fucking fries," Rodney said.
*
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The title is a line from Justin Timberlake's "Sexyback." Don't be a hater.
Thanks to kickthebeat for being awesome. She did a lot to make this story all come together.