i write when i'm unhappy

[eleytheria]

-
behavior

one day i decided
to be simple
but not uncluttered
to try to try not to try
(oh my, this lie, crysighdie)for every little recognition

Comments

[ex_glomobiu]

This is the first poem of yours that I've really liked in a while.

Unasked for crit:I feel like the interjection (oh my, this lie, crysighdie) takes away from the meter and beauty of the rest of it; also, crysighdie reads a bit juvenile compared to the rest of 'Behaviour'. Other than that, nice.

[ex_glomobiu]

That line is a bit more juvenile than the rest, but it is also italicized to set it apart. Kind of symbolic. Behavior has those interjections of the juvenile, especially when we're trying to change or understand it. The line emphasizes the frustration that would otherwise have to be left subliminal.

No expert commentary; just my 2 cents.

-earthmother

[xlights_outx]

i really like it. well done.

being unhappy sucks, and it appears to have attacked all of my friends[myself included] this past week.

blah.

are you going home this weekend?

[darkened_corner]

well then, i spose its a good thing that you dont post all that often! :)

[suzi42]

Me likie.

That reminds me... We've been reading poetry in CW and this girl in my class wrote a poem and it reminded me of you/your writing. You must remind me to let you read it.

[taidhe]

I think I might agree with Juli on liesighdie (Not totally convinced, though), but the beauty of those last five lines is *amazing*. I love it.