On punishing

[elf_master]

Punishment is not a common event in our relationship. As we've said in the past, elf is only punished when I'm displeased by something she's done *and* I would have had her do something different if I'd had the chance to tell her. This means there are no punishments for impossible circumstances. There is no punishment for taking the choice I'd

Comments

[neenerface]

That was a beautifully written piece. I often wish my own Master could communicate like this to me. He does verbally, but I often find written word to be much more fulfilling.

[strwbrysmoothy]

I honestly feel that it makes no sense to punish her first and then communicate later. You need to allow her to have a say, so you can understand what she was thinking when she was doing what she was doing. This way there is no miscommunication, and later on you don't feel horrible for punishing her for something that wasn't even as serious as you thought it was. If, after she explains herself, you still feel a punishment is neccessary= then definitely. But punishing someone without letting them have a say what happened sort of defeats the purpose of communication in my eyes. That's the whole point of "innocent until proven guilty"

you two seem like you have an amazing relationship- that's so beautiful-- good luck! :)

[elf_master]

"innocent until proven guilty"I just have to address this first - my relationship is not the US judicial system

[chgowiz]

Actually, in thinking about it, I have no right to comment and really, my thoughts aren't applicable. I've deleted my comment.

I feel really uncomfortable talking or suggesting things to people about D/s, BDSM now because I feel like I have no frame of reference or similarities to what I see other people doing. I can't relate anymore. Please don't take this as some sort of judgement on you guys, it's more my realization that I should keep my mouth shut and just be concerned with what works for me and what I want.

Good luck with you both.

[elf_master]

I have no right to comment

It appears that I forget to include an explicit "please comment". However, LJ has facilities for prohibiting comments, and I didn't use them. In other words, I posted a bunch of questions on a publicly available web page precisely so I could get comments!

In particular, I find you to be thoughtful and well spoken (or rather well written I suppose). I'd love to get your thoughts and opinions on this and other matters. Yes you will speak only from your frame of reference. But perhaps there is something in that which I find applicable and which I can learn from.

I should keep my mouth shut

I hope you won't - I'd like to hear what you have to say. Here or elsewhere.

[babalon_it]

my Signore has a communication fetish. so do i. we'll talk and talk and talk and write and write and write... and then talk some more. we talk things to death