Comments | elfhawk: Sundered Faith, Part Two (2/2)

elfhawk

Sundered Faith, Part Two (2/2)

Dec 03, 2010 08:30

Because of the fact I hadn't really planned for section 2, it's the shortest of the bunch and leads directly into the next.
Updated 12/06/11
( In which Carmen and Athena prove they are hippies. )

writing

Comments 17

carmenwoods November 30 2010, 01:48:33 UTC

I was expecting the OH NOES to be an enraged earth elemental, there to squish the invaders. Very cool twist! Let's hear it for luck and bumbling through with good intentions.

elfhawk November 30 2010, 03:31:18 UTC

I decided the twist would be there was no twist. That there is not a monster every time. But that you're still pretty dumb for doing it.

carmenwoods November 30 2010, 03:34:12 UTC

It was too a kind of twist! "Force of nature wrests itself away from assholes" instead of just "yay, the flower children make it green again!"

Without someone being dumb, nothing exciting would ever happen, of course. Er, which is fun until "exciting" means "dead", I guess. Whoops.

elfhawk November 30 2010, 05:12:26 UTC

Lucky is just another word for 'should have been dead.' You do not survive cross-country treks by being *lucky*. You survive by being *smart*. But it's not really their fault baby nature magic user wishes really loud. What they were doing shouldn't have been able to get anywhere close to the earth spirit. I kind of want to have them wander through eastern Telubra later and see if the contenders for the throne really were all tossed from their horses.

carmenwoods November 30 2010, 01:50:50 UTC

Also, I really love the "land is tied to the ruler" motif. I don't see it used much in fantasy these days, but it's a cool element that even without magic and monsters can give a story that primal "in days of yore" feeling. (It was also a theme in the first McKillip books I read, so it's one that's even dearer to my heart.)

elfhawk November 30 2010, 03:37:31 UTC

I really like the idea of the land/king motif and I always wonder why it's not used past the Fisher King and some Arthurian spin-offs. (The Fisher King, btw, is the reason why this section is labeled The Waste Land. He got squished into Arthurian lore, but everything in Arthurian legend is stolen from the Mabinogion anyway.) It *is* very days of yore. Maybe I just avoid the yore books that use it. (Seeing as how they probably pick up the love interest through fertility rites and I'm a 21st century girl and that makes me throw things.)

carmenwoods November 30 2010, 03:55:32 UTC

McKillip's Riddle-Master trilogy uses a derivative of it (magic of land is available for its ruler's use) though I wouldn't say it's a driving theme there. More of a plot device than something to explore, but it has been awhile since I've read them and I may not be remembering its importance correctly.

Or no, wait, last book involves the hero having to master all the lands, so it's pretty important after all. Whee.

pariahsdream November 30 2010, 06:26:19 UTC

It was used in the "Five Hundred Kingdom" books don't forget. And I like it very much too. I also love the little baby druid being the real cause of the good outcome, very sweet and made me smile even though it'll probably mean he's got a lot of responsibility later in life. Of course the storyteller in me wants to connect his ability to wake the land with possibly being a new ruler to the land. ;P

And I was amused by the linking of the the farmer's older kids watching their younger siblings with Tae being with Petra. I don't think that's what was meant to be implied but it amused me.

Thread 10

tkie December 3 2010, 20:48:45 UTC

This sentence no verb. (Or at least, not enough verbs.)
“I feel fantastic,” the brunette replied, grinning, her eyes still closed. “Like I could [run? dance? jump? frolic?] back to Khoresbar and drive off all those illegal squatter trolls.”

elfhawk December 3 2010, 22:29:08 UTC

I think I was pondering the verb, assumed I'd typed it, and continued on. And then never actually chose a verb.

carmenwoods January 11 2011, 00:44:32 UTC

We're huge in Telubra!

====

Carmen could feel the energy being drawn from the plants as they slowly dwindled in on themselves, becoming (some other word) to being just seeds, with only the potential of for(?) life.

slowingly wearing away the protections

the spirits had made pacts with the elders and leaders of people who inhabited the lands where they were staking out as their own territory.

Telubra was the only country on the entire continent where(?) they hadn't looked for him yet.

People would seek ye out for similar favors for nothing, and that's no way(?) to live.”