I like how you set up a nice visual in your story, from the beginning, with the exterior portrait to the interior, with the fireplace going on and the wrapping paper scattered everywhere.
It feels, though, that it's all cluttered up. You could actually make this piece longer by spreading out the way you describe things. This is what I did when I wrote fics; picture this story as a movie, visualize the way it would all play out and just type all of that up in a word document. When you're done, re-read it and start editing. Clean it up from all the grammer/spelling errors and then have someone beta it. When they return it to you, you'll be able to see the changes that they made.
You should actually continue to write more, it'll help you out in the long run and you'll have an outlet for all your creativity!
I heart you, Jen! Sounds good. Interesting to see how this one differs from the original work I wrote for the group a while back. The visualization part is great advice. Going to work on that. You do know you pretty much just volunteered yourself as my beta now, right? *evil grin* (yeah, no, I know...I didn't end up going to bed -_-)
EEEEE!!! First fanfiction!! LOOK AT YOU! <3 I could make a sassy comment about losing virginity.. but I will not..
It's a wonderful little piece and I agree with the wise lady above that you totally should continue to write. I too, like how you made the reader imagine the setting and the comfortable, cozy atmosphere. An improvement would be to get the right 'flow', which only can achieved through editing.. and editing and most importantly editing xD I often try to write first - not thinking about sentence structure or single words to describe things better - there is still time for that later during the editing process - and just get a first draft of the story I want to tell. That works for me, it may not be the right thing for you though.. and yeah a beta is indeed very useful - always, it doesn't matter how long or how much you write...
I have to say, I'm impressed! For a first fic, this is a great start!
I AM STILL WORKING ON LOSI...I mean, yeeeah, popped my fic cherry! (Omg that userpic has me laughing &, urm, well, other things :P)
You guys are awesome *blushes*. Very well! I'll continue forth then. Edit. Edit. EDIT. Got it. Ugh. That's one of my big issues. Even in my academic writing, editing is such a chore. But I fully understand it's importance. Going to take all the advice here critique and apply it. I already have something from while back for WH13, so I will practice the editing on that one :)
And thank you! Not quite the smut we all expected, I know, but I promise I will work on that ;)
Comments 5
I like how you set up a nice visual in your story, from the beginning, with the exterior portrait to the interior, with the fireplace going on and the wrapping paper scattered everywhere.
It feels, though, that it's all cluttered up. You could actually make this piece longer by spreading out the way you describe things. This is what I did when I wrote fics; picture this story as a movie, visualize the way it would all play out and just type all of that up in a word document. When you're done, re-read it and start editing. Clean it up from all the grammer/spelling errors and then have someone beta it. When they return it to you, you'll be able to see the changes that they made.
You should actually continue to write more, it'll help you out in the long run and you'll have an outlet for all your creativity!
-Jen
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It's a wonderful little piece and I agree with the wise lady above that you totally should continue to write. I too, like how you made the reader imagine the setting and the comfortable, cozy atmosphere. An improvement would be to get the right 'flow', which only can achieved through editing.. and editing and most importantly editing xD I often try to write first - not thinking about sentence structure or single words to describe things better - there is still time for that later during the editing process - and just get a first draft of the story I want to tell. That works for me, it may not be the right thing for you though.. and yeah a beta is indeed very useful - always, it doesn't matter how long or how much you write...
I have to say, I'm impressed! For a first fic, this is a great start!
Reply
You guys are awesome *blushes*. Very well! I'll continue forth then. Edit. Edit. EDIT. Got it. Ugh. That's one of my big issues. Even in my academic writing, editing is such a chore. But I fully understand it's importance. Going to take all the advice here critique and apply it. I already have something from while back for WH13, so I will practice the editing on that one :)
And thank you! Not quite the smut we all expected, I know, but I promise I will work on that ;)
Reply
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