(no subject)
I am really enjoying reading a newly discovered blog, Bark/Bite
The guy is amazing at debunking myths and defining problems of patriarchy. So many things that I was uneasy or confused about make so much sense after I read his posts. So. YAY!
Something I thought of when I was reading his thoughts on gang rape and mentality that makes "otherwise decent people" commit atrocities. He's made a great point by referencing Milgram experiment and it made me remember some things.
The scapegoat mentality, the outing one person and ganging up on one was a huge part of life in USSR. In school, I remember how our teacher would single out one kid, call him or her up to the front of the class, and say, "So, children, what do you have to say about So-and-So?" At first, everyone would sort of mumble, so then she'd "help out" by starting with some bit of praise, and just when the kid breathed a sigh of relief, she'd go, "BUT! He/she does have some problems, like his/her blah-blah." And that would start a squall - everyone would chime in about how that kid wasn't a really good friend to classmates ('cause hey, they were being such good friends for demolishing the kid's feeling of self-worth) or BAD at writing and all the shit you can come up with at 8-9 years old. They started us young.
I remember that very vividly, because apparently I wasn't indoctrinated enough. When I tuned into class discussion one time (I was usually tuning out when it was a "social" discussion in class, because of my shyness), and realized that the kid in question was a pretty bad student and not the best behaving kid, but he was generally a kind boy and his problem was that his dad was an alcoholic who dropped his family like a hot potato, and his blue-collar working mother did not have anyone to look after him, so he grew like a weed in the field.
So, I raised my hand and said that I didn't think he was as awful as everyone painted him, and how he did have friends (where are you guys now) and how he was a nice guy and would own up to his mischief.
Oooooh, shit, did that unleash my teacher's wrath. The kid was forgotten and all my trespasses were trotted out... My bad handwriting (you try writing with an ink pen with left hand! It'll smear, too!), my "snobbery" (it's snobby to know how to read by the time you go to school and thus are bored when other kids are struggling) and AUGH.... The hurt pride and bruised ego of an A student and a "nice girl" who never had a problem at school.
That was when my mom told me about the Milgram experiment. She was pretty impressed that I did that, though I think it's majorly because of how she raised me and my brother - ALWAYS keep your promises and NEVER lie and do the RIGHT thing because, well, it's the RIGHT thing to do. She taught by example.
I remember how in high school, the harshest punishment a class leader (kinda like a godfather) could inflict upon a kid they didn't like was boycott. The kid in question would be ignored. Literally - no one would talk to him/her, no one would answer his/her questions, no one would lend anything, NOTHING. Like they weren't there. It is really tough to be on the recieving end when you're 15. PRetty much after several days of this, the kid would be reduced to an emotional wreck. After a week, the leader might lift the boycott if they felt the kid had learned their lesson.
Anyone who broke boycott would be boycotted as well. The teachers generally did not get involved, though I did have one who was really Old School (tm) and would have no noncense in her class. She was really cool and strict but just and fun if you behaved, and I adored her. In her class, people didn't dare boycott anyone. It wasn't that noticeable, in any case, because we don't interact during class anyway.
The one time it happened in my class, I "followed the leader" for a day, then got fed up with that, went home, WEEPED to my mom about WTF, and what should I do, and how I hate the girl who's being boycotted but it's still wrong and OMG WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOO!!!!
It was a good ol' teenage Angst Tantrum (tm). Or maybe not. In any case, my mom told me that it's up to me how to act, and that I always had a choice - to be like "them" and be part of the crowd, or stay true to my principles and most likely to be alone. And I thought... but why would I want to be like "them"?
Next day I started talking to that girl (even though she WAS annoying like hell, though insanely grateful and bewildered). Interesting thing was, I was the go-to person to copy homework and help cheat on the tests. Sooooo, the ringleaders had to consider the consequences of boycotting me long-term. The boycott was lifted a day or two later. I still crack up when I think about that. They were the calmest two days of my life - no one bugging me to copy homework, no one poking me during quizzes and tests, no feelings of guilt at not doing all 3 versions of the test, vs. just the one assigned to my row...
I guess I didn't become strange, I was already that way waaaaay back when.
The guy is amazing at debunking myths and defining problems of patriarchy. So many things that I was uneasy or confused about make so much sense after I read his posts. So. YAY!
Something I thought of when I was reading his thoughts on gang rape and mentality that makes "otherwise decent people" commit atrocities. He's made a great point by referencing Milgram experiment and it made me remember some things.
The scapegoat mentality, the outing one person and ganging up on one was a huge part of life in USSR. In school, I remember how our teacher would single out one kid, call him or her up to the front of the class, and say, "So, children, what do you have to say about So-and-So?" At first, everyone would sort of mumble, so then she'd "help out" by starting with some bit of praise, and just when the kid breathed a sigh of relief, she'd go, "BUT! He/she does have some problems, like his/her blah-blah." And that would start a squall - everyone would chime in about how that kid wasn't a really good friend to classmates ('cause hey, they were being such good friends for demolishing the kid's feeling of self-worth) or BAD at writing and all the shit you can come up with at 8-9 years old. They started us young.
I remember that very vividly, because apparently I wasn't indoctrinated enough. When I tuned into class discussion one time (I was usually tuning out when it was a "social" discussion in class, because of my shyness), and realized that the kid in question was a pretty bad student and not the best behaving kid, but he was generally a kind boy and his problem was that his dad was an alcoholic who dropped his family like a hot potato, and his blue-collar working mother did not have anyone to look after him, so he grew like a weed in the field.
So, I raised my hand and said that I didn't think he was as awful as everyone painted him, and how he did have friends (where are you guys now) and how he was a nice guy and would own up to his mischief.
Oooooh, shit, did that unleash my teacher's wrath. The kid was forgotten and all my trespasses were trotted out... My bad handwriting (you try writing with an ink pen with left hand! It'll smear, too!), my "snobbery" (it's snobby to know how to read by the time you go to school and thus are bored when other kids are struggling) and AUGH.... The hurt pride and bruised ego of an A student and a "nice girl" who never had a problem at school.
That was when my mom told me about the Milgram experiment. She was pretty impressed that I did that, though I think it's majorly because of how she raised me and my brother - ALWAYS keep your promises and NEVER lie and do the RIGHT thing because, well, it's the RIGHT thing to do. She taught by example.
I remember how in high school, the harshest punishment a class leader (kinda like a godfather) could inflict upon a kid they didn't like was boycott. The kid in question would be ignored. Literally - no one would talk to him/her, no one would answer his/her questions, no one would lend anything, NOTHING. Like they weren't there. It is really tough to be on the recieving end when you're 15. PRetty much after several days of this, the kid would be reduced to an emotional wreck. After a week, the leader might lift the boycott if they felt the kid had learned their lesson.
Anyone who broke boycott would be boycotted as well. The teachers generally did not get involved, though I did have one who was really Old School (tm) and would have no noncense in her class. She was really cool and strict but just and fun if you behaved, and I adored her. In her class, people didn't dare boycott anyone. It wasn't that noticeable, in any case, because we don't interact during class anyway.
The one time it happened in my class, I "followed the leader" for a day, then got fed up with that, went home, WEEPED to my mom about WTF, and what should I do, and how I hate the girl who's being boycotted but it's still wrong and OMG WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOO!!!!
It was a good ol' teenage Angst Tantrum (tm). Or maybe not. In any case, my mom told me that it's up to me how to act, and that I always had a choice - to be like "them" and be part of the crowd, or stay true to my principles and most likely to be alone. And I thought... but why would I want to be like "them"?
Next day I started talking to that girl (even though she WAS annoying like hell, though insanely grateful and bewildered). Interesting thing was, I was the go-to person to copy homework and help cheat on the tests. Sooooo, the ringleaders had to consider the consequences of boycotting me long-term. The boycott was lifted a day or two later. I still crack up when I think about that. They were the calmest two days of my life - no one bugging me to copy homework, no one poking me during quizzes and tests, no feelings of guilt at not doing all 3 versions of the test, vs. just the one assigned to my row...
I guess I didn't become strange, I was already that way waaaaay back when.