(no subject)
Childish Things, Part Ten
Although Giles could understand why Angel wanted the children kept in the house after what had happened to Wesley, after three days of being cooped up indoors, Gunn and Cordelia seemed on the point of internally combusting. Nor was it easy to research when there was a frustrated four year old charging around the house making fire engine noises. Or possibly police siren noises. Giles wasn’t sure. Pinching the bridge of his nose he looked across the kitchen table at Wesley who also seemed to be fighting a headache.
Giles had brought a supply of Jaffa cakes, chocolate hob nobs and English Breakfast tea to try to alleviate some of the tedium of their task, but the general sense of uproar in the house which Gunn seemed to be creating almost single-handed was definitely taking a toll.
“Perhaps if Buffy went with them…?” Giles suggested.
“Slayer strength.” Wesley nodded. “And Xander is pretty good in a fight.”
“Willow and Tara have those witch powers, which aren’t to be sneezed at.”
“No.” Angel wandered into the kitchen, drinking blood from a container as he did so.
“They’re really bored, Angel,” Wesley protested. “And Gunn’s only four, you can’t expect him to stay indoors all the time.” He didn’t add that he couldn’t imagine the adult Gunn being happy staying indoors for four days either, but it was true. The man was used to keeping himself going on a few hours sleep and whatever food could be ‘liberated’ from market stalls, and he still had the energy to fight vampires and usually beat Wesley at Risk afterwards. Hyped up on sugar and confined to a house, even the adult Gunn would have been scaling the walls by now; his four year old self must be ready to spontaneously combust.
“All you have to do is look in the mirror to see why he should be staying indoors all the time.”
Wesley grimaced and put a hand up to his still multi-coloured cheekbone. “They’re just so fed up.”
“Which is why we’re taking them out.” Buffy came into the kitchen and gave Angel her best ‘brooking no argument’ glare. “We’re taking them to the fairground, a public place where anyone trying to snatch them would get arrested. This solves the problem of your children destroying my house, of them both going insane with boredom, and Wesley and Giles having permanent migraines from having to work with a constant din in the background.”
“They’re my kids and...”
“And you’re completely paranoid,” Xander told him, coming in behind Buffy. “And therefore we’re temporarily declaring you an unfit parent and taking the children into protective fun custody.”
“Why can’t we take them this evening when the sun’s gone down?” Angel looked sulky but Giles had a feeling he was about to crack. Even he couldn’t be kidding himself that a hyperactive Gunn and a permanently cross Cordelia were having a good time.
“Because Gunn’s too little to stay up late,” Buffy pointed out patiently. “And because they need some time away from you and your constant hovering.”
“I don’t hover!”
“Angel, hovercraft could learn from you,” Xander assured him. “The kids need a break from you and this house, and Giles and Wesley need a break from them. Stay here and guard Wesley from the monsters under the bed while the four of us get the kids some fresh air and ice cream.”
“Ice cream!” Gunn charged into the kitchen and threw himself at Xander who caught him on reflex and sat him on his hip.
“Yes, there may be ice cream. It depends on how well behaved you are.”
“What monsters under the bed? Can I see them? Show me!”
Xander sighed. “Figure of speech, Munchkin Number Three. Although, come to think of it, as we live on a Hellmouth…”
He carried Gunn off as Cordelia ran into the kitchen, saying brightly: “New shoes! I get new shoes!” Giles couldn’t decide if this was the adult Cordelia or the child Cordelia speaking. Gunn seemed to be almost entirely a child but Cordelia vacillated between the two, seeming to depend what mood she was in, whereas Wesley showed his child-like status really only in increased anxiety.
“You’re bribing my children now?” Angel demanded of Willow.
She looked a little sheepish until Wesley marked the place in his book and said, “Gosh, where have I seen that strategy used before?”
“That was different,” Angel said at once.
“How?”
“It just was.”
Willow said, “Just one more pair. Because she has to take care of Gunn.”
Cordelia sighed in her best long suffering fashion. “Even though he’s a little brat.” She looked at Wesley beseechingly. “Don’t you want to leave those stuffy old books for an hour and come with us? Then you could look after him and I could have fun.”
For a moment he looked very tempted and then he put his hand up to his bruised cheekbone, clearly deciding that he would attract too much attention. “I can’t. But maybe I can go another time.”
Cordelia automatically straightened the cuff of his shirt. “You’re being a really boring kid, Wes.”
“Well, how else am I going to grow up into a really boring adult? It takes practise, you know.”
She touched his bruised cheekbone gently. “Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed…”
They grinned at one another and Giles thought how remarkably similar they looked with their dark hair, long lean limbs and perfect teeth. “At least you get to avoid the hell of dating for a few more years,” Wesley pointed out.
“I ruled at dating,” she reminded. “I was the dating queen.”
“You went out with Xander.”
She slapped him lightly on the arm. “That was an aberration!”
“You went out with me.”
“Rebound insanity.” She touched her hair, checking to see it was properly in place. “Now, if you’d just learned to kiss a little earlier, not to mention worn those leather pants to work a few times…”
“You would still eventually have come to your senses,” Wesley told her good-humouredly.
“You’re much less snippy as a kid,” she observed.
“I have to be. Everyone’s bigger than me.”
She hugged him, resting her cheek against his briefly. “When we’re big again I think we should go and chop up a nasty smelly demon into little bitty pieces just because we can.”
“It’s a date,” he assured her.
She peered at the book he was reading. “You know I have complete faith in you and Giles to reverse this, right?”
“I know.”
“But, just to help you focus… If we stay kids Angel is going to send us to summer school for every single subject in which we don’t get an ‘A’, and he’s going to make us learn an instrument each. I think I get the violin, you get the cello, and Gunn gets the saxophone. He’s also talking about ballet being good for boys and girls because it helps with coordination.”
“It does,” Angel protested.
Wesley rolled his eyes at Cordelia. “Oh yes, let me just walk from my cello lesson to my ballet lesson past the line of boys queuing to beat me to a pulp.”
“And as the sister of the boy with the cello, the glasses, and the ballet lessons how uncool would I be?” Cordelia said in wonder.
“And we’d have to stay late every single evening waiting for it to get dark so Angel could pick us up - which wouldn’t be a problem because no doubt Gunn would be in detention every single evening for fighting people who’d pointed out that his adopted brother was a sissy and his adopted sister was an airhead.”
Cordelia smacked Wesley on the arm. “No, I'm not.”
“We’re talking about nasty bullying boys of low character and poor perception,” Wesley rubbed his arm. “And…ow.”
Giles said gently, “We’re going to reverse this, children, I promise.”
“Please,” Cordelia gave him a begging look. “I mean I love you all, and Tara and Willow - best moms ever - but I had a life. It was a life that sucked, admittedly, and involved me having lots of blinding headaches and lonely evenings in with Phantom Dennis, my slightly neurotic ghost, but it was my life and I want it back. Even the sucky parts.” She looked at Angel over her shoulder. “And I am not learning the violin.”
“What about the piano?” Angel pleaded. “You could all have piano lessons.”
She took a hob nob from Wesley’s plate and said, “Give it up, Angel. We’re not going to be perfect children out of some perfect child manual. We’re going to be us. Wesley is going to be a geeky kid with no friends who drops things and has anxiety attacks about his grades, I'm going to be spoilt and shallow yet bewitchingly pretty and with perfect hair, and Gunn’s going to be a juvenile delinquent. Deal.” She gave Angel a dazzling smile and then took Willow’s hand. “Shall we go?”
“Juvenile delinquent…?” Angel echoed.
“Oh yes, I forgot you weren’t there when Detective Lockley was reading out Gunn’s rap sheet. Quite an impressive document.” Wesley took a sip of his tea. “But I'm sure we’ll never be short of hubcaps.”
“Are you dissing my munchkin?” Xander demanded, coming back into the room, still carrying Gunn. “And are you to ready to go, Princess Cordissima?”
“He’s my munchkin,” Angel protested.
“Dawn’s munchkin I’d say,” Buffy observed, coming into the room. “And I think she has a wooden stake somewhere that proves it.”
“I hate the way they all fight over Gunn,” Cordelia pouted.
“Just be grateful someone else wants him.” Wesley bent back to his research. “Otherwise you and I would be stuck with him all the time.” As the little boy looked hurt, Wesley hastily amended: “I mean ‘stuck with’ in its most positive sense.”
Gunn curled up against Xander’s chest, keeping a hurt expression on his face and continuing to gaze at Wesley reproachfully. Giles wondered if Wesley, as a child himself - of sorts - might prove better at standing up against this onslaught, but Wesley proved himself to be a pushover by immediately looking stricken and saying, “Oh, Charles, you know I didn’t mean it. Of course Cordelia and I both love you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Cordy muttered but then as Gunn transferred the reproachful gaze to her, crumpled almost as fast as Wesley, hurrying over to where Xander was holding him and holding up her arms. “Let me carry him.”
“He’s too heavy for you, Cord,” Xander assured her. “Why don’t you hold my hand though and we can go on out to the car…”
Giles waited with what he felt was remarkable patience for Buffy to get herself, Willow, Tara, Xander and their two young charges out of the door. It seemed to involve a lot of last minute clothing changes by everyone female, a great deal of dithering about whether or not coats would be necessary which he would have thought quite reasonable in England but which seemed laughable in Southern California, many reassurances to Cordelia that the clips in her hair did not make her look silly, and that her hair was indeed in perfect order. Then there were the excessive amounts of fussing from Angel about them knowing where the nearest hospitals were and how to get to them, not to mention assurances that everyone was well versed in the Heimlich Manoeuvre and that they would call him at once if there was any trouble.
While they were getting out of the door, Wesley had almost knocked over a vase on his way to the bathroom, Gunn had demanded chocolate, and almost come to blows with Cordelia about whether they were buying her shoes first or taking him to the fairground. That Cordelia had won had probably surprised no one. Cuteness could only carry a small boy so far, and when it came to shoes she was immovable. Xander had bribed Gunn away from a temper tantrum with the demanded chocolate - which the little boy had then done his best to get on Cordelia’s new dress, involving much changing of seating in the car to keep them apart and safe.
As the door finally closed, Giles looked up at Angel. “I think you had better accept now that Cordelia was absolutely right and Wesley will always be clumsy and anxious, Cordelia will always be spoilt and demanding, and Gunn will blatantly manipulate everyone around him by being ‘cute’ at every opportunity.”
“Cordelia isn’t spoilt any more. Not very anyway,” Angel returned defensively. “And Gunn is a really well adjusted guy who just likes to mix it up with demons and stake a few vampires before bedtime. And Wesley isn’t that anxious any more. And he doesn’t knock as many things over these days either.”
“Oh, really?” Giles turned back to his books. “Sounds as if we’d all have a much easier time if they were adults then. Not to mention saving a fortune in chocolate.”
“Gunn still likes chocolate.” Wesley came back in and clambered up onto his kitchen chair. “Cordy still likes shoes. I still dream I have a test the next day and I haven’t studied for it. We can reach the light switches a lot more easily though.”
“Presumably Angel is slightly less neurotic about you, too?” Giles suggested.
Wesley shrugged. “About me and Gunn, yes. But he did chop someone’s hand off for trying to thwart him getting a cure for Cordelia.”
“You think I wouldn’t chop someone’s hand off for you?” Angel demanded, hurt.
Wesley glanced up at him in mild concern. “Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like a ritual dismemberment?”
“Hey, you weren’t there when Cordy and I were going crazy trying to work out where Faith had taken you.”
“No,” said Wesley patiently. “I was busy being tied to a chair and tortured by the woman for whom you later bought doughnuts.”
There was an uncomfortable silence before Giles said with a shrug, “One of the crosses a Watcher has to bear, Wesley. Buffy was quick enough to buy pig’s blood for the person who tortured me too. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about us.”
“Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pile on the guilt from time to time either,” Wesley murmured as he reapplied himself to the book in front of him.
“Giles, you know I… Wes, I was only trying to…” Angel slumped into the chair despondently. “So, is there any particularly dull research you want me to do?”
They both reached for a green-leather-bound volume and pushed it towards him. “‘Properties of the orbs of Demonica’,” Giles observed.
“It’s a page turner.” Wesley turned a page of his own book.
“Where’s the orb to compare with the illustrations?” Angel enquired.
“Smashed.” Wesley looked up. “But you remember how it looked?”
“I saw it for about ten seconds before you all got turned into children.”
“The orb itself doesn’t matter that much I don’t think. Just the properties of orbs in general when used in conjunction with this amulet.” Giles turned the page of his own book. “What we’re trying to work out is how the spell was cast, and presumably the person who sent both must have had some kind of precedent for his or her spell casting. Somewhere there has to be a reference to using that amulet with the orb that was smashed to achieve the result that you witnessed.”
“And how the person who sent the amulet and orb guaranteed it would be cast,” Wesley added. “That’s the stumbling block so far.”
“Why?”
Giles marked the page of the book he was reading. “According to all the reports Wesley and I have found, the particular amulet that was sent to you is weak in magical properties unless activated by the blood of an unclean. We’ve both tried handling it and although it does have a rough edge at the moment we’re not clear how it managed to cut you right on cue.”
“Maybe it’s made to only cut vampires?” Angel suggested.
Wesley handed it over. “I suppose you could try it and see.”
Angel gingerly picked up the amulet and then as nothing happened, grasped it more firmly. He tried it with the other hand, then took it in his right again. Then shrugged. “Nothing.”
Giles sighed. “I knew it couldn’t be that easy. More research then.”
Wesley nodded and turned another page. “Lucky for us that research is such a pulse racer.”
Giles also nodded. “Absolutely.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Angel slump despondently in his chair and turn another page of his big dull book.
Three hours later
“I'm going cross-eyed,” Wesley sighed.
Giles also looked up from the book and tried to ease a particularly painful crick out of his neck. “Let’s recap what we have so far.”
Angel closed his own book. “There are far too many orbs in the world and they all look the same.”
“Yes, thank you, Angel. Most instructive.” Giles turned to his other research assistant. “Wesley?”
The little boy sat back in his chair, eyes serious behind his glasses. “The amulet sent to Angel is weak in magical properties. The orb sent to me seems to have been stronger in magical properties but is still only a focusing orb - a means of channelling a magical spell and directing it, much like a crystal. What I'm not finding is any specific spell trigger.”
“Exactly.” Giles nodded. “Angel’s blood activated the amulet, the orb focused the power of the amulet, but where does the actual spell come from?”
“The carvings in the amulet?” Angel suggested.
Wesley shook his head. “We’ve already double checked them against the illustrations of the amulet in several reference books and they’re the standard markings, as one would buy them in any magic shop. Willow did a revealing spell last night to try and see if there were any hidden sigils and there was nothing. This appears to be a perfectly ordinary amulet with nothing unusual about it.”
“What’s really perplexing me is how the person who sent it could have known it would have the effect it did?” Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them. “How could he have known you and Angel would open your parcels at the same time and in the same place? You might have been out on a case. You might have taken your parcel home with you to open in your flat.”
“What would have happened then?” Angel pressed.
Wesley shrugged. “Nothing as far as we can tell. You would have had a pretty amulet. I would have had a pretty orb and…I wonder if we’ve been looking at this in entirely the wrong way.”
“What do you mean?” Giles put his glasses back on, Wesley coming back into focus as he did so.
Wesley gazed up at him, excitement in his eyes. “We’ve been assuming the intent of the person who sent us these things was malevolent. What if it wasn’t?”
“Accidental?” Giles had to take a moment to absorb such a dramatically new thought. “Just bad luck that you and Angel opened your parcels at the same time and that Angel happened to cut himself? But that doesn’t explain why you were turned into children. That isn’t an inherent property of the amulet.”
“It’s wish amulet.” Wesley looked at Giles. “What if someone made a wish? The amulet was activated by Angel’s blood, and the focusing orb would have the power to make the wish happen if it happened to be in the right place at the time, which, by unfortunate coincidence, it was.”
“But that would mean...” Giles and Wesley both turned to look at Angel at the same time. “That Angel must have been the one to make the wish.”
Angel gaped at them in horror. “I didn’t.... I would never....” He frowned as he tried to remember. “Well, I may have just idly...in passing....”
“Are you out of your mind?” Wesley demanded. “You’re standing there holding a focusing orb a foot away from a wish amulet onto which you have already bled your demonic blood and you start ‘idly...in passing’ thinking how nice it would be if we were all children and had to do what you said?”
“I didn’t think it would be good if you had to do what I said!” Angel protested. “I was just thinking how you used to act more...kidlike and how I sort of...missed it...but I never....”
“Well, well....” Giles tossed his pen onto the table. “We’ve been trying to work out who the evil culprit was who turned the three of you into children and all the time it was Angel.”
“I knew you had a problem with taking orders from me.” Wesley stabbed an accusing finger at Angel.
“I didn’t! I mean I don’t! I just....”
“You’re just the control freak to end all control freaks!” Cordelia stood in the doorway, hand on her small hips. From Xander’s arms Gunn was also gazing at Angel in open-mouthed accusation.
The three researchers had been so caught up in solving the mystery that not even Angel had heard the others return. Now he found himself faced by far too many pairs of accusing eyes.
“I didn’t do it on purpose!” Angel protested.
“If you weren’t already dead I would so be threatening you with death right now,” Buffy told him.
“Where’s a spatula?” Cordelia demanded.
Clearly thinking quickly, Angel said, “That doesn’t explain who sent the amulet and the orb. They’re the real culprit here and I think it’s important we focus on that.”
“Oh, we solved that one.” Xander came in and plonked Gunn down on Angel’s lap; the small boy still fixing Angel with a look of betrayal and disbelief that could have felled someone with a much hardier conscience at twenty paces. He held up his cell. “I checked my messages. There was one from Anya. Who, I think I should remind everyone, is the woman I love. You, Giles, left her a message a few days ago asking her to get a few focusing orbs while on her restocking expedition for the Magic Box. She just got back to me to ask if you wanted the same kind that she’s been sending out to potential clients or if it needs to be a different variety.”
“What?” Giles looked up at Xander in disbelief. “Anya has been…sending out focusing orbs to potential clients?”
“Yes, and magical amulets - cheap ones apparently, and you know what’s really got her pissed about this situation? The fact she forgot to put a Magic Box card in on the first dozen she sent out. As she told me, that’s all a deficit in the outgoings column and nothing coming back.” He turned to Wesley. “Apparently in with your pretty magical child-making orb you should have had a nice little card saying ‘Compliments of The Magic Box, look for us online for all your magical equipment needs’.”
“That would certainly have explained a lot,” Wesley admitted slowly.
“I think I'm going to kill her,” Giles observed.
“Woman I love, remember?” Xander reminded him.
Giles sat back in his chair and tossed his pencil on the table. “Well, talk about the enemy within. We’ve been giving ourselves nervous breakdowns here trying to track down the archfiend who turned Angel’s associates into children and all the time it was Angel’s emotional immaturity and Anya’s rampant greed that were to blame.”
Gunn thumped Angel hard in the chest, making him wince. “I knew there was a good reason why I wanted to kick you!”
“I'm sorry,” Angel told him hastily. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“How?” Wesley demanded. “By cancelling the ballet lessons?” He looked at Cordelia and Gunn. “Who wants to put themselves up for adoption?” Two hands shot up and Wesley added his own, looking at Angel with narrowed eyes. “Carried unanimously.”
“Wes...Cordy... Gunn... You know I never meant for this to happen. Do you really think I would ever do anything to endanger you?”
Giles suspected that everyone - except possibly Buffy - had forgotten that Angel had his own arsenal of manipulation, and had to admit that even he, not a great fan of Angel, felt the impact of the ‘puppy dog eyes’ Angel was now using to show his remorse and hurt feelings.
Wesley was the first to fold, muttering, “We know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Hold on,” Cordelia protested. “How do we know that? He made the wish.”
“But he didn’t know that was what he was doing.”
“He still thought it!”
Giles looked at Cordelia over his spectacles. “Am I talking to the woman who plunged Sunnydale into a vampire-overrun dystopia with a careless wish of her own?” As Cordelia had the grace to look a little sheepish, Giles added: “You killed Xander and Willow with your wish and goodness knows how many other people as well, out of a completely unjust desire to blame Buffy for your romantic disappointments. At least Angel’s wish was benevolent and protective and only arose from his - admittedly somewhat misguided - affection for you all.”
“Why can’t he like us as adults?” Gunn demanded.
“I do.” Angel gazed at the little boy with unmistakable sincerity in his expressive brown eyes. “You know I do.”
“You fired us!”
“Water under the bridge,” Wesley said hastily. “We don’t need to go over that again.”
“You always let him off!” Cordelia turned on Wesley and Giles couldn’t decide if this was the child Cordelia or the adult Cordelia talking. Whichever one it was she was clearly frustrated. “Angel turns into Angelus and is a complete bitch to everyone - disses my acting performance and totally smacks you into a wall - and you don’t even make him grovel before you’re telling him it’s not his fault. And you sneaked in there as soon as my back was turned and unchained him.”
“He was no danger to anyone.”
“Do the words ‘payback’ mean nothing to you?”
“As to what happened recently...Angel was grieving over what was done to Darla and he went a little - okay a lot - off the deep end, but the poor woman was finally ready to accept her death, to feel remorse for what she’d done and find some kind of peace and salvation, and Wolfram & Hart - having dragged her back from hell for no reason other than to torment Angel - then dammed her all over again. I'm not excusing what Angel did but I can’t say Wolfram & Hart did not on some level have it coming.”
“You didn’t have it coming and you got shot.” Gunn glared up at Wesley. “You nearly died. If we hadn’t managed to get you to the hospital when we did...”
“And the reason you could get me to the hospital was because the zombies were deactivated - because of Angel. Gunn, you know I know how much I owe you but the fact remains that if Angel hadn’t done his part then...”
“I know.” The child looked between Angel and Wesley in obvious annoyance. “But he left us hanging out there. Cordy was still getting her visions from the Powers That Be and you’d told him we were going to be responding to the call when it came in. He knew what was out there and he knew we were facing it.”
“And he saved us from the Skilosh demons.” Wesley appeared to be patience personified.
“You always defend him,” Cordelia pointed out.
“And if I didn’t you would, and if you didn’t, Gunn would. You only have the luxury of complaining about him right now because I'm doing the defending.”
Cordelia looked at Wesley in disbelief. “You’re telling him that?”
Wesley shrugged. “He may as well know the truth.”
“We don’t want him knowing the truth.” Gunn rolled his eyes at Wesley. “We want him feeling bad and buying us ice cream.”
“I do feel bad,” Angel assured them. “And I’ll buy you all the ice cream you can eat.”
“If it helps at all,” Giles told Cordelia and Gunn. “Now that I know how it was caused, I'm confident that I can reverse the spell.”
Cordelia looked at him with something like admiration. “That helps a lot.”
“You get all the cool points in the world - even with the whole tweed thing you’ve got going,” Gunn added.
“You can change them back?” No one had heard Dawn come in from school but the look on her face was one of dismay. “But not for a while, right? It’ll take some time to double check all your findings and go out and find the ingredients? And you’ll need to wait for the full moon, right? There always has to be a full moon.”
“Well, actually…” Giles began.
Dawn snatched up Gunn from Angel’s lap into her arms before giving Giles an anguished look. “Tell me it could take weeks?”
Giles grimaced, torn between wanting to let her down lightly and the needs of the three adults who were currently trapped in these child forms. “Well, days perhaps…”
Dawn gave an inarticulate cry and hugged Gunn more tightly. “Want to come and watch cartoons with me?” she asked brokenly.
“Okay,” Gunn stroked her hair tentatively. “You want me to get better, don’t you?”
“You’re perfect as you are,” she murmured.
“Dawn…” Buffy winced. “That’s not who Gunn is.”
“But I like him like this!”
“He has a whole life…”
“He does dangerous things. I can’t keep him safe once he goes back to LA.” She had tears in her eyes as she looked across at her sister. “We could protect him here.”
“He can protect himself,” Buffy said gently. “That’s the point.”
Sighing Dawn carried Gunn off to the living room. Buffy exchanged a grimace with Giles. “Oh dear. Poor Dawn.”
“I know how she feels.” Willow slumped onto one of the kitchen chairs, Tara automatically moving behind her to massage her stiff shoulders. “I mean… I want them to get better, of course I do, and I know it must be frustrating for them… but there were all the museums I wanted to take them too… and the stores… there are so many cute outfits for little girls and Cordy would look so adorable in them and…”
Giles took off his glasses. “I must confess that even I have enjoyed Wesley’s company considerably more than I anticipated, and will feel a small pang...”
Cordelia rolled her eyes at Wesley. “Can we say serious child substitute issues or what?”
“Would we have been any better if the things were reversed?” Wesley shrugged. “Supposing Buffy had turned up on our doorstep with a child-sized Willow, Xander and Giles in tow…”
“Oh boy.” Cordelia’s eyes lit up. “Willow had no taste at all when she was my size the first time around. I could totally re-educate her from like kindergarten up. And - oh my god! - Xander! We could actually bring him up to be cool - well, not you obviously, Wes, but Angel and I together could work a miracle - and oh - Giles - we’d find out if he was stuffy from when he was really small or if it just came on him later.”
Buffy smiled across at Giles. “Don’tcha just love Cordy when she’s being empathetic?”
“It’s always a treat,” Giles observed.
Wesley gazed across at Giles. “You really think you can reverse this spell?”
“Yes, absolutely. I know how the original spell was cast now, and what the activating elements were. As soon as Anya returns with the focusing orb I'm confident I can restore you all to your adult forms.”
Buffy looked at them cheerfully. “So, temporary munchkins, if there is anything really immature you’ve always wanted to do, you’d better schedule it for the next few days.”
“I just want to be big again,” Wesley said wistfully.
Buffy and Angel exchanged a glance. “Kind of missing the whole ‘second childhood - opportunity of a lifetime’ thing, isn’t he?” she observed.
“Wes, can’t you unwind for just a couple of days?” Angel pleaded.
Wesley looked up at him intently. “Angel, you know better than anyone how hard it’s been for me to become who I am. The last thing I want to do now or at any other time is revert to any previous version of myself.”
Cordelia leaned across and kissed him on his bruised cheekbone. “I liked the previous version of you.”
Wesley returned her gaze affectionately. “Was it the whole screaming like a woman thing that did it for you or the tripping over my own feet? Oh, wait, there was the caving at the first sign of danger and being prepared to sell Angel out to the first nasty demon that threatened my kneecaps. I can see how that was sexy, certainly. And yes, abducting Faith from Angel’s place just as he was getting through to her, thereby completely alienating her, before allowing her to escape. That was probably a real knee-trembler too.”
Cordelia grabbed his hair and yanked his head back, making him wince. “Listen to me, small boy who is dissing my friend, that was never everything that you were. You saved me from vamp Willow when she was evil and skanky. And you were only trying to follow the Council orders over Faith. It wasn’t your fault the Council was made up of boring old British guys who had the one brain to go around the whole bunch of them and at the time you were in Sunnydale had lost it behind the back of the couch. And if I thought you were a catch then you were a catch because - in case you’re forgetting - never wrong here.”
“Ouch, Cordelia, hurting me quite a lot now...”
“Want to be beaten to a pulp or do you want to accept that you had good qualities before you came to LA?”
“Yes, okay, anything you say. None of the stupid things I did were my fault. I was an irresistible stud muffin and the real mystery was why I wasn’t also having to fight off advances from Buffy and Willow. Happy now?”
Cordelia let him go and kissed him again triumphantly. “Perfectly.”
“You looked really nice in a tuxedo,” Buffy offered.
“I noticed that too,” Willow put in. “Really nice. Kind of James Bondy. Only not so big with the killing and the gadgets and the cocktails.”
“And yet you let me get away.” Wesley shook his head in mock confusion. “I'm still reeling from the surprise of that one.” He jumped down from the chair, looking purposeful.
“What are you doing?” Angel asked quickly.
“Going to watch cartoons with Gunn and Dawn. I only get to be a child for a few days longer, so apparently I should make the most of it.”
As Wesley went into the living room, Cordelia sighed. “He did look great in a tuxedo. Couldn’t kiss worth a damn back then though.”
“I heard that…” Wesley called back from the other room. “And I think it only fair to warn you that as a child I think I'm entitled to pull your hair quite hard.”
“You try it, buster! See how many of those first teeth you have left when I'm done with you!” Cordelia marched into the next room purposefully and they heard what sounded remarkably like a squeal, probably in response to a pinch, followed by some serious scuffling and muted thumping accompanied by much giggling.
The ever over-anxious Angel hurried into the hall to see what was going on and then came back in. “They’re hitting each other with your couch cushions. Dawn’s just letting them get on with it.”
“Well, Dawn still hits me with the couch cushions,” Buffy explained. “She’s probably training Gunn in cushion usage techniques. When he’s big again, if you come across a demon that can only be beaten to death using soft furnishings, he’ll definitely be your guy.”
Giles closed the book in front of him. “It’s been an exciting day - what with learning that this whole farrago could have been avoided if Angel and Anya had an ounce of emotional maturity between them. And much as I hate to miss the fun-packed thrill ride that is getting the children into their baths and pyjamas followed by persuading them to brush their teeth and then go to bed without being read to from something that would frighten a forty year old, I think I'm going home.”
“You just want to miss out on all the good stuff, don’t you?” Xander observed. “Personally, as I only have a few more days in which to fulfil my self-proclaimed mission to stuff Wesley full of unhealthy American fast food before he’s big enough to tell me where to shove my French fries and tacos, I'm heading for Starch’n’Sugar express to buy lots of things that cause diabetes. Who’s with me?”
“Oh, me!” Willow held up a hand. “And Tara too. I love watching Wesley eat. Not that he does it in a particularly funny way or anything, but it’s just reassuring to know that he does.”
“I'm going to run their bath.” Buffy sighed and held up what seemed to be a twelve inch long model of a full-rigged schooner. “They only have a little while left to play with this.”
“Actually they’ll probably go on playing with it once they’re big,” Angel called after the sorrowing adults as they went off on their self-appointed tasks. Left alone with Giles, he shrugged. “Wes and Gunn can be a little immature at times. You should see them play Risk. And although I haven’t actually caught them sliding down the banisters in the Hyperion, I think they do it when I'm not looking.”
“Making me all the more confused as to why you felt the need to turn them into children.” Giles held up a hand. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, Angel. But, you may want to reconsider your feelings about Wesley’s leadership. If you really have this much of a problem not being the person in charge of the agency that bears your name then it might be an idea to sit down and discuss it with him - man to well, vampire.”
“I don’t.” As Angel said it he realized that he meant it. “I think Wesley’s become a good leader. He and Cordelia fight like cat and dog sometimes but they have a lot of respect for each other, and he’s earned Gunn’s trust. When it counted those three were there for each other. I wasn’t. And, to be honest, Giles, this isn’t just about atonement, it’s about what Wesley was trained to be, and that wasn’t a research assistant to a vampire.”
“What is he meant to be?”
“A Watcher, like you. And, we both know at least part of the reason why Wesley didn’t work out here as Buffy’s Watcher was because she never gave him a chance. Not the chances she gave you. It was all theoretical with him. He didn’t have the field experience. But he would have got it. Unfortunately for him, he was being compared with a guy who was everything Buffy wanted from a Watcher, and who’d already had a chance to make his mistakes.”
“I'm sure I have more mistakes to come,” Giles returned quietly. “But I take your point. And I freely admit I wasn’t feeling very well disposed towards Wesley back then either.”
“The thing is, Wes had it in him to be a really good Watcher. His bastard father and his own need to try to get the guy to give him some praise mean that Wesley really did do his homework back at the Academy. He knows more languages, can identify more demons, understands more spells, than I ever could, and I’ve been alive - well, undead - two hundred and twenty years longer than he has. It’s all in his head. It always was. He just didn’t have the people skills to communicate it or the experience of actually dealing with any of the things he’d read about to make that jump from theory to practise. In LA, he has. But you know as well as anyone that a Watcher can’t function to the best of his ability if no one takes his advice or listens to his suggestions. When I was in charge of the agency I used to ignore Wesley if what he was saying didn’t fit in with my wishes. Now, I can’t do that. And you know what? It’s good for me. It’s good for Cordy and Gunn, and it’s good for the people we’re trying to help. As long as Wes doesn’t have a phone conversation with his father just before a mission, I don’t think Angel Investigations could have a better leader than the one it has right now.”
Smiling, Giles cleared his throat and nodded to the door. Angel turned to find three children looking at him solemnly. Gunn was the first one to give him a slow handclap. “What do you know,” he said. “The vampire’s talking sense for a change.”
“Yes, Angel.” Cordelia nodded. “I have to admit that sounded suspiciously like wisdom.”
Angel narrowed his eyes. “The vampire can totally kick your ass right now…” He turned into vamp face, yellow eyes glaring. “Last one in the bath gets eaten…”
As Gunn and Cordelia squealed delightedly and ran to Dawn demanding protection, Wesley lingered behind for a moment longer. “Thank you for what you said, Angel. It means a lot that you said it but perhaps if neither of us ever refer to it again, particularly in public, that would be best all round?”
Angel returned to his ordinary face and nodded in relief. “Definitely.”
Wesley paused in the doorway. “And will you read me a story tonight?”
Recognising that this was as close as Wesley was going to get for coming out and saying that he understood and forgave what Angel had done and the reasons why he had done it. Angel smiled at him gently. “Be glad to.”
Part Eleven
***
Although Giles could understand why Angel wanted the children kept in the house after what had happened to Wesley, after three days of being cooped up indoors, Gunn and Cordelia seemed on the point of internally combusting. Nor was it easy to research when there was a frustrated four year old charging around the house making fire engine noises. Or possibly police siren noises. Giles wasn’t sure. Pinching the bridge of his nose he looked across the kitchen table at Wesley who also seemed to be fighting a headache.
Giles had brought a supply of Jaffa cakes, chocolate hob nobs and English Breakfast tea to try to alleviate some of the tedium of their task, but the general sense of uproar in the house which Gunn seemed to be creating almost single-handed was definitely taking a toll.
“Perhaps if Buffy went with them…?” Giles suggested.
“Slayer strength.” Wesley nodded. “And Xander is pretty good in a fight.”
“Willow and Tara have those witch powers, which aren’t to be sneezed at.”
“No.” Angel wandered into the kitchen, drinking blood from a container as he did so.
“They’re really bored, Angel,” Wesley protested. “And Gunn’s only four, you can’t expect him to stay indoors all the time.” He didn’t add that he couldn’t imagine the adult Gunn being happy staying indoors for four days either, but it was true. The man was used to keeping himself going on a few hours sleep and whatever food could be ‘liberated’ from market stalls, and he still had the energy to fight vampires and usually beat Wesley at Risk afterwards. Hyped up on sugar and confined to a house, even the adult Gunn would have been scaling the walls by now; his four year old self must be ready to spontaneously combust.
“All you have to do is look in the mirror to see why he should be staying indoors all the time.”
Wesley grimaced and put a hand up to his still multi-coloured cheekbone. “They’re just so fed up.”
“Which is why we’re taking them out.” Buffy came into the kitchen and gave Angel her best ‘brooking no argument’ glare. “We’re taking them to the fairground, a public place where anyone trying to snatch them would get arrested. This solves the problem of your children destroying my house, of them both going insane with boredom, and Wesley and Giles having permanent migraines from having to work with a constant din in the background.”
“They’re my kids and...”
“And you’re completely paranoid,” Xander told him, coming in behind Buffy. “And therefore we’re temporarily declaring you an unfit parent and taking the children into protective fun custody.”
“Why can’t we take them this evening when the sun’s gone down?” Angel looked sulky but Giles had a feeling he was about to crack. Even he couldn’t be kidding himself that a hyperactive Gunn and a permanently cross Cordelia were having a good time.
“Because Gunn’s too little to stay up late,” Buffy pointed out patiently. “And because they need some time away from you and your constant hovering.”
“I don’t hover!”
“Angel, hovercraft could learn from you,” Xander assured him. “The kids need a break from you and this house, and Giles and Wesley need a break from them. Stay here and guard Wesley from the monsters under the bed while the four of us get the kids some fresh air and ice cream.”
“Ice cream!” Gunn charged into the kitchen and threw himself at Xander who caught him on reflex and sat him on his hip.
“Yes, there may be ice cream. It depends on how well behaved you are.”
“What monsters under the bed? Can I see them? Show me!”
Xander sighed. “Figure of speech, Munchkin Number Three. Although, come to think of it, as we live on a Hellmouth…”
He carried Gunn off as Cordelia ran into the kitchen, saying brightly: “New shoes! I get new shoes!” Giles couldn’t decide if this was the adult Cordelia or the child Cordelia speaking. Gunn seemed to be almost entirely a child but Cordelia vacillated between the two, seeming to depend what mood she was in, whereas Wesley showed his child-like status really only in increased anxiety.
“You’re bribing my children now?” Angel demanded of Willow.
She looked a little sheepish until Wesley marked the place in his book and said, “Gosh, where have I seen that strategy used before?”
“That was different,” Angel said at once.
“How?”
“It just was.”
Willow said, “Just one more pair. Because she has to take care of Gunn.”
Cordelia sighed in her best long suffering fashion. “Even though he’s a little brat.” She looked at Wesley beseechingly. “Don’t you want to leave those stuffy old books for an hour and come with us? Then you could look after him and I could have fun.”
For a moment he looked very tempted and then he put his hand up to his bruised cheekbone, clearly deciding that he would attract too much attention. “I can’t. But maybe I can go another time.”
Cordelia automatically straightened the cuff of his shirt. “You’re being a really boring kid, Wes.”
“Well, how else am I going to grow up into a really boring adult? It takes practise, you know.”
She touched his bruised cheekbone gently. “Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed…”
They grinned at one another and Giles thought how remarkably similar they looked with their dark hair, long lean limbs and perfect teeth. “At least you get to avoid the hell of dating for a few more years,” Wesley pointed out.
“I ruled at dating,” she reminded. “I was the dating queen.”
“You went out with Xander.”
She slapped him lightly on the arm. “That was an aberration!”
“You went out with me.”
“Rebound insanity.” She touched her hair, checking to see it was properly in place. “Now, if you’d just learned to kiss a little earlier, not to mention worn those leather pants to work a few times…”
“You would still eventually have come to your senses,” Wesley told her good-humouredly.
“You’re much less snippy as a kid,” she observed.
“I have to be. Everyone’s bigger than me.”
She hugged him, resting her cheek against his briefly. “When we’re big again I think we should go and chop up a nasty smelly demon into little bitty pieces just because we can.”
“It’s a date,” he assured her.
She peered at the book he was reading. “You know I have complete faith in you and Giles to reverse this, right?”
“I know.”
“But, just to help you focus… If we stay kids Angel is going to send us to summer school for every single subject in which we don’t get an ‘A’, and he’s going to make us learn an instrument each. I think I get the violin, you get the cello, and Gunn gets the saxophone. He’s also talking about ballet being good for boys and girls because it helps with coordination.”
“It does,” Angel protested.
Wesley rolled his eyes at Cordelia. “Oh yes, let me just walk from my cello lesson to my ballet lesson past the line of boys queuing to beat me to a pulp.”
“And as the sister of the boy with the cello, the glasses, and the ballet lessons how uncool would I be?” Cordelia said in wonder.
“And we’d have to stay late every single evening waiting for it to get dark so Angel could pick us up - which wouldn’t be a problem because no doubt Gunn would be in detention every single evening for fighting people who’d pointed out that his adopted brother was a sissy and his adopted sister was an airhead.”
Cordelia smacked Wesley on the arm. “No, I'm not.”
“We’re talking about nasty bullying boys of low character and poor perception,” Wesley rubbed his arm. “And…ow.”
Giles said gently, “We’re going to reverse this, children, I promise.”
“Please,” Cordelia gave him a begging look. “I mean I love you all, and Tara and Willow - best moms ever - but I had a life. It was a life that sucked, admittedly, and involved me having lots of blinding headaches and lonely evenings in with Phantom Dennis, my slightly neurotic ghost, but it was my life and I want it back. Even the sucky parts.” She looked at Angel over her shoulder. “And I am not learning the violin.”
“What about the piano?” Angel pleaded. “You could all have piano lessons.”
She took a hob nob from Wesley’s plate and said, “Give it up, Angel. We’re not going to be perfect children out of some perfect child manual. We’re going to be us. Wesley is going to be a geeky kid with no friends who drops things and has anxiety attacks about his grades, I'm going to be spoilt and shallow yet bewitchingly pretty and with perfect hair, and Gunn’s going to be a juvenile delinquent. Deal.” She gave Angel a dazzling smile and then took Willow’s hand. “Shall we go?”
“Juvenile delinquent…?” Angel echoed.
“Oh yes, I forgot you weren’t there when Detective Lockley was reading out Gunn’s rap sheet. Quite an impressive document.” Wesley took a sip of his tea. “But I'm sure we’ll never be short of hubcaps.”
“Are you dissing my munchkin?” Xander demanded, coming back into the room, still carrying Gunn. “And are you to ready to go, Princess Cordissima?”
“He’s my munchkin,” Angel protested.
“Dawn’s munchkin I’d say,” Buffy observed, coming into the room. “And I think she has a wooden stake somewhere that proves it.”
“I hate the way they all fight over Gunn,” Cordelia pouted.
“Just be grateful someone else wants him.” Wesley bent back to his research. “Otherwise you and I would be stuck with him all the time.” As the little boy looked hurt, Wesley hastily amended: “I mean ‘stuck with’ in its most positive sense.”
Gunn curled up against Xander’s chest, keeping a hurt expression on his face and continuing to gaze at Wesley reproachfully. Giles wondered if Wesley, as a child himself - of sorts - might prove better at standing up against this onslaught, but Wesley proved himself to be a pushover by immediately looking stricken and saying, “Oh, Charles, you know I didn’t mean it. Of course Cordelia and I both love you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Cordy muttered but then as Gunn transferred the reproachful gaze to her, crumpled almost as fast as Wesley, hurrying over to where Xander was holding him and holding up her arms. “Let me carry him.”
“He’s too heavy for you, Cord,” Xander assured her. “Why don’t you hold my hand though and we can go on out to the car…”
Giles waited with what he felt was remarkable patience for Buffy to get herself, Willow, Tara, Xander and their two young charges out of the door. It seemed to involve a lot of last minute clothing changes by everyone female, a great deal of dithering about whether or not coats would be necessary which he would have thought quite reasonable in England but which seemed laughable in Southern California, many reassurances to Cordelia that the clips in her hair did not make her look silly, and that her hair was indeed in perfect order. Then there were the excessive amounts of fussing from Angel about them knowing where the nearest hospitals were and how to get to them, not to mention assurances that everyone was well versed in the Heimlich Manoeuvre and that they would call him at once if there was any trouble.
While they were getting out of the door, Wesley had almost knocked over a vase on his way to the bathroom, Gunn had demanded chocolate, and almost come to blows with Cordelia about whether they were buying her shoes first or taking him to the fairground. That Cordelia had won had probably surprised no one. Cuteness could only carry a small boy so far, and when it came to shoes she was immovable. Xander had bribed Gunn away from a temper tantrum with the demanded chocolate - which the little boy had then done his best to get on Cordelia’s new dress, involving much changing of seating in the car to keep them apart and safe.
As the door finally closed, Giles looked up at Angel. “I think you had better accept now that Cordelia was absolutely right and Wesley will always be clumsy and anxious, Cordelia will always be spoilt and demanding, and Gunn will blatantly manipulate everyone around him by being ‘cute’ at every opportunity.”
“Cordelia isn’t spoilt any more. Not very anyway,” Angel returned defensively. “And Gunn is a really well adjusted guy who just likes to mix it up with demons and stake a few vampires before bedtime. And Wesley isn’t that anxious any more. And he doesn’t knock as many things over these days either.”
“Oh, really?” Giles turned back to his books. “Sounds as if we’d all have a much easier time if they were adults then. Not to mention saving a fortune in chocolate.”
“Gunn still likes chocolate.” Wesley came back in and clambered up onto his kitchen chair. “Cordy still likes shoes. I still dream I have a test the next day and I haven’t studied for it. We can reach the light switches a lot more easily though.”
“Presumably Angel is slightly less neurotic about you, too?” Giles suggested.
Wesley shrugged. “About me and Gunn, yes. But he did chop someone’s hand off for trying to thwart him getting a cure for Cordelia.”
“You think I wouldn’t chop someone’s hand off for you?” Angel demanded, hurt.
Wesley glanced up at him in mild concern. “Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like a ritual dismemberment?”
“Hey, you weren’t there when Cordy and I were going crazy trying to work out where Faith had taken you.”
“No,” said Wesley patiently. “I was busy being tied to a chair and tortured by the woman for whom you later bought doughnuts.”
There was an uncomfortable silence before Giles said with a shrug, “One of the crosses a Watcher has to bear, Wesley. Buffy was quick enough to buy pig’s blood for the person who tortured me too. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about us.”
“Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pile on the guilt from time to time either,” Wesley murmured as he reapplied himself to the book in front of him.
“Giles, you know I… Wes, I was only trying to…” Angel slumped into the chair despondently. “So, is there any particularly dull research you want me to do?”
They both reached for a green-leather-bound volume and pushed it towards him. “‘Properties of the orbs of Demonica’,” Giles observed.
“It’s a page turner.” Wesley turned a page of his own book.
“Where’s the orb to compare with the illustrations?” Angel enquired.
“Smashed.” Wesley looked up. “But you remember how it looked?”
“I saw it for about ten seconds before you all got turned into children.”
“The orb itself doesn’t matter that much I don’t think. Just the properties of orbs in general when used in conjunction with this amulet.” Giles turned the page of his own book. “What we’re trying to work out is how the spell was cast, and presumably the person who sent both must have had some kind of precedent for his or her spell casting. Somewhere there has to be a reference to using that amulet with the orb that was smashed to achieve the result that you witnessed.”
“And how the person who sent the amulet and orb guaranteed it would be cast,” Wesley added. “That’s the stumbling block so far.”
“Why?”
Giles marked the page of the book he was reading. “According to all the reports Wesley and I have found, the particular amulet that was sent to you is weak in magical properties unless activated by the blood of an unclean. We’ve both tried handling it and although it does have a rough edge at the moment we’re not clear how it managed to cut you right on cue.”
“Maybe it’s made to only cut vampires?” Angel suggested.
Wesley handed it over. “I suppose you could try it and see.”
Angel gingerly picked up the amulet and then as nothing happened, grasped it more firmly. He tried it with the other hand, then took it in his right again. Then shrugged. “Nothing.”
Giles sighed. “I knew it couldn’t be that easy. More research then.”
Wesley nodded and turned another page. “Lucky for us that research is such a pulse racer.”
Giles also nodded. “Absolutely.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Angel slump despondently in his chair and turn another page of his big dull book.
Three hours later
“I'm going cross-eyed,” Wesley sighed.
Giles also looked up from the book and tried to ease a particularly painful crick out of his neck. “Let’s recap what we have so far.”
Angel closed his own book. “There are far too many orbs in the world and they all look the same.”
“Yes, thank you, Angel. Most instructive.” Giles turned to his other research assistant. “Wesley?”
The little boy sat back in his chair, eyes serious behind his glasses. “The amulet sent to Angel is weak in magical properties. The orb sent to me seems to have been stronger in magical properties but is still only a focusing orb - a means of channelling a magical spell and directing it, much like a crystal. What I'm not finding is any specific spell trigger.”
“Exactly.” Giles nodded. “Angel’s blood activated the amulet, the orb focused the power of the amulet, but where does the actual spell come from?”
“The carvings in the amulet?” Angel suggested.
Wesley shook his head. “We’ve already double checked them against the illustrations of the amulet in several reference books and they’re the standard markings, as one would buy them in any magic shop. Willow did a revealing spell last night to try and see if there were any hidden sigils and there was nothing. This appears to be a perfectly ordinary amulet with nothing unusual about it.”
“What’s really perplexing me is how the person who sent it could have known it would have the effect it did?” Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them. “How could he have known you and Angel would open your parcels at the same time and in the same place? You might have been out on a case. You might have taken your parcel home with you to open in your flat.”
“What would have happened then?” Angel pressed.
Wesley shrugged. “Nothing as far as we can tell. You would have had a pretty amulet. I would have had a pretty orb and…I wonder if we’ve been looking at this in entirely the wrong way.”
“What do you mean?” Giles put his glasses back on, Wesley coming back into focus as he did so.
Wesley gazed up at him, excitement in his eyes. “We’ve been assuming the intent of the person who sent us these things was malevolent. What if it wasn’t?”
“Accidental?” Giles had to take a moment to absorb such a dramatically new thought. “Just bad luck that you and Angel opened your parcels at the same time and that Angel happened to cut himself? But that doesn’t explain why you were turned into children. That isn’t an inherent property of the amulet.”
“It’s wish amulet.” Wesley looked at Giles. “What if someone made a wish? The amulet was activated by Angel’s blood, and the focusing orb would have the power to make the wish happen if it happened to be in the right place at the time, which, by unfortunate coincidence, it was.”
“But that would mean...” Giles and Wesley both turned to look at Angel at the same time. “That Angel must have been the one to make the wish.”
Angel gaped at them in horror. “I didn’t.... I would never....” He frowned as he tried to remember. “Well, I may have just idly...in passing....”
“Are you out of your mind?” Wesley demanded. “You’re standing there holding a focusing orb a foot away from a wish amulet onto which you have already bled your demonic blood and you start ‘idly...in passing’ thinking how nice it would be if we were all children and had to do what you said?”
“I didn’t think it would be good if you had to do what I said!” Angel protested. “I was just thinking how you used to act more...kidlike and how I sort of...missed it...but I never....”
“Well, well....” Giles tossed his pen onto the table. “We’ve been trying to work out who the evil culprit was who turned the three of you into children and all the time it was Angel.”
“I knew you had a problem with taking orders from me.” Wesley stabbed an accusing finger at Angel.
“I didn’t! I mean I don’t! I just....”
“You’re just the control freak to end all control freaks!” Cordelia stood in the doorway, hand on her small hips. From Xander’s arms Gunn was also gazing at Angel in open-mouthed accusation.
The three researchers had been so caught up in solving the mystery that not even Angel had heard the others return. Now he found himself faced by far too many pairs of accusing eyes.
“I didn’t do it on purpose!” Angel protested.
“If you weren’t already dead I would so be threatening you with death right now,” Buffy told him.
“Where’s a spatula?” Cordelia demanded.
Clearly thinking quickly, Angel said, “That doesn’t explain who sent the amulet and the orb. They’re the real culprit here and I think it’s important we focus on that.”
“Oh, we solved that one.” Xander came in and plonked Gunn down on Angel’s lap; the small boy still fixing Angel with a look of betrayal and disbelief that could have felled someone with a much hardier conscience at twenty paces. He held up his cell. “I checked my messages. There was one from Anya. Who, I think I should remind everyone, is the woman I love. You, Giles, left her a message a few days ago asking her to get a few focusing orbs while on her restocking expedition for the Magic Box. She just got back to me to ask if you wanted the same kind that she’s been sending out to potential clients or if it needs to be a different variety.”
“What?” Giles looked up at Xander in disbelief. “Anya has been…sending out focusing orbs to potential clients?”
“Yes, and magical amulets - cheap ones apparently, and you know what’s really got her pissed about this situation? The fact she forgot to put a Magic Box card in on the first dozen she sent out. As she told me, that’s all a deficit in the outgoings column and nothing coming back.” He turned to Wesley. “Apparently in with your pretty magical child-making orb you should have had a nice little card saying ‘Compliments of The Magic Box, look for us online for all your magical equipment needs’.”
“That would certainly have explained a lot,” Wesley admitted slowly.
“I think I'm going to kill her,” Giles observed.
“Woman I love, remember?” Xander reminded him.
Giles sat back in his chair and tossed his pencil on the table. “Well, talk about the enemy within. We’ve been giving ourselves nervous breakdowns here trying to track down the archfiend who turned Angel’s associates into children and all the time it was Angel’s emotional immaturity and Anya’s rampant greed that were to blame.”
Gunn thumped Angel hard in the chest, making him wince. “I knew there was a good reason why I wanted to kick you!”
“I'm sorry,” Angel told him hastily. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“How?” Wesley demanded. “By cancelling the ballet lessons?” He looked at Cordelia and Gunn. “Who wants to put themselves up for adoption?” Two hands shot up and Wesley added his own, looking at Angel with narrowed eyes. “Carried unanimously.”
“Wes...Cordy... Gunn... You know I never meant for this to happen. Do you really think I would ever do anything to endanger you?”
Giles suspected that everyone - except possibly Buffy - had forgotten that Angel had his own arsenal of manipulation, and had to admit that even he, not a great fan of Angel, felt the impact of the ‘puppy dog eyes’ Angel was now using to show his remorse and hurt feelings.
Wesley was the first to fold, muttering, “We know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Hold on,” Cordelia protested. “How do we know that? He made the wish.”
“But he didn’t know that was what he was doing.”
“He still thought it!”
Giles looked at Cordelia over his spectacles. “Am I talking to the woman who plunged Sunnydale into a vampire-overrun dystopia with a careless wish of her own?” As Cordelia had the grace to look a little sheepish, Giles added: “You killed Xander and Willow with your wish and goodness knows how many other people as well, out of a completely unjust desire to blame Buffy for your romantic disappointments. At least Angel’s wish was benevolent and protective and only arose from his - admittedly somewhat misguided - affection for you all.”
“Why can’t he like us as adults?” Gunn demanded.
“I do.” Angel gazed at the little boy with unmistakable sincerity in his expressive brown eyes. “You know I do.”
“You fired us!”
“Water under the bridge,” Wesley said hastily. “We don’t need to go over that again.”
“You always let him off!” Cordelia turned on Wesley and Giles couldn’t decide if this was the child Cordelia or the adult Cordelia talking. Whichever one it was she was clearly frustrated. “Angel turns into Angelus and is a complete bitch to everyone - disses my acting performance and totally smacks you into a wall - and you don’t even make him grovel before you’re telling him it’s not his fault. And you sneaked in there as soon as my back was turned and unchained him.”
“He was no danger to anyone.”
“Do the words ‘payback’ mean nothing to you?”
“As to what happened recently...Angel was grieving over what was done to Darla and he went a little - okay a lot - off the deep end, but the poor woman was finally ready to accept her death, to feel remorse for what she’d done and find some kind of peace and salvation, and Wolfram & Hart - having dragged her back from hell for no reason other than to torment Angel - then dammed her all over again. I'm not excusing what Angel did but I can’t say Wolfram & Hart did not on some level have it coming.”
“You didn’t have it coming and you got shot.” Gunn glared up at Wesley. “You nearly died. If we hadn’t managed to get you to the hospital when we did...”
“And the reason you could get me to the hospital was because the zombies were deactivated - because of Angel. Gunn, you know I know how much I owe you but the fact remains that if Angel hadn’t done his part then...”
“I know.” The child looked between Angel and Wesley in obvious annoyance. “But he left us hanging out there. Cordy was still getting her visions from the Powers That Be and you’d told him we were going to be responding to the call when it came in. He knew what was out there and he knew we were facing it.”
“And he saved us from the Skilosh demons.” Wesley appeared to be patience personified.
“You always defend him,” Cordelia pointed out.
“And if I didn’t you would, and if you didn’t, Gunn would. You only have the luxury of complaining about him right now because I'm doing the defending.”
Cordelia looked at Wesley in disbelief. “You’re telling him that?”
Wesley shrugged. “He may as well know the truth.”
“We don’t want him knowing the truth.” Gunn rolled his eyes at Wesley. “We want him feeling bad and buying us ice cream.”
“I do feel bad,” Angel assured them. “And I’ll buy you all the ice cream you can eat.”
“If it helps at all,” Giles told Cordelia and Gunn. “Now that I know how it was caused, I'm confident that I can reverse the spell.”
Cordelia looked at him with something like admiration. “That helps a lot.”
“You get all the cool points in the world - even with the whole tweed thing you’ve got going,” Gunn added.
“You can change them back?” No one had heard Dawn come in from school but the look on her face was one of dismay. “But not for a while, right? It’ll take some time to double check all your findings and go out and find the ingredients? And you’ll need to wait for the full moon, right? There always has to be a full moon.”
“Well, actually…” Giles began.
Dawn snatched up Gunn from Angel’s lap into her arms before giving Giles an anguished look. “Tell me it could take weeks?”
Giles grimaced, torn between wanting to let her down lightly and the needs of the three adults who were currently trapped in these child forms. “Well, days perhaps…”
Dawn gave an inarticulate cry and hugged Gunn more tightly. “Want to come and watch cartoons with me?” she asked brokenly.
“Okay,” Gunn stroked her hair tentatively. “You want me to get better, don’t you?”
“You’re perfect as you are,” she murmured.
“Dawn…” Buffy winced. “That’s not who Gunn is.”
“But I like him like this!”
“He has a whole life…”
“He does dangerous things. I can’t keep him safe once he goes back to LA.” She had tears in her eyes as she looked across at her sister. “We could protect him here.”
“He can protect himself,” Buffy said gently. “That’s the point.”
Sighing Dawn carried Gunn off to the living room. Buffy exchanged a grimace with Giles. “Oh dear. Poor Dawn.”
“I know how she feels.” Willow slumped onto one of the kitchen chairs, Tara automatically moving behind her to massage her stiff shoulders. “I mean… I want them to get better, of course I do, and I know it must be frustrating for them… but there were all the museums I wanted to take them too… and the stores… there are so many cute outfits for little girls and Cordy would look so adorable in them and…”
Giles took off his glasses. “I must confess that even I have enjoyed Wesley’s company considerably more than I anticipated, and will feel a small pang...”
Cordelia rolled her eyes at Wesley. “Can we say serious child substitute issues or what?”
“Would we have been any better if the things were reversed?” Wesley shrugged. “Supposing Buffy had turned up on our doorstep with a child-sized Willow, Xander and Giles in tow…”
“Oh boy.” Cordelia’s eyes lit up. “Willow had no taste at all when she was my size the first time around. I could totally re-educate her from like kindergarten up. And - oh my god! - Xander! We could actually bring him up to be cool - well, not you obviously, Wes, but Angel and I together could work a miracle - and oh - Giles - we’d find out if he was stuffy from when he was really small or if it just came on him later.”
Buffy smiled across at Giles. “Don’tcha just love Cordy when she’s being empathetic?”
“It’s always a treat,” Giles observed.
Wesley gazed across at Giles. “You really think you can reverse this spell?”
“Yes, absolutely. I know how the original spell was cast now, and what the activating elements were. As soon as Anya returns with the focusing orb I'm confident I can restore you all to your adult forms.”
Buffy looked at them cheerfully. “So, temporary munchkins, if there is anything really immature you’ve always wanted to do, you’d better schedule it for the next few days.”
“I just want to be big again,” Wesley said wistfully.
Buffy and Angel exchanged a glance. “Kind of missing the whole ‘second childhood - opportunity of a lifetime’ thing, isn’t he?” she observed.
“Wes, can’t you unwind for just a couple of days?” Angel pleaded.
Wesley looked up at him intently. “Angel, you know better than anyone how hard it’s been for me to become who I am. The last thing I want to do now or at any other time is revert to any previous version of myself.”
Cordelia leaned across and kissed him on his bruised cheekbone. “I liked the previous version of you.”
Wesley returned her gaze affectionately. “Was it the whole screaming like a woman thing that did it for you or the tripping over my own feet? Oh, wait, there was the caving at the first sign of danger and being prepared to sell Angel out to the first nasty demon that threatened my kneecaps. I can see how that was sexy, certainly. And yes, abducting Faith from Angel’s place just as he was getting through to her, thereby completely alienating her, before allowing her to escape. That was probably a real knee-trembler too.”
Cordelia grabbed his hair and yanked his head back, making him wince. “Listen to me, small boy who is dissing my friend, that was never everything that you were. You saved me from vamp Willow when she was evil and skanky. And you were only trying to follow the Council orders over Faith. It wasn’t your fault the Council was made up of boring old British guys who had the one brain to go around the whole bunch of them and at the time you were in Sunnydale had lost it behind the back of the couch. And if I thought you were a catch then you were a catch because - in case you’re forgetting - never wrong here.”
“Ouch, Cordelia, hurting me quite a lot now...”
“Want to be beaten to a pulp or do you want to accept that you had good qualities before you came to LA?”
“Yes, okay, anything you say. None of the stupid things I did were my fault. I was an irresistible stud muffin and the real mystery was why I wasn’t also having to fight off advances from Buffy and Willow. Happy now?”
Cordelia let him go and kissed him again triumphantly. “Perfectly.”
“You looked really nice in a tuxedo,” Buffy offered.
“I noticed that too,” Willow put in. “Really nice. Kind of James Bondy. Only not so big with the killing and the gadgets and the cocktails.”
“And yet you let me get away.” Wesley shook his head in mock confusion. “I'm still reeling from the surprise of that one.” He jumped down from the chair, looking purposeful.
“What are you doing?” Angel asked quickly.
“Going to watch cartoons with Gunn and Dawn. I only get to be a child for a few days longer, so apparently I should make the most of it.”
As Wesley went into the living room, Cordelia sighed. “He did look great in a tuxedo. Couldn’t kiss worth a damn back then though.”
“I heard that…” Wesley called back from the other room. “And I think it only fair to warn you that as a child I think I'm entitled to pull your hair quite hard.”
“You try it, buster! See how many of those first teeth you have left when I'm done with you!” Cordelia marched into the next room purposefully and they heard what sounded remarkably like a squeal, probably in response to a pinch, followed by some serious scuffling and muted thumping accompanied by much giggling.
The ever over-anxious Angel hurried into the hall to see what was going on and then came back in. “They’re hitting each other with your couch cushions. Dawn’s just letting them get on with it.”
“Well, Dawn still hits me with the couch cushions,” Buffy explained. “She’s probably training Gunn in cushion usage techniques. When he’s big again, if you come across a demon that can only be beaten to death using soft furnishings, he’ll definitely be your guy.”
Giles closed the book in front of him. “It’s been an exciting day - what with learning that this whole farrago could have been avoided if Angel and Anya had an ounce of emotional maturity between them. And much as I hate to miss the fun-packed thrill ride that is getting the children into their baths and pyjamas followed by persuading them to brush their teeth and then go to bed without being read to from something that would frighten a forty year old, I think I'm going home.”
“You just want to miss out on all the good stuff, don’t you?” Xander observed. “Personally, as I only have a few more days in which to fulfil my self-proclaimed mission to stuff Wesley full of unhealthy American fast food before he’s big enough to tell me where to shove my French fries and tacos, I'm heading for Starch’n’Sugar express to buy lots of things that cause diabetes. Who’s with me?”
“Oh, me!” Willow held up a hand. “And Tara too. I love watching Wesley eat. Not that he does it in a particularly funny way or anything, but it’s just reassuring to know that he does.”
“I'm going to run their bath.” Buffy sighed and held up what seemed to be a twelve inch long model of a full-rigged schooner. “They only have a little while left to play with this.”
“Actually they’ll probably go on playing with it once they’re big,” Angel called after the sorrowing adults as they went off on their self-appointed tasks. Left alone with Giles, he shrugged. “Wes and Gunn can be a little immature at times. You should see them play Risk. And although I haven’t actually caught them sliding down the banisters in the Hyperion, I think they do it when I'm not looking.”
“Making me all the more confused as to why you felt the need to turn them into children.” Giles held up a hand. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, Angel. But, you may want to reconsider your feelings about Wesley’s leadership. If you really have this much of a problem not being the person in charge of the agency that bears your name then it might be an idea to sit down and discuss it with him - man to well, vampire.”
“I don’t.” As Angel said it he realized that he meant it. “I think Wesley’s become a good leader. He and Cordelia fight like cat and dog sometimes but they have a lot of respect for each other, and he’s earned Gunn’s trust. When it counted those three were there for each other. I wasn’t. And, to be honest, Giles, this isn’t just about atonement, it’s about what Wesley was trained to be, and that wasn’t a research assistant to a vampire.”
“What is he meant to be?”
“A Watcher, like you. And, we both know at least part of the reason why Wesley didn’t work out here as Buffy’s Watcher was because she never gave him a chance. Not the chances she gave you. It was all theoretical with him. He didn’t have the field experience. But he would have got it. Unfortunately for him, he was being compared with a guy who was everything Buffy wanted from a Watcher, and who’d already had a chance to make his mistakes.”
“I'm sure I have more mistakes to come,” Giles returned quietly. “But I take your point. And I freely admit I wasn’t feeling very well disposed towards Wesley back then either.”
“The thing is, Wes had it in him to be a really good Watcher. His bastard father and his own need to try to get the guy to give him some praise mean that Wesley really did do his homework back at the Academy. He knows more languages, can identify more demons, understands more spells, than I ever could, and I’ve been alive - well, undead - two hundred and twenty years longer than he has. It’s all in his head. It always was. He just didn’t have the people skills to communicate it or the experience of actually dealing with any of the things he’d read about to make that jump from theory to practise. In LA, he has. But you know as well as anyone that a Watcher can’t function to the best of his ability if no one takes his advice or listens to his suggestions. When I was in charge of the agency I used to ignore Wesley if what he was saying didn’t fit in with my wishes. Now, I can’t do that. And you know what? It’s good for me. It’s good for Cordy and Gunn, and it’s good for the people we’re trying to help. As long as Wes doesn’t have a phone conversation with his father just before a mission, I don’t think Angel Investigations could have a better leader than the one it has right now.”
Smiling, Giles cleared his throat and nodded to the door. Angel turned to find three children looking at him solemnly. Gunn was the first one to give him a slow handclap. “What do you know,” he said. “The vampire’s talking sense for a change.”
“Yes, Angel.” Cordelia nodded. “I have to admit that sounded suspiciously like wisdom.”
Angel narrowed his eyes. “The vampire can totally kick your ass right now…” He turned into vamp face, yellow eyes glaring. “Last one in the bath gets eaten…”
As Gunn and Cordelia squealed delightedly and ran to Dawn demanding protection, Wesley lingered behind for a moment longer. “Thank you for what you said, Angel. It means a lot that you said it but perhaps if neither of us ever refer to it again, particularly in public, that would be best all round?”
Angel returned to his ordinary face and nodded in relief. “Definitely.”
Wesley paused in the doorway. “And will you read me a story tonight?”
Recognising that this was as close as Wesley was going to get for coming out and saying that he understood and forgave what Angel had done and the reasons why he had done it. Angel smiled at him gently. “Be glad to.”
Part Eleven
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