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[eliade]

The day I made my last post was one of the strangest days of my life. I will probably put it down to a confluence of events--viral sinus infection, a sudden surge in Wellbutrin efficacy, a fever spike, unmonitored Nyquil consumption. But after I posted and went back to the shelter, I had a strong premonition of death...which didn't pan out,

Comments

[kassrachel]

you blink reflexively, putting a buffer between yourself and these feelings and realizations

What a beautiful way to phrase this. Yes.

I snug you up. These are big things. You are in the very throes of big things.

[yourlibrarian]

What I mean is, I recognized how it would feel to have a stroke, to be immobilized, to be handled and moved around without being able to express anything--what can't be suffered is. People suffer this every day.

It's hard to bear that thought. It's like blinding sunlight: you blink reflexively, putting a buffer between yourself and these feelings and realizations.

Reading this I was reminded of that moment near the end of Angel S1 when Cordelia basically experiences just that and it immobilizes her.

Hope your current infection passes soon and you get good news about future steps.

[trepkos]

It's like blinding sunlight: you blink reflexively, putting a buffer between yourself and these feelings and realizations.

Yes. To get through life, you need to keep things out of perspective.
Keep going - we're all rooting for you.

[baunger1]

Just a fan here, again, sending you hopeful thoughts. So sorry you're going through such a painful time. Previously, you have inspired me with your writing; now, you are inspiring me with your strength in getting through this. Because, even if it doesn't feel like it, you are getting through it, and you will.

[ruthless1]

It seems like you are walking in liminal spaces right now. Your descriptions of your experiences are pretty amazing. I send you cat cuddles, strawberries and uninterrupted computer time.