I thought this was clever...
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
Anyway. I saw Cody tonight. Mmmmmmm.... That pretty much sums it up. Man. Tomorrow = Girl's Night at Melissa's, which should be fabulous due to the shopping expedition I made tonight. Saturday is Josh's horse show in the day and then probably a party with Cody? Sunday is Jessica's veiwing and funeral. Which will be... hard. I need something to wear. I hate that funerals make you have to deliberate about clothing of all things. Sigh. Life is funny.
PS. Jeff Buttle of Canada got the Bronze in Men's figure skating. Awww. Too bad Evan Lysacek didn't get anything, he was my favorite.
Ohhhh well. Bed time, I suppose.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
Anyway. I saw Cody tonight. Mmmmmmm.... That pretty much sums it up. Man. Tomorrow = Girl's Night at Melissa's, which should be fabulous due to the shopping expedition I made tonight. Saturday is Josh's horse show in the day and then probably a party with Cody? Sunday is Jessica's veiwing and funeral. Which will be... hard. I need something to wear. I hate that funerals make you have to deliberate about clothing of all things. Sigh. Life is funny.
PS. Jeff Buttle of Canada got the Bronze in Men's figure skating. Awww. Too bad Evan Lysacek didn't get anything, he was my favorite.
Ohhhh well. Bed time, I suppose.