Ah, that was very, very good. Will be rereading again. Very solid wrting and research. Mohandas has been derived from M. K. Gandhi's name ? I can help with the Indian details, if you want any.
Thanks! Yes, Mohandas takes his name from Gandhi (that fact may or may not be important later...). And thanks for the offer, I just might need to take you up on that. :-)
I am very intrigued by your story (I'm following it on FictionAlley). I like the Hogwarts part better than the part with Harry in the Stalag, maybe because having Hogan's Heroes in there seems a little off... This isn't supposed to be a humour fic, or is it? The Hogwarts part seems really dark, you have a good handle on making it suspenseful, and I love what you're doing with Slughorn.
I am very distracted by the Kommandant's accent. It is very hard to read. I live in Switzerland and know lots of German speakers who speak English as a second language, and those who have such good grammar as the Kommandant simply do not have a strong accent like that. Those who do have an accent cannot put together long sentences. The development of grammatical proficiency and phonological proficiency go hand in hand. (I'm also a linguist, so maybe I'm the only one who will notice that...)
Anyway, I hope that doesn't sound too negative, because actually I really am enjoying the story. I think you're a good storyteller.
Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'm also glad to hear that the Hogwarts bits are dark and suspenseful enough - that was one of my main concerns in writing this chapter.
No, this is not a humor fic (though I'll occasionally put humor in it). Frankly, the Hogwarts parts are more fun for me to write (though I'm trying not to let it show) than Harry's P.O.V. in the first couple of chapters. The Hogan's Heroes cameos were just me trying to get more interested in writing the Harry-as-P.O.W. bits (a necessary transition to get Harry where I need him to go). But don't worry - this fic isn't going to become an actual crossover.
About the Kommandant's accent - it's supposed to be weird. I meant for it to have a "cartoon villain" sort of feel to it. In fact, one would almost call it suspicious the way the Kommandant's grammar is so much better than what his accent would suggest...
(For another bit about the Kommandant, read Chapter 2.) And that's all I'm going to say. ;-)
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I am very distracted by the Kommandant's accent. It is very hard to read. I live in Switzerland and know lots of German speakers who speak English as a second language, and those who have such good grammar as the Kommandant simply do not have a strong accent like that. Those who do have an accent cannot put together long sentences. The development of grammatical proficiency and phonological proficiency go hand in hand. (I'm also a linguist, so maybe I'm the only one who will notice that...)
Anyway, I hope that doesn't sound too negative, because actually I really am enjoying the story. I think you're a good storyteller.
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No, this is not a humor fic (though I'll occasionally put humor in it). Frankly, the Hogwarts parts are more fun for me to write (though I'm trying not to let it show) than Harry's P.O.V. in the first couple of chapters. The Hogan's Heroes cameos were just me trying to get more interested in writing the Harry-as-P.O.W. bits (a necessary transition to get Harry where I need him to go). But don't worry - this fic isn't going to become an actual crossover.
About the Kommandant's accent - it's supposed to be weird. I meant for it to have a "cartoon villain" sort of feel to it. In fact, one would almost call it suspicious the way the Kommandant's grammar is so much better than what his accent would suggest...
(For another bit about the Kommandant, read Chapter 2.) And that's all I'm going to say. ;-)
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