Don't Look Back
Title: Don’t Look Back
Pairing: Jack/Juliet
Rating: R
Spoilers: Sneak Peeks for 4.06 “The Other Woman”
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Prompt: get_jackoff First Time
Dedication: For prettybutt’s birthday! Laura, I set out to write you a PWP, but it turned out having a little bit of a plot! Hope you like it.
“Hey. Are you all right?” Juliet asks softly. She crouches down next to him, her cool blue eyes focused intently on him in the way that makes Jack realize it’d be useless to lie. She would see right through him.
“No, not really. Are you?” He responds quietly. She shrugs a little and sits down on the sand, crossing her arms over her knees to match his position. Jack glances past her back toward where Charlotte is sitting, looking through a bag.
“You want to talk about it?” Juliet prompts him. Jack squints his eyes into the afternoon sunlight, shaking his head.
“Not much to really talk about. I still haven’t quite wrapped my mind around this whole…time…thing.” He ends vaguely, not hitting upon a way to adequately speak about the crazy concepts that Daniel had attempted to explain. “I guess I’m just glad that Sayid and Desmond are okay. That’s what matters.”
“I’m glad too,” she pauses, her mouth setting into a serious line. “But that’s not really what I was asking about, Jack, when I asked if you were all right.” She waits as Jack looks at her, confused for a moment. She knows he’ll understand in a second.
“You mean Kate.” Juliet nods once and Jack sighs. He turns his gaze out toward the ocean. “She chose to stay with Sawyer. It’s really no business of mine.”
“Jack,” Juliet almost reprimands him for trying to shrug it off; she knows better, and he knows it. “It’s fine if you’re upset. I understand.”
Jack tilts his head back toward her, a slightly bitter smile on his lips.
“Juliet, it’s not fine.” She seems puzzled by Jack’s response. “I have no right to be upset. I really mean it when I say it’s no business of mine. I can’t make anyone come with us. Kate’s choice is her own, and it has nothing to do with me. If she wants to stay here with Sawyer, that’s her call.” Jack pushes up off the sand to stand and Juliet raises her head to look up at him.
“You’re not going to go after her?” She sounds surprised.
“There’s really no reason that I should, is there?” Jack asks. Juliet has many reasons why, the first one being that he clearly loves her, but she doesn’t voice any of them. Instead when he turns to walk away, she catches his hand, making him stop.
“Jack.” Her blue eyes question him silently.
“This is almost over, Juliet. The decisions…the decisions we make now - these are the ones that count.” His voice is strong yet slightly wavering, the way he speaks when he’s unsure but trying to seem like he has it all together. But his next words ring more true, more determined. She can see that Jack means what he says. “This is it. I’m leaving this island. We’re both leaving this island. It’s time to start thinking about what’s next, not what we’re leaving behind.”
Juliet nods slowly, trying to let the thought become final. It really is all coming to an end; she hadn’t dared to believe it before now. She stands up and steps before him; she keeps hold of his hand because his fingers twined with hers feel right, because he has made no effort at all to let her hand go. She looks out to the horizon.
Somewhere, just beyond where her eyes can see, is the freighter that awaits to take them home. Now that Sayid is there and safe, she no longer doubts that they’re going to make it.
“You think you’ll ever miss it?”
“What? Being here?” Jack grins, chuckling and shaking his head. “No.” Juliet smiles back.
“Me either.” But deep down they both know they will miss it, if only a little. Maybe they’ll miss the rolling of the waves or the scent of the air, but there will be something that they will look back on fondly or that will make their heart tug slightly at the memory. “Now we wait, huh.”
“Now we wait.” Jack repeats. He looks back out over the ocean as if maybe they won’t have to wait long. Maybe they’re on their way right now to come get them. But Juliet keeps her eyes locked on Jack’s handsome face, wondering how things will be for them once they leave this place. Will they still see one another?
The thought occurs to her that this could be the end for them too. The future seems more uncertain now than ever before.
“Do you want to take a walk?” Juliet suggests, nodding toward the stretch of beach that leads away from camp, deserted and alone. Jack is caught off-guard by the question but quickly nods, smiling shyly. He eyes Charlotte, who is sitting underneath a palm tree reading some kind of manual. Daniel has arrived back and is pacing slowly and unevenly behind her, one hand making loose gestures in the air and the other holding out a journal. He appears to be mouthing some words aloud.
“Do you think they’ll miss us?” He replies. Juliet shrugs, not caring. She flips over the flap of the bag she has over her shoulder, displaying its contents for Jack.
“I have their phone and our only guns. Even if they do miss us, they’re not going to be able to do much.” Her giggle matches Jack’s light laugh as she closes the bag back up. It feels good to smile, and to be smiled at. She inclines her head toward the beach once more. “Shall we go?”
*******
“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get back?” Juliet asks him, her steps matching his as they amble along the shoreline. The wind is blowing her loose curls around and she reluctantly extricates her hand from his grasp in order to tie it all back in a ponytail.
When Jack slips her palm back against his as soon as her hand lowers to her side once again, Juliet tries to hide the surge of joy she feels but is sure that she doesn’t quite succeed. It’s like she’s in eighth grade again; that’s the last time she can remember being so utterly thrilled and excited about someone’s hand in hers.
“The first thing after all of the questions and the phone calls and everything like that?”
“Yeah, after that. The first thing you’re gonna do for yourself.”
“I’m going to take a shower and then I’m going to sleep. For days.” He chuckles but his laugh has an undercurrent of sadness. “I can’t think of the last time I slept a whole night.”
Juliet squeezes his hand gently.
“What are you going to do?” Jack inquires, moving on.
“I don’t know…I think I’m looking most forward to hugging my sister.”
“Rachel.”
“Yeah. I can’t even…I can’t wait. The thought of finally going back after all this time…” She looks into Jack’s deep brown eyes and sees a reflection of everything she is feeling, the fear and the hope. “After the submarine, I never thought it was going to happen.”
“Me either.” Jack admits. “I’m still waiting for this to go wrong, honestly.”
“Let’s just pretend for a minute that for once, everything will work out,” Juliet suggests. Jack laughs.
“Optimism isn’t really my style.”
“That’s why I said pretend,” she jokes, nudging him.
Jack glances down the length of the beach, which is totally empty save the traces of their footprints along the shoreline. They are standing where the sand meets stone, the outcropping of rocks stretching out into the surf.
“Should we go back?” He raises an eyebrow, already taking a step back in the direction from whence they came, but Juliet tugs on his elbow.
“Jack.” The corner of her mouth quirks upward, her eyes alight. Jack looks at her expectantly, knowing she clearly has something on her mind.
“Juliet.” He replies with an amused smile of his own, waiting for her to continue.
Instead of speaking, she moves closer, setting her hands flat on his broad chest and tilting her head, her lips brushing over his. He doesn’t pull back; he remains still as she kisses him. When she draws back just enough to look into his eyes, she finds that familiar expression of pleasant surprise mingled with confusion on his face. His eyes are scanning hers for some sign on how to read the situation or for what he is supposed to do next.
Juliet waits, so close that she could easily kiss him again. But she wants him to fill the silence this time, to make the decision as to what happens now. Last time she’d walked away with a flippant comment, leaving him bewildered, but now she wants to see exactly what he’ll do.
Jack seems to consider something for a moment, his eyes moving over her face, and then he shuts them, closing the space between them and kissing her again. This kiss is far less chaste and she opens her mouth to him readily, sliding her tongue along his.
Her hands find his waist and he presses closer. Juliet shivers as his body meets hers. It’s actually the first time Jack has been against her since he’d grabbed her in his escape attempt, all those days ago back at the Hydra, in that other life that seems like some bad dream now. His touch is as gentle and careful now as it had been rough and violent then.
“You know…Ben thought you were brought here to save him,” she says quietly in the small space between kisses. Jack pauses at her words and she brushes a finger along the line of his jaw. She is overwhelmed with how much she feels for him in that moment; it’s been so long since anyone was so beautiful and treasured in her eyes, or who looked at her as if she really meant something. “Sometimes I’m sure you came here to save me.”
“You saved yourself,” Jack replies, so strongly that it catches her off guard. “I had nothing to do with it.”
Juliet runs her hand through his hair, the other resting on his shoulder.
“You had a little to do with it,” she remarks, careful to keep her tone playful even though she wishes he wouldn’t be scared by her words. He doesn’t want to be anyone’s savior. He hadn’t wanted that position when he crashed here, and he’s looking forward to leaving that behind now. Jack sighs, reluctant, and Juliet brushes her thumb over his temple, then down his cheek, wanting to ease the tension from his serious face.
“Come here,” she says, backing up a little and then turning. Jack sits down on the rocks and Juliet cups his face in her hands, standing in between his knees and making him look up at her. “You, Jack Shephard, are a good man.”
“Juliet,” Jack starts, coloring faintly, laughing a bit nervously. She doesn’t let him off the hook, though. She needs him to hear her, to understand how much she means it.
“You are.” Juliet dips her head and kisses him again. This time she doesn’t wait for his permission, wait for him to give. She kisses Jack hard, forcefully, dominating him from her position over him.
Juliet eases herself down onto his lap, straddling him, putting her knees on either side of him. Jack makes a noise of surprise but his hands find her hips and he doesn’t push her away, but pulls her body closer, tighter, to his.
The waves lap the shore as she moves against him, calm and comforting, steady. Passion flares between them, but it is warm like the rays of the afternoon sun that wash over their bodies. It doesn’t spark fast and burn them up. It spreads slowly, throughout every inch, leaving them content and relaxed.
And relaxed is the perfect word for what she feels. She can sense Jack is right there with her, his muscles loosening and his kisses growing slack, easy, against her lips. She sinks into him like she’s dipping into quicksand, letting herself get lost in his kiss.
It happens so naturally and easily that she barely even notices as things escalate. His hands slip under her shirt and she’s tugging his blue tee over his head, tossing the sweat-soaked fabric aside. Jack peels her dirty white tank off her body and Juliet realizes that like this, as they are, it feel almost like they’re becoming clean again, the closer they get to skin on skin. With every passing moment, it feels more right.
He’s hard and she can feel it as her body molds to his. Juliet considers that now hardly seemed the right time to do this, when his head and his heart don’t quite seem to be in the same place, but then it occurs to her that there might be no right time, no other time. She wants this - wants him - and if in this moment, he wants her, it’s more than enough.
Jack lets her take the lead as she shimmies out of her jeans and settles back into his lap, her hands deftly unzipping him, pulling him out.
It’s more perfect than any fantasy she may have had; Jack is so willing underneath her hands, his lips so welcoming of her kisses. He is desperate, but not the kind of desperate that hurts, that’s sad, or strange. He’s desperate for her, his hands roaming her body, her name leaving his lips. He kisses her shoulders, buries his face against her neck as he enters her.
Juliet cries out and he groans but then they fall silent, the sound of their breathing the only interruption of the nature around them. She forces her eyes open, looking at him as she begins to move on top of him, watching the sensations flicker over his face.
This is the closest she’s ever felt to anyone. The most open and honest.
Jack holds her for a long time afterward, their bodies wrapped around one another. Juliet nearly falls asleep right there, against the steady beating of his heart and in the loving warmth of his embrace.
For the first time since she’s come to this island, Juliet feels perfectly safe. She almost wishes she didn’t have to leave.
*******
Juliet tries to adjust the pilings of her makeshift tent. It’s been rickety and swaying since the day she moved into it but until now she hadn’t cared much. She hadn’t cared that the fabric and plastic hanging from its sides barely afforded her any privacy, sometimes blowing open in the wind and its length barely reaching to the ground. She only has a blanket and a pillow for one and the rest of the space is barren.
Tonight, hopefully her last night here, she wants it to be perfect. Tonight, she won’t be sleeping alone.
She struggles with the shifting timber until Sun kindly comes over to assist her, a smile on her beautiful face. She, too, looks like a great weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
“Need some help?” Sun offers.
“I’m fine,” Juliet responds out of habit, used to doing things on her own, but welcomes Sun’s assistance. “I just can’t seem to get this steady.” Sun grabs holds and with a final tug the pole slides into place. “Nice.” She surveys their work and finishes tying the wood together. “Thanks.”
“Why are you going through this trouble when we’re about to leave this island?” Sun inquires, interested and a bit concerned. Juliet smiles at her kindly, wondering what Sun’s reaction would be if she told her the truth, that she was cleaning her place up because she was going to need the privacy.
“Well, I still need some place to sleep tonight, right?” Sun nods, smiling back. Juliet finishes the final knots on the newly strong support post as Jack cuts into their soft conversation. Moments later she realizes she should’ve known, by the way he said her name, that she should’ve immediately been worried, but right then all that happened was a warm flush spreading over her body, a jolt of excitement at hearing his voice.
“Have you seen…” He pauses, looking at Sun. He’s breathless, his darting glance anxious. “Charlotte and Faraday? All their stuff’s gone.”
“No, I haven’t seen them. You still have the sat phone, right?” She responds quietly. In her opinion, Charlotte and Daniel could wander away into the jungle all they wanted to; she knows they can’t accomplish much without all of their gadgets and gear. They’re harmless, powerless, but from the look on Jack’s face it’s clear that he doesn’t feel so assured.
Jin speaks up, pointing toward the jungle, and Sun quickly translates that her husband had seen the pair go.
“What didn’t he say anything?” Jack asks, dismayed, but Jin’s answer is so honest and trusting that it pushes the responsibility back toward Jack, reminding him that Jin had stopped worrying about their two new arrivals on his word alone.
“You said…they were friends.” Jin manages to get out in unsteady English, and Jack’s shoulders slump.
“Aren’t they?” Sun immediately follows up on her husband’s confused question. Juliet looks to Jack, knowing in that moment that they’re both screwed. Jack sighs.
“I don’t like them going out into the jungle on their own. They have no idea what’s out there.” Jack responds. Juliet has to commend him; his ability to lie convincingly has grown since they first met. She might worry she was a bad influence if his new skill hadn’t just come in handy right then. “It’s not safe. The last thing we need is our rescuers getting killed. Not after what happened with Naomi.”
Juliet steps into her tent, picking up her bag. She takes out one of the guns and holds it out to Jack. He takes it from her and tucks it into the back waistband of his jeans.
“Let’s go.”
“You are going right now?” Sun’s eyes grow wide with worry and behind her, Juliet can see a couple more people from camp growing interested in the goings-on, faces peering at them from around campfires and underneath tents. She sets her mouth into a tight frown and nods toward the jungle.
“We’ve got to track them while the trail is still fresh. The sooner we find them, the better,” Juliet explains, turning to leave. Jack falls into step beside her. Sun follows until Jack turns to her, setting a steady hand on her arm.
“It’ll be fine, Sun. We’ll find them and we’ll be back before you know it.” Jack’s assurance makes her feet stop moving and she lets them leave, but Juliet can tell from the expression on her face that the woman is still incredibly uneasy. Her gaze weighs heavy on their backs as she and Jack head into the darkness.
*******
The morning sun is trickling down through the jungle canopy and Juliet can feel her clothes finally beginning to dry. If she weren’t so tired she could probably find amusement in their situation. Last night she had cleaned herself up, found new clothes, combed out her long blonde hair, made herself look presentable. Only took a few hours before she was dirty and wet and looking like a complete mess.
She glances back over her shoulder at Jack. He’s been quiet and tense ever since they’d encountered Harper, Goodwin’s widow, in the jungle and she’d given Juliet instructions from Ben.
Standing in the rain, in the dark, she had asked Jack to trust her and to help her, and he’d agreed. The look in his eyes, which glimmered with distrust the way they had when they first met, made her heart sink. Not even a day ago his hands had caressed her body, his lips on hers, his eyes filled with, if not love, at least enough emotion to show how much he cared.
Now he stalks behind her silently, his jaw tight and his lips settled into a deep frown. Juliet sighs and turns away from him, walking a bit faster. She wants this done and over with.
His footsteps cease, however, the rustle through the brush suddenly quiet.
“Juliet,” he whispers and Juliet stops too, turning around quickly to find Jack standing still as a statue, his gun drawn. She pulls her own weapon and follows his gaze. There is something - or rather, someone - lying in the tall grass. She can see the person’s feet from where she stands.
She watches Jack and circles in, moving in tandem to approach the stranger carefully.
Then Jack drops his gun to his side and makes three huge steps forward, his face turning white.
“Kate!” Juliet drops her gun and rushes toward them both. Jack drops down to his knees beside Kate’s prostrate form. “Kate?” She doesn’t awake and he checks her quickly for a pulse, for breath. He is panicked, terrified. “She’s alive.” He pushes strands of her long brown hair back from her forehead and his fingers come away bloody. “She’s bleeding.”
Juliet quickly peels her pack from her back and drops it to the ground, opening it up and pulling out the few medical supplies she kept with her. Gauze, tape, rubbing alcohol…her hands are shaking as she sets the items down on the uneven ground.
“Someone hit her,” Jack states, tilting her head upward just slightly to feel the wound. “It’s not that bad.” He breathes out deeply, relieved. “It’s a small gash, it’s not that deep.”
Kate makes a noise, coughing, and her eyes blink open.
“Kate?” Jack cradles her head as she comes to, confused and scared.
“Jack?” She looks at him for a long moment and then sits up, bringing her hand to her head. Juliet sets a steadying hand on the other woman’s arm as Kate sways slightly.
“You received a blow to the head, Kate. Don’t try to get up.” Juliet tells her calmly, moving to get a better look at Kate’s cut, carefully moving her fingers through Kate’s hair to clear the wound.
“What are you doing out here? Who did this to you?” Jack asks. Kate pauses, getting a grip on the situation.
“I was coming back, and I ran into Dan…and that Charlotte woman. They said something about going to look for Charlotte’s stuff to get a battery for the phone, but they had a phone and it was working.” Juliet and Jack exchange looks. Kate winces as Juliet dabs her wound, cleaning it.
“Sorry.”
“They had a phone?”
“Yeah. Dan had a pack, with gas masks and all this other stuff…I asked him what it was all for and…” Kate sighs. “That’s all I remember. What the hell is going on?”
“How long ago was this?”
“I don’t know.”
“This is important, Kate. Last night, this morning?” Juliet prompts her and Kate shoots her a look, annoyed.
“This morning.” She tilts her head upward, trying to look at which way the sun’s rays are falling. “I don’t know, it couldn’t have been more than two hours ago.”
Jack glances at Juliet, holding out his hands to take the gauze from her.
"I've got to go after them. They might be there already."
“Go now,” Jack instructs her. She looks at Kate, unsure, then looks back to Jack. Jack nods at her, trying to assure her it'll be all right. “We’ll be right behind you.”
Juliet tries not to think about anything else; not about the way Jack is holding Kate or the frantic look in his eyes as his heart settles back down in his chest. She pauses after putting her backpack onto her shoulders, looking down at the pair of them on the ground. Kate squeezes Jack’s free hand as the alcohol stings the gash on the back of her head.
Without a word, she turns away, trying to find a sign of Charlotte and Dan’s trail.
“Juliet.” Jack is behind her, setting a hand on her shoulder. He pulls her around to face him. “Be careful.”
“I will.” She replies. She expects him to turn right back around and go to Kate, so she herself starts to go, not wanting to watch, but instead he stops her. He leans forward, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss is sweet and short but it’s more than what she needs.
“We’ll catch up,” Jack promises her, drawing back, pushing the wayward strands of hair back behind her ear. Juliet nods and rises up slightly on tiptoe to kiss him again.
She gives him a small smile before turning and walking away. She doesn’t look back; she doesn’t need to. She knows now that he’ll soon be right behind her.