feeling very unsexy
I had plans today. They weren't the most exciting but they were mine.
I was going to do my laundry and enjoy a little relaxation/me-time. (Read: hot shower & orgasms.) But instead I was visited by a guy I know who bothered me for several hours.
And after today's "fun" (see my previous post--a letter to the jerk who creeped me out & pissed me off today--for more details), I realized that I don't even want to touch myself at the moment, let alone let anyone else.
(Although I wouldn't mind another hug from my dad or mom, and I can't wait to visit with my best friend tomorrow & get a bear hug. I just hope I'm not feeling so weepy tomorrow, because I hate crying in front of people!)
I hate people who take liberties I've not granted--people who don't even ask.
Many of my family members have gossiped that they think I'm "a big lezbo" and others seem to think I'm a big slut. The truth is that I want more than a quick grope or fuck. And I'm not interested in helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend. I want a guy to call me, and at least date me a bit. I definately don't want to be touched with intent just because I'm there. I haven't ever been touched sexually by someone I wanted to touch me. I've never been touched that way by someone I wanted. I had my first and only kiss when I was nine. I've had a few opportunities to be kissed since then--but it never felt right.
Because:
1) I'm not into cheaters and
2) I don't want to be kissed my some drunken louse that doesn't give a damn about what I want &
3) even if you're a nice girl, I'm honestly not attracted to you. I don't want to experiment and I'm not feeling confused and you creep me out. So don't touch me without permission, I'm not interested!)