Too Much, Too Late (Prussia, Poland)
Title: Too Much, Too Late
Warnings: Talking about sex
Summary: Prussia tries to make peace with Poland.
Characters: Poland, Prussia, Gilbird
Year: Ambiguous modern
“And you like, totally owe EVERYTHING to me,” said the little bitch, tossing back his eighth shot like it was water. Prussia considered setting Gilbird on him. “Who else would have given you land, with a record like yours?”
“You didn't gi--” There were so many things wrong with that sentence, he didn't even know where to start. Prussia gritted his teeth.
Moving into the twenty-first century, Ludwig had gotten the idea that it was time to put past grievances behind them. He himself had set an example by sending France flowers... although they'd been poppies, which Prussia thought was an ambiguous choice. But anyway, he'd sworn to rescind TV privileges until Prussia found someone to make amends with.
“Like, seriously. You really don't play well with others.”
He'd thought Poland would be a safe bet; he couldn't blame him for all that 1939 stuff, he wasn't even sovereign anymore by then. And he'd been more or less right-- or the guy hadn't wanted to talk about it. What he hadn't counted on was Poland's revisionism.
“You know when it really went downhill for you?” Prussia promised himself that he wouldn't say anything, no matter what-- “Bromberg.” He inhaled about a tablespoon of vodka, coughing hard. Poland ignored him. “You could have just stayed at my house, you know? I wouldn't have minded. I mean, sure, it would've been a little crowded with Toris there, but like--” Prussia contemplated living with both of them. He took another shot. “--we could have made it work, you know?”
They were silent for a moment, Poland looking wistful, Prussia thinking-- quietly-- about what the other man would look like with his head bashed in. “You're awfully quiet today,” said Poland. Prussia grunted. “Anyway, this is pretty good stuff.” He raised shot nine, toasted him, and knocked it back. “Where'd you get it?”
“You brought it.”
“Oh. I did? Right! Yeah, anyway...” his tone turned contemplative. Prussia braced himself. “I kinda miss back then, you know? Back when we were close. Before all that other shit went down, you know?” Prussia wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. There'd been, uh, a lot of shit. “We had some good times, back before you were such a dick abut Pomeralia.”
Prussia gritted his teeth. “If you had've just given me my fucking money--”
“What was that?” Poland's smile was friendly.
“...nothing,” Prussia grumbled. He'd started to like some of those crime dramas recently.
“So yeah, and then you were such a baby about that oath your Grand Master took, like, really--”
He really wanted to see that episode next week.
“--a little homage, you know, between friends--”
He'd heard that next week, an Italian was going to die.
“--but, you know, even that time you and Muscovy were messing with us... even-- even when you pulled all that shit with him and Austria--” Prussia looked up from his drink. It was the first time the other guy had implied that he even knew the last three centuries had happened. “Even then, you never stopped being gorgeous, you know?”
Prussia inhaled another quarter shot, coughing hard and pounding his chest. Poland didn't notice, staring into the bottom of his drink. Finally, he got out “Lithu--”
“Oh, Toris wants to cook you over a slow fire,” he said, cheerfully. “So yeah, I'd stay away from him and dark alleys...”
Prussia stayed away from anyone and dark alleys.
Wait a second. “You totally wanna do me,” he accused.
Poland batted his eyelashes. “Who didn't, back in the day?” Prussia found that he resented the way that was phrased. “You were so young, so much energy, and God, your armies--”
“Yeah, my armies were pretty awesome,” he said, wistfully.
“--and you would have looked so good spread out under me, all naked and wanting--”
...ok, that wasn't what he thought he was going to hear.
“--squirming and begging--”
“Lithuania,” said Prussia, ninety-five percent sure he was glad to have a reason to stop that line of thought.
“...right,” said Poland, sighing.
There was silence for a moment, as they both tried to decide how to deal with this conversation.
“...I would never have bottomed to you,” said Prussia.
The look Poland sent him was smoky. “Oh please, honey. You'd bottom to Latvia, and we both know it.”
Words-- there were no words. He settled for an indignant squawk.
“--and I'd make it so good for you, so much better than that clumsy brother of yours--”
“--I am not fucking Lu--”
“--so good,” he said, eyes full of dark promises, and for a moment, Prussia forgot that he was skinny, and blond, and taken...
“Lithuania,” he said, weakly.
“He wouldn't have to know,” came the whispered reply.
Everything that had once been Catholic in Prussia recoiled at that. “You've gotta be shitting me.”
Poland sighed, and poured himself another drink. “I wouldn't do it. I never have. But...” he looked Prussia up and down, and Prussia found himself-- perversely-- getting warm. “...but if I had, it would've been you,” he finished.
He didn't say anything else, much to Prussia's relief.
“Well,” Poland said, finally. “I should probably be getting home.”
Prussia looked him over dubiously. “I don't think that's--”
“--so I'll see you at the next conference, ok?”
And with that, he was up and out the door-- his gait suspiciously steady for someone who'd been talking like he had.
Prussia poured himself another shot of Poland's vodka, knocking it back with a sigh. He wasn't sure whether to call this evening a success, or--
Spread out under me, all naked and wanting...
I'd make it so good...
...it would've been you.
Well. At least he could comfort himself that it had probably gone better than Germany's poppies.
NOTES
*I THINK Poland might be talking about Pomeralia and Danzig (as Prussia is keeping himself from pointing out, he TOOK those from Poland, and besides, he had land in Old Prussia anyway ._.)
*With the Treaty of Bromberg, the Polish king granted Prussia-Bandenburg Hohenzollerns sovereignty of the Duchy of Prussia (and a whole bunch of land), in exchange for military aid. Pussy.
*On Prussia being a dick about Pomeralia: we'll let wiki do the talking. "the Margraviate of Brandenburg staked its claim on the territory in 1308, leading Władysław I the Elbow-high to request assistance from the Teutonic Knights, which evicted the Brandenburgers. After Władysław refused to pay the substantial fee to the Teutonic Knights, the province was annexed and incorporated into the Teutonic Order state in 1309" Alternately, http://pyrrhiccomedy.livejournal.com/39420.html#cutid1 xD.
*Re:Muscovy: ok so at the beginning of the 16th century, Russia-- we're calling him Muscovy now, to distinguish between all the OTHER times he and Prussia fucked with Poland-- invaded Lithuania, who was in a "personal union" with Poland (I hope this language NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY). So Prussia was supposed to help them out, but instead he was like "You know, those, Peaces of Thorn? They kinda sucked," and he allied himself with Muscovy. Cue the second Polish-Teutonic War.
*Shit Prussia Pulled with Austria and Russia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_Partitions
*Thanks for reading!