Keep Quiet, I'll bite my tongue
Siwon didn’t know what to believe anymore. On one hand, he wanted to stick with what he was taught since he was young. God is good, God is great, and a man must never lie with another man. If only the Leviticus person had not written his book of the bible. Why couldn’t he have had writer’s block that day? If that line didn’t exist, then his problem wouldn’t exist.
The opposing factor was his body. It told him to say ‘yes’ when Heechul asked if he could kiss him. His heart racing, his breathing coming out in short breaths. Yet with all these clues, he reverted back to what he was taught by his parents, and politely rejected the offer. His stomach sank when Heechul’s reaction was to only shrug and walk away.
Which side possessed the truth, and which side possessed the lies?
He knew that Heechul’s short obsession with him was over when he had heard sounds coming from Hankyung’s room at night. Some of those nights, he went outside to the balcony to escape the sounds that reminded him of what he could not have. He lay down on the balcony, tracing designs in the dust. Remembering back to earlier that day when Hankyung came up to him.
“Heechul and I are going out now.”
Siwon answered without emotion. “I know.”
Hangkyung hesitated before saying, “You know, you’re always welcome to join us.”
“You know what I believe,” Siwon said, looking up.
“Is it that you don’t like us? The way you act, I was under the impression…”
Siwon sighed, “Of course I like you guys, but Leviticus says-“
“Yeah, yeah, I know. So you’ve said before.” He started walking away with a saddened expression on his face. Pausing, he turned to face Siwon again. “But are you really going to let a bunch of stuffy old dead guys tell you what to do?” And with that, he walked away.
Siwon began to have doubts. Maybe Hankyung was right. Although it was still the best-selling book in the world, the people who had written it had long been dead. After all, what was the bible except for man’s interpretation of God’s word. Since man made mistakes, couldn’t that mean that the bible contained mistakes? He looked up from the balcony he lay on.
Which side possessed the truth, and which side possessed the lies?
He got back up, brushing himself off. Walking back inside, he stopped at Hankyung’s door. He put his ear to the crack, listening, but only heard murmurs of a conversation. He knocked as he entered.
The two were laying on the bed in their pajamas. Heechul looked up confused. Hankyung smiled. Siwon looked at the floor nervously before saying, “Got room for one more?”
He was still looking at the floor when Heechul swung his legs out of the bed. Therefore, he didn’t see the smile on Heechul’s face as he walked towards him. He did, however, feel Heechul’s soft hands cup his cheeks, turning his face up to the older man’s.
“What about your religion?” Heechul asked.
“Lies,” Siwon replied, “All lies.” Heechul smiled and pulled him into his arms.
Siwon knew the lies were coming from him. He was lying to himself that this was alright, lying to himself that the bible was incorrect in scenarios like this one. But never knowing happiness, he felt, was worse than the alternative.