New Years
Alright well I don't update this much, but I've come to understand that writing down my thoughts could be pretty useful to me. I'm gonna use LJ to do this then. And what better way to start than by recording my New Year's resolutions?
Okay, resolutions.
1) Stop picking at my skin. Seriously. And that includes biting the skin around my nails, scratching my arms, face, etc. AND messing with my KP.
2) Stop procrastinating. Use scheduling and start every assignment the day it's assigned whenever possible. Work on any specific project about once every two days. But no going overboard and reverting back into some OCD habits.
3) Be kind. There's a difference between nice and kind. I honestly don't see myself as a very nice person, but I can be kind. I should be kind, anyway, it's how I view myself. But I've been neglecting my kindness in favor of defensiveness. I've only recently started to understand this, but my abrasiveness and (unfortunately explosive) anger is rooted in my own insecurity. Whenever my competence is challenged I respond by withdrawing and reacting in anger. I think I do this because I view myself as weak, or at least weaker than I want to be. It's not my self-esteem but rather the lack of control I can exert over myself. I suspect it's a result of my past experience with OCD. Now that I'm trying to function on my own, I realize how much I used to depend on my disorder. But I have good reason to suspect that if I get control over my physical habits, such as scheduling and not picking at my skin, it will help me calm my disposition. Controlling my bad habits will lead me to more control over myself as a whole, which will reduce my desire to use anger and meanness as a defense. Hopefully, I'll discard the need to defend my competence all together. Once I know I can handle myself, they'll be no reason for me to feel cornered with any accusations.
4) Count my carbohydrates. Whether or not it turns out that I have that glutin disease, a yeast imbalance, high trigycerides or anything of the like, I have to stop letting myself slip in my low carb habits. Food can no longer be a major pleasure for me. Sure, I can enjoy it, but snacking, if it's not healthy, is a no. I can't keep letting myself slip with all the "oh well I didn't have many today..." excuses. I will record my carbs to the best of my ability and honestly avoid going over about 80 per day. 100 if it's more complex carbs rather than candy and cookies and such. Sugary foods need to be avoided the most. One treat a day at the most, even on weekends. For holidays and parties there's a necessity for some moe than that, but I can't go overboard, even on Christmas and my birthday.
5) Pick up some hobbies. Once the first three resolutions get going, I can start dabbling in some of the hobbies I've wanted to explore for a long time. Like violin, programming, detective work and pastels and such.
That's all I have for now. Just five. If I think of another significant one I'll add it later. I have to sleep now though so...that's it. I need to work on some late Secret Santas tomorrow anyway, if I have time between family obligations. Happy New Year!
Okay, resolutions.
1) Stop picking at my skin. Seriously. And that includes biting the skin around my nails, scratching my arms, face, etc. AND messing with my KP.
2) Stop procrastinating. Use scheduling and start every assignment the day it's assigned whenever possible. Work on any specific project about once every two days. But no going overboard and reverting back into some OCD habits.
3) Be kind. There's a difference between nice and kind. I honestly don't see myself as a very nice person, but I can be kind. I should be kind, anyway, it's how I view myself. But I've been neglecting my kindness in favor of defensiveness. I've only recently started to understand this, but my abrasiveness and (unfortunately explosive) anger is rooted in my own insecurity. Whenever my competence is challenged I respond by withdrawing and reacting in anger. I think I do this because I view myself as weak, or at least weaker than I want to be. It's not my self-esteem but rather the lack of control I can exert over myself. I suspect it's a result of my past experience with OCD. Now that I'm trying to function on my own, I realize how much I used to depend on my disorder. But I have good reason to suspect that if I get control over my physical habits, such as scheduling and not picking at my skin, it will help me calm my disposition. Controlling my bad habits will lead me to more control over myself as a whole, which will reduce my desire to use anger and meanness as a defense. Hopefully, I'll discard the need to defend my competence all together. Once I know I can handle myself, they'll be no reason for me to feel cornered with any accusations.
4) Count my carbohydrates. Whether or not it turns out that I have that glutin disease, a yeast imbalance, high trigycerides or anything of the like, I have to stop letting myself slip in my low carb habits. Food can no longer be a major pleasure for me. Sure, I can enjoy it, but snacking, if it's not healthy, is a no. I can't keep letting myself slip with all the "oh well I didn't have many today..." excuses. I will record my carbs to the best of my ability and honestly avoid going over about 80 per day. 100 if it's more complex carbs rather than candy and cookies and such. Sugary foods need to be avoided the most. One treat a day at the most, even on weekends. For holidays and parties there's a necessity for some moe than that, but I can't go overboard, even on Christmas and my birthday.
5) Pick up some hobbies. Once the first three resolutions get going, I can start dabbling in some of the hobbies I've wanted to explore for a long time. Like violin, programming, detective work and pastels and such.
That's all I have for now. Just five. If I think of another significant one I'll add it later. I have to sleep now though so...that's it. I need to work on some late Secret Santas tomorrow anyway, if I have time between family obligations. Happy New Year!