Sherlock Does Omegle
Sherlock was bored, so John suggested he try going on Omegle. Of course, Sherlock would never lower himself to such a thing...unless he was really, really unbearably bored. Which, as it turns out, he was.
You: Bored.
Stranger: me too
You: Wonderful.
Stranger: what to do...what to do
You: Do you have a gun?
Stranger: no
You: A violin?
Stranger: no :(
You: Not even nicotine patches?
Stranger: no :(
You: ...
You: You're useless to me.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
Stranger: I'm like Tinkerbell
You: I'm not.
You: Are we done here?
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
Stranger: What are you(you can choose more then 1):
A) Male looking for Male
B) Male looking for Female
C) Female looking for Male
D) Female looking for Female
E) Male (horny) looking for Male (horny)
F) Male (horny) looking for Female (horny)
G) Female (horny) looking for Male (horny)
H) Female (horny) looking for Female (horny)
I) Into BDSM SUB
J) Into BDSM DOM
You: A, G,
Stranger: What?
You: Don't think too hard, you'll strain something.
Stranger: U a changling?
Stranger: well im E F I
You: That's nice. I didn't ask.
Stranger: but it's not suit u in anyway does it?
You: ...
You: Reread that sentence and tell me if it makes sense.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
John informed him that he should probably have some sort of intro post, either introducing himself or his interests so people will know if they want to talk to him. So Sherlock thought for a moment then tried one of his favourite conversation starters.
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: hey
Stranger: and i like to be one
You: You're hardly a very good one, then.
Stranger: u'll know it when i'll be thr to kill u
You: Haha, hold on.
Stranger: okay
Stranger: ;)
You: John says you wouldn't get past the street corner.
You: But he told me to thank you for the laugh.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
You: Is this a staring contest?
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
You: No.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: what about sexcrazed girls?
Stranger: ;)
You: Not unless they're disembowling their clients.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
Annoyed by the inane responses he got, and that Moriarty had now taken to texting him pick-up lines, Sherlock decided to try a new topic that properly expressed his growing frustration with Omegle.
You: Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!
Stranger: sci fi?
Stranger: stevie nicks?
Stranger: pretty much it
Stranger: :D
You: Like I said.
Stranger: how rude
You: You're not the first person to tell me that.
Stranger: well maybe you should take it on board|
Stranger: why u on herE|
Stranger: here?
You: Bored.
Stranger: me too...first time
Stranger: its weird
Stranger: but no need for rudeness!
Stranger: only peace and love <3
You: Ergh.
You: How droll.
You: I hardly see how I am being rude. I merely said what was obvious.
Stranger: well you are on here too so a bit hypocritical?
You: I don't understand. I'm on here because I'm bored, not because I'm bor-ing-.
Stranger: well you said it before i even said anything so how would you know that im boring?
You: Everyone is boring.
Stranger: ok....i think you're boring
You: That just shows that you're an idiot too.
You: Don't take it personally
You: everyone is.
Stranger: i think you need a therapist...bye :D
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
That didn't go over so well. John read the conversation over his shoulder and scolded him for being so rude, so Sherlock grudgingly changed back to his first conversation starter. John left to get some groceries and Sherlock tried Omegle again, for what he told himself was the last time.
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: damon?
You: No.
Stranger: is that you?
Stranger: stefan?
You: My name is not Damon.
You: Or Stefan.
You: Are you John?
Stranger: y u no be damon?
Stranger: no.
You: Jim?
Stranger: tis I.
Stranger: The Doctor.
You: ...Watson?
You: Or Who?
Stranger: Watson?
Stranger: ohh..
Stranger: Who.
You: Oh.
Stranger: The Doctor.
Stranger: just the doctor.
Stranger: and my tardis.
You: Your tardis is not on Omegle.
Stranger: oh.
Stranger: well i was hoping that somebody might have spotted it
Stranger: have you seen a blue box?
You: Have you seen anyone running about named Jim?
Stranger: yes, he just ran by.
You: He's psychotic, dangerous, and won't stop texting me love notes.
You: Damnit!
You: I've not seen your Tardis.
You: Perhaps Jim got ahold of it.
Stranger: wait, jim from sherlock?
You: No, I'm Sherlock.
You: Jim is from...Scotland maybe.
Stranger: Ah.
Stranger: Quite right.
You: I think he may have kidnapped John again.
Stranger: elementary, watson
Stranger: Oh dear.
Stranger: perhaps i could help you
You: It's either that, or John's gotten in another row with the self-check out.
Stranger: once I find my tardis
Stranger: hmm..
Stranger: well then maybe you should chekc
Stranger: check*
You: If I find your tardis, I'll let you know. If you find Jim, send him my way.
You: I need to shoot him.
Stranger: We have a deal.
You: You won't take offense if I have no desire to shake on it.
Stranger: No, it's quite alright.
You: I wasn't asking, I was stating.
Stranger: Alright then.
Stranger: Statement noted.
You: I need to go catch Jim. Goodbye.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
Now Sherlock had a mission, and he'll stop at nothing until he found Jim and possibly The Tardis.
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: i love jacques cousteau
You: Ugh.
You: Marine Biology is stupid.
Stranger: .... yeah, that's true actually
Stranger: you make a good point
You: Of course I do.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: OMG
You: ...
You: ...yes?
Stranger: I CAN'T EVEN
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: That's so interesting?
You: Of course it is.
Stranger: Are you being serious?
You: Yes.
Stranger: Woww
You: ...
You: Not good?
Stranger: I don't think so.
Stranger: I actually pretty scary.
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: AWESOME
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: ಠ_ಠ
You: Oh not you again.
Stranger: lol
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
The stupidity was overwhelming. But then, a lead!
You: I love serial killers. There's always something to look forward to.
Stranger: A surprise around every corner!
You: Yes, many of them are. Unless they're a bad serial killer and make a mistake right off the bat. Then it's all downhill from there.
Stranger: Then woops they get caught and PARTY's OVER
You: Hm.
You: Then it gets boring.
You: ...
You: You wouldn't happen to have seen a man named Jim running around.
You: Short, dark haired, possibly scottish, wearing a suit, small moustache, talks to himself often?
Stranger: I hope you mean that JIm's a good guy and I should have let him into my room?
You: No. Do you have a gun?
Stranger: Does the water gun I have from middle school count?
You: No.
Stranger: Well then I'm probably shit out of luck.
You: Yes, you definitely are.
Stranger: Should I ignore the sounds of sharpening knives in the background?
You: It hardly matters, he probably has snipers trained on you as we speak.
You: Do try to make a struggle when he goes to kill you. They'll be more evidence that way.
Stranger: Okay.
Stranger: Wait, where did he go?
Stranger: Jim?
You: Are you in your bedroom?
Stranger: I lost him.
Stranger: JIM?!
Stranger: sjkadjkahdhadhak *dead*
[Your conversational partner has disconnected.]
Moriarty had struck again! Sherlock jumped from his chair as John returned with the groceries.
"Sherlock, wha---"
"Get you're coat, we're needed!"
John glowered from the doorway. "Sherlock, I just got back, I haven't even put the milk away yet."
"There's no time for milk!" He announced, leaping over the table and throwing his scarf around his neck. "The game, John, is on!"