[Mutant X] Rainy Day [1/1]
Written for 
Baa's birthday, because Mutant X happens to be our guilty secret when it comes to TV shows... and because he threw several pointers at me and pouted until I capitulated.
“We’re kicking pieces out of each other,
Instead of kicking the pain in our hearts.”
[Darius Danesh ~ “I’m Not Buying”]
Something - some elemental instinct - told Brennan that Jesse had found him.
Standing beneath the teeming torrent of cold rain, his face tilted up towards the darkened skies, eyes shut tight against the rain that fell, the roar of the ocean at the foot of the cliff upon which he… they… stood, loud against his ears, Brennan waited. He could sense Jesse standing behind him, close and silent as the younger mutant kept his counsel… could almost feel the other’s eyes upon his rain-soaked figure, and understood that any relief that Jesse may have felt upon finding him, had dissipated.
That anxiety and fear had replaced the probable giddy elation of having succeeded in his self-appointed mission.
For a moment, Brennan felt a pang of guilt, of regret for having caused Jesse to feel fear - to be afraid for… of… him, but the emotion was fleeting. Gone in a heartbeat, as Brennan understood that the choice he’d made had been unavoidable - that he’d felt cornered, trapped, left with no other road to take. He’d felt unable to stay at Sanctuary, surrounded by what seemed to him as false sincerity, and he couldn’t help but wonder why Jesse had followed him this time.
What choices he had made and the conclusions that he had reached…
‘Brennan…?’
At the first, hesitant sound of Jesse’s voice calling to him through the rain, Brennan realigned his neck and opened his eyes. He breathed, inhaling cold salt air deeply into his lungs before he slowly turned around, peered through the rain at the bedraggled figure standing before him, and felt the void within him as though it were a palpable emotion. Recognising the worry in his friend’s eyes, Brennan rolled his shoulders loosely, grinned easily. ‘Hey, Jesse - you look beat, man!’
‘What’re you doing?’
Surprised a little by the way in which Jesse had ignored his comment, Brennan blinked. Stared. ‘What am I doing?’
‘Why…’ Jesse paused; sighed tiredly. ‘Why are you standing out here like this?’
‘It’s the first rain this season.’
Brennan watched as the expression upon Jesse’s face shifted from warily weary to startled, as the younger mutant tried to process his words. It was, he knew, a statement that might have explained everything… had Brennan not been who he was, and had he not been missing for almost a month.
‘Jesse -,’ he said softly, drawing confused eyes back towards his own. When he was certain that he had Jesse’s attention focused fully upon him, Brennan lifted his arms and opened them wide, indicated the cliff with one hand and the rolling fury of the ocean with the other. ‘Look at this view, Jesse!’ he implored, grinning widely. ‘Isn’t it amazing?’
‘Yeah…’
‘You know,’ Brennan spoke slowly, continued to watch Jesse closely; avidly. ‘It’s a pity we don’t have any greenery left in the city. I love green. It’s my favourite colour.’
An anxious expression flickering across his face, Jesse shifted his weight from one foot to the other. ‘Brennan…’
‘What’s your favourite colour, Jesse?’
‘Blue.’ He said, absently; frowned. ‘C’mon, Brennan - lets go back to Sanctuary…’
Dropping his arms back to his sides, rolling his shoulders into another loose shrug, Brennan canted his head sideways. ‘Why?’
‘Because everyone’s worried about you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you didn’t let any of us know where you were going.’ Jesse’s voice was slow and cautious as they watched one another warily. ‘And -,’
‘Jesse.’
Brennan knew that Jesse hated to be interrupted, but he couldn’t prevent himself from cutting into the explanation that the younger new mutant had for seeking him out. He knew that Jesse wanted only to talk to him; to remind him that he mattered to Adam, Emma and Shalimar, too… that the way he had simply walked away had hurt their feelings, frightened them all as well, but he didn’t want to listen. He understood that a part of Jesse was probably itching to lecture him about Geno-Mex, and about the responsibility that he had to the cause that they all battled for, but Brennan still didn’t want to be made privy of the conclusions drawn as to his place within the Mutant X team.
He merely watched as Jesse stared at him - at the way in which his pursed lips shivered in the cold wind that drove the rain relentlessly against them on top of the cliff.
‘Jesse…’ he said again, heaved a defeated sigh as he did so.
‘Yeah, Brennan?’
‘Would you do something if I asked you to?’
‘Sure.’
There was no hesitation whatsoever to Brennan’s request, and he smiled faintly at the sincerity that he heard within Jesse’s voice. There were no questions asked, no momentary pause to consider or contemplate precisely what Brennan might ask of him… simply an agreement given.
Blind faith, Brennan thought as his smile faltered.
Absolute trust, he realised as the smile faded, tempered by the doubts and confusion that ran through his mind. He didn’t know how they’d reached a point in their friendship where the realisation that Jesse trusted him filled him with nothing more than a knee-trembling mixture of relief and fear. He found it difficult to pinpoint an exact moment in time when that had happened, because Jesse seemed to have always been blithely accommodating when it came to Brennan and his madcap ideas. He had always seemed trusting, caring…
Innocent.
Brennan couldn’t help but wonder when it was that he’d first noticed Jesse as something… someone more than just a colleague, yet he couldn’t be certain. Knew that it could easily have been any number of instances where Jesse had supported him through whatever crisis had been thrown their way, but was suspicious that his feelings for the younger mutant stemmed from the afternoon when, unable to face what he had done, Brennan had walked away from him.
From them all.
Narrowing his eyes slightly against the thoughts that filled his brain, Brennan sighed softly. ‘Come here, Jesse.’
His lips twitched slightly as, without any signs of hesitation whatsoever, Jesse stepped towards him. Brennan had been standing in the rain for over an hour before Jesse had found him, and he was drenched, his coat undoubtedly ruined beyond repair, a potentially fatal electrocution rod… For a fleeting moment, he was tempted to move backwards; away from Jesse, yet the feeling passed and he stood still. Brennan knew that Jesse understood the danger, would have remembered the only slightly teasing warnings from Shalimar not to play with electrical conduits when they were wet, and was impressed that the other mutant kept walking towards him…
When Jesse came to a standstill, only a few paces separated them. He was close enough for Brennan to hear the chatter of his teeth, and a pang of regret rippled through him. He sighed deeply, wondered at his own cowardice in the face of Jesse’s bravery.
‘Brennan, we really should -,’
Brennan shook his head, loathed himself for doing so. ‘Come closer.’
‘Look, I’ve got the Double Helix. We could…’ Jesse’s voice faltered as he took another step closer to where Brennan stood. He caught his lower lip anxiously between his teeth; watched Brennan with something akin to wariness in his eyes.
‘Do you mind if I hold you?’
A slow, bemused smile curved Brennan’s mouth as he watched confusion rapidly sweep across Jesse’s face. He loved to shock people - to do, or say something that stunned them into confused silence, especially those who presumed themselves to know him better than most. He watched Jesse closely; the slight tremor of cold that caused his limbs drawing his attention, holding him fascinated as he realised that if it weren’t for the constant shiver, Jesse would have been frozen solid, his body reacting by molecularly shifting into a hard, unyielding shell to protect the fragile human components from harm…
For a long moment, Jesse stared back at Brennan, seemingly startled by the quietly asked question. His recovery was slow and Brennan could almost see the thought that it was just him… being his usual self, go through Jesse’s mind. He stifled a sigh.
Just Brennan.
Being Brennan.
Before he was able to turn and walk away, to leave his friend standing in the rain by himself, a smile illuminated Jesse’s face, silently encouraged him to stay for a little while longer.
‘You’re not planning on zapping me, are you?’ Jesse demanded, his voice shadowed with laughter. Just the sound of it, the genuine amusement that cascaded through it, made Brennan smile. ‘Because, may I remind you, we’re pretty soaked out here!’
‘Jesse -,’
‘Yeah, I’m coming…’
Biting down on the tip of his tongue to prevent himself from speaking; spooking Jesse into common sense once more, Brennan watched as he took another slow step forwards. The motion brought them into almost direct contact with one another, and Brennan continued to watch his friend closely, keeping his arms by his sides as he noticed the awkward tinge to Jesse’s expression.
The younger mutant didn’t seem to know what to do with himself - with his hands or feet, and his eyes nervously flickered up to meet Brennan’s direct gaze for a fleeting moment, before sweeping away only to quickly return once more.
Gradually, it dawned upon Brennan that Jesse was waiting for him to make the next move. To determine their path; to explain, perhaps, what was going on… why they were standing in the rain, both risking a possibly fatal electrocution as a result of their apparent insanity. His smile faltered, shifted from one of bemusement to one of sorrow. Sadness shimmered in his eyes as he returned Jesse’s glances steadily.
‘Do you like the rain, Jesse?’
‘Not really.’ Jesse said simply. ‘No.’
‘I used to love it…’ Brennan cast his gaze up at the dark skies, the slanting rain, before looking back at Jesse. ‘Used to love it a lot.’
‘Brennan, I’m sure -,’
‘You know,’ he spoke quickly, unwilling to listen to any trite, patronising words that he was nigh on positive would leave Jesse’s mouth. He knew that Jesse didn’t understand - was unaware of why the rain was so important, of why he had left in such a way - and all that Brennan wanted to do was to try and explain.
To make him understand.
His smile felt tight as he looked down at Jesse, silently pleaded with him to simply listen to what he had to say before passing comment upon it.
Jesse frowned. ‘Brennan?’
‘About nine years ago, maybe ten, when I was just some kid who didn’t know how to control my powers -,’ he hesitated, remembering the time before he had fully realised who… what he was. His voice softened slightly with the memory of his past. ‘Anyway, this one time we were playing football in the rain. Me and some friends from the streets…’
Jesse stood silently, watching and listening patiently as Brennan spoke, his lack of comprehension clear in the expression that filled his eyes.
‘We were winning,’ Brennan went on. ‘Ten-four; putting up a damned good show for the girls watching us…’ He laughed softly at the memory of the last time that he’d felt consumed by happiness… that he’d felt free. ‘It was muddy, slimy, gross… but Christ, was it fun!’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah…’ Brennan’s smile faltered abruptly, his eyes clouding as he remembered what had happened that day. He took a deep breath, ploughed on with his explanation. ‘Last minute of the game, the ball comes rushing at my face, and I’m flying… gunning through the defence twenty yards from the six-yard line, about to make another touchdown… when suddenly, out of nowhere… nowhere, Jesse… he came charging at me…’
There was a moment of silence before Jesse’s cautious voice sliced into Brennan’s thoughts: ‘Who, Brennan? Who came charging at you?’
‘My best friend.’
‘Brennan…?’
Misery clawed at Brennan’s insides, yet he met Jesse’s concerned gaze calmly. ‘He tackled me down, and I did it.’
‘Did what?’
‘I electrocuted us both. Him and me.’
‘Jesus…’
‘I woke up two days later.’ Brennan said flatly. He shrugged his shoulders. ‘My friend didn’t.’
Unable to bear the pity that he saw pass through Jesse’s eyes, Brennan tilted his head back, stared blankly up at the furious darkness of the clouds; listened to the soft, deep rumbles of thunder that passed through them, and was terrifyingly aware of how perilously close to him Jesse was standing.
Of the harm that he was capable of wrecking upon him.
Brennan hated himself for not having the courage to turn and walk away again, but he had been alone for too long; craved Jesse’s company. He was tired of being lonely.
‘Brennan -,’
‘Never stood in the rain again after that. Until now.’ He looked back at Jesse; watched with almost clinical detachment as the other mutant raised a hand to touch him, then allowed it to drop back to his side one more as he bowed his head, confusion evident in every line of his body.
Realising that Jesse was torn between his instincts to comfort and for self-preservation, Brennan smiled sadly; held out his arms. Immediately, Jesse stepped forwards into the proffered embrace, allowed Brennan to wrap his arms tightly around the shivering, cold body of his friend… to realise that the other mutant’s body seemed to fit alongside his own, the slighter frame blending into his own with graceful ease. Surprised, Brennan frowned, understood that he could stand beneath the deluge of cold rain forever, just as long as Jesse stood in his embrace.
It felt… right.
As though Jesse belonged with him.
Brennan couldn’t prevent the smile that curved his mouth at the sensations that warmed his chilled body as Jesse patiently stood within the circle of his arms. The trusting way in which Jesse leaned his forehead against his shoulder, whilst his hands absently clutched the front of his coat and the moist heat of his breath touched the icy skin of his throat caused a dull shiver to unfurl along the length of Brennan’s spine, and he wound his arms more tightly about the relaxed body that he held, pressing the other mutant against him with finality. His smile grew wider as he felt Jesse turn his head against his shoulder, rest his cheekbone gently against the wet leather of his coat, and he reacted without thinking; tilted his head until he was able to place a soft kiss onto damp blond hair…
Brennan froze, his heart pounding nervously, his thoughts racing as he waited for Jesse to pull away from his embrace and level a punch at him… but when the other mutant stayed where he was, simply sighed softly into his throat, Brennan took a deep, steadying breath into his lungs and bent his head once more. Brushed his lips against the side of Jesse’s face as it turned up towards his own.
‘How much longer do you intend on standing out here for, Brennan?’
Jesse’s voice was quietly curious, and Brennan was unable to detect any hint of petulant demand to its tone. There was no hint of insistence that he meekly return to The Sanctuary so that Adam could set about trying to solve all of his problems in one go… and it dawned upon Brennan that Jesse had every intention of waiting for him. Of standing in the pouring rain with him for as long as it took him to vanquish the demons that had driven him to the cliff-top in the first place.
Brennan sighed tiredly. ‘Do you know what this place is?’
‘No.’
‘It’s called Lover’s Point.’
There was a soft snort of bemused laughter against Brennan’s throat, and he smiled again, amused by Jesse’s reaction. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Story goes that about a hundred years ago some couple jumped to their deaths from the edge of the cliff…’
‘Very romantic.’ Jesse said dryly.
‘I used to come here all the time when I was a kid.’
‘Why?’
Brennan rolled his shoulders into a shrug. ‘Somewhere quiet, I guess.’ He said softly. ‘I used to come up here to think - practice zapping things where no one could see me.’
‘No,’ There was a smile within Jesse’s voice. ‘I meant why did the lovers jump?’
‘Because they couldn’t be together.’
‘Oh. How come?’
The story of the two men who had thrown themselves to their deaths was one that Brennan had learnt from his grandmother during his early childhood, and the memory of it brought a wave of pain rushing through his chest. Sorrow constricted his throat, distilled his ability to breathe properly, and he clung to Jesse tightly, felt the other mutant’s arms soothingly return his embrace.
‘Because society… their families… wouldn’t accept the fact that they loved one another.’ He choked out after a few moments of pained silence. ‘Wouldn’t accept them for what they were.’
‘Oh.’
A sudden need to diffuse the solemn tone of Jesse’s voice sparked within Brennan. He had always used humour as a defence mechanism; saw no reason not to do so again, and he forced the corners of his mouth up into a smile that he knew didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Yeah, then they turned it into a tourist spot!’
Silent laughter rippled through Jesse’s body as it rested against Brennan’s, caused him to shiver as it seeped through to his heart and the smile finally touched the depths of his eyes as he realised what it was that he wanted… needed to do. Tightening his hold, Brennan began to slowly, carefully walk backwards, feeling for the ground behind him with each foot before placing it down, tugging Jesse along with him, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t try to prevent him from achieving his aim.
‘Hey,’ Jesse’s voice was quiet. ‘We’re not jumping, are we, Brennan?’
‘Are we lovers?’
Jesse lurched away from him at the bitterly asked question, and Brennan stifled a discontented sigh as he looked down into a face that was laden with confusion. At a face that had filled his dreams for months, contorted with indecision and openly bewildered. He stopped moving, stood still, reached up with one hand to smooth the frown lines away from Jesse’s forehead. Kept the touch of his fingertips light, unassuming, even as Jesse stared back at him.
‘If we were,’ he said softly, only distantly aware of the slight catch to his voice, ‘then don’t you think we’d have an easier, more modern method of suicide available to us?’
‘Brennan -,’
‘Something less painful than hurtling onto a bunch of rocks in the ocean?’
‘You don’t want to die.’
His smile was bitter. ‘Don’t I?’
‘I know you don’t.’ Jesse’s voice was firm. ‘I know that I want to live…’
‘And you will… no thanks to me.’
He sighed tiredly, concentrated his attention on the cold, clammy skin of Jesse’s face; tried not to think as he stroked a thumb across his cheekbone, ran lengths of wet blond hair through his fingers… focused on the physical as opposed to the mental, whilst Jesse stared at him, eyes gleaming with moisture that Brennan didn’t presume to be the rain.
‘Come home, Brennan.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Brennan -,’ Jesse’s voice was low; rigid in its self-confidence. ‘I woke up two days after you shocked me.’
‘Three.’
‘That’s not the point.’
Brennan already knew that it wasn’t; didn’t need to be told that Jesse had regained consciousness three days after he’d accidentally shocked him with a bolt of electricity, seemingly without any lasting after effects. He knew that everyone understood that it had been an accident; that they all knew he would never have harmed Jesse deliberately…
Silently, he shook his head, rubbed the pad of his thumb across Jesse’s pout. Brennan had lost count of the times that he’d wondered as to the texture of Jesse’s mouth; was pleasantly surprised to find it softer than he’d ever imagined it to be. His smile was sad as he forced his thumb to drift away from its caress.
‘It was a mistake, Brennan,’ Jesse insisted. ‘We all know that… you know that!’
Unable to look away from Jesse, Brennan shrugged his shoulders. ‘Nine years ago was a mistake, too.’ He said. ‘Doesn’t change the fact that I killed my best friend, Jesse.’
‘Brennan -,’
‘Intentions aren’t always the culprit.’
‘That’s true.’ Jesse said sharply. Exasperation at Brennan’s stubbornness simmered potently in his eyes, reminding the older mutant of precisely why he had fought his attraction towards Jesse in the first place. ‘I mean, I could phase. Turn my molecules to granite. Ram into you. Break you. Knock you dead.’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘All the more reason to stay away.’
‘No,’ Jesse snapped, then sighed; smiled tentatively. ‘Not when there’s trust involved, Brennan.’
‘What?’
‘I trust you.’
‘Really…?’
Hope illuminating his eyes, Jesse nodded his head.
‘Is that why you were too scared to come anywhere near me before?’ Brennan asked, kept his voice low and steady as he watched Jesse closely. ‘To touch me?’
‘Do I look scared now?’
Despite his desperation to believe that Jesse was lying - was simply trying to convince him that he was wrong in his reasons for having left Sanctuary, for wanting to run even as they stood on the cliff top - Brennan knew that he couldn’t. There was nothing about Jesse to suggest that he was frightened of what Brennan might accidentally do to him if he stayed where he was; in the other mutant’s arms. There was no impression of fear or mistrust, merely a steady calm as they held each other’s gaze. Brennan’s searching eyes told him that Jesse looked peaceful… happy… a shy smile curving his mouth and illuminating his eyes.
‘What will it take to convince you to come home?’
Brennan blinked at the question, tore his eyes away from Jesse’s face. He tilted his head back, relished the cool feel of the rain falling onto his flushed face, listened intently to the soft sound of it striking his skin. Tried to clear his mind, to decide whether he ought to tell Jesse the truth - or leave him mired in innocence for a little while longer.
What would it take to convince him to go back?
His mouth twisted into a wry grin. He had already reached the decision to return; had done so before Jesse had found him. He would go back, to Sanctuary and to the others… to Jesse…
Eventually.
Once he had succeeded in convincing himself that he wasn’t in love with the molecular mutant at all. After he had denied himself the only emotion that he’d allowed himself to feel in nine years. After he had allowed the rain to cleanse him, to wash away the last vestiges of Jesse’s blood that lingered upon his soul… Brennan figured the process probably wouldn’t take much longer than three or four centuries. Give or take a hundred years…
‘Brennan?’
At the hesitant sound of Jesse’s voice, he realigned his neck, blinked away the raindrops that lingered upon his lashes, and returned the other’s stare. His heart lurched almost painfully as he caught the expectancy of Jesse’s expression, realised how pointless everything in his life happened to be…
Perhaps unaware of Brennan’s inner turmoil, Jesse gazed at him as though he were pinning all of his hopes upon the decision that the older mutant would reach. As though he were a gawky adolescent asking his first date to the Prom, silently praying that he wouldn’t be rejected. Like a young man in love for the very first time, who didn’t understand why it should hurt so much… Jesse, Brennan realised absently, was smart. Knew precisely which buttons to press in order to get his own way.
‘Brennan!’
‘Yeah?’
‘You didn’t answer my question.’
‘What?’
A low growl of bemused exasperation rumbled free from Jesse’s throat, made Brennan’s mouth twitch in a slight smile. ‘What can I do to make you come home?’
Hauling Jesse closer, Brennan sighed deeply, tried to feel gratitude and relief when the younger mutant willingly moved forwards, instead of the despair that cascaded through him. Jesse hadn’t lied. He no longer felt any fear of Brennan, or what his powers might do to him… to them both. Brennan closed his eyes. ‘Jesse, I -,’
‘Just come home, Brennan.’
‘If something… if something happened to you, because of me, I couldn’t stand it!’
‘I know.’ Jesse’s voice was gentle. ‘That’s why you should be there. With us… me.’
Brennan shook his head, opened his mouth to refute Jesse’s statement, but fell silent once more as he realised that the body he held onto trembled violently; obtuse terror lending its chill to muscles already frozen by the dampness of rain.
‘Brennan, just… please… just come home!’
He looked back at the rain for a moment longer, smiling faintly as he focused his attention upon it instead of Jesse. He needed to think; to clear his mind and think…
The rain helped him to do that.
Even though the death of his best friend nine years earlier had caused Brennan to endure a mild hydrophobia, he loved the rain and always had. In the special wards of the Juvenile Penitentiary where he’d often been sent, he’d sit on the windowsills and just watch the slanting arrows of wind driven water fall from the skies, splatter apart on the ground. As lightening scorched the clouds and thunder rumbled in applause, he’d watch the layers of grime be washed from the world until everything seemed breathtaking and clean once more…
‘Brennan?’
Rapidly blinking away the tears that stung his eyes, Brennan looked back at Jesse, his heart almost seeming to miss a beat as he realised that the younger mutant’s eyes held a silent plea within their depths as they looked at one another. All that Jesse wanted, Brennan realised, was for him to return to their home.
To go back to Sanctuary with him.
He sighed; smiled tiredly. ‘I’ll come back,’ he said. ‘On one condition.’
‘Anything!’
‘Stay with me.’
Confusion creased Jesse’s forehead as he regarded Brennan quizzically. ‘Out here? In the rain?’
Brennan said nothing; kept his own counsel and watched Jesse closely. Tested his reaction to the condition. He almost laughed aloud when Jesse stuck out his lower lip in a sultry pout and looked up at him from beneath coquettishly lowered lashes.
‘It’s cold…’
Grinning, amused by the display, Brennan shifted his body away from Jesse’s, reached for the buttons of his coat and undid them even as he watched his companion’s face closely, was delighted by the sparkle of teasing laughter that he saw looking back at him. Beneath his coat, Brennan’s shirt was damp - but he didn’t think that would matter overly much to the smirking Jesse. ‘Come here…’
Eagerly, Jesse stepped forwards, allowed Brennan to gather him back into his arms. As he felt Jesse press his face against the curve of his neck, felt his fingers clutch tightly about his waist, Brennan wrapped his coat about them both, started to carefully move backwards once more.
Iron railings surrounded the edge of the cliff, a feeble attempt to stop others from leaping to their deaths in imitation of the long lost lovers, and as soon as the small of his back struck the fence, Brennan slid down to the muddy ground, carefully taking Jesse with him. They huddled together, clung to one another in the pouring rain, neither willing to let the other go.
Brennan didn’t fully understand why he persisted in remaining beneath the icy deluge of water, or why he kept Jesse there with him when he knew that the other mutant was shivering with the cold. All that he could think of was that perhaps each was making a point - he that he wasn’t as lethal as he thought, and Jesse that he’d stay for as long as it took for him to deal with his ghosts.
The sensation of Jesse nestling closer into his warmth disturbed Brennan’s thoughts, and he smiled. Liked the feeling of the warm, moist breath upon his chilled skin. He knew that Jesse belonged there. That everything which had driven him away no longer mattered, was rendered unimportant by the fact that Jesse had searched for him, given him back his self-worth.
Given him back his heart, and his hope…
Baa's birthday, because Mutant X happens to be our guilty secret when it comes to TV shows... and because he threw several pointers at me and pouted until I capitulated.
“We’re kicking pieces out of each other,
Instead of kicking the pain in our hearts.”
[Darius Danesh ~ “I’m Not Buying”]
Something - some elemental instinct - told Brennan that Jesse had found him.
Standing beneath the teeming torrent of cold rain, his face tilted up towards the darkened skies, eyes shut tight against the rain that fell, the roar of the ocean at the foot of the cliff upon which he… they… stood, loud against his ears, Brennan waited. He could sense Jesse standing behind him, close and silent as the younger mutant kept his counsel… could almost feel the other’s eyes upon his rain-soaked figure, and understood that any relief that Jesse may have felt upon finding him, had dissipated.
That anxiety and fear had replaced the probable giddy elation of having succeeded in his self-appointed mission.
For a moment, Brennan felt a pang of guilt, of regret for having caused Jesse to feel fear - to be afraid for… of… him, but the emotion was fleeting. Gone in a heartbeat, as Brennan understood that the choice he’d made had been unavoidable - that he’d felt cornered, trapped, left with no other road to take. He’d felt unable to stay at Sanctuary, surrounded by what seemed to him as false sincerity, and he couldn’t help but wonder why Jesse had followed him this time.
What choices he had made and the conclusions that he had reached…
‘Brennan…?’
At the first, hesitant sound of Jesse’s voice calling to him through the rain, Brennan realigned his neck and opened his eyes. He breathed, inhaling cold salt air deeply into his lungs before he slowly turned around, peered through the rain at the bedraggled figure standing before him, and felt the void within him as though it were a palpable emotion. Recognising the worry in his friend’s eyes, Brennan rolled his shoulders loosely, grinned easily. ‘Hey, Jesse - you look beat, man!’
‘What’re you doing?’
Surprised a little by the way in which Jesse had ignored his comment, Brennan blinked. Stared. ‘What am I doing?’
‘Why…’ Jesse paused; sighed tiredly. ‘Why are you standing out here like this?’
‘It’s the first rain this season.’
Brennan watched as the expression upon Jesse’s face shifted from warily weary to startled, as the younger mutant tried to process his words. It was, he knew, a statement that might have explained everything… had Brennan not been who he was, and had he not been missing for almost a month.
‘Jesse -,’ he said softly, drawing confused eyes back towards his own. When he was certain that he had Jesse’s attention focused fully upon him, Brennan lifted his arms and opened them wide, indicated the cliff with one hand and the rolling fury of the ocean with the other. ‘Look at this view, Jesse!’ he implored, grinning widely. ‘Isn’t it amazing?’
‘Yeah…’
‘You know,’ Brennan spoke slowly, continued to watch Jesse closely; avidly. ‘It’s a pity we don’t have any greenery left in the city. I love green. It’s my favourite colour.’
An anxious expression flickering across his face, Jesse shifted his weight from one foot to the other. ‘Brennan…’
‘What’s your favourite colour, Jesse?’
‘Blue.’ He said, absently; frowned. ‘C’mon, Brennan - lets go back to Sanctuary…’
Dropping his arms back to his sides, rolling his shoulders into another loose shrug, Brennan canted his head sideways. ‘Why?’
‘Because everyone’s worried about you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you didn’t let any of us know where you were going.’ Jesse’s voice was slow and cautious as they watched one another warily. ‘And -,’
‘Jesse.’
Brennan knew that Jesse hated to be interrupted, but he couldn’t prevent himself from cutting into the explanation that the younger new mutant had for seeking him out. He knew that Jesse wanted only to talk to him; to remind him that he mattered to Adam, Emma and Shalimar, too… that the way he had simply walked away had hurt their feelings, frightened them all as well, but he didn’t want to listen. He understood that a part of Jesse was probably itching to lecture him about Geno-Mex, and about the responsibility that he had to the cause that they all battled for, but Brennan still didn’t want to be made privy of the conclusions drawn as to his place within the Mutant X team.
He merely watched as Jesse stared at him - at the way in which his pursed lips shivered in the cold wind that drove the rain relentlessly against them on top of the cliff.
‘Jesse…’ he said again, heaved a defeated sigh as he did so.
‘Yeah, Brennan?’
‘Would you do something if I asked you to?’
‘Sure.’
There was no hesitation whatsoever to Brennan’s request, and he smiled faintly at the sincerity that he heard within Jesse’s voice. There were no questions asked, no momentary pause to consider or contemplate precisely what Brennan might ask of him… simply an agreement given.
Blind faith, Brennan thought as his smile faltered.
Absolute trust, he realised as the smile faded, tempered by the doubts and confusion that ran through his mind. He didn’t know how they’d reached a point in their friendship where the realisation that Jesse trusted him filled him with nothing more than a knee-trembling mixture of relief and fear. He found it difficult to pinpoint an exact moment in time when that had happened, because Jesse seemed to have always been blithely accommodating when it came to Brennan and his madcap ideas. He had always seemed trusting, caring…
Innocent.
Brennan couldn’t help but wonder when it was that he’d first noticed Jesse as something… someone more than just a colleague, yet he couldn’t be certain. Knew that it could easily have been any number of instances where Jesse had supported him through whatever crisis had been thrown their way, but was suspicious that his feelings for the younger mutant stemmed from the afternoon when, unable to face what he had done, Brennan had walked away from him.
From them all.
Narrowing his eyes slightly against the thoughts that filled his brain, Brennan sighed softly. ‘Come here, Jesse.’
His lips twitched slightly as, without any signs of hesitation whatsoever, Jesse stepped towards him. Brennan had been standing in the rain for over an hour before Jesse had found him, and he was drenched, his coat undoubtedly ruined beyond repair, a potentially fatal electrocution rod… For a fleeting moment, he was tempted to move backwards; away from Jesse, yet the feeling passed and he stood still. Brennan knew that Jesse understood the danger, would have remembered the only slightly teasing warnings from Shalimar not to play with electrical conduits when they were wet, and was impressed that the other mutant kept walking towards him…
When Jesse came to a standstill, only a few paces separated them. He was close enough for Brennan to hear the chatter of his teeth, and a pang of regret rippled through him. He sighed deeply, wondered at his own cowardice in the face of Jesse’s bravery.
‘Brennan, we really should -,’
Brennan shook his head, loathed himself for doing so. ‘Come closer.’
‘Look, I’ve got the Double Helix. We could…’ Jesse’s voice faltered as he took another step closer to where Brennan stood. He caught his lower lip anxiously between his teeth; watched Brennan with something akin to wariness in his eyes.
‘Do you mind if I hold you?’
A slow, bemused smile curved Brennan’s mouth as he watched confusion rapidly sweep across Jesse’s face. He loved to shock people - to do, or say something that stunned them into confused silence, especially those who presumed themselves to know him better than most. He watched Jesse closely; the slight tremor of cold that caused his limbs drawing his attention, holding him fascinated as he realised that if it weren’t for the constant shiver, Jesse would have been frozen solid, his body reacting by molecularly shifting into a hard, unyielding shell to protect the fragile human components from harm…
For a long moment, Jesse stared back at Brennan, seemingly startled by the quietly asked question. His recovery was slow and Brennan could almost see the thought that it was just him… being his usual self, go through Jesse’s mind. He stifled a sigh.
Just Brennan.
Being Brennan.
Before he was able to turn and walk away, to leave his friend standing in the rain by himself, a smile illuminated Jesse’s face, silently encouraged him to stay for a little while longer.
‘You’re not planning on zapping me, are you?’ Jesse demanded, his voice shadowed with laughter. Just the sound of it, the genuine amusement that cascaded through it, made Brennan smile. ‘Because, may I remind you, we’re pretty soaked out here!’
‘Jesse -,’
‘Yeah, I’m coming…’
Biting down on the tip of his tongue to prevent himself from speaking; spooking Jesse into common sense once more, Brennan watched as he took another slow step forwards. The motion brought them into almost direct contact with one another, and Brennan continued to watch his friend closely, keeping his arms by his sides as he noticed the awkward tinge to Jesse’s expression.
The younger mutant didn’t seem to know what to do with himself - with his hands or feet, and his eyes nervously flickered up to meet Brennan’s direct gaze for a fleeting moment, before sweeping away only to quickly return once more.
Gradually, it dawned upon Brennan that Jesse was waiting for him to make the next move. To determine their path; to explain, perhaps, what was going on… why they were standing in the rain, both risking a possibly fatal electrocution as a result of their apparent insanity. His smile faltered, shifted from one of bemusement to one of sorrow. Sadness shimmered in his eyes as he returned Jesse’s glances steadily.
‘Do you like the rain, Jesse?’
‘Not really.’ Jesse said simply. ‘No.’
‘I used to love it…’ Brennan cast his gaze up at the dark skies, the slanting rain, before looking back at Jesse. ‘Used to love it a lot.’
‘Brennan, I’m sure -,’
‘You know,’ he spoke quickly, unwilling to listen to any trite, patronising words that he was nigh on positive would leave Jesse’s mouth. He knew that Jesse didn’t understand - was unaware of why the rain was so important, of why he had left in such a way - and all that Brennan wanted to do was to try and explain.
To make him understand.
His smile felt tight as he looked down at Jesse, silently pleaded with him to simply listen to what he had to say before passing comment upon it.
Jesse frowned. ‘Brennan?’
‘About nine years ago, maybe ten, when I was just some kid who didn’t know how to control my powers -,’ he hesitated, remembering the time before he had fully realised who… what he was. His voice softened slightly with the memory of his past. ‘Anyway, this one time we were playing football in the rain. Me and some friends from the streets…’
Jesse stood silently, watching and listening patiently as Brennan spoke, his lack of comprehension clear in the expression that filled his eyes.
‘We were winning,’ Brennan went on. ‘Ten-four; putting up a damned good show for the girls watching us…’ He laughed softly at the memory of the last time that he’d felt consumed by happiness… that he’d felt free. ‘It was muddy, slimy, gross… but Christ, was it fun!’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah…’ Brennan’s smile faltered abruptly, his eyes clouding as he remembered what had happened that day. He took a deep breath, ploughed on with his explanation. ‘Last minute of the game, the ball comes rushing at my face, and I’m flying… gunning through the defence twenty yards from the six-yard line, about to make another touchdown… when suddenly, out of nowhere… nowhere, Jesse… he came charging at me…’
There was a moment of silence before Jesse’s cautious voice sliced into Brennan’s thoughts: ‘Who, Brennan? Who came charging at you?’
‘My best friend.’
‘Brennan…?’
Misery clawed at Brennan’s insides, yet he met Jesse’s concerned gaze calmly. ‘He tackled me down, and I did it.’
‘Did what?’
‘I electrocuted us both. Him and me.’
‘Jesus…’
‘I woke up two days later.’ Brennan said flatly. He shrugged his shoulders. ‘My friend didn’t.’
Unable to bear the pity that he saw pass through Jesse’s eyes, Brennan tilted his head back, stared blankly up at the furious darkness of the clouds; listened to the soft, deep rumbles of thunder that passed through them, and was terrifyingly aware of how perilously close to him Jesse was standing.
Of the harm that he was capable of wrecking upon him.
Brennan hated himself for not having the courage to turn and walk away again, but he had been alone for too long; craved Jesse’s company. He was tired of being lonely.
‘Brennan -,’
‘Never stood in the rain again after that. Until now.’ He looked back at Jesse; watched with almost clinical detachment as the other mutant raised a hand to touch him, then allowed it to drop back to his side one more as he bowed his head, confusion evident in every line of his body.
Realising that Jesse was torn between his instincts to comfort and for self-preservation, Brennan smiled sadly; held out his arms. Immediately, Jesse stepped forwards into the proffered embrace, allowed Brennan to wrap his arms tightly around the shivering, cold body of his friend… to realise that the other mutant’s body seemed to fit alongside his own, the slighter frame blending into his own with graceful ease. Surprised, Brennan frowned, understood that he could stand beneath the deluge of cold rain forever, just as long as Jesse stood in his embrace.
It felt… right.
As though Jesse belonged with him.
Brennan couldn’t prevent the smile that curved his mouth at the sensations that warmed his chilled body as Jesse patiently stood within the circle of his arms. The trusting way in which Jesse leaned his forehead against his shoulder, whilst his hands absently clutched the front of his coat and the moist heat of his breath touched the icy skin of his throat caused a dull shiver to unfurl along the length of Brennan’s spine, and he wound his arms more tightly about the relaxed body that he held, pressing the other mutant against him with finality. His smile grew wider as he felt Jesse turn his head against his shoulder, rest his cheekbone gently against the wet leather of his coat, and he reacted without thinking; tilted his head until he was able to place a soft kiss onto damp blond hair…
Brennan froze, his heart pounding nervously, his thoughts racing as he waited for Jesse to pull away from his embrace and level a punch at him… but when the other mutant stayed where he was, simply sighed softly into his throat, Brennan took a deep, steadying breath into his lungs and bent his head once more. Brushed his lips against the side of Jesse’s face as it turned up towards his own.
‘How much longer do you intend on standing out here for, Brennan?’
Jesse’s voice was quietly curious, and Brennan was unable to detect any hint of petulant demand to its tone. There was no hint of insistence that he meekly return to The Sanctuary so that Adam could set about trying to solve all of his problems in one go… and it dawned upon Brennan that Jesse had every intention of waiting for him. Of standing in the pouring rain with him for as long as it took him to vanquish the demons that had driven him to the cliff-top in the first place.
Brennan sighed tiredly. ‘Do you know what this place is?’
‘No.’
‘It’s called Lover’s Point.’
There was a soft snort of bemused laughter against Brennan’s throat, and he smiled again, amused by Jesse’s reaction. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Story goes that about a hundred years ago some couple jumped to their deaths from the edge of the cliff…’
‘Very romantic.’ Jesse said dryly.
‘I used to come here all the time when I was a kid.’
‘Why?’
Brennan rolled his shoulders into a shrug. ‘Somewhere quiet, I guess.’ He said softly. ‘I used to come up here to think - practice zapping things where no one could see me.’
‘No,’ There was a smile within Jesse’s voice. ‘I meant why did the lovers jump?’
‘Because they couldn’t be together.’
‘Oh. How come?’
The story of the two men who had thrown themselves to their deaths was one that Brennan had learnt from his grandmother during his early childhood, and the memory of it brought a wave of pain rushing through his chest. Sorrow constricted his throat, distilled his ability to breathe properly, and he clung to Jesse tightly, felt the other mutant’s arms soothingly return his embrace.
‘Because society… their families… wouldn’t accept the fact that they loved one another.’ He choked out after a few moments of pained silence. ‘Wouldn’t accept them for what they were.’
‘Oh.’
A sudden need to diffuse the solemn tone of Jesse’s voice sparked within Brennan. He had always used humour as a defence mechanism; saw no reason not to do so again, and he forced the corners of his mouth up into a smile that he knew didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Yeah, then they turned it into a tourist spot!’
Silent laughter rippled through Jesse’s body as it rested against Brennan’s, caused him to shiver as it seeped through to his heart and the smile finally touched the depths of his eyes as he realised what it was that he wanted… needed to do. Tightening his hold, Brennan began to slowly, carefully walk backwards, feeling for the ground behind him with each foot before placing it down, tugging Jesse along with him, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t try to prevent him from achieving his aim.
‘Hey,’ Jesse’s voice was quiet. ‘We’re not jumping, are we, Brennan?’
‘Are we lovers?’
Jesse lurched away from him at the bitterly asked question, and Brennan stifled a discontented sigh as he looked down into a face that was laden with confusion. At a face that had filled his dreams for months, contorted with indecision and openly bewildered. He stopped moving, stood still, reached up with one hand to smooth the frown lines away from Jesse’s forehead. Kept the touch of his fingertips light, unassuming, even as Jesse stared back at him.
‘If we were,’ he said softly, only distantly aware of the slight catch to his voice, ‘then don’t you think we’d have an easier, more modern method of suicide available to us?’
‘Brennan -,’
‘Something less painful than hurtling onto a bunch of rocks in the ocean?’
‘You don’t want to die.’
His smile was bitter. ‘Don’t I?’
‘I know you don’t.’ Jesse’s voice was firm. ‘I know that I want to live…’
‘And you will… no thanks to me.’
He sighed tiredly, concentrated his attention on the cold, clammy skin of Jesse’s face; tried not to think as he stroked a thumb across his cheekbone, ran lengths of wet blond hair through his fingers… focused on the physical as opposed to the mental, whilst Jesse stared at him, eyes gleaming with moisture that Brennan didn’t presume to be the rain.
‘Come home, Brennan.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Brennan -,’ Jesse’s voice was low; rigid in its self-confidence. ‘I woke up two days after you shocked me.’
‘Three.’
‘That’s not the point.’
Brennan already knew that it wasn’t; didn’t need to be told that Jesse had regained consciousness three days after he’d accidentally shocked him with a bolt of electricity, seemingly without any lasting after effects. He knew that everyone understood that it had been an accident; that they all knew he would never have harmed Jesse deliberately…
Silently, he shook his head, rubbed the pad of his thumb across Jesse’s pout. Brennan had lost count of the times that he’d wondered as to the texture of Jesse’s mouth; was pleasantly surprised to find it softer than he’d ever imagined it to be. His smile was sad as he forced his thumb to drift away from its caress.
‘It was a mistake, Brennan,’ Jesse insisted. ‘We all know that… you know that!’
Unable to look away from Jesse, Brennan shrugged his shoulders. ‘Nine years ago was a mistake, too.’ He said. ‘Doesn’t change the fact that I killed my best friend, Jesse.’
‘Brennan -,’
‘Intentions aren’t always the culprit.’
‘That’s true.’ Jesse said sharply. Exasperation at Brennan’s stubbornness simmered potently in his eyes, reminding the older mutant of precisely why he had fought his attraction towards Jesse in the first place. ‘I mean, I could phase. Turn my molecules to granite. Ram into you. Break you. Knock you dead.’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘All the more reason to stay away.’
‘No,’ Jesse snapped, then sighed; smiled tentatively. ‘Not when there’s trust involved, Brennan.’
‘What?’
‘I trust you.’
‘Really…?’
Hope illuminating his eyes, Jesse nodded his head.
‘Is that why you were too scared to come anywhere near me before?’ Brennan asked, kept his voice low and steady as he watched Jesse closely. ‘To touch me?’
‘Do I look scared now?’
Despite his desperation to believe that Jesse was lying - was simply trying to convince him that he was wrong in his reasons for having left Sanctuary, for wanting to run even as they stood on the cliff top - Brennan knew that he couldn’t. There was nothing about Jesse to suggest that he was frightened of what Brennan might accidentally do to him if he stayed where he was; in the other mutant’s arms. There was no impression of fear or mistrust, merely a steady calm as they held each other’s gaze. Brennan’s searching eyes told him that Jesse looked peaceful… happy… a shy smile curving his mouth and illuminating his eyes.
‘What will it take to convince you to come home?’
Brennan blinked at the question, tore his eyes away from Jesse’s face. He tilted his head back, relished the cool feel of the rain falling onto his flushed face, listened intently to the soft sound of it striking his skin. Tried to clear his mind, to decide whether he ought to tell Jesse the truth - or leave him mired in innocence for a little while longer.
What would it take to convince him to go back?
His mouth twisted into a wry grin. He had already reached the decision to return; had done so before Jesse had found him. He would go back, to Sanctuary and to the others… to Jesse…
Eventually.
Once he had succeeded in convincing himself that he wasn’t in love with the molecular mutant at all. After he had denied himself the only emotion that he’d allowed himself to feel in nine years. After he had allowed the rain to cleanse him, to wash away the last vestiges of Jesse’s blood that lingered upon his soul… Brennan figured the process probably wouldn’t take much longer than three or four centuries. Give or take a hundred years…
‘Brennan?’
At the hesitant sound of Jesse’s voice, he realigned his neck, blinked away the raindrops that lingered upon his lashes, and returned the other’s stare. His heart lurched almost painfully as he caught the expectancy of Jesse’s expression, realised how pointless everything in his life happened to be…
Perhaps unaware of Brennan’s inner turmoil, Jesse gazed at him as though he were pinning all of his hopes upon the decision that the older mutant would reach. As though he were a gawky adolescent asking his first date to the Prom, silently praying that he wouldn’t be rejected. Like a young man in love for the very first time, who didn’t understand why it should hurt so much… Jesse, Brennan realised absently, was smart. Knew precisely which buttons to press in order to get his own way.
‘Brennan!’
‘Yeah?’
‘You didn’t answer my question.’
‘What?’
A low growl of bemused exasperation rumbled free from Jesse’s throat, made Brennan’s mouth twitch in a slight smile. ‘What can I do to make you come home?’
Hauling Jesse closer, Brennan sighed deeply, tried to feel gratitude and relief when the younger mutant willingly moved forwards, instead of the despair that cascaded through him. Jesse hadn’t lied. He no longer felt any fear of Brennan, or what his powers might do to him… to them both. Brennan closed his eyes. ‘Jesse, I -,’
‘Just come home, Brennan.’
‘If something… if something happened to you, because of me, I couldn’t stand it!’
‘I know.’ Jesse’s voice was gentle. ‘That’s why you should be there. With us… me.’
Brennan shook his head, opened his mouth to refute Jesse’s statement, but fell silent once more as he realised that the body he held onto trembled violently; obtuse terror lending its chill to muscles already frozen by the dampness of rain.
‘Brennan, just… please… just come home!’
He looked back at the rain for a moment longer, smiling faintly as he focused his attention upon it instead of Jesse. He needed to think; to clear his mind and think…
The rain helped him to do that.
Even though the death of his best friend nine years earlier had caused Brennan to endure a mild hydrophobia, he loved the rain and always had. In the special wards of the Juvenile Penitentiary where he’d often been sent, he’d sit on the windowsills and just watch the slanting arrows of wind driven water fall from the skies, splatter apart on the ground. As lightening scorched the clouds and thunder rumbled in applause, he’d watch the layers of grime be washed from the world until everything seemed breathtaking and clean once more…
‘Brennan?’
Rapidly blinking away the tears that stung his eyes, Brennan looked back at Jesse, his heart almost seeming to miss a beat as he realised that the younger mutant’s eyes held a silent plea within their depths as they looked at one another. All that Jesse wanted, Brennan realised, was for him to return to their home.
To go back to Sanctuary with him.
He sighed; smiled tiredly. ‘I’ll come back,’ he said. ‘On one condition.’
‘Anything!’
‘Stay with me.’
Confusion creased Jesse’s forehead as he regarded Brennan quizzically. ‘Out here? In the rain?’
Brennan said nothing; kept his own counsel and watched Jesse closely. Tested his reaction to the condition. He almost laughed aloud when Jesse stuck out his lower lip in a sultry pout and looked up at him from beneath coquettishly lowered lashes.
‘It’s cold…’
Grinning, amused by the display, Brennan shifted his body away from Jesse’s, reached for the buttons of his coat and undid them even as he watched his companion’s face closely, was delighted by the sparkle of teasing laughter that he saw looking back at him. Beneath his coat, Brennan’s shirt was damp - but he didn’t think that would matter overly much to the smirking Jesse. ‘Come here…’
Eagerly, Jesse stepped forwards, allowed Brennan to gather him back into his arms. As he felt Jesse press his face against the curve of his neck, felt his fingers clutch tightly about his waist, Brennan wrapped his coat about them both, started to carefully move backwards once more.
Iron railings surrounded the edge of the cliff, a feeble attempt to stop others from leaping to their deaths in imitation of the long lost lovers, and as soon as the small of his back struck the fence, Brennan slid down to the muddy ground, carefully taking Jesse with him. They huddled together, clung to one another in the pouring rain, neither willing to let the other go.
Brennan didn’t fully understand why he persisted in remaining beneath the icy deluge of water, or why he kept Jesse there with him when he knew that the other mutant was shivering with the cold. All that he could think of was that perhaps each was making a point - he that he wasn’t as lethal as he thought, and Jesse that he’d stay for as long as it took for him to deal with his ghosts.
The sensation of Jesse nestling closer into his warmth disturbed Brennan’s thoughts, and he smiled. Liked the feeling of the warm, moist breath upon his chilled skin. He knew that Jesse belonged there. That everything which had driven him away no longer mattered, was rendered unimportant by the fact that Jesse had searched for him, given him back his self-worth.
Given him back his heart, and his hope…