New story
Hello... I think this is the first time I have posted here but I've been lurking for about a year now.
Please critique my story. As of now it's not much of a story since it is only the beginning. I'm attempting to set the mood for the piece.
The angry wind was gusting; howling with fury, and cold contempt. It did as her lady bid it; destroying all that lay in its path; entreating the sea to swell and swallow all that defied it. Basyang threw out more of her angry children commanding them to do their worst. With speed and efficiency they proceeded to terrorize a whole island in the pacific. Basyang knew that her time was limited and within a week she too will fade and so she did not hold anything back. Her only comfort lay in the knowledge that there will be others to continue her work as there were others before her in an unending cycle until the end of this world.
It was a very early morning over Manila but the sun failed to shine its usual brilliance over the city. The clouds were too thick and grey; heavy with the threat of imminent precipitation. The dreary morning was suddenly accentuated by a blinding flash of electrical energy that crashed into and decimated a blossoming mango tree, rending it into two, scattering the delicate white flowers onto the driveway of the nearby house.
Ramon slept, so tranquil he seemed dead. He might have wished it so, had he a choice, for his dream had turned into a horrible nightmare. His mind wandered in a world where anything could be created or destroyed by his subconscious without any law of nature to limit or define it. This world could as easily scale the heights of wonder as to descend into the depths of hell. Ramon found himself in the depths of hell, screaming with pain at the burning sensation of extreme cold.
Ramon was jolted out of his torpor by an incredibly loud noise followed by a brilliant flash of white light; it couldn’t be anything but an explosion. The shock he experienced was enough to dash his hopes of recollecting the nightmare he just had. He should’ve been thankful and not resentful of that fact. All his attention had no choice but to focus on the origin of the explosion. He looked out his window to see the mangled remains of the decades old mango tree strewn about his driveway, narrowly missing his car. The ringing in his ears was not tempered by the rush of adrenaline his body received at the realization that the explosion was caused by lightning. He was completely unnerved by the near miss.
He walked downstairs and prepared a cup of coffee to assuage his anxiety then turned on the television for news about the worsening weather. As he watched the coverage of the carnage that the storm was visiting upon the city his mind wandered, thinking about the nightmare he had the night before. The details were now blurred and disjointed; almost all memory of what happened prior to that last climactic moment was simply gone. The emotions he felt during the nightmare were undiminished by the shock he received earlier; it was simple horror; falling so fast that most of your insides were left several feet above you and not knowing when the fall was going to be broken; panic overtaking all of your senses, depriving you of all sanity. He shuddered at the thought and decided not to revisit it. He proceeded to clean out his now empty mug and place it on the rack. He decided that he needed a friend and went to the phone to call one up.
I'm thanking you in advance for using up your time with my writing.
Please critique my story. As of now it's not much of a story since it is only the beginning. I'm attempting to set the mood for the piece.
The angry wind was gusting; howling with fury, and cold contempt. It did as her lady bid it; destroying all that lay in its path; entreating the sea to swell and swallow all that defied it. Basyang threw out more of her angry children commanding them to do their worst. With speed and efficiency they proceeded to terrorize a whole island in the pacific. Basyang knew that her time was limited and within a week she too will fade and so she did not hold anything back. Her only comfort lay in the knowledge that there will be others to continue her work as there were others before her in an unending cycle until the end of this world.
It was a very early morning over Manila but the sun failed to shine its usual brilliance over the city. The clouds were too thick and grey; heavy with the threat of imminent precipitation. The dreary morning was suddenly accentuated by a blinding flash of electrical energy that crashed into and decimated a blossoming mango tree, rending it into two, scattering the delicate white flowers onto the driveway of the nearby house.
Ramon slept, so tranquil he seemed dead. He might have wished it so, had he a choice, for his dream had turned into a horrible nightmare. His mind wandered in a world where anything could be created or destroyed by his subconscious without any law of nature to limit or define it. This world could as easily scale the heights of wonder as to descend into the depths of hell. Ramon found himself in the depths of hell, screaming with pain at the burning sensation of extreme cold.
Ramon was jolted out of his torpor by an incredibly loud noise followed by a brilliant flash of white light; it couldn’t be anything but an explosion. The shock he experienced was enough to dash his hopes of recollecting the nightmare he just had. He should’ve been thankful and not resentful of that fact. All his attention had no choice but to focus on the origin of the explosion. He looked out his window to see the mangled remains of the decades old mango tree strewn about his driveway, narrowly missing his car. The ringing in his ears was not tempered by the rush of adrenaline his body received at the realization that the explosion was caused by lightning. He was completely unnerved by the near miss.
He walked downstairs and prepared a cup of coffee to assuage his anxiety then turned on the television for news about the worsening weather. As he watched the coverage of the carnage that the storm was visiting upon the city his mind wandered, thinking about the nightmare he had the night before. The details were now blurred and disjointed; almost all memory of what happened prior to that last climactic moment was simply gone. The emotions he felt during the nightmare were undiminished by the shock he received earlier; it was simple horror; falling so fast that most of your insides were left several feet above you and not knowing when the fall was going to be broken; panic overtaking all of your senses, depriving you of all sanity. He shuddered at the thought and decided not to revisit it. He proceeded to clean out his now empty mug and place it on the rack. He decided that he needed a friend and went to the phone to call one up.
I'm thanking you in advance for using up your time with my writing.