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Sep 15, 2004 22:34



You Know You're From Massachusetts When...

The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.

When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.

You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.

You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.

You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.

You know what they sell at a packie.

You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

You can actually find your way around Boston.

Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.

You know what First Night is.

You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.

You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

You have never been to Cheers.

When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.

You have gone to at least one party at UMass.

The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.

You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.

You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.

You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime.

You know how to make a frappe.

You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.

You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.

You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".

You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.

You're aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.

You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.

You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.

You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.

You've called something "wicked pissa"

You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.

You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), and Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)

Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.

You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round

You still try to order curly fries from Burger King

You order iced coffee in January

You know what candlepin bowling is

You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular" coffee is

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.

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You Know You're From Westchester When...

You go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and end up running into people you know from your school.

Half the people in your school mysteriously develop inner-Queens accents during 7th and 8th grade.

Starbucks is a regular stop for you.

You say Abercrombie & Fitch makes you want to puke, yet you sport at least one outfit from the store each week

NYU is your top choice for college.

If you go to Catholic school, you know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.

If you go to public school you still manage to know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.

Below 1400 is a "so-so" SAT score

You claim to hate your school, but you go to all the dances and play at least one varsity sport anyway.

Even though your best friend lives a stone's throw away, you have most of your conversations with him/her on AOL or AIM.

You know you have to act tough when going to The Galleria, or else you might get shot.

You know you have to act sophisticated when you go to The Westchester, or else you'll get kicked out.

Your summer vacation is most likely one of the following: LBI, Cape May, Wildwood, Seaside Heights, or, more simply "The Jersey Shore."

You know someone who knows the girl who starred in "The Blair Witch Project."

Your dad works in an office and wears a suit and tie to work every day.

Your mom either works part-time or volunteers, but whatever she does, it's enough to hold a 24-hour a day guilt-trip over you.

If you don't drive, the Metro North train is your best friend, assuming, of course, you're able to avoid the ticket-collector.

A trip into NYC for a day is your idea of "getting away from it all."

It pisses you off that your friends from the Bronx call this area "upstate New York."

You've met Vanessa Williams at least once.

You complain that the Jefferson Valley Mall is trash, but you find yourself hanging out there every weekend anyway.

You think anyone who lives south of New Jersey is a hick.

Everyone winds up spending Spring Break in the Hamptons.

The students in your school drive nicer cars than the teachers.

Your sixteenth birthday present: Jeep, or your mom's old BMW

Your mother went to a great college, and now does nothing

You say that you are "just outside the city" regardless of where you live

Unlike every other area in the New York Metro area, you believe that people from Westchester, "really don't have accents."

Somebody had to teach you to do your laundry when you went away to college

You consider anything North of White Plains, "Upstate"

Your family belongs to a health club, a golf club, and/or a beach club

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Westchester.

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You Know You're Addicted to Buffy When...

You look at pieces of wood, deciding if they would make a good stake

You decide that you will only see your boyfriend at night and in the graveyard

"A happy slayer is a good slayer" becomes your motto

You have the whole collection of Buffy T-shirts

But you won't wear them - you want to keep them in mint condition.

You've taken up karate and practise your Buffy moves regularly

You refuse to go out after dark... just in case

You have suddenly taken a liking to tweed

You start calling your boyfriend Angel

You prefer to watch Buffy alone because other people just "don't get it"

You find yourself quoting the show several times a day

You go shopping for clothes and only purchase things that have appeared on the show

You always say the words "the wacky", "wiggins" and "a happy"

All your user names on the internet are "Willow"

You start hanging around libraries

You love to hack into the coroners office

You have either a cross necklace or a Claddaugh ring

You decide the graveyard is really cool hangout

You look at abandon warehouses in a whole new light

You never invite anyone into your house after dark

You find yourself in a situation and say "This is something Xander would do"

You are secretly in love with your best friend

Your licence plates read "Queen C"

You think "Too much Buffy? Never!"

You name your puppy Willow or Xander

You recite Amy's rat-turning spell when in the company of your older brother

You demand that people call you Buffy

Every time you step out of the shower you say "I seem to be having an extreem case of nudity"

You appoint yourself a watcher and choose someone to study/train etc.

You stay away from your teacher just incase they turn out to be prey-matis'

Your room looks like a shrine, you have Buffy posters as wallpaper, a Buffy bedspread, curtains etc.

You won't take cookies or mini pizza's from your Mom's new boyfriend

You find a whole new liking for miniture golfing

You hear that song "I hope you dance" and think of fighting Faith

You cried two hours after the fifth season finale of Buffy was over because she died even though you know she is coming back.

You pondered becoming a vengance demon after your last breakup.

You own enough Buffy comics and novels to have your bedroom be considered a fire hazard.

You won't go out past sunset unless armed to the teeth with stakes, crosses, and holy water.

You have crosses nailed over every window and door.

You start tracking the local murder rates after a new girl moves into town.

You read all the occult books in the school library searching for the Watcher diaries.

To you, sexual protection isn't birth control, it's making sure you're partner is human.

You practice sticking thumbtacks through houseflies and mosquitos--"Just to be safe."

You perform the reverse invitation spell after every visit from some person you haven't recently seen in sunlight.

You insist on traveling from class to class via the ceiling.

You try to exorcise the possessing hyena spirit when your best friend gets PMS.

You cast a gypsy soul curse on the sadistic principal who gave you a suspension.

You whittle wooden stakes.

You kick doors open.

You carry around a stake, just in case.

You take long walks in the cemetery at night.

You have a strange fear of hospitals.

You don't complain about going to church anymore because you remember that your supply of Holy Water is running kind of low.

You wear crosses every day and have a vast selection of them.

You never verbally invite anyone into your home.

You keep all your important information on yellow disks.

You avoid fraternity parties.

As a rule you don't like to be surprised.

Your friends are fearful that if they call during "Buffy Hour" they'll be in for a long lecture the next day.

You bookmark the Coroner's Office Web Site as a favorite place.

When you hear that there's a new librarian at your school, you slam open the doors of the library and yell; "Okay. What's the sitch?".

You can recite a whole Buffy episode(s).

You wallpaper your room with pictures of the Buffy cast and complain when there isn't enough space to put them all up.

You ask a priest to bless your bottle of Perrier.

Just for the hell of it, you enter Moloch into several search engines.

You name your doll Miss Edith.

You let your bird die of starvation.

You paint your nails like Drusilla.

When your brother comes back from the zoo, you won't let him in the house.

The only way you know how to say the word bitch is 'bitca'.

You get your hair cut like Buffy's and your hairdresser keeps remarking that the picture you show her (for your haircut) looks oddly familiar.

Whenever you quote Buffy Verse, you laugh hysterically while your friends stare at you like you've grown another ear.

You always protest that Buffy is NOT a ditz's name.

When watching a new Buffy episode, people gawk at you when you manage to say the actor's lines right before they do.

You can't think of a thing to talk about with people who have never watched a Buffy episode.

You spend hours on the net looking for new Buffy pictures.

You get really really excited whenever you do find any new pictures.

You sit on a grave twirling a yo-yo and say: "Come on, rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig homework waiting at home."

You look for padlocked sewer access systems in mausoleums.

You decide to be Buffy for Halloween but your friends don't notice a change.

You own everything possible with the words Buffy the Vampire Slayer on them.

You get wigged out by mimes and dummies.

You have a chest in your room with a fake bottom that contains garlic, stakes, holy water and crosses.

You freak whenever you have a substitute biology teacher.

You never go out with your boyfriend on the night of the full moon.

You avoid supposedly empty warehouses.

You have a fear of railroad spikes.

You punish your dolls.

You get a wheelchair just so that you can be called "Roller Boy".

You never have sex with your boyfriend for fear of what might happen to him.

You take up tae kwon do, kick boxing, karate, street fighting and gymnastics.

You eye your librarian to see if they're trying to tell you that you're the next Slayer.

You sleep with a stake under your pillow.

You sneak out of your bedroom window at night and hang out at the park because you've heard that several people have died there lately of exsanguination.

You're horrified of people who have never even heard of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

You want to kill people who dis the show.

You dream of past lives as a Slayer.

Whenever you have a dream and you see your friend in it you run up to them the next day and choke them as you shout: "What do you know?".

You never sign in someone's yearbook "Have a nice summer!".

You don't like to use the word Master.

You write Buffy FanFic.

You date men whom you meet in dark alleys (but only after kicking them in the head).

You bring a fire extinguisher to cheerleading tryouts.

You get nominated at school as "Person Most Likely To Be The Next Slayer".

You buy knee-high boots.

You get five holes pierced in each ear.

You're on a first name basis with all the actors of BtVS except that you've never met them.

Though they used to appreciate your interest, the actors on BtVs are now scared to death of you.

You check people's lockers to make sure they don't have any books such as 'Gray's Anatomy' and 'Mortician Desk Reference'.

You read a Buffy transcript at least once a day.

You befriend a computer genius and her dorky friend.

You file complaints that the substitute biology teacher is harassing you.

When asked what your hobbies are you answer; "Slay...slay...slave to the television".

As far as you are concerned, Buffy and co. are actual people.

You drive to California to look for Sunnydale, you dial operator and ask him where it is, operator says there is no such place and you yell back at him that he's probably in league with some demons to keep you out of Sunnydale.

You enroll at Torrance High School.

All the actors on the show are shown a picture of you and are told to stay away at all costs.

When asked what you'll do when you're older you answer either dead or it's already been 'sealed in fate'.

You tape all Buffy episodes, then retape them so they're in chronological order.

You buy all the CDs of songs that have ever been on Buffy.

You've been to all 1000 or so Buffy sites on the net.

You legally change your name to Buffy Anne Summers (or another character from the show).

You practically had a nervous breakdown when the series ended.

You cannot remember what you did with your life before Buffy.

Your motto is 'Life is short' or 'Seize the day'.

You never bring your date to the morgue.

When buying your Halloween costume you make sure it's something you'd like to be in real life.

You always beat up a snitch.

You nail crucifixes to your wall.

You needed to visit a grief counselor when Tara died.

You make sure your parents never come to Parent-Teacher night at school.

You watch, mock and laugh at talent shows.

When given an egg for parenting in Sex Ed class you boil it or smash it with something heavy.

You're frightened of cheerleader wannabes.

You avoid saunas, who knows what they put in the steam?

You don't let people with long fingernails get too close to your throat.

You use a Thesulan Orb as a paperweight.

Whenever there's a Sadie Hawkins dance at school you lock yourself in your room.

You refuse to buy any candy being sold by the band at school.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Buffy.

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You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...

You make a wand and try to use it.

You call your least favorite teacher Snape.

You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.

You wear robes to school or work.

You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.

You have read all the books more than four times.

You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.

... And then you stayed up all night wearing it.

You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.

You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.

You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.

You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.

You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.

Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact geographical location of Hogwarts.

You have constructed a timeline of events in the Harry Potter books.

You have attempted to figure out the exact ages of all the Weasley children?

You have spent time contemplating which main characters will die by the time the series is over.

You've been to see all the Harry Potter movies on opening night. (Bonus points for standing in line in costume!)

You've read Harry Potter fanfic.

You've written Harry Potter fanfic.

You run a Harry Potter fansite.

You visit The Leaky Cauldron daily.

You've met other Harry Potter fans from online in real life.

You've participated in a Harry Potter RPG.

You've dreamed about Harry Potter.

You have a Harry Potter poster on your wall.

Each Halloween, there's no question what you'll dress up as...!

You've spent time doing a timeline to see if you would have been old enough to date a certain character when you were in high school.

You've vacationed to London, simply to search for the Leaky Cauldron.

You own a black lab named Sirius Black.

You've knitted a Weasley sweater or Harry Potter scarf.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Harry Potter.

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You Know You're Addicted to LotR When...

You start quoting from the movie as part of regular conversation.

You like to tell your mom that you are hungry by quoting: "Merry, I'm hungry."

She used to just laugh, but now she says, "What would you like to eat, Pippin?"

You continually ask your parents for second breakfast.

All the staff at your local cinema knows you by your first name and even before you open your mouth to speak, they say "Ticket for 'Fellowship of The Ring?'"

You hate Burger King food, butyou ate nothing else for a month to get the toys.

You've crammed up your computer's memory by downloading every single screensaver from www.LordoftheRings.net

You wander around the house in a knee length nightie, pyjama trousers and an unfastened dressing gown (to give you a train). You are trying to be an elf, and actually manage to forget that the nightie is blue with dolphins, the trousers have teddies on and the dressing gown is tartan.

Your Lord of the Rings shirt has not yet met the washing machine.

You don't have enough money to buy groceries for the next week before payday, yet you charge £50 on your credit card to get a three year charter membership in the official LOTR fan club. Who needs food anyway?

You refer to parts of your town as parts of Middle-Earth.

You wear hobbitish clothing as part of your normal wardrobe.

You sometimes let your hair go curly after a wash, and then run around the house in bare feet yelling "I'm a hobbit!"

You hate it when Elves are only thought of as 'Santa's little helpers' and have tried to explain the difference between Santa-elves and Syrian Elves to your 5-year old cousins.

You speak in Quenya just to annoy your friends.

You refer to regular elephants as oliphaunts.

While buttering a piece of bread, you suddenly think of Bilbo (remember when he was talking to Gandalf about feeling tired) saying that he felt 'like butter spread over too much bread.'

You renamed your car the Wraith-mobile.

You have a replica of The One Ring.

You are beginning to resemble a panda due to the fact that you've stayed up until 2 am reading and re-reading the great books.

You actually managed to read the Silmarillion without being tempted to give up on this whole middle earth malarkey.

You now have a lifetime fear of black horses!

You haven't removed the soundtrack from your CD player since you bought it.

You have sssudenly developed a hisssing lisssp every time you sssay the letter ssss.

You have looked both on the net and in the phone book to see if archery and sword fighting lessions are offered in your area.

You have begun calling your husband / wife / girlfriend/ boyfriend / animal or kid my precioussss.

You happily traveled over an hour to the next town to see "it" because that theater has a better sound system than the one 5 minutes down the road.

You have called every theatrical or specialty makeup company in town looking for pointy ear or hairy feet prosthetics.

You've worn your plastic "one ring" that came on your Legolas bookmark so much the gold is completely worn off.

You've begun drafting a letter to the Webster's dictionary people requesting that they include "Ringers" in their next edition.

At Christmas time relatives find you chatting with the tree and sharing eggnog draughts

Single ads with the description," short plump and big hairy feet" seem much more appealing.

You know The LoTR history better then your family history.

You have a mouse named Frodo, a bird named Gollum, and a dog named Gandalf. And that cat that keeps coming around to be petted is Legolas.

You know Elvish better then English.

Whenever something goes wrong, it's Sauron's fault.

When you sing in the shower, it's always about Gil-Galad or hobbit walking songs...

You know everything about Middle Earth geography, but you can't get someone from your house to the ice cream parlor. Now the nearest movie theater, that is a different story.

You think the names of the 7 dwarves from Snow White are: Gimli, Gloin, Thorin, Gili, Nili, Ori, and Bambour.

You have developed your own special Tolkien handwriting. "A firm, flowing script..."

Words like "Yrch" make sense to you.

You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.

Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a cave troll!"

When you come to a dead end you're still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.

There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend and enter!"

Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses.

You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien character and seriously consider naming your children after LOTR characters.

Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say "Fly you fools!"

When someone knocks on your door you grab them, pull them inside and ask "Are you frightend?... Not nearly frightend enough!"

Your computer's screensaver is a marquee reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino" and the password is actually "mellon".

You cannot see a beer without blurting out "It comes in pints? I'm getting one!"

You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments.

A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind.

You now referring to your friends as your 'Fellowship' and insist that you have epic adventures.

You stand in the doorway and tell your cat that he 'Can not pass'.

You wash your face in the sink and expect to see things that are, that have been or that will be.

Your wedding band has started to weigh you down with it's evil powers.

Spending $35 at the grocery store seems expensive but its Perfectly fine to spend $70 on the Hardcover LOTR book with Alan Lee Illustrations.

You start keeping a LOTR Journal to write poems and inklings in.

You face every difficult decision with the thought "now what would Gandalf advise me to do?"

You know what Entmoot, Ent draught, or an Ent is for that matter

You've gained 20 pounds because you've started eating a "Second Breakfast"

A walking stick... you never leave home with out it.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Lord of the Rings.

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