[fic] State of Mind - Chapter Ten

[elric_ward]

There was lots of yelling and shouting after the shot had rang out, and Ward looked at his hands in amazement. When he had heart that faint click and seen what Sting had been staring at so intently at he had just reacted. He hadn’t thought or planned, he had given into the panic and instincts that told him to clap as hard and as fast as he could.

Comments

[deepgreen18]

This felt like a fairly short chapter, but I like how things solidified in it. Ward followed his instincts and...protected Sting? Interesting instincts, there. Wow, I was really impressed by Sting's point of view. He's so efficient (I guess that is canon. Mustang's a lieutenant, after all), but you can just feel the trauma oozing out of him about the thought of losing another pack member. I'm so happy that everyone's safe! Also, the cuddling at the end was so cute and warm. Ward and Fons are getting together, at last!

The last two segments wowed me in a weird way. Sting beheaded the poacher? Damn. Also, animal liberationists are a violent lot.

Oddly, for such a short thing, this one had a lot of tiny mistakes:

Why don’t they ever obey? The Mustang tugged his hand-pelts firmly, making sure they were allright. I would say "Why didn't they..." and I think you need a space between "all" and "right".

Snapping his fingers, he sent his fire twisting, turning and exploding in a line behind them. He sent the fire darting against the

[elric_ward]

Thanks a lot! I don't mind at all, especially since I was trying something new with this chapter. :D I just hope you don't mind playing beta. :D

You're actually teaching me a lot, I try to remember your advice when writing future things (both the fics and my assignments). Yay for help!

Fix'd things suitably I hope :D

Now I have to rush off to work. I really shouldn't hop online beforehand.