Fic: It's Always Open Season On Princesses 3/?
Title: It's Always Open Season On Princesses 3/?
Spoilers: Through 'For A Few Paintballs More'
Word Count: 2239
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Dan Harmon owns all of it. But I have an iPhone, so there!
Summary: How Jeff & Annie Spend Their Summer Vacation
AN: Jeff's POV. It might be a while before I can post again, so soak it up kids :)
Jeff glowered at his television, which was currently inflicting some singing Alfred E. Newman look-alike on him. He rolled his eyes and flipped the channel, settling on a re-run of ‘Myth Busters’ before picking his phone up again to play more ‘Angry Birds’.
This was actually his life. It almost made him a little sorry for himself. He could go out to a bar, get drunk and hook up with a girl who had a low IQ and a high bra cup size. All he had to do was get off the couch and shower. Weighing his options, Jeff instead settled back into his couch further, propping his feet up on his wobbly coffee table. It was a rare case of having the apartment to himself, as Chang had started serving part time at Applebee’s. Did it mean that he was actually contributing to the rent or all the food he ate (seriously, who could eat that many pounds of dill pickle potato chips)? No, it didn’t. But at least Jeff could relax in peace without Ben high-jacking the remote to watch endless episodes of ‘Wipeout’.
There was a knock on the door and Jeff groaned audibly as he rose from the couch. Great, he was making that noise he used to hear his uncle Paul make when he got out of his chair. That would probably end well for him. He muted the television and shuffled to the door, eyes still on the screen of his phone. When he reached the door, Jeff stooped slightly to look through the peephole and recoiled at the sight in surprise.
Annie stood on the opposite side of the door, teeth worrying her lower lip. Her eyes were shifting back and forth down the hallway before she glanced nervously at his door again. Her hands were clasped in front of her, fingers twining together awkwardly. She looked so…young.
He knew she was leaving the next day, but had managed to remove himself from the several days worth of drama surrounding who was going with her. Everyone in the study group was angling for the extra ticket as well as several Greendale students, some of whom couldn’t pick Annie out of a lineup.
Sighing, Jeff slid the chain off the door and opened it to her, eyebrows up in curiosity. “Annie,” he greeted before frowning slightly. “How did you know where I live?”
“Ketchup fight,” she said by way of explanation and Jeff rolled his eyes. That night, he hadn’t managed to get home in time and was just left with a ketchup-covered Chang and the after effects all over his apartment. “Can I come in?” She was agitated, seeming to almost be hopping from foot to foot. A joke about her Ritalin dosage died on his tongue as he ushered her in with a wave of the arm. She moved quickly, her head had a determined set to it.
Crap.
“What’s up?” he asked, deciding to move this whole thing forward as quickly as he could.
She went all twitchy and wouldn’t look at him. “I have some things that I need to say and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t say anything until I’m done.” She met his eye fleetingly before glancing back down at his floor. Jeff stilled, leaning against the back of the sofa.
“Okay,” he drawled out slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for her to continue.
She took a deep breath and launched into what Jeff was sure was a practiced speech. “I’ve spent my whole life just existing, being a supporting character in my own story.”
“Annie,” Jeff frowned but snapped his mouth shut when she shot him a look.
“-and this is my chance to really see what I can do, as a person. As a woman.” She stopped to breathe for a moment and Jeff watched her silently. After a full minute of working herself up to it, Annie met his eye and Jeff inhaled sharply at the expression he saw there. “I think I might love you,” she started and Jeff suddenly felt like someone had forced a hot rock down into his lungs. “And I know that you think I’m delusional for thinking it and you’re discounting my feelings in your head right now,” Annie went on unheeded and Jeff swallowed, freaked out at the fact that her words were mirroring his thoughts exactly. It wasn’t that he thought she was crazy, he just thought she was twenty years old. She was too young to even understand what that word meant in a real way. “And after you cornered me in the shower the other day, I really had planned on being cold to you, the way I’ve seen women act in movies.” Annie had started pacing back and forth in front of him and Jeff watched her movement, as if watching a tennis match. “That really was my plan, to be coy and elusive and- and sexy… and make you sorry you’d treated me like a little kid again.” She paused and stared at him again and Jeff cursed to himself when it affected him just as strongly the second time. What was the matter with him? “But I don’t know how to be coy or elusive or sexy,” she added with a frown. “I only know how to be this.” At that, Annie gestured down to herself with a flick of the wrist. She shook her head slowly, almost talking to herself now. “You spend half of your time reacting to me as if I’m some clingy nutbar and the other half of the time looking at me…” She trailed off just as Jeff averted his eyes toward the muted television. “I know you said you wanted to be the father figure, and George Michael illusions notwithstanding, I do respect that if that’s your decision.” Jeff swallowed again and thought briefly about checking the temperature of the apartment, which seemed to have risen several degrees in the last two minutes. “I just need to know one way or the other so at least,” she sighed and smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt, “at least I can move past this weird limbo that I’ve kept myself in.”
Jeff fought the urge to move forward, to try to distract her with ‘American Idol’ or Hungry Hungry Hippos or even a ketchup fight if that was what it took. His chest actually ached. He was pretty sure that was the sensation he was experiencing. It was awful. He wished he could push the words back into her mouth, but now they were out there and what was he supposed to do about that? Annie had to have known how this was going to end when she came over in the first place. Was that why she was so fidgety? He couldn’t actually do anything about this, so why did she keep pushing it? She was staring at him again in that way, and Jeff’s inner monologue came to a screeching halt at the look on her face.
“I want you to come to Europe with me,” Annie finally stated in a small voice and Jeff felt all the air leave his lungs in a loud whoosh before stilling. “You can argue now,” she finished, once again clasping her hands in front of her.
“You specifically said,” Jeff pointed out slowly, “that you weren’t going to ask me to go with you.”
“I did say that,” she conceded with a curt nod. “But that was the easy way out, for both of us.”
Jeff rubbed the spot between his eyebrows where he felt a headache forming. How did she always manage to make him feel like his brain was about to explode? “Yeah, we really sidestepped that.” He opened his eyes and looked at her, in her sadly hopeful purple cardigan, hair clipped back with a sparkly barrette. “Annie,” he breathed out, wincing at how pitying his voice sounded even to his own ears. “I’m…really…flattered, but-”
“Are you attracted to me, Jeff?” she cut in, moving toward him with resolve.
He closed his eyes, willing her to go away. When she didn’t, he opened them again, his eyes settling somewhere on the wall over her left shoulder. “Yes,” he finally murmured. “But-”
“Then I want you to come to Europe with me,” she reiterated smoothly. Jeff furrowed his brow.
“Annie,” he sighed. She was going to make this as painful as she could, wasn’t she?
“Jeff,” she echoed. “Give me a chance.” She moved another step toward him and he reared backward. “Away from everyone else who might for some reason give a…” She cleared her throat, and with determination, started again. “Might give a shit.”
Jeff felt a surreal spike of desire shoot through him at the sound of her cursing, but he shoved it back into its box and shut the lid just as quickly as it had escaped. It looked like he would have to try another approach with her. “You don’t think people would notice if we both disappear together?”
“I don’t care,” Annie said in a hushed emphatic tone. Jeff blinked slowly. “I…I want to see what we can do, Jeff.”
Something clicked in Jeff’s brain and his mouth dropped open in understanding. “There it is,” he muttered. “The catch.”
Annie’s expression clouded. “What do you mean?”
“I just figured out what Pierce was getting out of this,” he reasoned slowly, slumping slightly from the realization.
“Okay?” Annie prompted.
“It’s my psychological torture that he’s after here,” Jeff stated, and it sounded crazy even to his own ears, so he wasn’t surprised when Annie shot him a concerned look.
“Any torture going on here is self-inflicted, Jeff.” She was shaking her head.
“Really?” Jeff scoffed, crossing her arms over his chest defensively again. “I say yes and I’m…some pervert,” he pointed out. “I say no and I’m the jerk who hurts you. How is that not psychological torture?”
Annie visibly softened, her shoulders sagging. Cautiously, she moved forward, stopping just inside his personal space. “Jeff,” she said softly and Jeff flinched at the gentle tone. This would be going much better if they were yelling at each other. He felt most comfortable around her when he wanted to wring her neck. “Whatever happens, we’re still friends.” Girls always said stuff like that, and then you called out the wrong name in bed and they were out the door without another word. “If you do feel something for me, couldn’t we at least see what it is six thousand miles away from Greendale?” Damn if she wasn’t making her case. She really was a good debater. He stared at her evenly, blinked in the silence and waited for the moment to settle. He breathed.
“Annie.”
She swallowed and drew her mouth into a resolutely firm line. “I’m going to leave the other ticket here for you-”
“Don’t do that,” he warned, eyes bulging as he stood to his full height.
Annie flinched at the movement, but kept speaking. “If you want to come, you should come.” She shrugged. “I can be fun, you know.”
Jeff grimaced. “I know.”
“If not,” she sighed again. “I promise I will never mention any of this again.”
“Really,” he droned.
She nodded at him slowly. “But Jeff, I don’t…” She broke off and shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts. “I don’t want you to come and then later claim it was to play tour guide or… bodyguard.” His gut did that clenching thing again that always seemed to flare up around her. “If you come, I want it to be because you want to…” Annie shrugged. “To be with me.”
Jeff sagged into his former position, leaning against the back of his couch. It had only been ten minutes ago that he had thought he didn’t have the energy to shower and put on clothes to get drunk. If he could go make and make the decision again, he wouldn’t feel like he was being pushed off a high cliff against his will. “Annie,” he breathed out, hearing his own sadness. She stepped forward so she was pressed against him and shook her head. Leaning slightly upward, her lips landed against his softly. He responded immediately, bringing a hand up to cradle her head as he deepened the kiss, running purely on instinct now. Kissing was something Jeff didn’t have to think too hard about in either direction. The pretty girl was kissing him, what was he going to do, ignore it? He stood back to his full height, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame. It wasn’t until Annie sighed contentedly into his mouth that Jeff’s brain re-engaged with the rest of his body and he broke away from her, gasping for air. She stood peering up at him, hair mussed and lips red from his mouth, just watching him. Then, without another word, she moved to the coffee table, where she deposited a plane ticket and then turned and left, closing the door behind her.
Jeff stared from the door to the coffee table and back again, sure something else was still going to happen. When he managed to count backwards from one hundred twice in rapid succession without the walls caving in on him, he glanced back over to the coffee table.
The ticket was still there.
Advantage- Edison.
Shit.
Spoilers: Through 'For A Few Paintballs More'
Word Count: 2239
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Dan Harmon owns all of it. But I have an iPhone, so there!
Summary: How Jeff & Annie Spend Their Summer Vacation
AN: Jeff's POV. It might be a while before I can post again, so soak it up kids :)
Jeff glowered at his television, which was currently inflicting some singing Alfred E. Newman look-alike on him. He rolled his eyes and flipped the channel, settling on a re-run of ‘Myth Busters’ before picking his phone up again to play more ‘Angry Birds’.
This was actually his life. It almost made him a little sorry for himself. He could go out to a bar, get drunk and hook up with a girl who had a low IQ and a high bra cup size. All he had to do was get off the couch and shower. Weighing his options, Jeff instead settled back into his couch further, propping his feet up on his wobbly coffee table. It was a rare case of having the apartment to himself, as Chang had started serving part time at Applebee’s. Did it mean that he was actually contributing to the rent or all the food he ate (seriously, who could eat that many pounds of dill pickle potato chips)? No, it didn’t. But at least Jeff could relax in peace without Ben high-jacking the remote to watch endless episodes of ‘Wipeout’.
There was a knock on the door and Jeff groaned audibly as he rose from the couch. Great, he was making that noise he used to hear his uncle Paul make when he got out of his chair. That would probably end well for him. He muted the television and shuffled to the door, eyes still on the screen of his phone. When he reached the door, Jeff stooped slightly to look through the peephole and recoiled at the sight in surprise.
Annie stood on the opposite side of the door, teeth worrying her lower lip. Her eyes were shifting back and forth down the hallway before she glanced nervously at his door again. Her hands were clasped in front of her, fingers twining together awkwardly. She looked so…young.
He knew she was leaving the next day, but had managed to remove himself from the several days worth of drama surrounding who was going with her. Everyone in the study group was angling for the extra ticket as well as several Greendale students, some of whom couldn’t pick Annie out of a lineup.
Sighing, Jeff slid the chain off the door and opened it to her, eyebrows up in curiosity. “Annie,” he greeted before frowning slightly. “How did you know where I live?”
“Ketchup fight,” she said by way of explanation and Jeff rolled his eyes. That night, he hadn’t managed to get home in time and was just left with a ketchup-covered Chang and the after effects all over his apartment. “Can I come in?” She was agitated, seeming to almost be hopping from foot to foot. A joke about her Ritalin dosage died on his tongue as he ushered her in with a wave of the arm. She moved quickly, her head had a determined set to it.
Crap.
“What’s up?” he asked, deciding to move this whole thing forward as quickly as he could.
She went all twitchy and wouldn’t look at him. “I have some things that I need to say and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t say anything until I’m done.” She met his eye fleetingly before glancing back down at his floor. Jeff stilled, leaning against the back of the sofa.
“Okay,” he drawled out slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for her to continue.
She took a deep breath and launched into what Jeff was sure was a practiced speech. “I’ve spent my whole life just existing, being a supporting character in my own story.”
“Annie,” Jeff frowned but snapped his mouth shut when she shot him a look.
“-and this is my chance to really see what I can do, as a person. As a woman.” She stopped to breathe for a moment and Jeff watched her silently. After a full minute of working herself up to it, Annie met his eye and Jeff inhaled sharply at the expression he saw there. “I think I might love you,” she started and Jeff suddenly felt like someone had forced a hot rock down into his lungs. “And I know that you think I’m delusional for thinking it and you’re discounting my feelings in your head right now,” Annie went on unheeded and Jeff swallowed, freaked out at the fact that her words were mirroring his thoughts exactly. It wasn’t that he thought she was crazy, he just thought she was twenty years old. She was too young to even understand what that word meant in a real way. “And after you cornered me in the shower the other day, I really had planned on being cold to you, the way I’ve seen women act in movies.” Annie had started pacing back and forth in front of him and Jeff watched her movement, as if watching a tennis match. “That really was my plan, to be coy and elusive and- and sexy… and make you sorry you’d treated me like a little kid again.” She paused and stared at him again and Jeff cursed to himself when it affected him just as strongly the second time. What was the matter with him? “But I don’t know how to be coy or elusive or sexy,” she added with a frown. “I only know how to be this.” At that, Annie gestured down to herself with a flick of the wrist. She shook her head slowly, almost talking to herself now. “You spend half of your time reacting to me as if I’m some clingy nutbar and the other half of the time looking at me…” She trailed off just as Jeff averted his eyes toward the muted television. “I know you said you wanted to be the father figure, and George Michael illusions notwithstanding, I do respect that if that’s your decision.” Jeff swallowed again and thought briefly about checking the temperature of the apartment, which seemed to have risen several degrees in the last two minutes. “I just need to know one way or the other so at least,” she sighed and smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt, “at least I can move past this weird limbo that I’ve kept myself in.”
Jeff fought the urge to move forward, to try to distract her with ‘American Idol’ or Hungry Hungry Hippos or even a ketchup fight if that was what it took. His chest actually ached. He was pretty sure that was the sensation he was experiencing. It was awful. He wished he could push the words back into her mouth, but now they were out there and what was he supposed to do about that? Annie had to have known how this was going to end when she came over in the first place. Was that why she was so fidgety? He couldn’t actually do anything about this, so why did she keep pushing it? She was staring at him again in that way, and Jeff’s inner monologue came to a screeching halt at the look on her face.
“I want you to come to Europe with me,” Annie finally stated in a small voice and Jeff felt all the air leave his lungs in a loud whoosh before stilling. “You can argue now,” she finished, once again clasping her hands in front of her.
“You specifically said,” Jeff pointed out slowly, “that you weren’t going to ask me to go with you.”
“I did say that,” she conceded with a curt nod. “But that was the easy way out, for both of us.”
Jeff rubbed the spot between his eyebrows where he felt a headache forming. How did she always manage to make him feel like his brain was about to explode? “Yeah, we really sidestepped that.” He opened his eyes and looked at her, in her sadly hopeful purple cardigan, hair clipped back with a sparkly barrette. “Annie,” he breathed out, wincing at how pitying his voice sounded even to his own ears. “I’m…really…flattered, but-”
“Are you attracted to me, Jeff?” she cut in, moving toward him with resolve.
He closed his eyes, willing her to go away. When she didn’t, he opened them again, his eyes settling somewhere on the wall over her left shoulder. “Yes,” he finally murmured. “But-”
“Then I want you to come to Europe with me,” she reiterated smoothly. Jeff furrowed his brow.
“Annie,” he sighed. She was going to make this as painful as she could, wasn’t she?
“Jeff,” she echoed. “Give me a chance.” She moved another step toward him and he reared backward. “Away from everyone else who might for some reason give a…” She cleared her throat, and with determination, started again. “Might give a shit.”
Jeff felt a surreal spike of desire shoot through him at the sound of her cursing, but he shoved it back into its box and shut the lid just as quickly as it had escaped. It looked like he would have to try another approach with her. “You don’t think people would notice if we both disappear together?”
“I don’t care,” Annie said in a hushed emphatic tone. Jeff blinked slowly. “I…I want to see what we can do, Jeff.”
Something clicked in Jeff’s brain and his mouth dropped open in understanding. “There it is,” he muttered. “The catch.”
Annie’s expression clouded. “What do you mean?”
“I just figured out what Pierce was getting out of this,” he reasoned slowly, slumping slightly from the realization.
“Okay?” Annie prompted.
“It’s my psychological torture that he’s after here,” Jeff stated, and it sounded crazy even to his own ears, so he wasn’t surprised when Annie shot him a concerned look.
“Any torture going on here is self-inflicted, Jeff.” She was shaking her head.
“Really?” Jeff scoffed, crossing her arms over his chest defensively again. “I say yes and I’m…some pervert,” he pointed out. “I say no and I’m the jerk who hurts you. How is that not psychological torture?”
Annie visibly softened, her shoulders sagging. Cautiously, she moved forward, stopping just inside his personal space. “Jeff,” she said softly and Jeff flinched at the gentle tone. This would be going much better if they were yelling at each other. He felt most comfortable around her when he wanted to wring her neck. “Whatever happens, we’re still friends.” Girls always said stuff like that, and then you called out the wrong name in bed and they were out the door without another word. “If you do feel something for me, couldn’t we at least see what it is six thousand miles away from Greendale?” Damn if she wasn’t making her case. She really was a good debater. He stared at her evenly, blinked in the silence and waited for the moment to settle. He breathed.
“Annie.”
She swallowed and drew her mouth into a resolutely firm line. “I’m going to leave the other ticket here for you-”
“Don’t do that,” he warned, eyes bulging as he stood to his full height.
Annie flinched at the movement, but kept speaking. “If you want to come, you should come.” She shrugged. “I can be fun, you know.”
Jeff grimaced. “I know.”
“If not,” she sighed again. “I promise I will never mention any of this again.”
“Really,” he droned.
She nodded at him slowly. “But Jeff, I don’t…” She broke off and shook her head, trying to organize her thoughts. “I don’t want you to come and then later claim it was to play tour guide or… bodyguard.” His gut did that clenching thing again that always seemed to flare up around her. “If you come, I want it to be because you want to…” Annie shrugged. “To be with me.”
Jeff sagged into his former position, leaning against the back of his couch. It had only been ten minutes ago that he had thought he didn’t have the energy to shower and put on clothes to get drunk. If he could go make and make the decision again, he wouldn’t feel like he was being pushed off a high cliff against his will. “Annie,” he breathed out, hearing his own sadness. She stepped forward so she was pressed against him and shook her head. Leaning slightly upward, her lips landed against his softly. He responded immediately, bringing a hand up to cradle her head as he deepened the kiss, running purely on instinct now. Kissing was something Jeff didn’t have to think too hard about in either direction. The pretty girl was kissing him, what was he going to do, ignore it? He stood back to his full height, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame. It wasn’t until Annie sighed contentedly into his mouth that Jeff’s brain re-engaged with the rest of his body and he broke away from her, gasping for air. She stood peering up at him, hair mussed and lips red from his mouth, just watching him. Then, without another word, she moved to the coffee table, where she deposited a plane ticket and then turned and left, closing the door behind her.
Jeff stared from the door to the coffee table and back again, sure something else was still going to happen. When he managed to count backwards from one hundred twice in rapid succession without the walls caving in on him, he glanced back over to the coffee table.
The ticket was still there.
Advantage- Edison.
Shit.