Fic: It's Always Open Season On Princesses Part 9
Title: It's Always Open Season On Princesses Part 9
Spoilers: Through Season 2
Word Count: 2090
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Dan Harmon owns all of it. Me-none.
AN: We're back to Jeff's POV here. Thank you AGAIN to everyone who is reading! I promise at some point Jeff and Annie might even interact here. Probably.
Jeff looked up from the table he was sitting at to the woman standing over him.
“You feel better now?” she asked as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He nodded down into his lap and a moment later felt her palm connect with the back of his head.
“Ow! Shirley!” he winced away from her slightly.
She narrowed her eyes in response. “You ever raise your voice like that to me again, you’ll be getting worse than that.” She pointed a menacing finger at him before stepping back around her kitchen island and beginning to clean up the mess they’d left behind from their impromptu cookie dough making session. “Now, would you like to try again in a more civilized manner?”
Jeff frowned down at the nearly-empty bowl on the table in front of him. He couldn’t even remember what he’d said. “Not really,” he finally said quietly. Was that what people called a rage black out? Thankfully, he’d made Shirley his target. She definitely knew how to handle him.
“Because you had a pretty nice little rant there,“ Shirley went on as she began to put things back into her cupboard. “But I didn’t really get much out of it.”
“Did it make sense?” Jeff asked as he rose from his seat and approached her with the bowl clasped in his hands.
“You were talking about how Britta should not be judging you because she has hot dogs,” Shirley explained as she reached for the bowl. Jeff’s fingers tightened on it and Shirley smiled at him in an understanding way that Jeff was sure he didn’t deserve.
He groaned in embarrassment. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” he stated.
“Then why are you here?” Shirley challenged, not missing a beat.
Jeff settled the bowl in one palm so he could scoop a spoonful out with the other hand. “I wanted to go to Italy,” he said as if he was telling her that he was thinking about getting a pet He watched her carefully, needing her reaction. If she was shocked by him saying it, she was very good at keeping a straight face. She watched him in a way that gave him the impulse to keep speaking to her, but instead he just chewed on his mouthful of cookie dough. “This is really good,” he said a moment later. “You should do this for a living.”
Shirley didn’t even give him a polite chuckle. “Why did you want to go, Jeffrey?”
Jeff shot her an incredulous look. “It’s freaking Italy, Shirley.”
Shirley narrowed her eyes at him again and he shrunk back slightly. She appraised him for a full minute in silence before turning back to her counter and collected the carton of eggs that was sitting there. “So, it had nothing to do with Annie?” she asked as she returned it to the fridge.
Jeff had to give her credit for cutting right through all of the misdirecting bullshit he was throwing at her and getting right to what he was thinking, what he had been thinking since he pulled her to him and kissed her last spring. He watched her, letting his eyebrows furrow. It was about Shirley. She was ultimately the reason he wasn’t getting drunk in a pool halfway around the globe right that very moment.
“You don’t want it to be about Annie,“ he pointed out with a quirk of his brow. “You’ve been pretty clear with everyone about it actually.”
She spun to face him as she shut the fridge door. “I want what is best for Annie.”
“And that isn’t me,” Jeff finished for her.
She shook her head. “No,” she agreed. “It’s not.”
He glanced down at the bowl again. “I…went to the airport.” He cringed. Thankfully, she didn’t hit him again.
“Why didn’t you get on the plane?” Shirley asked.
Jeff chuckled humorlessly. “This feels a lot like therapy.” He paused. “Which I’ve never had.”
She reached for the bowl again and this time he let her take it from him. “Why didn’t you get on the plane, Jeff?”
His head was buzzing from all the sugar he’d just ingested, which meant he would have to get to the gym while he was still on his cookie dough high. He didn’t have an answer for that. He really couldn’t put into human words why he had deserted her there. Leaning back against Shirley’s kitchen counter, Jeff crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes scanned over her cheery kitchen, everything perfectly in its place. Her tile was a checkerboard pattern for crying out loud. He was in the Brady household. He’d actually come here to yell at her for making him feel guilty about wanting to bone Annie in Italy? Jeff sighed. “There was this toddler at the airport,” he started and watched Shirley’s eyes widen in surprise. “She had the world’s crappiest mom and I had to stop her from tripping and falling on her face.” It physically made his chest ache to talk about it. He didn’t really do feelings.
This was why.
“Jeffrey,” Shirley said in her soothing mom tone and Jeff winced.
“I just…” He sighed. “It just felt like what I would be doing to Annie.”
“Nuh-uh,“ she chastised. “You did the exact opposite to her,” she noted as next to him, their arms touching. He glanced down at the woman confusedly. “You let her fall on her face.” He sighed, exasperated. “It’s technically a valid teaching method. Like those parents who throw their kids into a lake to teach them how to swim.” She looked back up at him pointedly. “You threw Annie in a lake.”
“I did not throw Annie in a lake,” Jeff argued with a frown.
Shirley shook her head. “She needed to learn.”
“Are you actually trying to use reverse psychology on me right now, Shirley?” he asked, almost amused.
“No,” she assured him indignantly. “I am glad you finally gave her the message in a strong solid way.” She nodded her head. “You’re a good man, and you just keep on being a good man now.”
Jeff felt himself nod limply. “Yeah,” he finally said. “She needs to get over whatever ideas she has.”
“She’s young,” Shirley answered. “She will.” Jeff wasn’t sure why she was smiling so contentedly at that idea, but he didn’t feel like grinning. “The question Jeff, is are you really going to be okay with that when it happens?”
Jeff shook his head, getting frustrated. “We just talked about this.”
“We talked about you pushing her away,” Shirley came back instantly. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t going to do that thing you do where you act passive aggressive toward any man who looks at her.” She gave him a knowing look and Jeff clenched his jaw. “Is the group going to have to live through Rich all over again?”
“Whoa,” Jeff said as he held his hands up defensively. “I hated Rich long before Annie was a factor there, Shirley.”
“But not as much,” she countered.
“Rich is terrible,” Jeff argued. “He isn’t right for her.” Jeff’s features settled into a scowl as he let his mind wander to Greendale’s own version of McDreamy. “He is too perfect. Nobody is that perfect.”
“You like for people to think you are,” Shirley said with a smirk as she pushed away from the counter and walked toward the sink.
“I’m not as fake as Rich is,” he pouted.
“Nooo,” she stated in a sarcastic tone. “I’ve been meaning to compliment you on that perfect all-year tan you have by the way.” She jerked her head to the side to punctuate her point before beginning to wash dishes.
He sat silently watching her for thirty seconds before he was able to find something to say to her. “I’m just being protective of her.” Was that the right way to say that? He wasn’t sure. “I…I want her to be happy.”
“And you’re the best one to know what that means?” Shirley asked rhetorically before turning to face him with wet hands.
“You know why she wanted me there,” he said, giving her a meaningful glace.
“Of course I know why she wanted you there,” she replied curtly. “You’re six feet of muscle, boy.” She gestured to his body. “That just means she’s…female.” She demurely pulled her sweater closed over her chest and Jeff grinned at her.
“You like me,” he sang to her annoyingly.
“Stop trying to distract me,” Shirley warned. “Annie is a twenty year-old with a crush and it was your responsibility to set her straight on what will and won’t happen between you.” She nodded. “I agree with your decision, Jeff. Just…” She faltered for a moment. “Just not the way you did it.”
He knew that it wasn’t the bravest thing in the world to slink out of the airport and leave the little girl to fend for herself. But had he really thrown Annie into a lake? Let her fall on her face? Why did it seem like everyone was giving him contradictory advice? He was right to stay but wrong to not go? What the hell kind of sense did that make? “Shirley,” he started, unsure of what syllable would even come after that.
“She’s still your friend, and the way you handled it was…cowardly and unfair.” With that, she turned back to her sink and bent slightly to reach into the water.
Jeff flinched at her words. She was….He sighed. She was right. Annie had said she loved him. And even if he didn’t feel that way about her in return, he should have at least had the stones to tell her why he couldn’t accept her offer, why it was wrong to take advantage of her.
“Have you talked to her?” he asked quietly and Shirley turned to him. He watched her expression change somehow, become troubled. “Is she- how is she?”
“I haven’t talked to her,” Shirley answered with a shake of her head. He nodded, his eyebrows knitting together. “Jeff-”
“Mom!” a shout rang out as the front door opened and then closed. A second later, her two boys trooped into the kitchen, followed closely by Andre. He gave a surprised smile of recognition when he saw Jeff, who returned it. “Mom,” the younger boy repeated breathlessly. “I hit the ball over the fence!”
“That’s wonderful, baby.” Shirley pulled him into her embrace and kissed the top of his head. There was something so natural and intimate about it that Jeff actually looked away for a split second. “I have cookies in the oven for you boys,” she continued as she met Jeff’s eye again. “But you have to go wash up first.”
“What kind?” the older boy (Jordan?) asked even as he chased his brother down the hall to the bathroom.
“Keep it down,” Andre called after them. “Your brother is sleeping.” He stepped past Jeff and into Shirley’s embrace. Jeff looked away again as Andre dropped a kiss onto Shirley’s waiting lips, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Then, he turned back to address Jeff. “Jeff, what brings you here today?”
Jeff couldn’t even remember. He knew he’d come over here to yell at Shirley, but…she didn’t deserve that. She was being protective of Annie, which was a good thing. Really, the only person who deserved his ire was him.
And maybe Chang.
“I…don’t know,” Jeff answered honestly. “I think I’m gonna take off.”
Andre glanced down at Shirley and they exchanged a look that put Jeff slightly on edge. “Well, it was good to see you,” he said after a moment, extending his hand to shake Jeff’s. “I think I should go supervise Jordan and Elijah before they kill each other.” He smiled at Jeff warmly before disappearing down the hall.
Jeff stared at Shirley in silence. The same look of worry was on her face, but she didn’t speak at all. “Shirley,” he murmured. She inhaled sharply, as if she knew what he was going to say. Jeff looked at her curiously before continuing. “You’re awesome.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her.
She exhaled into him before hugging him back. “You know you already missed your chance, right?” she asked as she pulled away. Jeff chuckled. “Jeff?” she asked and he cocked his head to the side in question. “Are you going to throw up that cookie dough?” He pulled her back into his embrace.
“When I get home,” he answered after a beat of silence.