Don't take it personally.
Recently, a very important and beloved friend of mine has had the unfortunate incident of receiving a large portion of rather venomous missives, attacking her and one whom she loves. Her gentle temperament and evenhanded regard leave her at a loss for how to react to these messages. She is rather wrought with frustration about the situation and needed a little reminding about how to handle issues of personal attacks and vicious drama perpetrated within online communities.
To assist this kind and thoughtful soul in her current tribulations, and perhaps in future instances of ignorance thrusting its ugly heads into her life, I will now state my personal philosophy regarding such circumstances.
That is to say, simply, what to do when assholes want to talk shit.
Never Take Anything Personally
No matter what people say, it's never something that's truly a personal comment. They may vent their spleens upon you with such vitriol that you'd think they caught you fucking their dead children, but really, it's not about you. It's about them and how they feel.
See, everything we say and do to interact with those around us is based upon our own perceptions, our own feelings and our reactions to the events we encounter. No matter what choice of words we string together, we are still expressing only those things which we feel or think.
"Yes, May I Speak to George, Please?"
I could call up the White House tomorrow and say "Mr. Bush, you are a complete cunt. I fucking hate you. You have destroyed the very soul of this nation and you are a terrible person with no reason to continue existing. I hope you fucking die, you sack of shit." I could say that, and it still isn't really about George Bush, it's about me.
That statement or anything remotely like it is really only about me and how I feel and how I see things. It's my beliefs, my philosophical viewpoints and/or situational understandings which guide my tongue when saying these sorts of things, not just the facts.
Sure, I may have the facts of the matter. I may even state them explicitly. But the honest truth of it is, at some point--to express any sort of judgment or viewpoint regarding such facts--I must at some time cross the line between basic reporting of facts and the statement of my prejudices and feelings.
It's Really Just About Them
Now, considering that this is true for all people (and if you really, honestly consider it, this is true for all people), how, then, could I take anything anyone ever says personally? Really, I just can't anymore. And these days, I really get plenty of opportunity, I just choose to keep looking at the reality of the situation: they have issues and need to tell someone.
The statement itself is not true just because someone writes it or says it, it's only someone else's point of view. Even the most scathing, horrible, disgusting and derogatory remarks are really just expressions of one person's feelings or reactions on a given matter. Just saying "you're a heartless bitch" won't make someone instantly become such. It's just how that person thinks.
I Bet You Thought Your Opinion Mattered
So the next time someone wants to get down on you, attack you, try to make you feel guilty or ashamed, just remember that all their words are really just about how they feel and what they think they have to do to cope with their situation. It isn't you, it never will be.
As for all those self-important fucktards who think that talking shit at my friends is going to gratify some deeper, inner need to express their feelings: hey, good for you... you're a dime a dozen, you twat. Heard you, don't give a fuck. Now go play in trafic.