things are as decent as can be expected. um, i pretty much just told off my mom (read my latest post if you havent already) and um yea. im hectic busy, but in a good way. and we started running with a friend so...=D no drama in the lab, katie just left. you'd like the new undergrad. =)
I hope this finds you well and happy. When you posted what you did on Hugh's livejournal, I did a lot of thinking. Since last summer I have fucked up many relationships because for the longest time I was fighting a battle to keep my head and heart together. I know...sounds emo and stupid and shitty, but that is what was happening. I don't know why some people got through my barbed-wire filter of bullshit and some didn't. Some people I just cut off for various reasons and continue to, for whatever reason, push them away. I know I'm being stupid and hurting a lot of people I don't want to hurt but it's something I just can't help. Things are not the same for me as they were. Things are not as easy as they were. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but it's something I just don't know how to fix, nor is it something I'm willing to even try and fix. Some huge wall appeared that night between me and several people and I don't know where it came from and I don't know how to take it down. I'm sorry, Kristin, but you're one of the
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no I understand I just wish you'd said it earlier. I figured it was something like that, but it still hurts to be punished for something that wasn't my fault. which as I'm writing that is a cruel way to put it because you aren't doing it on purpose to hurt me. I'm just saying that I am going away and moving on and I didn't know whether you were mad at me or something so I just wanted to say the door was still opened unless you felt like shutting it permanently. I'm not saying I'm not a little mad and hurt about how you have shut me out and didn't tell me things that I would have preferred to have heard from you. but you know in general that I am a doormat and if someone I care for hurts me I'd still do anything for them if they try and reach out to me. so door is open until you shut it.
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He's soo sweet!
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hope you guys are well. I haven't been up to the BR in forever
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(i miss you. ever thought about visiting seattle?)
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give me a call and we'll discuss
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so door is open until you shut it.
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