a warning: insanity alert!
like i told choi, i'd be blogging about "THE" birthday surprise my darling roomies arranged for my birthday... damn them.
it's a love-hate relationship and will be until "the day"...
---
it wasn't as if i wasn't expecting it. but, all along, i'd thought it would simply be a whatever thing; perhaps, if only! the Ascended would make up with *them*, at least for my birthday... but i forgot: i may love the Big Cee enough to make up with the King for her birthday (and he, her - ironically, she appeared to be quite ignorant of the tension between her boyfriend and myself), but the Ascended appears either not to care, or care too much. anyway, for the record, he forgot my birthday. :( and as a mark of my returning sanity, i'm not even that upset.
it wasn't as if, either, that Bey-plus-imoto wasn't obviously stalking the first floor hallway at 11:50. nor were the Big Cee and Vision (perhaps i ought to call her Chocolate Ice Cream from now on... *is laughing*) exactly creative in their "passing of Ben Chan's number". i mean, really - we've done the drill any number of times before, to keep a secret from the other Maria; so off i went to Pious' room to bug her and steal her internet. the moment i got back to 115, i immersed myself in Bleach65 (for the nth time), just to while away the time.
the "let's not be obvious" exodus began when the Big Cee's alarm went off and she left the room. i was like, "any moment now... any moment..."
when Vision finally stood up and approached me it was almost a relief. i can't remember what i said; but it was something that let on that i knew. the reply: "Yaman din lang nama't alam mo na... I was going to invent something about having an all-nighter and asking you to go with me to the vendo, but..."
so there we went, laughing at the absurdities of it all, with her teasing me about being totally clueless (i must be a genius for acting or something, or i simply look dumb). down the hallway. through the door. across Eliazo lobby, where a glimmering semicircle of candlelight told me that things were just as i had expected them to be.
or not.
one glance told me that the Ascended had not made up; nor, surprisingly, were any of the Cervini freshmen boys there - i had thought that, at least, my foster brothers might have come (even my older ones); certainly i had expected to see either Prime or Apostle, or even Silence; hell, i had thought maybe Mr. Andretti would have arrived. i had hoped to see some AJSS faces there; but none were to be had. of course, neither Cold Shoulder nor any of the Bread Spreads were there - surprisingly, neither was Red-and-Gold... there was a relatively low voter turn-out, este, uh... long sentence, forget that.
instead a voice familiar to my ears reached me, and there behind Banana Split i saw an unruly head of hair and a pair of beautifully dense-lashed, tilted elfin eyes.
to quote Mr. Rochester from Bronte's Jane Eyre: "What madness, what sweet delusion is this?"
surely they hadn't.
but they had, damn them. i was in agony. i was in heaven.
(that's a bit of an overstatement.)
i was... too shocked to react. i was numb. i wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come out. i wanted to laught, but my throat caught. i was literally floundering for lack of something to do.
they had invited DB, and he was there.
you must remember, dear readers (if any are patient enough to endure my poor useless life as i log it down for posterity's sake): this is the boy, nay the man, whom i could not talk to for over a year. he it was that i fell quite head over heels for in the span of one hour in his apartment. it was he who could reduce me to a single wavelength of thought for days, with a single word or gesture: remembering my name; saying hi; opening the door; offering to have me as his groupmate. it is he who i so recently believed myself to finally have gotten over, when in truth it is simply that the attraction has mellowed and i see him more as an ideal man than as a god.
and what a man! quel homme, as Sir Leo de Mesa would have said (of himself). such a man as to have my own foster sisters (and their roommate) telling me days after that "ate, ang guwapo ng crush mo. aagawan kita ng crush." ideal, so as to have them gush to me: he has a gorgeous voice, guwapo siya, he has a gorgeous voice, sh*t talaga ate he's smart pa? ows magaling siyang mag-debate?, he has a gorgeous voice, ate perfect people shouldn't exist! but have i mentioned that he has a gorgeous voice?
hahaha. might i add: he's (apparently) nice, he's witty, he *can* be thoughtful according to reports (guess who's been doing research), he's one of those Alabang Hills people - Arym and Rache, if you're reading this, do you know anyone by the name of ----- ---------? (YM me or something, leave an offline message) oh yes and he's somewhat aloof, but can get really intense when it gets down to it... can i just say, he's everything my poor romance-deprived mind can think of to want in a man, and some more, especially since Sir AC, my high school dean, had been waxing poetic on how "i would have liked (this particular ex-student of his)?" to the point where even my mother approves... and he's slightly older than me, which automatically removes any midteen crisis i usually go through nowadays...
by the way: i probably said more to him in those few minutes than i had in the entire year since "debate last year" (his words, not mine; of course, that he remembered put me up another level into Paradiso). i swear: the guy can reduce me to a pile of stuttering female. he makes me insecure, underconfident: a considerable feat taking note of my hyperinflated ego. no wonder i fell for him. i never could stand liking (or being liked by) a guy i could walk all over in spiked heels. odd as it may seem, i want a guy who can cow me into submissiveness. it's more fun taming that sort into greater docility. ;) and it's nice to serve the person you adore once in a while, rather than the other way around, in which case that person isn't a person at all but a tool...
ladies and gentlemen: my rationalization of love, that capricious insect.
---
chatting with The Day and Manila Bey Sunset made me realize that since Grade 3, aside from a "rest" of one year during Grade 5, i have not had a single year without at least one romantic interlude. that, naturally enough, ended tragically: from a jerk who returned with a new girl after the hols; to someone who fell for my best friend; to someone i turned down far too tactlessly (aww... i love you dear! hahahaha. don't be all depressive, the movie industry will improve, but make sure to hire me as a screenplay writer someday); to someone i had to leave; to my best friend; and then to someone who was too like my best friend for me to ever look at him in any other way. and then my sophomore year, with rumors of a certain person who cannot talk to me, or will not, which is too bad because i don't think he's too bad at all; and with rumors, still, of me and Cold Shoulder, who i am not on speaking terms with for no reason other than he won't talk to me and i've had it up to *here* with his arrogance.
feh. romance sucks.
maybe i just can't handle relationships. there were others which caused me less anguish to turn down, indeed others i quite enjoyed thwarting... this is karma, isn't it. i haven't said yes to anyone in my entire life, so now i'm recieving all the pain of being ignored that i once inflicted.
i'm in for yet another Lonely Hearts' Day... anyone care to join me?
it's a love-hate relationship and will be until "the day"...
---
it wasn't as if i wasn't expecting it. but, all along, i'd thought it would simply be a whatever thing; perhaps, if only! the Ascended would make up with *them*, at least for my birthday... but i forgot: i may love the Big Cee enough to make up with the King for her birthday (and he, her - ironically, she appeared to be quite ignorant of the tension between her boyfriend and myself), but the Ascended appears either not to care, or care too much. anyway, for the record, he forgot my birthday. :( and as a mark of my returning sanity, i'm not even that upset.
it wasn't as if, either, that Bey-plus-imoto wasn't obviously stalking the first floor hallway at 11:50. nor were the Big Cee and Vision (perhaps i ought to call her Chocolate Ice Cream from now on... *is laughing*) exactly creative in their "passing of Ben Chan's number". i mean, really - we've done the drill any number of times before, to keep a secret from the other Maria; so off i went to Pious' room to bug her and steal her internet. the moment i got back to 115, i immersed myself in Bleach65 (for the nth time), just to while away the time.
the "let's not be obvious" exodus began when the Big Cee's alarm went off and she left the room. i was like, "any moment now... any moment..."
when Vision finally stood up and approached me it was almost a relief. i can't remember what i said; but it was something that let on that i knew. the reply: "Yaman din lang nama't alam mo na... I was going to invent something about having an all-nighter and asking you to go with me to the vendo, but..."
so there we went, laughing at the absurdities of it all, with her teasing me about being totally clueless (i must be a genius for acting or something, or i simply look dumb). down the hallway. through the door. across Eliazo lobby, where a glimmering semicircle of candlelight told me that things were just as i had expected them to be.
or not.
one glance told me that the Ascended had not made up; nor, surprisingly, were any of the Cervini freshmen boys there - i had thought that, at least, my foster brothers might have come (even my older ones); certainly i had expected to see either Prime or Apostle, or even Silence; hell, i had thought maybe Mr. Andretti would have arrived. i had hoped to see some AJSS faces there; but none were to be had. of course, neither Cold Shoulder nor any of the Bread Spreads were there - surprisingly, neither was Red-and-Gold... there was a relatively low voter turn-out, este, uh... long sentence, forget that.
instead a voice familiar to my ears reached me, and there behind Banana Split i saw an unruly head of hair and a pair of beautifully dense-lashed, tilted elfin eyes.
to quote Mr. Rochester from Bronte's Jane Eyre: "What madness, what sweet delusion is this?"
surely they hadn't.
but they had, damn them. i was in agony. i was in heaven.
(that's a bit of an overstatement.)
i was... too shocked to react. i was numb. i wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come out. i wanted to laught, but my throat caught. i was literally floundering for lack of something to do.
they had invited DB, and he was there.
you must remember, dear readers (if any are patient enough to endure my poor useless life as i log it down for posterity's sake): this is the boy, nay the man, whom i could not talk to for over a year. he it was that i fell quite head over heels for in the span of one hour in his apartment. it was he who could reduce me to a single wavelength of thought for days, with a single word or gesture: remembering my name; saying hi; opening the door; offering to have me as his groupmate. it is he who i so recently believed myself to finally have gotten over, when in truth it is simply that the attraction has mellowed and i see him more as an ideal man than as a god.
and what a man! quel homme, as Sir Leo de Mesa would have said (of himself). such a man as to have my own foster sisters (and their roommate) telling me days after that "ate, ang guwapo ng crush mo. aagawan kita ng crush." ideal, so as to have them gush to me: he has a gorgeous voice, guwapo siya, he has a gorgeous voice, sh*t talaga ate he's smart pa? ows magaling siyang mag-debate?, he has a gorgeous voice, ate perfect people shouldn't exist! but have i mentioned that he has a gorgeous voice?
hahaha. might i add: he's (apparently) nice, he's witty, he *can* be thoughtful according to reports (guess who's been doing research), he's one of those Alabang Hills people - Arym and Rache, if you're reading this, do you know anyone by the name of ----- ---------? (YM me or something, leave an offline message) oh yes and he's somewhat aloof, but can get really intense when it gets down to it... can i just say, he's everything my poor romance-deprived mind can think of to want in a man, and some more, especially since Sir AC, my high school dean, had been waxing poetic on how "i would have liked (this particular ex-student of his)?" to the point where even my mother approves... and he's slightly older than me, which automatically removes any midteen crisis i usually go through nowadays...
by the way: i probably said more to him in those few minutes than i had in the entire year since "debate last year" (his words, not mine; of course, that he remembered put me up another level into Paradiso). i swear: the guy can reduce me to a pile of stuttering female. he makes me insecure, underconfident: a considerable feat taking note of my hyperinflated ego. no wonder i fell for him. i never could stand liking (or being liked by) a guy i could walk all over in spiked heels. odd as it may seem, i want a guy who can cow me into submissiveness. it's more fun taming that sort into greater docility. ;) and it's nice to serve the person you adore once in a while, rather than the other way around, in which case that person isn't a person at all but a tool...
ladies and gentlemen: my rationalization of love, that capricious insect.
---
chatting with The Day and Manila Bey Sunset made me realize that since Grade 3, aside from a "rest" of one year during Grade 5, i have not had a single year without at least one romantic interlude. that, naturally enough, ended tragically: from a jerk who returned with a new girl after the hols; to someone who fell for my best friend; to someone i turned down far too tactlessly (aww... i love you dear! hahahaha. don't be all depressive, the movie industry will improve, but make sure to hire me as a screenplay writer someday); to someone i had to leave; to my best friend; and then to someone who was too like my best friend for me to ever look at him in any other way. and then my sophomore year, with rumors of a certain person who cannot talk to me, or will not, which is too bad because i don't think he's too bad at all; and with rumors, still, of me and Cold Shoulder, who i am not on speaking terms with for no reason other than he won't talk to me and i've had it up to *here* with his arrogance.
feh. romance sucks.
maybe i just can't handle relationships. there were others which caused me less anguish to turn down, indeed others i quite enjoyed thwarting... this is karma, isn't it. i haven't said yes to anyone in my entire life, so now i'm recieving all the pain of being ignored that i once inflicted.
i'm in for yet another Lonely Hearts' Day... anyone care to join me?