a lot of people like to say and apparently think that I have everything handed to me.  that my life is easy and other people completely take care of me.  i've been lucky enough that my dad helps me and is in the position he is to be able help me.  but i don't see how that can be construed as everything being handed to me.  i mean from an outsiders ( Read more... )

soemthing i'm working on.  not sure if it's complete and finished yet or  done as is.

i said goodbye to you. 
packed up my stuff and grabbed my shoes.
paused to look around for a minute,
needing to make sure nothing is forgotten.
no reason to come back to this place.
even if its a sock, who cares,  my heart all ready needs replaced.

i said goodbye ( Read more... )

i just had the greatest day dream fantasy.  my dad is buying a house in fl.  but he won't live there full time.  just like 2 or 3 months of the year.  he said this is my house to use as much as i want also.  so i'm driving home from indy and i've got the windows down, cd blaring, sipping a latte and it occurs to me.  i could get my lung transplant ( Read more... )

i'm sitting here waiting for my friends to get in touch w. me.  i'm going to cry all night if they don't and i end up staying home alone.  for once i can go out and stay out as long as i like w.out anyone bitching or worrying anyone is going to bitch.   but of course no one has gotten hold of me, so i'm sitting here hoping they do ( Read more... )

you know what.  maybe it is me.  i mean all this time i've always though it was the other people.  they don't get it, they don't really listen, they don't get me, they are rondo.  whatever.. it's them not me.  but maybe it is me.  how i talk, how i react, how i hear what others say to me.  maybe there is just something fundamentally wrong w me.  * ( Read more... )

today i am sad. i am sad for the possibilities i never had.  i'm sad for the opportunities others take for granted. and for the ones i passed up. for anytime i've let someone else's words or actions have ownership of my feelings.  or anytime i've used my words against someone i love ( Read more... )

my heart feels heavy w. the load i carry close to me.  i can't seem to put it down. put it away.  i think of a life besides this one i'm trapped in.  would it really be any better, the grass isn't always greener.  i know ( Read more... )

a year ago tomorrow i never would have imagined i would not be talking to you let alone not seeing you to say, i hope you have a great day.  as we move on away from there.  further away from each and the bond we thought nothing would break.  i take a step away from my anger, a pause in my hurt.  more time goes by and when i look back, now i no ( Read more... )

i can't stop thinking about how strange relationships are.  we have this love; a best friend, a lover, a spouse, even a parent.  and we can't imagine not having this person in our life.  we can't believe that in the future they won't still be that person for us.  not loving them and they not loving you and respecting you in return.  and then a year ( Read more... )

i felt it was time to move on and get a new one.  this feels weird. i've been writing in the other one for so long. needed to be done tho.