my credo on women, media, and society
Because I felt as if I had been stuck in a state of unproductive sullenness, I asked a good friend of mine to give me a topic to write about. She graciously suggested I write about 'women', having started the topic very briefly on my twitter feed a few days ago, due to misogynistic comments being made repeatedly, I had to say something. However, as my friend stated, 140 characters are too little to go in depth with this topic, and now I am afraid that given limitless characters won't get me finished.
It's natural for me to initiate this by taking a look at history in the perspective of women and across different grounds. Ancient Greece can well be said to be the start of a civilization in the ancient world, and the world of democracy thrived in Athens, the city that loved to love, and loved to be known for it's beauty, peace, music, and justice. Democracy is all about justice and equality, but when we take a look at how things actually went in the city of Athens we learn that the society was a highly patriarchal. The voting system was a privilege allowed to men only. Women, children, and peasants had no role to play in society whatsoever. Even though, at that time famous plays and theatrical works were made regarding women discrete activism, for example the philosopher Sophocles and the famous heroine in his play Antigone. The name has been suggested to mean "opposed to motherhood", "in place of a mother". It may also mean "against men" since men were dominant in the Ancient Greek family structure, and Antigone clearly defied masculine authority, or "anti-generative", from the root gonē, "that which generates" (related: gonos, "-gony"; seed, semen). And in my opinion the most significant, hilarious piece by the comic-playwright Aristophane creating the play Lysistrata. "Army dis-bander." it is a comic account of Lysistrata's extraordinary mission to end The Peloponnesian War. She persuades the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands and lovers as a means of forcing the men to negotiate peace - a strategy, however, that inflames the battle between the sexes. In fact, all these plays were performed by men, playing women, going on a sex strike against... men?
If I had been there attending these plays at that time, wouldn't I be feeling a tad bit alienated? Why were men discussing my rights or how I would put an end to things? Why should I have to use my sexuality and withhold it to get things done? Of course, I am not stating that I am completely against the notion of this play, because it's the hilarity of politics, and how well-played Aristophane makes it happen.
I am going to make a giant shift to women in Ancient Egypt who were known to have a status that may seem surprisingly modern when compared to the status women occupied in the majority of contemporary societies. Although men and women had traditionally distinct powers in society, it seems that there was no insurmountable barrier in front of those who wanted to deviate from this pattern. Egyptian society recognized women not as equal to men, but as having an essential complementarity, expressed especially in the action of producing children.
Upon marriage, the Egyptian woman kept her name and merely added "wife of X" to her surname. The bride and groom pronounced the phrases: "I make you my wife" and "You make me your wife". Men were obligated to guarantee the well-being of their spouse in material ways. The scribe Ani (during the New Kingdom period) advised future spouses : If you are wise, keep your house, love your wife without interference, feed her properly, dress her well. Caress her and fulfill her desires. Do not be brutal, you will obtain much more from her through respects than through violence. If you reject her, your household goes down the drain. Open your arms, call to her; witness your love to her. Of course, that doesn't rule out domestic problems, because divorce existed it as well, but in the very least, justice was made to both genders upon marriage.
Recongizing that Egypt relied on an agricultural economy, clears out the working role women had in assisting their husbands in agriculture work and to manage farms or businesses when their husbands, fathers, were away. Egyptian women's rights extended to all legally defined areas of Egyptian civilization. Women could manage, own, and sell private property, which included slaves, land, portable goods, servants, livestock, and money. Women could resolve legal settlements. Women could conclude any kind of legal settlement. Women could appear as a contracting partner in a marriage contract or a divorce contract; they could execute testaments; they could free slaves; women could make adoptions. Women were entitled to sue at law.
I am in no way stating that ancient Egypt was the perfect society for women, because daily life is more than what meets the eyes. Whether those privileges practiced or not is not something you and I can determine from simply reading history from text books and the internet. But for an ancient society, in comparison to others it sure seems like the ideal niche for independent, liberated women.
People often make the quick jump in Women's history timeline to the 1700's or the 1800's disregarding the era when Islam emerged in the Arabian peninsula. Well all know that in pre-Islamic Arabian peninsula, when a man was given a girl newborn, he would not hesitate to bury her alive, and that upon the arrival of Islam this custom was abolished, but is that all we know about how Islam changed the quality of how women were treated?
If you read the Qura'an carefully, you will come to learn that men and women are depicted as equal beings, there's an entire chapter stressing on the rights of women and how divorce and marriage can be maintained with just and fairness. The prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) himself, and this story always gets me, prior to his death, his last words were to ensure how well-treated women should be, that yes, men have certain rights over women, but also women have rights over men. Rights to be treated as equals, and rights to be treated with kindness and affection. (If you're willing to read examples of amazing roles women in Islam played, read this)
This is something you must read. It's a beautiful summary of all rights given to women since the emergence of Islam, I would have copy-pasted here for you, but it isn't even that long and mostly made in bullet points. (and I would have to cite it, god forbid.)
Now that I have succeeded in making this an elongated history lesson, I am going to dive fast in all the problematic treatment of women in media generally, in my society personally.
Media is a powerful tool of deception, you can spend hours watching a show, loving it and believing everything that's done in it is right. But how often to you come to realize how the role of women was treated in said show? It does not matter if her role wasn't a heroic one (in whatever heroic expectations you have) because in real life, not everyone is heroic- there are people who are just merely going by, but at least they make a difference and don't just serve as plot device. So if the female character is being pushed to become a mere plot device, that should offend you. Love interests written on and off shows, where have you seen this? Correction, where have you not seen this? I don't recall watching a show were men characters were overly sexualized and written off shows because it serves the main female character's plot. TV is watched by different people, It's considered a source of entertainment, characters that appeal to people, loveable characters, hate-able characters, beautiful characters, ugly characters- and that's what people are. They're a mix of these things and it's
normal.
I am going to set an example on a show many teenagers watch and why I think it's so problematic.
Gossip Girl. I am not going to deny, many people are into the bad boy archetype (me being one of them), but I started getting tired of Chuck Bass when his storyline affected Blair's character development. Blair was a smart woman, landing an internship in the magazine she's always wanted to work in, she had her goals set upon her. She was going to become important, independent, and then allow Chuck Bass back into her life (albeit messing it up again)- and I was excited for her development, this was something that was actually happening! Only to be swooped from under us. In the end of the series, Blair took the job of her mother (which she stated a billion times, for crying out loud, that she doesn't want to be ending up like her mother)- Chuck Bass wins. He's the oppressor, he's the winner. This is divine, dark love. I don't mind dark!love and destructive relationships on TV and books, in fact I love to read these types of books, but not if the woman in the story is being oppressed and accepting of this oppression! There's a complete difference between equally conniving, savagely hateful pair and only one controlling the life of the other. I am saying this, because it's what I believe the GG writers were aiming at, but miserably failed to deliver. I am not saying that the only thing wrong in the series, in fact Dan and Selena's relationship- it was even worse. Dan, after belittling Serena's worth ends up marrying her, and she understands that her worth is ???. This is in no way a message of love- it's destructive way to ruin the deception of women across the media.
I suggest you all watch The Hour. Now that's a show where positive female characters are made. They're not alway necessarily right, Bel makes mistakes, but she doesn't pay for them because she's a woman. She does because she's a human at fault. Go watch this show now.
As for the Game of Thrones series, I want to clear out something important. There's a difference between 'misogynistic setting' and 'misogynistic writing', the books are presented with misogynistic setting, which in a medieval time was quite common and known of, however, G.R.R.Martin writes his character, men and women alike. Women are given complete plots and so are men, they are in depth and quite relatable, even with a setting like that. However, what's being depicted in the show is both a misogynistic setting and writing, the female characters in power are made to be depicted as unpleasant sometimes and unique. Why is it unique for women to be in power? Isn't a male in power considered normal? Why present a new character not found in the book and have her killed for to serve merely as plot device? We all know Joeffry is a sexual predator, did you have to kill a character off when she was still developing to show us all that?
In the same aspect, writing a strong female character, where does that come from? Isn't the necessity of entertainment is to write people. There was a time as a child where I stubbornly believed that the only way a woman can be is strong, and strong can come only in one way and that's by speaking out loud and taking roles men disregard. But growing up I learned to accept that all women are strong. No matter what it is that sets them apart. Femininity isn't anything to be ashamed from. Just because your friend prefers florals and the color pink while you prefer black clothing and pants over dresses doesn't have anything to do with how either of you should be viewed as women. It's merely a matter of preference, don't some men prefer graphic shirts while others prefer button up's? It doesn't reduce anything from their masculinity if they wore either. Then why does your femininity come to question by the way you're dressed or expressed? Nothing pisses me off more than girls who think they are superior over other girls because they don't wear make up or wear dresses or do feminine things.
Media is horrific, I wouldn't stop talking about it if I started so I am going to leave you with this quote here instead;
❝ Women are expected (celebrities are no exception) to smile, look pretty, and generally be a ray of sunshine in everyone’s lives. When someone as famous as Stewart doesn’t, the whole world freaks out. If women are not smiling and happy, then they are probably whiny, difficult, a bitch, or PMSing-or so the world and media seems to tell us. Why can’t Stewart have a blank expression? Last time we checked she’s a very popular movie star and very in-demand, which must be stressful and not as much fun as everyone would think. Plus, why fake a smile when you know every single person taking your picture is practically demanding a smile, while simultaneously judging every single aspect of your outfit? Not to mention that even if you do smile and then suffer some sort of unfortunate wardrobe accident (nip slip, crotch shot, etc), that they will viciously turn on you in a second? Stewart also gets a lot of negative comments about her apparent lack of glamour or style and infamously wearing flats or sneakers when she “should” be wearing platform pumps. This also bucks the gender expectation that women should willingly and happily physically suffer in order to look good (which she did big time, when presenting an award Sunday night). Stewart tends to throw that out the window, wearing Converse with haute couture as she pleases, and why not? What’s wrong with comfort and sticking to your guns instead of being pretty eye or arm candy? Kristen Stewart, it took us a while to get here and we apologize for the delay, but we salute you and all your surprisingly subversive acts of independence and dare we say it-feminism. ❞ - one blank expression at a time.
This picture is a wonderful introduction to the next point I am going to address, and that's the way the society I live in looks upon women. Of course, if you spend a lot of time on twitter you'll have clearer idea of what I am talking about. The U.A.E. is a lovely country, women lead many important roles, they are respected, they are teachers, they are professors, they are doctors, they are lawyers, they are ministers, they are engineers and architects, they are artists and nutritionists, they are in every field- and they are powerful. However, the society is polluted with people who still think this isn't were women should be. That women should be back home, taking care of children and cooking. The sad thing is, none of these things are wrong. Getting married and taking care of children. Some women consider it a privilege and their goal in life and I understand that. I understand that not everyone should be like me. I understand that women are different and in every field and any life they chose to lead they are powerful and strong and it doesn't belittle from their potential. But why can't society return the favour?
Why are we always made to feel bad whenever we have anything to say on behalf of our gender? Why is there always that someone telling you to shut up (even if not a real person did, you're always afraid you might offend someone) whenever you're about to start talking about equality and things that matter to you as a woman. Why are women at work taking control of everything and producing results are called 'bossy'- isn't being bossy what a boss should be? Men who make orders are never referred to as such. They're 'capable' they 'know what they're doing' bossy is a negative synonym to a woman in charge. Men will listen to you, have conversations with you, but in their eyes you're less than them.
I see men complain about how should an ideal woman be, but what are you complaining for when you aren't any better yourself. Don't go into how a muslim woman should act, because it's none of your business, and frankly it makes you look embarrassing. Instead, if you're going to be religious all of a sudden, go into how a muslim man should act, because this is what should concern you. Why are you even discussing women at all? It's rude and unwanted. Imagine a white person discussing the rights of black people, while the gesture is appreciated, in the end it doesn't matter. Your opinion is disregarded if you're discussing something you're not supposed to.
"You must be PMSing." shut up. SHUT UP. Am I not allowed to be irrationally angry sometimes? When a man is irrationally angry people jokingly tell him to join an anger management class, or simply try to console him until he calms down. If I am angry, don't tell me I am PMSing, tell me I need anger management, this makes me feel human and not exposed to your unwanted assumptions. You're offending me by even suggesting that I am not allowed to get angry. I am allowed every emotion, because I am h u m a n.
I am allowed to cry, without being called 'such a girl' why is being called that offensive anyways? I am a girl. I am allowed to laugh and get angry and act on it the way I see fit. Why is my femininity in question? My femininity is intact- thank you very much- what I need is for your mouth going off about something it shouldn't be going off about to shut up.
I always feel like I am missing out on something, there's a point I am missing, there's something I have yet to learn. So if you've got any idea, anything at all, I would really appreciate it if you a review down there. Share anything at all, even if it's a critique or whatever it is.
I am going to conclude this with a quote I read the other day;
'I do not wish (women) to have power over men, but over themselves.'