In My Head
Another friend died this week, her name was Tara. It has been a really weird experience. I have done a lot of internal reflection on the matter and I think I have just recently begun to put the pieces together.
You see, if she were still alive I would likely refer to her as an acquaintance. Somehow in her death I have become closer to her. In my head, I recount the conversations and discussions we had. I feel like I missed the point(s). The point of love… the value of compassion. I have the tendency to keep myself at arms-length from the pains of life. When my friends seek advice from me I always listen and give the least advice as possible. When I get pressured to give advice, I advise them to take the least painful route. I am glad Tara never took my advice. My roommate Jason and Tara had a very complicated relationship that in more than one occasion I advised Tara to walk away. To spare herself from the pain of feeling like she wasn’t good enough, even when I knew she was. Tara held on to the love with a firm grasp. She held it close to her, to comfort her from the pain. She did the same with her beliefs and opinions, something I wish I had held more respect for.
All in all, the death of Tara has made me realize that sometimes your friends are closer than you think and cherishing the love and compassion is sometimes all we have to keep us from being afriad of the pain.
I will miss Tara in all of her glory.
Tara Drummond 1982-2005
You see, if she were still alive I would likely refer to her as an acquaintance. Somehow in her death I have become closer to her. In my head, I recount the conversations and discussions we had. I feel like I missed the point(s). The point of love… the value of compassion. I have the tendency to keep myself at arms-length from the pains of life. When my friends seek advice from me I always listen and give the least advice as possible. When I get pressured to give advice, I advise them to take the least painful route. I am glad Tara never took my advice. My roommate Jason and Tara had a very complicated relationship that in more than one occasion I advised Tara to walk away. To spare herself from the pain of feeling like she wasn’t good enough, even when I knew she was. Tara held on to the love with a firm grasp. She held it close to her, to comfort her from the pain. She did the same with her beliefs and opinions, something I wish I had held more respect for.
All in all, the death of Tara has made me realize that sometimes your friends are closer than you think and cherishing the love and compassion is sometimes all we have to keep us from being afriad of the pain.
I will miss Tara in all of her glory.
Tara Drummond 1982-2005