Well, I finally did it. I wrote OT4. This is totally inspired by
furiouscupofcat's brilliant OT4 drabbles and fics. Go read her stuff, seriously. She writes Roy/Ed/Ling/Al much better than I do.
Title: Lube
Pairing: Roy/Ed/Ling/Al (non-incestuous)
Word count: 547
Rating: Hard PG-13 to soft R for implied sex and foursome.
Summary: Just another chore.
Al pulled the big bottle of lubricant from the top shelf of the hall closet and sighed as he went to make the rounds. Yet another chore, just like cleaning the kitchen and making sure Ed didn't kill anyone or break anything too expensive.
Study first, best to go through the house systematically so he didn't miss any rooms. Al opened the drawer and pulled out the half-empty bottle in there. He was so glad he'd found a place that sold lube wholesale, it had seemed like such a waste to go through so many little bottles. Despite the fact that it was very fun to bend various people over the desk, the study rarely saw much action, most weeks Al didn't even need to refill the single bottle of lube in the top drawer of said desk.
The living room was home to three little bottles, all carefully hidden to keep from embarrassing any guests someone might decide to entertain. The first was on the bookshelf, hidden behind a weighty volume of plays that Roy liked to occasionally bore his lovers with; the second hidden under a sofa cushion, nearly empty as it was the most convenient to the softest surface in the room; the third was stashed under the recliner, well out of sight, but easy to reach. This last was completely empty because Ed, out of sheer annoyance, had upended it over Ling's head the other day. Al chuckled at the memory of the battle that had followed, it had been the most fun any of them had had in ages.
The dining room, because of Ling's tendency to start food fights, got more action than one would necessarily think. And there had been the rather notable Tea Incident. Al grinned as he pulled out the two bottles hidden in the silk-flower centerpiece and filled them. The retaliation had been almost as much fun as the Incident itself.
Everyone tried to avoid sex in the kitchen, because, in the immortal words of Ed, that was where all the food was, dammit, but sometimes there was simply no choice but to leave those kinds of morals behind, and while peanut butter did work, it also smelled horrible afterwards, so a bottle of lube was kept in one of the cabinets.
The master bathroom had three bottles, all in the shower, of course, because shower sex was just the perfect way to start the morning, and no one wanted to have to be blamed for not having refilled the bottle the night before. When things got desperate, they used conditioner, which didn't sting like soap but which was also expensive and made Ed slightly more spastic than usual.
Last, obviously not least, was the bedroom. Two bottles in each night stand, one under each pillow, and one under either side of the bed. This was not so much because they went through so very much lubricant, but more a matter of someone should be able to reach at least one bottle.
Al sighed slightly as he reached up to put the bottle away in the closet, making the rounds always made him so incredibly horny. Wandering off to find his lovers and brother, Al noted that this was the one chore he didn't mind being perpetuated.