i wish he did stand up! (comedy jillian....lol)
ok, truthfully, this is just for my own enjoyment....but you're welcome to read too if you want
“You ever have that thought that bums you out? You have a thought that bums you out, and you’re bummed out by the thought, but the thought escapes you, so all you’re left with is being bummed out, but you can’t remember what it is that bummed you out in the first place, so you spend time going back in your mind trying to figure out why you’re not looking forward to Tuesday, whatever Tuesday is. You’re like, ‘What’s wrong with Tuesday? It hasn’t even happened yet and I’m already freaked out about it.’ Well, this song is kind of about going back in your head and making a list and checking it twice and making…that was a holiday reference in the middle of summer. Let's hear it for me. So anyway, this is a song called ‘Something’s Missing,’ ‘cause sometimes it just is.”
hahahaha i know what he's talking about
“It’s very difficult to tie one shoe with the same tension as the other one, because if one should be a little tighter than the other, the show’s gonna suck. I’m a man of symmetry.
im not a woman of symmetry, but this is a reason i dont like to wear tennis shoes.....
"So while I was waitin' in the back during the opening act, I was readin' some magazines and I did a couple of quizzes, and the results are in. First off, you'll all be glad to know that I am NOT a jealous girlfriend. And second, I am in fact a strong independent black woman."
"Quiet down so I can make love to you all."
"I don't mind making sissy rock... I'll rock your ass sensitive-style"
"There's this great tool that God gave us, and that's this little switch in your head that just goes mmmmmfuckit"
hahahhahahaha!!!
"High school is like a spork: its a crappy spoon AND a crappy fork, so in the end, its just plain useless."
"love is a hot shower where your skin never prunes"
They asked him if it is true that he signs things "your body is a taco stand" He said that is true, he has never autographed anything "your body is a wonderland". "You wanna know why, you wanna know why, you wanna know why? Because John Mayer ain't no BITCH".
"I'm afraid to use the handicap stalls because I know in mid shit I'll see a wheel rolling by the door."
"I'm a pretty cocky guy now. I mean, I look beautiful tonight."
"...like Willy Wonka says, "Strike that and reverse it.", it was the other way around...I JUST QUOTED WILLY WONKA! ... I would like to take this moment out to reassert the fact that I like girls."
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
"I'm so ready to be in love, I'm so ready to be sick to my stomach missing somebody, I'm ready to say good-bye to my girlfriend when she comes to visit me for 2 days and choke on my tears in the back of the van silently for the first half hour of the ride. I want it."
oh gawd pick me
"Yeah, I'm real deep when I'm not busy masturbating or setting off fireworks."
"When I was in second grade, I told this kid, Ritchie, that I had sex with his mom, and he punched me in the face. I don't know if he owns my record."
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
"I will tour 365 days a year, but I know, in my heart, as soon as I meet someone that I want to wake up and eat breakfast with every day, I'm going to be like, "Guys! I've been at it a long time! I'm going home."...until then, I will keep playing. The irony is...you don't meet anyone on the road...I think they pulled one over on me."
"I want movie love. You know where you court the girl for like 3 months. Who can do that?"
"Your always supposed to go too far, because that's what living is all about."
"Song writing for me, is as close to having super powers as you can have. Unless you're Superman, and then you would make fun of me for saying that."
"Hey guys, would you mind if I took a year off to fall in love? The songs would be a lot sweeter...I promise."
"The problem in trying to be your own future historian is that you miss what's...going on...Wasn't that profound? Did you guys hear that? I said, "your own future historian."
"Some asked me what I was going to do tonight. I said, "I'm getting together with 4,000 of my closest friends and we're gonna pack a bowl."
"I'm always the guy that's in the way and that's not the right place to stand...and...my fly is open and it's totally disorienting me...I have to start again."
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I wanna be a better man. I'm trying to figure out what I can do in my life to make it so that one day when my wife tells me she hears something downstairs and she wants me to go check it out, that I don't completely wet myself as I'm going down the stairs."
"My biggest desire in high school was not to [have sex], was not to go to the prom, my biggest desire in high school was to have everyone around me see that identity that I knew that I had, but that I couldn't show to anybody."
"I am beginning to know what it feels like to be a woman. To have people looking at you all the time. And I'm sorry ladies I had no idea! But people are looking at me all the time. Its like i have musical boobies!"
"I already know I can't act. I don't have to do some terrible submarine movie to figure that out."
--Musician John Mayer on singers turned actors, in People. He also says, "Stars believe that if they become famous in one area, they get the all-access celebrity pass. Sometimes you're lucky just to get the gig you have." What's this, a young celeb talking sense? It has to be some kind of mistake. We're sure his managers will give him a stern talking to.
"Thankyou, you picked it. Thats the thing about making you choose, I can go all out and I dont have performance anxiety like I picked the wrong song cause you picked the damn thing yourself. I feel bad that way, I dont know if youre like that, but like if youre on a road trip and everyone gets their designated time to play shit on the radio. I hate my time cause I... I cant relax cause Im so much like... I care so much about what people think about the... like my choice. I just wanna get my time over with. Im like 'This sucks', cause nothing, nothing hurts more than when your playing your music and someones talking and they turn it down. So, thats kinda what I feel like when Im up on stage. Its my mom, its my mom sitting up in like a tennis referee chair up in my brain going 'Youre losing them. Youre losing them. Play what they came for. They, they, they work very hard jobs all day. Youre losing them. People like the... people like the chorus. They like the chorus. The guitar playing, what it that?' My mom used to say to me 'Its like musical masturbation. What is it?'
"Thankyou. I dont know what youre clapping for. Maybe its the whole style man [dose] and, strip club [thing] of taking the jacket off. In this case I should be naked by sun-up. Ive never heard anyone say that before. I guarantee you, of all the many places youve been, strange people youve met (myself included), youve never heard anyone say 'At this rate Ill be naked by sun-up.
But I could go to Australia and play arenas. As long as it ends in, 'But damn that kid can really play guitar... Ive never seen a 26yr old with worse bowel control in my life but damn he can play the, you know what I mean? Itd be great! You could say anything after that... or before it - Damn he can play the guitar. Doesnt like children much, but damn can he play".
thats about it for now!