Smallville Fic: The Story of Us #10 - I Miss Who You Were
Title: I Miss Who You Were
Author: emerald_night
Claim: Smallville - Lois and Clark
Table: Buffet #1
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #165 / I miss who you were
Word Count: 1,997
Summary: A scene between Clark Luthor and AULois upon his return to the alt world.
A/N: Written for the fc_smorgasbord challenge.
A pair of dark eyes, drowning in a sea of agony, looked up at her.
He was in a huddled mass on the floor, his body still writhing slightly from the effects of whatever Oliver had been doing to contain him.
But it was his eyes that revealed all to her. The absolute refusal to give Oliver (or anyone) the satisfaction of begging for a reprieve.
Clark Luthor was back.
Lois had insisted to Oliver that they be left alone. Not that it had been an easy sell, but after promising he could wait right outside the door for her, he’d reluctantly left the room, making sure to threaten Clark upon his exit regarding the consequences of anything happening to her.
Honestly? Her decision to come here had been rash, made hastily from emotion invoked in her by a man whose face had stirred a memory deep within her, one that she’d successfully buried over the past few years. It was the only way she could survive in this bleak world, a world where a love she’d once felt stronger than anything had been beaten into submission by a tyrannical father and a son who, at first, felt he had no other choice but soon, had unfortunately begun playing the part.
All too well. Which, in one way, was a blessing. It was easier to forget when not a shred of the man she once fell for remained.
But seeing him tonight, the other Clark, it unearthed a feeling she’d almost forgotten existed.
Hope. Hope for him.
“Come to gloat?”
His all too familiar sneer snapped her out of her reverie. Shaking her head slightly, she answered.
“If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have stopped Oliver.”
His eyebrow quirked slightly at that. “Why did you?”
She tilted her head, still maintaining a good distance from him. “Because tonight, I met someone who reminded me of who you were once upon a time.”
He stalked toward her, and despite her initial urge to move back several steps, she stood her ground.
“This is who I’ve always been,” he said, daring her with his low, almost threatening tone, to deny his words.
And Lois Lane was never one to resist a dare.
“No, it isn’t.”
The corner of his lips ticked upward at that, slightly impressed at her standing her ground with him. Like she used to. Before she gave up on him.
“Yeah, it is. And just because you met some other version of me doesn’t change that fact, Lane.”
“You can pretend to the rest of the world, but not to me. I remember.”
“You’re delusional,” he snapped, turning away from her suddenly.
Taking a chance, she forged ahead. “I remember the boy I met the summer before my senior year in high school when I first interned at the paper. Who used to sneak up to the roof with me when Lionel was out of town to look at the stars.”
“Shut up,” he spat, crossing the room away from her, an agitated hand running through his hair.
“Or the lilies on my desk on my first official day at work there.”
“Those weren’t from me,” he said quickly.
“Of course they were. No one else knew that lilies were my favorite.”
He was silent at that, shoving his hands in his pockets, his back still toward her.
“I remember the brand new wool coat that somehow ended up on my fire escape after covering a story in below freezing temperatures with nothing but a beat up fall jacket.”
Hesitantly, she moved a step closer.
“I remember the man who insisted the yelling and screams of agony I heard when I dropped something off at the mansion were just a horror movie playing too loudly. Instead of admitting the horror was actually happening to him at the hands of his father,” she said softly, tears springing to her eyes at the memory.
Suddenly he whirled around, in front of her in the blink of an eye. She recognized, with sickening clarity, the grin on his lips. It was the one she’d seen so often in the early days after their break-up. The one daring her to still love him. To still believe in him.
His hand grabbed her upper arm, fingers digging into her flesh as he jerked her closer to him.
“You’re not the only one who had met someone today.”
Lois tugged at her arm, knowing it was fruitless to try and wrestle herself from his grasp but refusing to give him the satisfaction of staying passive.
His head tilted closer to hers, she could feel his breath on her face.
“You. Well, the other you. And you know what I did?”
Her eyes stared defiantly into his, despite the fear coursing through her body.
“I threw her into a wall. Or a bookshelf. I’m not sure, I wasn’t really paying attention. And I left her there,” he said through gritted teeth. He let go of her arm suddenly, knocking her off balance a bit. With a smirk, he added, “And then I had some fun getting Tess to do what I wanted. All while she lay there unconscious.”
She could feel the nausea swirling in her stomach at his words, the impulse to turn around and run out of the doors into Oliver’s safer arms almost overpowering.
But it was his next words that stopped her.
“Still think I’m the guy you remember?” he challenged, arms folded across his chest.
Through the cocky tone, she could hear the hint of self-loathing in his words.
“I think you could be,” she said quietly, still a bit shaken up.
“Why the hell do you even care? You’ve got the blond pretty boy and your safe little life. All I am is your boss, who, you’ve said on more than one occasion, makes your life miserable.”
She was quiet for a moment, blinking back tears that had rushed to her eyes. Finally, she looked at him, finding him waiting expectantly for her answer.
Shrugging, she shook her head slightly. “Because I miss who you were.”
Her reply was so soft, yet it somehow seemed to echo in the large, empty room.
“Meeting him tonight, the other Clark, made me miss you.”
Her honesty seemed to stun him, as he simply stood and stared at her for a few moments, his softening gaze an indication her words had affected him.
A bitter mask slipped over his features though, the softness quickly dissipating as he retreated back into his familiar role.
“Yeah, well I’m not him.”
“You are,” she argued. “You’ve just had to deal with a monster for your whole life. Lionel beat you into submission…”
“SHUT UP!” he roared, turning away from her and moving to the other side of the room.
“But you can still choose to not live down to his expectations. You can be your own man.”
He whipped around at that, shaking his head.
“God, you are so naïve. No one escapes Lionel Luthor. Especially not his son.”
“Lionel’s gone, that’s what Oliver said.”
“He’ll be back.”
“And? You’re strong enough to fight him. You always have been!”
She could see his lips trembling slightly, emotion he usually kept so tightly locked away threatening to escape. Years of practice, though, had helped him keep it under control, and so trembling lips turned into a characteristic sneer.
“Why should I bother? I’ve got it all, Lane. Money. Power. I own this city.”
“Because you’re not Lionel,” she answered, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
He shrugged. “Everyone thinks I am.”
“And you think that’s a good thing?”
“I think it’s pointless to try and change anyone’s opinion of me. People believe what they want to believe.”
“That’s a copout and you know it.”
“Why is that a copout?” he challenged.
“You’re taking the easy way out. Of course it’s easier to live down to public opinion then to try and change their expectations. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. They can think you’re the biggest monster on the planet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.”
“Easy for you to say. Everyone loves you,” he said, his voiced laced with a tinge of bitterness. “You have a father who loves you, even if he isn’t around all the time. You have a family. You have Oliver. You have friends,” he ranted, stepping closer to her with each phrase. “I’ve got me. And a bastard father who lives to torture me. So don’t stand there with your rosy view of the world and tell me I can change.”
“It’s not about changing!” she retorted, her hands flying up in frustration. “You are a good person, Clark. I know you are. You’ve just …you’ve buried it, to stay alive, to deal with Lionel and I get that. But you are strong enough to break his hold on you.”
She stepped closer to him, tentatively reaching out and placing her hand on his arm.
“I know that things have been, well, horrible between us lately. Just like you locked away all the good in you, I tucked away my feelings for you and tried to hate you. It was the only way I could survive. But…look, I just want you to know that it’s not just you anymore, not if you don’t want it to be. I’m here.”
Shiny eyes met hers. “So I can let you down again?” he asked, his voice softer than she’d heard it in years.
“Clark, I don’t expect you to be perfect. I wouldn’t even want you to be. I just want you try and stop denying who you are. To remember that good man that I know is still in there. It isn’t about letting me down because it isn’t about me. It’s about you.”
With a gentle squeeze, she dropped her hand from him.
“I don’t know why you believe in me.”
“The why doesn’t matter. I do, Clark.”
She swiped at her cheek, erasing the wetness there. Turning from him, she began walking toward the door.
“Lois?”
That stopped her dead. She couldn’t remember the last time her first name had left his lips.
“She looked at me like you used to.”
The quiet way he spoke tugged at her heart. She faced him once more, a questioning look on her face.
“The other Lois,” he clarified, taking a step toward her. “That’s why …that’s why I threw her.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispered, urging him to continue.
“She…she wanted to help me. I guess she thought I was the other Clark. And she looked scared, but not of me. It was like she was scared for me. Like she loved me. It was only a few seconds but, I could tell. It was you, all those times you tried to help me, tried to get through to me, tried to love me,” he continued. “And it hurt too much to remember.”
“You couldn’t handle it.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t kill her,” he added quickly. “It was just…between her and Tess? Tess was easier.”
She nodded, understanding what he meant. His manipulation of his sister was not exactly a secret in Metropolis.
“She did love him. The other Clark.”
“Did he love her?”
Lois smiled wistfully. “Yeah. He did.”
“Did you come here tonight looking for him?”
“No. I knew he wouldn’t be here. He wanted to get back to her so badly. So whether you want to believe it or not? I came here for you.”
“I’m not making any promises.”
“I don’t want any. I just want you to think about what I said.”
He let out a long breath. “That I can do.”
With one last small smile, she turned and left, closing the door behind her. Leaving him alone.
But, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t actually feel alone.
And maybe, that was a start.
Author: emerald_night
Claim: Smallville - Lois and Clark
Table: Buffet #1
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #165 / I miss who you were
Word Count: 1,997
Summary: A scene between Clark Luthor and AULois upon his return to the alt world.
A/N: Written for the fc_smorgasbord challenge.
A pair of dark eyes, drowning in a sea of agony, looked up at her.
He was in a huddled mass on the floor, his body still writhing slightly from the effects of whatever Oliver had been doing to contain him.
But it was his eyes that revealed all to her. The absolute refusal to give Oliver (or anyone) the satisfaction of begging for a reprieve.
Clark Luthor was back.
Lois had insisted to Oliver that they be left alone. Not that it had been an easy sell, but after promising he could wait right outside the door for her, he’d reluctantly left the room, making sure to threaten Clark upon his exit regarding the consequences of anything happening to her.
Honestly? Her decision to come here had been rash, made hastily from emotion invoked in her by a man whose face had stirred a memory deep within her, one that she’d successfully buried over the past few years. It was the only way she could survive in this bleak world, a world where a love she’d once felt stronger than anything had been beaten into submission by a tyrannical father and a son who, at first, felt he had no other choice but soon, had unfortunately begun playing the part.
All too well. Which, in one way, was a blessing. It was easier to forget when not a shred of the man she once fell for remained.
But seeing him tonight, the other Clark, it unearthed a feeling she’d almost forgotten existed.
Hope. Hope for him.
“Come to gloat?”
His all too familiar sneer snapped her out of her reverie. Shaking her head slightly, she answered.
“If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have stopped Oliver.”
His eyebrow quirked slightly at that. “Why did you?”
She tilted her head, still maintaining a good distance from him. “Because tonight, I met someone who reminded me of who you were once upon a time.”
He stalked toward her, and despite her initial urge to move back several steps, she stood her ground.
“This is who I’ve always been,” he said, daring her with his low, almost threatening tone, to deny his words.
And Lois Lane was never one to resist a dare.
“No, it isn’t.”
The corner of his lips ticked upward at that, slightly impressed at her standing her ground with him. Like she used to. Before she gave up on him.
“Yeah, it is. And just because you met some other version of me doesn’t change that fact, Lane.”
“You can pretend to the rest of the world, but not to me. I remember.”
“You’re delusional,” he snapped, turning away from her suddenly.
Taking a chance, she forged ahead. “I remember the boy I met the summer before my senior year in high school when I first interned at the paper. Who used to sneak up to the roof with me when Lionel was out of town to look at the stars.”
“Shut up,” he spat, crossing the room away from her, an agitated hand running through his hair.
“Or the lilies on my desk on my first official day at work there.”
“Those weren’t from me,” he said quickly.
“Of course they were. No one else knew that lilies were my favorite.”
He was silent at that, shoving his hands in his pockets, his back still toward her.
“I remember the brand new wool coat that somehow ended up on my fire escape after covering a story in below freezing temperatures with nothing but a beat up fall jacket.”
Hesitantly, she moved a step closer.
“I remember the man who insisted the yelling and screams of agony I heard when I dropped something off at the mansion were just a horror movie playing too loudly. Instead of admitting the horror was actually happening to him at the hands of his father,” she said softly, tears springing to her eyes at the memory.
Suddenly he whirled around, in front of her in the blink of an eye. She recognized, with sickening clarity, the grin on his lips. It was the one she’d seen so often in the early days after their break-up. The one daring her to still love him. To still believe in him.
His hand grabbed her upper arm, fingers digging into her flesh as he jerked her closer to him.
“You’re not the only one who had met someone today.”
Lois tugged at her arm, knowing it was fruitless to try and wrestle herself from his grasp but refusing to give him the satisfaction of staying passive.
His head tilted closer to hers, she could feel his breath on her face.
“You. Well, the other you. And you know what I did?”
Her eyes stared defiantly into his, despite the fear coursing through her body.
“I threw her into a wall. Or a bookshelf. I’m not sure, I wasn’t really paying attention. And I left her there,” he said through gritted teeth. He let go of her arm suddenly, knocking her off balance a bit. With a smirk, he added, “And then I had some fun getting Tess to do what I wanted. All while she lay there unconscious.”
She could feel the nausea swirling in her stomach at his words, the impulse to turn around and run out of the doors into Oliver’s safer arms almost overpowering.
But it was his next words that stopped her.
“Still think I’m the guy you remember?” he challenged, arms folded across his chest.
Through the cocky tone, she could hear the hint of self-loathing in his words.
“I think you could be,” she said quietly, still a bit shaken up.
“Why the hell do you even care? You’ve got the blond pretty boy and your safe little life. All I am is your boss, who, you’ve said on more than one occasion, makes your life miserable.”
She was quiet for a moment, blinking back tears that had rushed to her eyes. Finally, she looked at him, finding him waiting expectantly for her answer.
Shrugging, she shook her head slightly. “Because I miss who you were.”
Her reply was so soft, yet it somehow seemed to echo in the large, empty room.
“Meeting him tonight, the other Clark, made me miss you.”
Her honesty seemed to stun him, as he simply stood and stared at her for a few moments, his softening gaze an indication her words had affected him.
A bitter mask slipped over his features though, the softness quickly dissipating as he retreated back into his familiar role.
“Yeah, well I’m not him.”
“You are,” she argued. “You’ve just had to deal with a monster for your whole life. Lionel beat you into submission…”
“SHUT UP!” he roared, turning away from her and moving to the other side of the room.
“But you can still choose to not live down to his expectations. You can be your own man.”
He whipped around at that, shaking his head.
“God, you are so naïve. No one escapes Lionel Luthor. Especially not his son.”
“Lionel’s gone, that’s what Oliver said.”
“He’ll be back.”
“And? You’re strong enough to fight him. You always have been!”
She could see his lips trembling slightly, emotion he usually kept so tightly locked away threatening to escape. Years of practice, though, had helped him keep it under control, and so trembling lips turned into a characteristic sneer.
“Why should I bother? I’ve got it all, Lane. Money. Power. I own this city.”
“Because you’re not Lionel,” she answered, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
He shrugged. “Everyone thinks I am.”
“And you think that’s a good thing?”
“I think it’s pointless to try and change anyone’s opinion of me. People believe what they want to believe.”
“That’s a copout and you know it.”
“Why is that a copout?” he challenged.
“You’re taking the easy way out. Of course it’s easier to live down to public opinion then to try and change their expectations. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. They can think you’re the biggest monster on the planet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.”
“Easy for you to say. Everyone loves you,” he said, his voiced laced with a tinge of bitterness. “You have a father who loves you, even if he isn’t around all the time. You have a family. You have Oliver. You have friends,” he ranted, stepping closer to her with each phrase. “I’ve got me. And a bastard father who lives to torture me. So don’t stand there with your rosy view of the world and tell me I can change.”
“It’s not about changing!” she retorted, her hands flying up in frustration. “You are a good person, Clark. I know you are. You’ve just …you’ve buried it, to stay alive, to deal with Lionel and I get that. But you are strong enough to break his hold on you.”
She stepped closer to him, tentatively reaching out and placing her hand on his arm.
“I know that things have been, well, horrible between us lately. Just like you locked away all the good in you, I tucked away my feelings for you and tried to hate you. It was the only way I could survive. But…look, I just want you to know that it’s not just you anymore, not if you don’t want it to be. I’m here.”
Shiny eyes met hers. “So I can let you down again?” he asked, his voice softer than she’d heard it in years.
“Clark, I don’t expect you to be perfect. I wouldn’t even want you to be. I just want you try and stop denying who you are. To remember that good man that I know is still in there. It isn’t about letting me down because it isn’t about me. It’s about you.”
With a gentle squeeze, she dropped her hand from him.
“I don’t know why you believe in me.”
“The why doesn’t matter. I do, Clark.”
She swiped at her cheek, erasing the wetness there. Turning from him, she began walking toward the door.
“Lois?”
That stopped her dead. She couldn’t remember the last time her first name had left his lips.
“She looked at me like you used to.”
The quiet way he spoke tugged at her heart. She faced him once more, a questioning look on her face.
“The other Lois,” he clarified, taking a step toward her. “That’s why …that’s why I threw her.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispered, urging him to continue.
“She…she wanted to help me. I guess she thought I was the other Clark. And she looked scared, but not of me. It was like she was scared for me. Like she loved me. It was only a few seconds but, I could tell. It was you, all those times you tried to help me, tried to get through to me, tried to love me,” he continued. “And it hurt too much to remember.”
“You couldn’t handle it.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t kill her,” he added quickly. “It was just…between her and Tess? Tess was easier.”
She nodded, understanding what he meant. His manipulation of his sister was not exactly a secret in Metropolis.
“She did love him. The other Clark.”
“Did he love her?”
Lois smiled wistfully. “Yeah. He did.”
“Did you come here tonight looking for him?”
“No. I knew he wouldn’t be here. He wanted to get back to her so badly. So whether you want to believe it or not? I came here for you.”
“I’m not making any promises.”
“I don’t want any. I just want you to think about what I said.”
He let out a long breath. “That I can do.”
With one last small smile, she turned and left, closing the door behind her. Leaving him alone.
But, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t actually feel alone.
And maybe, that was a start.