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[emeraldambience]

as a child, and an adolescent, actually up until two or so years ago, I would bottle my anger in confrontations. push it way down inside the pit of my stomach where it would churn. i'm pretty sure i developed my current anger issues as a backlash of that repression. now if anyone crosses me, or insults me, or assumes that they are in any way

Comments

[the_grin]

heh, I've been dealing with this exact issue stemming from similar circumstances, which I actually wrote about in my last entry however long ago. my advice -- don't look at the anger as a negative thing. the reason your anger feels toxic is because it's so extreme, so it's a problem of degree and not existence. and it makes sense; if you've spent your entire life repressing and not standing up for yourself when you need to, there comes a point where you snap and become the opposite of what you once were. I think of it as a safeguard. with anger and hate as weapons, I don't hesitate to cut you down if you cross me. but of course, living your life in that place all the time isn't healthy. what I'm trying to do now is bring that into balance with all my other emotions, to allow for anger without letting it take me over. it's a hard road. I keep stumbling into the ditch on either side of it, unable to drive down the middle a lot of the time. but like anything else, I think it just takes practice

[the_afterglow]

Oh babe I wish I could help you out. I think after a lifetime of suppresion, there will be definitely some issues that you need to deal with in regards to your anger. Try not to feel guilty for it. Your anger is emotional protection and in normal sized doses, that can be healthy. Now that you're letting yourself feel it, it might take awhile to reach an emotional equilibrium.

But take care of yourself. Love you.