I could be wrong, but I feel like you suddenly changed tenses. Would "They had been on the table..." been better?
The skies are all at once gloomy and bright and flashes of lightning brighten it in its entirety in sporadic spurts.
This sentence is a little bit repetitive, but I think could be very easily cleaned up and made amazing.
That being said: Aw, this was way cute and sweet. Nice little slice of life you've got here. The bright orange really clashes - in a good way- with the colour of everything else in the story.
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They were on the table to be returned.
I could be wrong, but I feel like you suddenly changed tenses. Would "They had been on the table..." been better?
The skies are all at once gloomy and bright and flashes of lightning brighten it in its entirety in sporadic spurts.
This sentence is a little bit repetitive, but I think could be very easily cleaned up and made amazing.
That being said: Aw, this was way cute and sweet. Nice little slice of life you've got here. The bright orange really clashes - in a good way- with the colour of everything else in the story.
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