Harumph!
I haven't been posting lately because life has been sucking.
I have been horribly sick probably because of all of the plane trips I have had to take for work (mostly fever, exhaustion, and a barking cough). I am just now beginning to feel normal. My voice is not normal yet, which is helpful because I am only working 9 hour days this week in an attempt to speed the heeling process. I know some of my co-workers are talking behind my back but, WHATEVER! I am sick! I am only going to work now because I don't have a fever anymore.
The idea of going to work makes me feel crushed and crowded. Sometimes I have trouble breathing. I have no idea what to do about this because we are in massive school loan debt so I can't just decide I would like a different career and go back to school.
Seasonal affective disorder is a very real thing. When you go outside and bits of you freeze and your eyes are greeted by varying degrees of bland grey... you don't want to do anything.
Due to said weather and wearing of baggy clothes - weight has been gained and the magnitude of it unnoticed until dr.'s visit last week. :-(
I have scheduled my first dentist appointment in 9 years for this Thursday. I am terrified of dentists but, even more scared of my teeth falling out. My fear of teeth falling out has over-ruled my fear of dentist but, I still keep thinking of Thursday and getting sweaty palms.
Sellers and I have made very few friends since we've moved up here. The winters kinda kill socializing. I have only made one work friend, and she quit back in September. She lives about an hour away. Sellers finds her laugh extremely annoying and can't stand how her kid is allowed to stay up as late as we do when we hang with her and her husband so that relationship is slowly dying. (I find her laugh annoying too but, I don't have much choice here!)
Sellers' job recently hired someone that Sellers is fast becoming friends with though. She's very nice and seems to want to be friends with me too. She's not stupid or stuffy, which might be my biggest requirements for a potential friend. She likes to drink too, which can only help!
However, and this sounds terrible, she's a very girly girl. She's the type of girl who never leaves the house without makeup. I guess I have a hang up towards girly girls. I always feel like they are judging me and can't believe I've managed to "land a husband." I just need to get over that.
Even worse, I am sometimes very jealous of her. She's very insecure and calls Sellers to talk about her insecurities and be comforted. She has started dating a guy, and it appears to be serious. I am hoping if I get to know her more this won't bother me. I can imagine any of my friends calling Sellers about being upset and not being jealous. He does have very good phone skills. I mean, he worked for a freaking suicide hotline for a year so if you're not about to kill yourself, it's an easy phone call for Sellers.
Lastly, we probably won't be coming down to Alabama this year. We visited a lot last year. I don't like this idea. I am afraid no one is going to visit us so we probably won't see anyone. This thought makes me start crying.
I just don't know what to do. Surely life isn't as bad as I am making it out to be, right?