(no subject)
You know what I really want? More than ANYTHING?
...I want to be able to live for and take care of myself. As it stands, I'm only still alive because I don't want my friends and family to be sad. It's been like that for over a year now. I'm failing college because I don't care anymore. I want to blame the depression, but I know better. It's my own fault. I have the power to stop being sad; I have the power to change. But for some reason... I don't want to. Maybe I'm too lazy. Maybe I'm happy being a bum. Or (and this is most likely the problem), maybe I don't have enough faith in myself.
Oh, random tidbit. I have one distinct memory of something my mother once said: "You're so fat and ugly I can't even stand to look at you." She probably doesn't even remember ever saying that, but she did. I think that's where some of my low self-esteem comes from.
Okay, done ranting. Sorry.
...I want to be able to live for and take care of myself. As it stands, I'm only still alive because I don't want my friends and family to be sad. It's been like that for over a year now. I'm failing college because I don't care anymore. I want to blame the depression, but I know better. It's my own fault. I have the power to stop being sad; I have the power to change. But for some reason... I don't want to. Maybe I'm too lazy. Maybe I'm happy being a bum. Or (and this is most likely the problem), maybe I don't have enough faith in myself.
Oh, random tidbit. I have one distinct memory of something my mother once said: "You're so fat and ugly I can't even stand to look at you." She probably doesn't even remember ever saying that, but she did. I think that's where some of my low self-esteem comes from.
Okay, done ranting. Sorry.