Nino the merman (or I didn’t know mermaids ate Doritos.)
Title: Nino the merman (or I didn’t know mermaids ate Doritos.)
Type: Drabble
Genre: Crack!
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Don’t own.
Summary: Written for je au comment ficathon, posted because I felt like posting something. The original prompt I don’t remember, but Ohno catches a merman while fishing? XD Not my best crack, but enjoy.
Ohno sits in his boat, a pretty speedboat he got for his last birthday. The sun shines brightly; the saltiness of the sea surrounds him. He loves this smell, it is simply too enticing. The water beneath him is clear and cool. Holding his-top-of-the-line fishing pole (also a gift from his wonderful parents for his last birthday) in his hands, he idly wonders if life could be different for him.
Actually, he really wasn't lamenting his life.
No, Ohno had a really good life actually. As the only son of the chairman of an outdoor sports company, he really didn't have to work at all, despite being twenty-eight. He had a nice, comfortable home which he shared with his parents.
He has everything he could want for. Yet, he wasn’t satisfied.
Ohno sighs.
Why was he being so maudlin, really?
Could life really be different?
He stares at the water in the distance. Maybe, just maybe, it’d be nice to live in the sea. It was a little ridiculous, but Ohno really wasn’t thinking fishes. Maybe… mermaids?
They were depicted in so many different stories, most notably as the children of Triton in Greek mythology. They seemed so wonderfully free, swimming around all day in all that lovely water, doing virtually nothing! And they all looked so wonderful and pure; beautiful immortal creatures that glowed.
“OW. FUCK.”
His fairly dramatic musings were broken when he thought he heard something. Yet, when he turned around, there was nobody but himself for miles and miles.
Now that was weird.
Suddenly, the line pulled hard.
Oh boy, it definitely was going to be a big one. Ohno thought excitedly.
Given the amount of strength it was necessary to pull the fish in, he couldn’t help but to think that he might have won some award for biggest fish caught.
Reeling the line in, Ohno was shocked beyond words when he flipped it up into the boat.
What in the world was that!?
Its tail glimmered; a shimmery buttery golden.
Yet, the top was that of a human. It was an extremely good looking human head and torso.
Ohno blinked twice. He was probably getting dehydration and hallucinating right now.
“Damn. You are a total moron you know. Now I’m gonna be late.”
It spoke.
Ohno continued to stare at it. Him. Whatever.
“Can you stop staring at me. I know, oh my god! What the hell is going on? What’s that? I’m a merman and my name’s Nino and you, stupid human, just reeled me up.”
“Are you serious?” asked Ohno, rather taken aback. This was one really talkative and potty-mouthed merman.
‘No. I’m not. The tail is fake and I’m Ashton Kutcher from Punk’d.”
‘No. I mean… wow. You’re really a merman.” Ohno was truly as a loss of words. There was much he wanted to ask the good looking creature, but his thoughts seemed to chase each other.
“Last I checked.” Nino said drolly.
“I’m sorry. I’m asking really silly questions. I just wanted to talk and learn a bit more about your kind.”
Nino saw the human’s hopefulness and was quite intrigued. Humans were rarely so naïve and innocent, especially not one at this age. He had a childlike quality that was interesting. And the prince of the second sea loved interesting things.
“Fine. I’ll tell you more. Only if you have Doritos.”
“What?”
“Doritos, you silly man. The crunchy yummy snack?”
“I know what they are. I didn’t know your kind like them!” Ohno fished out a bag of Doritos from his rucksack.
“Not all my kind, though my generation generally does. I love them. The spicy flavoured ones are best! Anyway, human, what’s your name?”
“Satoshi. Ohno Satoshi.”
“Hmm. Interesting. I think I knew your great great great great granduncle. He was a total fishing fanatic too. Then again. He was a fisherman.” Nino snickered a little at his own joke and continued eating the tortilla chips.
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. Go home and check. Ohno Izumi I think.”
“What’s it like being that old?”
“Hey. I’m not old. I’m roughly… give or take a decade, two thousand years? That’s like… 26 in your years?”
The merman did look about 26.
“Ah. Where were you going before I pulled you up?”
“Oh that. Damn. You just reminded me.” Nino reached into the water and pulled out a Tai fish. He whispered into it a long string of sentences, in a secret language belonging to his kind. He then released it into the water again.
Nino noticed Ohno staring at him again.
“What. Not all of us have handphones okay? It’s a little primitive but it works, provided it doesn’t get eaten on the way. Anyway, I was supposed to attend a meeting at the city council, but looks like it’s going to be postponed.”
“You have city councils?”
“Duh. I am chairman of the northern city council. We are not uncivilized, dude. What do you think we do then, frolic around in the water all day?”
Glancing at the look on the human’s face, Nino gathered it was precisely what he thought.
“The Little Mermaid isn’t quite the best representation. We’re more SpongeBob, minus the cars.”