just random work venting

[emilissima]

Yeah, I work at the hellmouth that is Starbucks. While I speak for myself, I honestly believe I speak for a solid majority of baristas, enough to bet money on it.

• Hang up your goddamn cell phone while I'm trying to take your order and ring you up. I hate you. And if you apologize to the person you're on the phone with, and not me, I especially hate you.
• We notice if you tip or not, and will remember that when you visit us again. I think of tips as a reward for putting up with all the drama, stress, and bullshit involved with serving certain self-entitled people their bullshit drinks. I hate you.
• Do not give me a long list of drinks and food, and then after I've rung everything, ask to reload your Starbucks card first so you can pay with it, thereby making me void everything and start over. I hate you.
• Do not order a bunch of things, then after I've rung it all up, ask for it to all be rung separately on your card so you get the stupid stars/reward points. Why don't you ask all the people in line behind you if they have time for your selfishness? I hate you.
• Don't order a couple of boxes of hot coffee, and then act indignant when we tell you that it will take about 10-15 minutes to put together. No, we can't give you all the coffee we have right now, that is for the many other customers behind you. If you wanted it now, you should have phoned it in earlier. I hate you.
• When I call your drink a ghetto latte, that is neither a joke nor a compliment. That milk is there for people who want a couple of ounces in their coffee, not for you to steal. I hate you.
• Don't order, and then toss a bunch of miscellaneous change on the counter and expect me to count it. I hate you. If you're short a few cents and just expect us to just let it slide instead of me offering it to you, I really hate you.
• Don't ask for someone else to make your drink other than the barista on duty. Again, there are other customers in the store besides you. I hate you.
• Do not send your underlings, or mentally handicapped people, in here to order your drink and pay.  (Yes, this happens. All the time.)  Come in and take responsibility for yourself, you lazy bitch asshole.  I hate you. 
• If your one drink takes more ten or more words to order, I hate you. When we name it after you, i.e. the "Danielle", it is not a compliment. When you shout addendi over the plexi barrier to your drink after we've already started making it, I especially hate you. Our main barista is not being rude and ignoring you; she's DEAF, dumbass. But you need to tell me those modifications when you order and pay, regardless.
• Don't order, and then rummage through your giant-ass purse like you forgot that paying for your purchase was part of the scenario. And don't apologize to me, apologize to everyone behind you. Other people have places to go, too. I hate you.
• Don't tell me to charge you for something else other than what you ordered, just because it's cheaper. I will not, and I hate you, you spoiled, selfish cheapskate.
• Do not attempt to talk my ear off, ask absolutely stupid questions you can easily figure out for yourself, or ask about my personal life. Just because I'm nice and smiley does not make me your friend. You want to be my friend? Don't distract me, and just let me do my work. It is my job to be smiley and nice. I have other chores to do, and other customers to attend to that you're taking me away from. Like I said before, everyone has somewhere they need to be. Behind the smile, I hate you.
• ETA:  Do not pour your excess coffee down the little hole at the condiment bar.  That is not a drain, obviously, it is a garbage can.  Plastic forks and knives and other things in their make little holes.  That hot liquid leaks through the holes.  And guess who has to clean it all up?  I hate you.
• I applaud you for running and biking and keeping your body fit and healthy, and you probably do deserve a reward afterward, but for the love of God, SHOWER FIRST.  Everyone within a ten foot radius can smell you first before they see you.  Jesus, we sell food here.  People cannot taste their coffee because they are overwhelmed by your oppressive cloud of BO.  I hate you.
• Do not pay for a $2 coffee with a $100 bill and then get indignant when I ask if you can pay another way.  "But you're Starbucks."  Exactly, we're not a bank.  We don't keep anything larger than a $10 in our drawers.  Don't be surprised if I glare and hand you rolls of quarters to make your damn change.  I hate you.

It is very simple to stay off this list. Most people are not on the list, and this list only applies to the most heinous or chronic offenders. (Of course, the people I wish the most could see this are the people who never will, or are in total denial.)  All you have to do is recognize that it is a very busy store, and have some empathy for the people in line behind you, as well as for the people behind the counter. Order the thing you want in a timely manner, pay for the very thing you ordered in a timely manner, throw a quarter in the tip box, grab your order and get on with your life.