You Have to Love Them They're Family Rent/Hair one shots rated T-M
(I don’t own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won’t get anything and also this all takes place before cell phones so it’s going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)
Jeanie was supposed to be at Crissy’s house in an hour, she had made a cake to bring along for girls’ night. She specifically left a note on it saying ‘DON’T EAT ME!’ it was there when she left for work that morning and it had been there when she came home for lunch. Now just as she’s walking out the door and getting ready to take it with her she found a note on it saying ‘I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM CAKE!’. She knew she should be mad but with the response she got back she could do nothing but laugh. The men in her life were responsible that much she knew, but the note left no clue as to which one it was.
“Berger!”
“What!”
“Did you eat the cake I made last night?”
“Nope!”
“That leaves one.” Jeanie marched over to the phone and picked it up she dialed her son’s phone number.
“SPPPPEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!!!!”
“ROGER CLAUDE DAVIS! YOU ANSWER THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!!”
“Hi Mom, what’s up?”
“Hi Mom? Roger did you come over today?”
“Yes, I came over to talk to Berger earlier today why?”
“Did you have lunch?”
“I made a sandwich, was that bad?” Asked Roger confused.
“That you made a sandwich no, that you ate the cake I was going to take to your Aunt Crissy’s YES!”
“Mom, I didn’t see a cake.”
“Roger, it was right in the fridge.”
“I didn’t go in the fridge.”
“Then how did you get the bread?”
“Berger already had it out.”
“Roger…Claude…Davis…do…not…lie…to…me.” Said Jeanie in her best mom voice.
“Okay, the truth is it was a little dry.” The next thing Jeanie knew she heard dial tone and Berger laughing in his room.
“I’m leaving! There better be something here to replace the cake I spent 3 hours on when I get back!”
5 hours later Jeanie returned to the apartment and opened the fridge to find a plate of brownies in the fridge with a note.
“I SPENT 3 HOURS BAKING THESE BROWNIES AND ROLLING THE JOINT! ENJOY!”
Sometimes she hated the men in her life…
(This takes place in present time. Roger is 43, Jeanie and Berger are 61)
Roger was sitting in the loft playing with his guitar as usual when his mother called to talk to him about something totally unimportant.
“SSSPPPEEEAAAKKK!”
“Rog, it’s Mom pick up.”
“Hi Mom, what’s up?”
“Nothing just thought I would call and say hi and see how you were.”
“I’m good just hanging I worked earlier so now my ass is sitting on the couch. What are you doing all I hear is rattling in the background.”
“I’m using that new shake weight thing Berger got me for Christmas, it feels like I’m jerking off an elephant.”
“What? Do you do that often?” Asked Roger with a laugh.
“No, the last person I jerked off was comatose.”
“Aww, jeeze Mom way too much information.”
“Oh stop it was a patient, I haven’t jerked Berger off in years.”
“MOM! I don’t want to hear this.”
“I did not raise you as a prude.” Said Jeanie with a laugh.
“No, but you guys don’t usually tell me about your sex lives.”
“Hey! It’s because of my active sex life you are on this planet.”
“No I’m on this planet cause you tripped one night and let some random guy screw you.” Said Roger with a laugh.
“He wasn’t random. I knew him.” Said Jeanie.
“Knowing his aura doesn’t count Mom, you knew him for 20 minutes.”
“How do you know, you weren’t there.”
“I think his sperm and your egg beg to differ.”
“How did this go from the shake weight making noise to my sex life?”
“One of life’s mysteries.”
Jeanie was supposed to be at Crissy’s house in an hour, she had made a cake to bring along for girls’ night. She specifically left a note on it saying ‘DON’T EAT ME!’ it was there when she left for work that morning and it had been there when she came home for lunch. Now just as she’s walking out the door and getting ready to take it with her she found a note on it saying ‘I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM CAKE!’. She knew she should be mad but with the response she got back she could do nothing but laugh. The men in her life were responsible that much she knew, but the note left no clue as to which one it was.
“Berger!”
“What!”
“Did you eat the cake I made last night?”
“Nope!”
“That leaves one.” Jeanie marched over to the phone and picked it up she dialed her son’s phone number.
“SPPPPEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!!!!”
“ROGER CLAUDE DAVIS! YOU ANSWER THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!!”
“Hi Mom, what’s up?”
“Hi Mom? Roger did you come over today?”
“Yes, I came over to talk to Berger earlier today why?”
“Did you have lunch?”
“I made a sandwich, was that bad?” Asked Roger confused.
“That you made a sandwich no, that you ate the cake I was going to take to your Aunt Crissy’s YES!”
“Mom, I didn’t see a cake.”
“Roger, it was right in the fridge.”
“I didn’t go in the fridge.”
“Then how did you get the bread?”
“Berger already had it out.”
“Roger…Claude…Davis…do…not…lie…to…me.” Said Jeanie in her best mom voice.
“Okay, the truth is it was a little dry.” The next thing Jeanie knew she heard dial tone and Berger laughing in his room.
“I’m leaving! There better be something here to replace the cake I spent 3 hours on when I get back!”
5 hours later Jeanie returned to the apartment and opened the fridge to find a plate of brownies in the fridge with a note.
“I SPENT 3 HOURS BAKING THESE BROWNIES AND ROLLING THE JOINT! ENJOY!”
Sometimes she hated the men in her life…
(This takes place in present time. Roger is 43, Jeanie and Berger are 61)
Roger was sitting in the loft playing with his guitar as usual when his mother called to talk to him about something totally unimportant.
“SSSPPPEEEAAAKKK!”
“Rog, it’s Mom pick up.”
“Hi Mom, what’s up?”
“Nothing just thought I would call and say hi and see how you were.”
“I’m good just hanging I worked earlier so now my ass is sitting on the couch. What are you doing all I hear is rattling in the background.”
“I’m using that new shake weight thing Berger got me for Christmas, it feels like I’m jerking off an elephant.”
“What? Do you do that often?” Asked Roger with a laugh.
“No, the last person I jerked off was comatose.”
“Aww, jeeze Mom way too much information.”
“Oh stop it was a patient, I haven’t jerked Berger off in years.”
“MOM! I don’t want to hear this.”
“I did not raise you as a prude.” Said Jeanie with a laugh.
“No, but you guys don’t usually tell me about your sex lives.”
“Hey! It’s because of my active sex life you are on this planet.”
“No I’m on this planet cause you tripped one night and let some random guy screw you.” Said Roger with a laugh.
“He wasn’t random. I knew him.” Said Jeanie.
“Knowing his aura doesn’t count Mom, you knew him for 20 minutes.”
“How do you know, you weren’t there.”
“I think his sperm and your egg beg to differ.”
“How did this go from the shake weight making noise to my sex life?”
“One of life’s mysteries.”