Rules and Thoughts From the Sauce-Scented
Here are some things that have occured to me while working as a pizza driver.
1. The later it gets at night, the more apartment orders there will be.
2. These orders will be on the 2nd or 3rd floor and there will usually be no working elevator. People who live on the 1st floor rarely, if ever, will order pizza after 8pm.
3. Apartment complexes thrive off of hiding their building numbers. Also, the unit's numbering/lettering pattern themselves will only make sense to mad Arabian monks.
4. The later the hour, the more likely the order will come from a complex that hides its building numbers, if it bothers to have them at all. Of course there will be no outside map of the complex, or if there is, it won't be lit and the numbers/letters will be really really tiny.
5. If there is a building number, there will be a tree growing in front of it, the light that shines on it will be burnt out, the light will be set up to shine from behind the number, or the roof of the covered parking will completely hide them if you are looking up at ground level, making it nie impossible to see from one's car.
6. If one has the choice of which side of a building the apt. is on, one will generally always pick the side furtherest from where one's car is parked. This will happen even if one doesn't go with one's first choice. The gods will have their fun.
7. If no other viable parking is available, and there are 5 empty "registered" spots to chose from, the one that the driver choses will be the one where the people come home and glare at the driver for using their spot.
8. The very rich and the very poor tip for crap. Colour doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. Nationality doesn't matter.
9. 5 years ago, a dollar tip was considered average. Today, 2 dollars is average. Over a dollar will keep you from being cursed, but not earn you a lot of love either. 3-5 dollars will ensure you love and speedy/accurate delivery in most cases.
10. If you order pizza, please turn your outside light on if you can. We don't all know where you live, even if you have ordered from us since you were an egg.
11. You can and are encouraged to add the tip to a credit charge. Easy for you, quick for us.
12. Tipping is NOT required, but highly encouraged since you are asking someone to bring you food. And pizza drivers know where you live.
13. If your food is late, cold, or wrong, in most cases, this is not the fault of the driver. Chances are they have only had your order for the last 5-10 minutes. The store made have had to remake your food, lied about when it left the store, or not added to the box that you wanted extras like napkins, hot peppers, sprinkles, etc. Experienced drivers will try to have this stuff on hand, just in case, but we do run out. And we have no idea what the person on the phone has told you.
14. Drivers only carry change to break a $20. This is for their safety. Please don't hand the driver a $50 and ask if they can break it. Even if the driver has the change (which a smart driver won't have, as this could be a shake-down), breaking a large bill will likely tap their bank and they will have no change for the next customer.
15. Please do not send young children (under 11) to the door with the money. The food is hot and could burn them, heavy and they may drop it, or they may steal what you meant for the driver's tip, and generally, it is never good to send a young kid to get the door late at night. What if it isn't the pizza driver, eh?
16. If you aren't happy with the price, the driver can do nothing about it. Please call the store, ask to speak to a manager, or get the customer service line number. Drivers bring you your food in as timely a manner as possible. Often that is all they can do for you.
17. Most people living in an apartment complex have no idea what their building number is, but will expect you to know it off the top of your head.
18. Drunk customers are unpredictable. They might be happy, might be bitter, might want to ask you out. Approach with polite caution.
19. Stoned customers are generally great tippers, even if it is all in change. They are often without fail cheerful and thrilled to see you.
20. If you order the food, please be ready to pay for it. Time is important and the next customer is eagerly awaiting their food much like you were.
21. If you live in a gated community, do not assume that the pizza driver knows a code to get it. Not all drivers carry cell phones to call you from outside the gate. Please don't use your first name on the order as the call boxes at such places go by last name. Often, the driver can get in by following someone else, but if it is late at night, that may be awhile. This will delay your order.
22. If you know the community is gated, and you don't have a code, and it is late at night, call the customer before leaving the store. Get their last name. This way, they know you are coming and you have a way to contact them without using precious cell minutes or waiting at the gate.
23. As a driver, if you are at a complex during the day when the office is open, stop by and get a map of the place. This can save much grief later on when you are working at night.
24. If the food is late, call the customer before leaving the store to let them know you are on your way. This goes a long way to avoiding pissed folks at the door.
25. When delivering the order, smile, be pleasant, though not manically so. Just being pleasant has earned me an extra buck or two out of people. Even if it didn't, nothing wrong with spreading a little hot cheesey joy to the masses. Unless they are mean. Then pee on their car's door handle. And yes, this is completely possible for females as well.
There, I feel better now.
1. The later it gets at night, the more apartment orders there will be.
2. These orders will be on the 2nd or 3rd floor and there will usually be no working elevator. People who live on the 1st floor rarely, if ever, will order pizza after 8pm.
3. Apartment complexes thrive off of hiding their building numbers. Also, the unit's numbering/lettering pattern themselves will only make sense to mad Arabian monks.
4. The later the hour, the more likely the order will come from a complex that hides its building numbers, if it bothers to have them at all. Of course there will be no outside map of the complex, or if there is, it won't be lit and the numbers/letters will be really really tiny.
5. If there is a building number, there will be a tree growing in front of it, the light that shines on it will be burnt out, the light will be set up to shine from behind the number, or the roof of the covered parking will completely hide them if you are looking up at ground level, making it nie impossible to see from one's car.
6. If one has the choice of which side of a building the apt. is on, one will generally always pick the side furtherest from where one's car is parked. This will happen even if one doesn't go with one's first choice. The gods will have their fun.
7. If no other viable parking is available, and there are 5 empty "registered" spots to chose from, the one that the driver choses will be the one where the people come home and glare at the driver for using their spot.
8. The very rich and the very poor tip for crap. Colour doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. Nationality doesn't matter.
9. 5 years ago, a dollar tip was considered average. Today, 2 dollars is average. Over a dollar will keep you from being cursed, but not earn you a lot of love either. 3-5 dollars will ensure you love and speedy/accurate delivery in most cases.
10. If you order pizza, please turn your outside light on if you can. We don't all know where you live, even if you have ordered from us since you were an egg.
11. You can and are encouraged to add the tip to a credit charge. Easy for you, quick for us.
12. Tipping is NOT required, but highly encouraged since you are asking someone to bring you food. And pizza drivers know where you live.
13. If your food is late, cold, or wrong, in most cases, this is not the fault of the driver. Chances are they have only had your order for the last 5-10 minutes. The store made have had to remake your food, lied about when it left the store, or not added to the box that you wanted extras like napkins, hot peppers, sprinkles, etc. Experienced drivers will try to have this stuff on hand, just in case, but we do run out. And we have no idea what the person on the phone has told you.
14. Drivers only carry change to break a $20. This is for their safety. Please don't hand the driver a $50 and ask if they can break it. Even if the driver has the change (which a smart driver won't have, as this could be a shake-down), breaking a large bill will likely tap their bank and they will have no change for the next customer.
15. Please do not send young children (under 11) to the door with the money. The food is hot and could burn them, heavy and they may drop it, or they may steal what you meant for the driver's tip, and generally, it is never good to send a young kid to get the door late at night. What if it isn't the pizza driver, eh?
16. If you aren't happy with the price, the driver can do nothing about it. Please call the store, ask to speak to a manager, or get the customer service line number. Drivers bring you your food in as timely a manner as possible. Often that is all they can do for you.
17. Most people living in an apartment complex have no idea what their building number is, but will expect you to know it off the top of your head.
18. Drunk customers are unpredictable. They might be happy, might be bitter, might want to ask you out. Approach with polite caution.
19. Stoned customers are generally great tippers, even if it is all in change. They are often without fail cheerful and thrilled to see you.
20. If you order the food, please be ready to pay for it. Time is important and the next customer is eagerly awaiting their food much like you were.
21. If you live in a gated community, do not assume that the pizza driver knows a code to get it. Not all drivers carry cell phones to call you from outside the gate. Please don't use your first name on the order as the call boxes at such places go by last name. Often, the driver can get in by following someone else, but if it is late at night, that may be awhile. This will delay your order.
22. If you know the community is gated, and you don't have a code, and it is late at night, call the customer before leaving the store. Get their last name. This way, they know you are coming and you have a way to contact them without using precious cell minutes or waiting at the gate.
23. As a driver, if you are at a complex during the day when the office is open, stop by and get a map of the place. This can save much grief later on when you are working at night.
24. If the food is late, call the customer before leaving the store to let them know you are on your way. This goes a long way to avoiding pissed folks at the door.
25. When delivering the order, smile, be pleasant, though not manically so. Just being pleasant has earned me an extra buck or two out of people. Even if it didn't, nothing wrong with spreading a little hot cheesey joy to the masses. Unless they are mean. Then pee on their car's door handle. And yes, this is completely possible for females as well.
There, I feel better now.