Tangled Web, Chapter 5
Perry shuffled the nanny out with fewer words than usual (he didn’t usually play nice-nice with the young woman) and scooped Jack up to his hip.
“You’re getting too big for this, Jackster,” Perry commented as he deposited Jack on the couch.
“Am not,” Jack replied so definitely that Perry had to grin at it. “Can we watch Cars?”
“Again?” Perry asked reluctantly, hoping the tone didn’t show in his voice. “You watched it all week at Mommy’s house.”
“Elliot let me,” Jack responded. “She didn’t care.”
Perry struggled not to let the anger show that Jordan had taught Jack to call her by her name, and only put the stupid DVD into the player.
“Alright. Just once. But after this, it’s dinner time.”
Jack was already waiting for the movie to load.
Perry looked over at Jennifer, who was quietly studying the blocks in front of her. She was a soft-spoken two-year-old who seemed to want to inspect and take apart everything in front of her before she deemed it interesting or not.
And it was usually not.
Perry sat down with her in the floor anyway. “Did you have a good time at Mommy’s?”
Jennifer glanced at him. “We had pancakes.”
“Sounds yummy. We’re having mac’n’cheese tonight.”
She gave him a grin at that and returned to her blocks as Jack started his movie.
Perry stood finally and went to put the water on to boil. He had actually managed to get out of the hospital at a decent time today, and managed to slip by the she-devil and her minion on the way in.
He had also effectively avoided JD for the duration of the day. It seemed JD was avoiding him too, however, and they hadn’t seen each other for at least the past two work shifts. Part of that was due to the fact JD had pulled a night shift a couple of nights beforehand, though, and so Perry struggled not to think about it.
The water started to simmer on the oven. Perry glanced at it witheringly; he had never had much patience with waiting for a pot of water to boil. But he knew Jennifer loved her mac’n’cheese, and Jack would eat just about anything (including but not limited to things he shouldn’t eat, such as dirt and rocks).
He was just ladling it out into a couple of bowls when the knock came on his door. Perry jerked his head in the direction of the sound as Jack rose to his feet to answer it.
“I’ll get it, Jack. Take Jenny into the bathroom and both of you wash your hands.”
“But my hands are clean,” Jack immediately started, but grabbed Jennifer’s hand obligingly when his father sent him a look that said he’d better do as asked.
Perry approached the door, as if already knowing who was on the other side. He wasn’t disappointed.
JD stood there with a miserable-looking Sam, who looked cried out and exhausted. JD himself looked fairly impatient with a baby-bag strung over his shoulder.
“I know you’re in there. You owe me; Sam’s sick.”
Perry finally opened the door and stood to the side. “You’re a doctor and he’s only one kid.”
JD struggled to hide the rage that threatened to color his voice. “Goddamn it, Perry, I helped you. The least you can do after this week is take a look at him. He doesn’t want to eat, he’s congested and I can’t get him to sleep.”
“He’s got a cold, Newbie. The weather change between Tacoma and here can’t be good for him; he’s still developing his immune system.” He took Sam from JD and jiggled him lightly. Sammy only gave him a weary look that matched his father’s.
“Well, that will be rectified in a week,” JD muttered, dropping Sammy’s baby bag on the floor.
Perry tried not to think about that. He had been planning on offering JD the residency director position, but then the whole debacle of kissing him (Christ) had happened. If JD left, then Perry really would be alone, and he hated the thought of that more than anything.
He focused now on Sammy’s reddish face and the way he sniffled and coughed. “It’s a cold,” he finally said again. He rubbed a hand over Sammy’s darkening blond hair, wondering if he was going to be as dark-haired as JD or if he would be a blond, like Kim.
Perry refused to think about why he hoped it was dark.
JD sighed, rubbing his face and leaving a hand on his hip. “Can you get him to sleep then? I didn’t want to give him any codeine.”
“No, you don’t want to give him that,” Perry replied. “I’ve got some baby Tylenol though. If you’ll feed Jack and Jennifer, I’ll get him to sleep.”
JD nodded tiredly. Feeding, he could do. He was pretty hungry himself, and wondered if Perry would care if he made another box of whatever he had made for Jack and Jennifer.
Jack looked up from his bowl of mac’n’cheese and smiled widely. “Hi, Janice! I watched Cars again.”
“Did you?” JD asked, settling Jennifer into the high chair and placing a bowl of cheesy noodles in front of her. He handed her a fork and sat near her to make sure she didn’t get the majority of it in the floor. “Was it just as good as last time?”
“I’m Speed McQueen!” Jack responded, zooming his spoon of noodles around like an airplane. This succeeded in making elbow macaroni land on JD’s face and scrubs top.
“Jack, in your mouth, not on others,” JD said absently, removing his scrubs top to show the thermal he had worn underneath. He looked at Jennifer, who was quietly watching. “You want some juice?” he asked, as if talking to an adult.
Jennifer liked his tone of voice. “Yes, please,” she replied and began to spoon macaroni into her mouth.
Jack watched for JD’s back to be turned, and eyed Jennifer (who, in his mind, had just stolen Janice’s attention), and aimed a spoonful of macaroni in Jennifer’s direction.
Jennifer squawked indignantly when the noodles hit her, and she retaliated by throwing her entire bowl at Jack, who took it square in the face and began to cry.
“Jennifer, Jack!” JD snapped, grabbing a towel and inspecting Jack’s face. “It’s okay, Jack…you’re okay.”
“She hit me!”
“He threw noodles!”
“You both made a mess,” JD replied angrily. He continued wiping the mess up, wondering if it was terribly smart to consider getting Jennifer another bowl. “That’s not acceptable behavior at the table.”
Jack glared at JD, and responded by throwing his bowl at JD next, aiming high and tipping the bowl at his hair. The older man struggled not to make a similar sound that Jennifer had, and fumed at them both.
“That’s it. Dinner time is over, since you’re more interested in throwing your food then eating it,” JD muttered. “Bath time and bed.”
Jack suddenly looked remorse at the prospect of not getting dinner and began to immediately screw his face into an apologetic stare. Jennifer, however, was taking her punishment and decided mac’n’cheese wasn’t that great anyway.
It wasn’t like she’d never have it again. She glanced condescendingly at Jack as she wiggled in her high chair. Boys were so stupid…
Perry walked into the room, sans Sammy, however, and looked in surprise at the macaroni that covered the three of them. “I leave you guys alone for five minutes and you decide to redecorate?”
Jack pointed at Jennifer, Jennifer pointed at Jack, and JD pointed at the two of them. “They started it,” JD retorted smartly. “Did Sammy go to sleep?”
“Yeah, he was pretty tuckered out,” Perry replied, pulling a sticky Jennifer from the high chair and settling her to the floor. “Did they even eat anything?”
“They started to. I turned my back for a minute, and the next thing I know, Jack’s crying and Jennifer’s trying to get down,” JD muttered, helping Jack get down from the booster seat.
Perry sighed. “Food fight. It happens; Jack’s first line of defense. We were hoping he was growing out of it.” He pulled Jack by the hand a little rougher than necessary towards the bathroom. “We were wrong.”
“It was Jenny’s fault!” Jack wailed as Perry half-dragged him down the hallway.
“Wasn’t your fault at all, was it, Jenny?” JD asked, trying the nickname out.
Jennifer only looked at him and shook her head. She held her arms up in question with her head cocked to the side again.
“Looks like you’ve got the daydream stare down,” JD said amusingly, and pulled her up into his arms. Macaroni dribbled from her hair and onto his shoulders, but he only tapped her nose and flicked the noodle off. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Jennifer gratefully looked forward to the bath.
With Sammy in Jennifer’s old crib in Jack’s room and the two older children laid down, JD found himself flopping on Perry’s couch once again in exhaustion. He closed his eyes for a moment, only to feel someone kick his shin lightly.
“Ouch, what?” JD snapped, eyes opening.
“I was gonna offer you a beer, but if you’re not interested…”
“No alcohol for me, thanks,” JD responded in a voice that held both trepidation and irritability.
Perry raised an eyebrow and plunked the can beside of him anyway. “It was just a stupid thing, Newbie, relax.”
“Easy for you to say.” He finally took the beer, vowing not to have more than one. “I really don’t like beer, you know.”
“You’re a man. Act like one.” Perry snapped open his own can. “You hear from Elliot?”
“Do you really care?”
“Not really.”
“Hear from Jordan?”
“Only to know that custody’s settled over Jack and Jenny.” Perry sipped deeply from the beer can, baring his teeth and relishing the cold liquid. “Do you care?”
“She can rot in hell,” JD muttered darkly, sipping from the beer and grimacing at the taste. “This is awful.”
Perry shrugged. “Man up.”
“Like I haven’t heard that one before.”
A quiet wail sounded from down the hallway, and JD groaned. “That’d be Sammy. He hasn’t been able to sleep well.”
Perry waved JD down. “I’ll get him.”
“If I don’t learn how to get him to sleep now, it’ll be a pain in the ass my whole life,” JD pointed out, following Perry down the hallway.
JD gently pulled Sammy from Jennifer’s old crib, cradling him against his shoulder and bouncing him gently to quiet his cries. He gave a congested cough that sounded wet and miserable, and JD only patted his back to try and comfort him.
Perry absently mussed Sammy’s hair. “He’s just sick. As soon as he sniffles it out, he’ll be fine.”
“His fever’s gone down; thanks for the baby Tylenol,” JD murmured against Sammy’s head, holding him close and hugging him affectionately.
Perry felt his heart catch again as JD spooned the child against his chest. He started to reach for Sammy when the baby woke again, but stopped halfway as JD sent him a look.
“Don’t do this again,” JD said quietly. “I can’t handle it.”
Perry finally continued reaching forward until his hand was placed gently on Sammy’s back, rubbing soothingly as Sammy began to quiet and still against JD’s shoulder. His gaze finally felt back to JD’s face, watching as the tension slid back and forth between his eyes and mouth.
“I think he’s asleep again,” Perry murmured. “You can probably put him back down.” He went to fix the mussed blankets in the crib as JD stepped close to him in order to slip Sammy to the mattress.
Perry wanted to groan in his head; the scene was terribly domestic. JD slid past him, arms brushing against his as Sammy sniffled a bit and fell back asleep against the pillows.
“This isn’t right,” JD said after a minute. “It’s supposed to be Elliot helping me with this, not you.”
Perry snorted quietly, trying to be sure to not wake the baby. “Sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you want it to.”
The room was dim, and the emotion in the room was unbearable. JD squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his temples and pushing down the need for comfort and affection. All he wanted to do was let this happen, let the dynamic between them change, let the feelings flow out of him in a black mass of cleansing experiences.
JD had reached the hallway when he turned back towards Perry, eyes burning and intense with something that couldn’t be named, that wouldn’t be named, and he felt the backing up in his chest again that usually preceded the weirdness that had been happening between them. He wouldn’t give in this time; he couldn’t give in this time. He didn’t want this, he wanted Elliot, he wanted things back to normal, he wanted to be gone already so he could forget that any of them had ever, ever existed.
Perry met his gaze levelly, refusing to look away as JD stared. “We can’t do this, Newbie,” he finally said after a minute, struggling to keep himself from comforting the kid the way he knew he wanted. “We can’t just do this to get past them.”
“Sounds a hell of a lot better than the other options,” JD muttered, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He didn’t care that it made him look a little pouty; hell…he had every right to pout right now. A small part of his mind screamed at him to take the initiative, take that step with Perry, jump his bones, jump into his arms, jump off a cliff and plunge into something that let him release his anger and hate.
Perry watched as the kid’s fingers ticked across his elbows, and itched to grab them in order to still them. “The other options are the mature ones, the right ones.”
“Since when have we ever made a decision because it was right? You see where that landed you and Jordan, Elliot and I.”
“Leave them out of this,” Perry snapped. “I’m so sick and tired of hearing you whine about them, hearing you piss and moan about how things could’ve been different. They are different now, Newbie and nothing’s going to make them normal again.”
JD stared at him with wide eyes that were beginning to darken in anger. “What about you, walking around and pretending like nothing’s wrong? Asking me over here and acting like there isn’t something really not right about me helping you take care of Jack and Jenny, acting like you can help me take care of Sammy. What about you?”
“You came over here, Alicia,” Perry pointed out, anger coloring his own voice as he neared JD. “Don’t start this again. You know where it’s going to end up.”
“Then why bother with the argument?”
Perry barely had time to register the come back when JD was on him again, hands coming up to grab his shirt again and yank him closer. He didn’t kiss him, only brought them nose to nose, chest to chest and hip to hip.
“Why do it that way then? If this is gonna happen, let it happen,” JD said whisper-quiet, desperation and anger lacing his voice.
Perry’s hands shot out to JD’s hips to steady them both, leaning back against the wall as JD invaded his space. He gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut in an effort to pull back and control himself.
“You don’t want this, Newbie. You’re just trying to replace her and what you had.”
“The hell I don’t want this,” JD snapped, and forced his mouth over Perry’s in a loss of control and a need borne from fury and desperation.
Perry groaned audibly into JD’s mouth, vowing to himself that he’d do this just once more, and then it wouldn’t happen again. Straight guys didn’t do this more than once or twice, and alcohol didn’t mean he was any more likely to be gay.
And he wasn’t drunk now. Perry’s hands shot up JD’s back, one hand coming to grip in the younger doctor’s hair and the other hand settling to wrap around his ribcage, finger ticking over the bones, itching to feel the skin stretched over it.
Perry slid his hand around JD’s chest, hitching the slender body and sliding his head to the side in order to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid out to swipe against JD’s teeth, and the shock barely registered when JD shoved him back and plunged his tongue against his own. A pair of hands fisted themselves into his hair, knocking his head back against the wall.
“Easy, Newbie,” Perry muttered against JD’s mouth, pulling back a little.
“It’s never easy,” JD replied, his voice thick and catching in his throat. “I really hate you sometimes.”
Perry glared at him, swiping against JD’s mouth with his thumb. “You have a really funny way of showing it.”
“This beats feeling numb and hurt any day.”
Perry didn’t respond to that, mostly because he felt the exact same way. Instead of replying verbally, he only pulled JD closer to him and went for the pale stretch of neck exposed to him. JD didn’t seem to be having any of that, however, and yanked Perry’s head back up to slide his mouth across the older man’s again.
Perry couldn’t stop the groan that burbled up his throat, couldn’t stop the way he had to lean against the wall for support, couldn’t help how his hands tightened over JD, racing against the slender body in front of him and finding new muscles where he thought there hadn’t been any. Couldn’t avoid the way he leaned into the fingers that wrapped viciously around his hair, forcing him to feel something other than the betrayal and hate and anger and frustration and everything else, everything, that just made him want to scream and howl into the kiss.
He slid a hand into JD’s hair, his other free hand coming up and sliding against the jaw line of scruff. His thumb swiped against JD’s lips again, striping itself with wetness and slipping down his chin.
Perry pulled JD’s hips closer to his, feeling the hardness of an erection pushing into his lower hip, and jerking against JD’s hip when he realized just how fucking hard he was, and god, he needed this so bad, and it was just so wrong and he didn’t know what the point of this was; he wasn’t gay, he wasn’t gay, he wasn’t gay-
Perry caught the groan in his throat as JD thrust against him, ripping a moan from the younger man as well.
JD pulled at Perry’s tangled curls again, biting at the tanned neck almost viciously. He felt more than heard the grunt, reveled in the answering bite on his neck, the bruising hands that jet over his body and clamped on his hips to keep him still.
“God, stop, stop, stop,” Perry muttered finally, uncertainty lacing his voice and arousal clear on his face as he moved his hips against JD’s again. His voice hitched (jesus, had it been that long?) and caught again, he had to move, had to keep pushing into JD’s hip even as the words continued to protest and spill from his lips and into JD’s mouth. “We’ve got to stop, Newbie- Christ, again-god, we’ve got to stop-“
JD didn’t bite back the groan, didn’t care what happened as long as Perry kept moving, kept making him feel, kept forcing him to accept what he could not change, kept kissing him like the end of the world was happening…none of it, none of it really mattered as long as he could feel the man’s breath on his neck, his lips on his skin, his hands bruising and demanding against his pelvis, none of it.
“Shut up, jesus,” JD muttered, pulling his hips directly into Perry’s, grinding their erections together in a move that made them both gasp and whine and thrust again.
He went for Perry’s mouth just to shut him up, to quiet the protests he knew were worth listening to; he didn’t want to think, he wanted to feel and forget and move on and Perry was just as good as anyone else, well, no, better because Perry was Perry and knew exactly how he was feeling right now, knew the source of betrayal, the depth of his pain, knew how to silence it, how to ease it, how to help him salvage what was left of his life.
Perry kept trying to mutter stop against JD’s mouth, but the protest was weak; Christ, but he wanted this too and he just wanted to feel that slender body sliding against his, sweat over skin, lips on pressure points, feel his pulse beat wildly the way it was now, listen to his heart thunder and draw out the pain as he would a poison.
“Perry, jesus…don’t make me stop, please don’t ask me to stop, I don’t want to and I need this,” JD finally pleaded to Perry’s weak protests, his voice needy and his hands bruising against the older man’s scalp. They dropped from the curly hair to slide against Perry’s stomach, fingers nervously going against the taut skin and muscles rippling in anticipation.
It was the uncertainty in JD’s fingers that nearly undid Perry, made him want to show the kid how to do this, bring him back from the brink like he had so many times before, let JD bring him back.
“We can’t do this,” Perry muttered, his voice far more broken than he’d meant to sound. He leaned his forehead against JD’s, hands finally coming to a soft caress over JD’s waist and narrow hips. “This isn’t going to make it hurt any less and it’s not going to take away what we don’t have.”
“Do you ever get tired of being right?” JD muttered, fingers still making light patterns over the tightly clenched skin and biting his lower lip when he felt Perry’s fingers flex over his hips in response.
“It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it,” Perry retorted, exhalations of air puffing against JD’s mouth and making him want to taste it again, making him want to forget that he had made them stop for a good reason.
What the hell had that reason been…?
Perry finally pushed JD away gently, reluctantly letting go of him. “You know why we can’t.”
“You know why we can.”
Perry watched as JD chewed over his lip thoughtfully, stalking into the living room with him as they settled on the couch. They didn’t reach for each other, didn’t make a move to fall over together. That wasn’t the sort of comfort they sought, though it came damn close to affection (major ew in Perry’s book).
JD didn’t look terribly open to the idea of cuddling right now anyway, not with his face still flushed brightly with color and eyes stilled darkened in need.
“You can sleep out here if you want to. Next time Sammy wakes up, you can get him,” Perry finally said after a moment.
“Headed to bed?”
“Maybe.” Perry didn’t say anything else as he flipped the television on again and left to find JD some extra blankets and a pillow. He brought them back out and flung them on the couch next to JD as he sat back down again.
JD didn’t say anything this time about what had just happened, let alone about how he’d felt something shift in his feelings about Perry, felt something give a little more and change into something else entirely.
Perry said nothing either as he kept his eyes steadfastly on the television. He knew full and damn well that if he looked at the kid, he’d be doing something else he knew they shouldn’t be doing, though his mind jumped back and swore at the thoughts that plagued his mind. This was just surreal.
It didn’t, however, stop him from falling asleep on the couch with JD again, preferring his company than that of the lonely, empty bed in his old room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jordan scooped Jennifer up, giggling at her and making faces. She barely passed Perry a glance as she took Jack’s hand. Elliot was at the hospital this time around (for which Perry was angrily grateful; he could only take so much of Barbie in normal doses).
“Till next weekend, Per-bear,” Jordan said in her same breezy tone, though Perry saw the lit happiness in her eyes that had been missing in the past few years since they’d been together.
Perry nodded stiffly and shut the door behind them. He let out an expulsion of breath a few moments later, wishing the pain would stop long enough for him to catch up. He still had the kids (that wasn’t even a negotiation in his book) and Jordan had slowly but steadily been moving her things out in the past week.
Which now brought him to his current problem of knowing that JD was leaving this week. For good. And Perry felt his chest tighten at that simple thought.
Surely he couldn’t ask the kid to stay. Hell, the kid had a kid of his own to be close to, and Perry couldn’t ask him to give up the precious time JD obviously wanted with Sammy.
Perry wasn’t blind, he had seen the unconditional love in how JD held him, cooed at him and cared for him. It was the same way that he himself cared for Jenny and Jack.
It was a damn confusing mess, and Perry couldn’t be sure, but he was certain JD had been dropping hints all week that maybe he could stay, if he could find a new place, could settle in somewhere else and get used to a new routine.
Perry shook his head. The job was as good as done at St. Vincent’s, and he refused to hold the kid back any further than he already had. His emotional damage had obviously influenced JD somehow, seeing as how JD felt the first right thing to do after Elliot left him was start something with Perry.
There was nothing, nothing at all, Perry muttered in his head. JD was seeking comfort, and Perry didn’t know that he had any left to give. He was looking for something; they both were, and he didn’t know that either of them had it available for taking right now.
Sighing hard again, Perry sat down at the kitchen table alone and struggled to fight down the urge to call JD or see him.
He wondered how long it would be until he tried to stop him.
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JD taped up the final box, preparing to place it with the others. He hadn’t asked anyone yet to help him move, hadn’t wanted the company and pitying stares that he knew Turk and Carla would give him. He had felt like isolating himself, as he often did when he was thinking something over particularly deeply.
And this thing with Perry had been sticking in his mind since he’d helped with Sammy.
His brain felt full of things to mull over, and he had distracted himself by packing the rest of his things. His job with St. Vincent’s didn’t start for another week as of yet, giving him time to settle into the hotel and find a new place.
JD didn’t want to examine terribly closely why he hadn’t thought to find an apartment yet. If he let himself, he knew why. He wished he knew when the unending hurt of Elliot leaving him had turned into this grappling need to be around Perry and forget.
He supposed that was it, that Perry was a method of escape. It wasn’t real then, JD decided kicking the box he had just finished taping up. He was just trying to feel numb instead of anything else, was trying to replace the pain with something that wasn’t there to begin with.
It still made him wonder if something was there…after all, if it had just been a physical need, he wouldn’t have helped Perry take care of Jack and Jenny over the weekend. Perry wouldn’t have walked Sammy for nearly half an hour to get him back to sleep on Sunday.
And they sure as hell wouldn’t have gone together with all three children to get them outside.
JD scratched his stomach absently, struggling to piece together the last confused edges of his mind. Had he ever been gay except for that one time? Sure, he knew how it worked. And he knew he wouldn’t soon forget the feel of Perry’s body crushed against him, hard muscles against his chest, broad shoulders supporting them both.
Snorting, JD adjusted his jeans, palming his hip hard to reduce the half-erection he was suddenly sporting. God, this just wasn’t even fair.
He would move, be closer to Sammy. Kim, after all, had called over the weekend to let him know that they had settled in just fine in their new apartment to be closer to St. Vincent’s as well.
JD would concentrate on Sammy, on his career, forget everyone here at Sacred Heart except for Turk and Carla. Leave Perry to his own problems, leave Elliot and Jordan to enjoy their happy new life together.
Without him. He was going. And nothing was going to bring him back at this point.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Elliot bounced Jennifer playfully on her lap, giggling when Jennifer shot her a displeased look that spoke of her mother.
Jennifer pointed down, her hand outstretched and gave Elliot a kick in the knee for good measure.
Elliot yelped, nearly dropping the two-year-old. Jennifer scrambled down Elliot’s legs as soon as she was free, and shot over to the books lying in the floor. She didn’t understand the words yet, but she liked the pictures and the way they made her think. She pulled one to her, upside down as usual, and flipped it open to the photos.
“She is the spitting image of you,” Elliot said absently as Jordan returned from the kitchen with Jennifer’s juice cup.
Jordan shrugged. “Lucky her. She could’ve ended up looking like Per-Per.” She mussed Jennifer’s hair lightly, grinning when she shot her the same displeased look she had just given Elliot. “That look is from her father.”
Elliot smirked, leaning her head casually against her hand, propping her elbow on the couch. “See, I thought it was all you.”
Jordan rolled her eyes. “You’re being sentimental, Stick. What’d I tell you about that?”
“I do it enough for the both of us; I have to go overkill,” Elliot replied easily, resting her knee against Jordan’s hip, resting it the crook of her pelvis. “If I don’t sweet-talk at all, we’d just be miserable.”
“Careful, you know how misery turns me on,” Jordan replied dryly. “Just ask Perry.”
Elliot hit her gently on the shoulder, affection laced in her movement. “Too soon. Try not to dump on them too hard; you know they’re really upset.”
Jordan snorted. “Perry’s just mad because he can’t accept the fact he won’t be able to give his kids the same kind of picket-fence family he never had. I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness on account of it.”
Elliot sighed; Jordan was always most difficult when acting like a spoiled, unremorseful brat. “Still, we should at least try to be…aware of the fact they’re in pain.”
“Sounds like you’re feeling guilty, not me,” Jordan retorted simply. “I’m not sorry.”
“I’m not sorry we’re finally doing this for real. But we still hurt them,” Elliot pointed out.
“We did what we had to do.” Jordan rubbed the side of her head, though it was more of a warning that she no longer wished to continue the discussion than a pain. “It’s what we’ve always done, what we’ve always had to do.”
Elliot sighed. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying we should make an effort not to be so oblivious of the fact that JD and Dr. Cox are, in fact, hurting.”
Jordan gave another derisive snort. “Perry’s not hurting; he’s always been miserable. And JD…well…you just have to let him hold his little grudge.” She waved dismissively. “Give it about six years; he’ll let go of it.”
Elliot didn’t seem satisfied with the response, and so curled into Jordan’s side instead, sliding her arms around her waist. She smiled when Jordan tensed, as if not used to the idea that they could do this now without worry. Jordan’s arm came to rest around her shoulders.
Jack padded into the room, holding up a new DVD. “Incredibles?” he asked.
Elliot sighed; she had just watched the move twice earlier. “Pop it in, Jacky,” she said. “You can sit with me and Mommy.”
Jack grunted his assent. “I’m gonna sit on the floor like Janice does when we watch movies.”
Jordan’s ears perked up at that. “When you and Janice watch movies?”
Jack nodded as he opened the DVD player and gingerly put the disc in. “Yeah. When we watched Cars, we sat down on the floor and played racetrack.” He wrinkled his nose. “He didn’t like it when Jenny threw mac’n’cheese at me though.”
Jennifer gave him a condescending look. “He threw noodles.”
“Enough,” Jordan said lightly, but her tone was firm. “Was Janice over this weekend?”
Jack nodded absently as he began to watch the jazzy intro of the Disney movie. “Yeah. We watched Cars and Incredibles and played Superhero and racetrack a lot. He even read Jenny some stories.”
Elliot looked at Jordan, who looked deeply thoughtful. “What’s in your head?”
Jordan shrugged. “Just seems like “Janice” was over quite a bit.”
“I thought I overheard JD saying to Carla that Sammy was sick this past weekend. He probably just wanted Dr. Cox to help him a little bit; he’s not really familiar with sick kids.”
“He’s a doctor, Stick,” Jordan replied, uneasy with the jumpiness that Jack’s admissions had given her. Her arm tightened around Elliot’s shoulders though, and she settled back without another word.
Elliot decided to let it go instead of pushing the matter. JD was moving this week anyway, and it wouldn’t be an issue how much “Janice” was over anyway.
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It didn’t take Perry terribly long after all. He told himself he wanted JD to stay because the younger doctor would make a fantastic residency director, that he was an asset to the hospital. He struggled to keep his fingers still as he knocked on JD’s door.
When no one answered, he knocked harder. Perry frowned and glanced at the date on his cell phone.
January 23rd. JD had explicitly told him he was moving on the twenty-fourth.
Perry frowned and banged even harder, something edgy creeping onto his nerves. He was really quite tired, and didn’t have that much energy left in him after his day at work. He sighed and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for JD to answer.
A man wearing a dirty button up and stained slacks approached him. “Looking for Dr. Dorian?”
Perry looked at the man witheringly. “Yeah.”
“He moved out this morning,” the man replied. “Decided to go a day early, he said. Sounded like he wanted to get out.”
Perry felt his stomach clench. “He left?”
“Yeah. You wanted to look at the apartment?” the man asked hopefully. “Haven’t been able to fill the place. Economy’s bad you know.”
Perry didn’t want to point out how many patients had come into the ER today with no insurance, and so he settled for clenching his teeth and doing something incredibly stupid.
“Yeah, can I take a look?” he finally asked. “I work at the hospital too.”
The man’s face slid into a cocky, stained-teeth grin. “This place is great then. Fifteen minute walk, five minute drive. Spacey.” He opened the door with a dirty-looking set of keys.
Perry walked in, eyeing the empty space. “Give me a minute, would you?”
“Yeah. Just holler when you’re done.” With a smoker’s cough that sounded like he was missing a lung, the man left the door open and walked out.
Perry looked around the empty rooms, wondering if JD and Elliot had enjoyed this place. It looked like the first dump Perry himself had rented during his internship at Sacred Heart. It was meticulously cleaned, and he found himself wondering who had helped JD move out.
The air inside of the apartment still smelled faintly of JD’s shampoo and conditioner, minty and herbal at the same time. There was a faint trace of cologne as well, though Perry couldn’t smell it as much as the herbal scents.
Walking into the only bedroom, Perry looked uncomfortably around it. It was also empty, and held a tiny closet-type space for clothing. He poked inside of it, sliding the door with a creak.
There was a lump of clothing in the floor that seemed to hold the cologne smell and herbal smell as well, stronger then the rest of the place had, and Perry scooped it up. It was a zip-up hoodie, dark blue and battered.
Perry held it tightly in his hand, afraid to let go of it now. He felt strangely empty and bereft, knowing that JD was gone, and feeling more alone than he had in a long time. He sighed and headed back to the door, draping the article of clothing over his arm.
If JD had left it, he obviously didn’t want it.
Perry called himself an idiot, a moron, a sentimental old fool who didn’t know what was best for him, a confused aged man who couldn’t tell the difference between rebound, lust and reality.
His mouth tasted ugly when he said he wouldn’t miss the kid.
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Author’s Notes: Thus ends Chapter 5. This thing is turning into something more than what I’d originally planned! I’m having a lot of fun with it though, and I hope I continue more. I absolutely adored this chapter; I hope you guys do too!
Many many wonderful thanks to Quaxo, aka MostePontente for taking a look at this before I finished it; she’s absolutely funderful!