Tangled Web, Chapter 9
JD didn’t waste any time, gripping Perry’s hips and jerking downward to align them properly again. Perry groaned and arced into the touch, taking pleasure in the bruising hold JD had on his skin, the anger hidden behind the kiss.
Perry snaked one arm around JD’s torso, hand fisting in the shirt as the other hand raced to JD’s waist to unbutton his damp jeans. JD didn’t give him the fearful look of uncertainty this time, hands and tongue and teeth just struggling to catch up with the raging intensity he felt to his very bones.
JD thrust down again, hindering the process Perry tried to accomplish. The older man glared at him almost exasperatedly, as if to tell him in not so many words that if this was going to happen, clothes were going to have come off.
In answer, JD’s hands fumbled along Perry’s belt buckle, the clattering sound deafening to their ears. Perry pushed away the protests he felt, the reserves he knew JD was already having about doing this when everything was still so fucked up and wrong.
JD looked at him with a burning gaze, pulling the belt off with one easy motion and letting it fall to the floor. He didn’t ask again if Perry were sure, didn’t stop to ask himself if even he were sure about this. He knew he wanted it, and the power surged through him at finally being able to put his hands on something that he could control when everything else wouldn’t stop spinning.
Perry’s hand jerked at JD’s hair, nudging for another kiss, because god damn it, the kid’s mouth was sweet and bitter all at the same time, and JD’s mouth was demanding and forceful, taking more and more without even asking.
JD had just slipped down Perry’s zipper, fingers fumbling for the hard, hot skin beneath it when a cell phone rang.
A sharp curse had Perry reaching behind him to turn the ringer off and throwing it to the floor. His hands came back up to JD’s face, the vibrations forgotten on the carpet. He latched his mouth tightly to JD’s, tongue sweeping forward to wipe all existence of their past relationships.
The phone continued to vibrate, and JD reached down and threw it further across the room. He went for Perry’s neck again, tongue curving over the shell of Perry’s ear and coming to swipe at his lips. His hand finally found purchase across the smooth, burning hot skin of Perry’s cock, fingers not fumbling once this time and moving up and down in a sure motion. JD struggled to jerk Perry’s jeans down the rest of the way.
Perry tried to help, unable to move his hands much more than to push at JD’s own jeans, pushing into the younger man’s pliable hands and thrusting up. The groans caught in his throat, unable to escape as one of JD’s hands wove into his hair once more, jerking hard in a punishing move that finally let one of the moans slip through his lips.
JD smirked against his neck, but it fell off just as Perry’s hands jerked upward roughly at his cock, stroking it up to full hardness. JD groaned, head burying into Perry’s muscled shoulder, and he began to kick off his jeans, shoes hitting the floor forgotten.
This time, however, the actual land line phone rang, out of reach of either man to shove the tones away.
Perry groaned frustratingly, pushing JD away and yanking his jeans up loosely around his waist. Face red and flushed with arousal, he jerked up the phone, eyes falling back on JD. The younger man was sprawled loose-limbed on the couch, only in his boxers, pale skin blotchy and red from their activities, lips swollen and bruised.
He snagged the cordless phone and dropped to his knees in front of JD, who did give him an uncertain look now.
Perry answered it, hand resting on JD’s thigh. “What?” he snapped rudely.
JD knew something was wrong when Perry jerked back to his feet and walked away, voice lowered.
“You did what? You’re supposed to make sure-god, what the hell is wrong with you two? Did you get her there alright at least?”
JD stood up, pulling his jeans loosely back up to his waist, not bothering to button or zip them. He gave Perry a questioning look, but Perry waved him off angrily.
“Fine, no. Just-no, I don’t want you to do that. Goddamn it, Barbie, put her on the phone.” Perry sighed and rubbed the hell of his hand bruisingly over his eye. “No, just…just stay there, and I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. No, I’ve got someone to watch the kids. God, would you shut up? Bye.”
Perry hung up the phone and gave JD an unreadable look. “I need you to watch Jack and Jennifer.”
“What happened?” JD asked resignedly and accusingly almost. “Something’s really wrong, what is it?”
“Jordan’s in the ICU.” Perry jerked a shirt from the floor and pulled it on, not paying attention to whether or not it was even his. “You can get some dry clothes from my room if you want. Just make sure Jack and Jenny get their breakfast and that Ivy knows.”
“Jordan’s what?” JD snapped, jerking the other available tee from the floor.
Perry grabbed a hoodie from the closet, and JD didn’t mention that it was his. “She’s in the psych ward. I’ll explain later.”
JD didn’t push it, knowing full and well that Perry would simply shut down at this point. It looked like he already had, so JD simply stayed out of his way as he readied himself to leave.
Perry ran a hand through his tangled curls, and jerked at the hood of his jacket a little to cover a particularly purple mark on the side of his neck. He looked at JD, who somehow looked more vulnerable than he had before, not nearly as angry or confident as when they’d been on the couch.
“How’s Elliot holding up?” JD finally asked quietly. “She didn’t call.”
“She wouldn’t have called you, Newbie,” Perry pointed out. “She’s…worried and concerned. You just worry about my kids, okay?”
JD finally nodded, steeling himself up and hoping to talk himself into sleep. “I have to get to St. Vincent’s by tomorrow night.”
“You should’ve just taken the damn position I offered you,” Perry muttered, and stood awkwardly at the door for a moment, JD standing near him, but not close enough to touch.
“Gonna end this thing with Jordan now?” JD asked, voice deadpanned and even.
Perry shrugged. “Is it ever over?” he replied enigmatically. He sighed, and pulled JD towards him for a hard, quick kiss that was somehow far more intense than anything else. It was similar to the other soft kisses they had shared in the past, the ones that held too much emotion and too many questions to answer.
“It could be,” JD said in the same unreadable tone. He kissed him again and opened the door. “Let me know if Jordan’s okay.”
“She will be,” Perry muttered, hating that the last thing they were talking about was Jordan. “Tell Jack and Jenny I’ll be home tomorrow night.”
JD nodded and closed the door behind him. It was nearly ten minutes later when he fell asleep in Perry’s bed, realizing that he’d grabbed Perry’s shirt from the floor instead of his own.
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Elliot struggled to keep her temper. “What do you mean, she doesn’t want to see me? She does too!” She looked beyond the nurse’s shoulder. “You hear me, Jordan? I know you want to see me!”
“Dr. Reid, if you would just calm down-“
Elliot spattered something off in a frequency that made the nurse’s ears tingle from the pitch, and she gently led the blond doctor away from the locked ICU doors.
Perry walked through at that moment, just as the nurse had gotten Elliot calmed down. “Is she taking any visitors then?” he asked gruffly. “I’m her ex-husband.”
“Dr. Perry Cox?” the nurse asked.
“Don’t say it too loud; you think I want anyone knowing I’m here at eleven at night?” he barked. “What’s she admitted herself for this time?”
“It was involuntary,” Elliot muttered.
“Good call, Barbie,” Perry muttered. “Let me see her. I’ve got her power of attorney now anyway, and I need to discuss her treatment options.”
Elliot glared furiously at him, mouth struggling to formulate words but nothing came out. The hurt and frustration washed over her coldly. What right did Perry even have concerning Jordan’s treatment options? Nothing.
“Maybe after she’s slept,” the nurse replied firmly. “She’s dehydrated from the charcoal, and she’s on a ventilator until her lungs are clear.”
Perry narrowed his eyes. “From the what?” He whirled around to stare at Elliot. “What did you let her do?”
Elliot glared furiously at him. “I didn’t let her do anything! She got up to go to the bathroom, and when she came back, she started throwing empty pill bottles at me, asking if I was happy that she finally took them!”
“You’ve been with her for over a year, Barbie, how could you not know what she needs to take? Do you even know what’s wrong with her?”
“We don’t discuss it,” Elliot snapped back. “And it’s a hell shot better than just sniping at each other till we get so drunk that we pass out instead of talking about it like adults!”
“Oh for the love of Christ,” Perry muttered. “God, just go home. She’ll call you when she’s off the vent.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Elliot retorted, firmly planting her feet to the floor. “She’s my girlfriend now, and I’m going to see her through this.”
“And a fine job you’ve been doing of that!”
“It’s not like you were helping by fricking around with JD this whole time! What do you think started this spiral of hers anyway? She was fine until you replaced her with him!”
Perry, for the first time in a while, seriously wanted to hit someone. Instead, he clenched his fists tightly and dug his nails into his palms.
Elliot sighed tiredly, her face open and looking younger than usual without make-up. “I think we both need to just calm down,” she finally said warily. “Where’s the kids?”
“They’re taken care of,” Perry retorted, deciding it was best to leave JD out of it this time. “Go home and get some sleep, Barbie.” He dropped into one of the plastic chairs in the small waiting room.
“No.” Elliot dropped into a chair opposite him. “I should’ve been watching her. I know better.” She looked up. “She really is bipolar, isn’t she?”
Perry snorted. “Your first clue?”
Elliot didn’t dignify his statement with a response.
When Jordan came to, it was under a foggy haze of drugs that swirled in her system. She looked around in a daze, and realized immediately that there was a tube stuck down her trachea, and more than likely her esophagus as well. She tried to groan, but her vocal cords wouldn’t vibrate to make the sound. Limb movement came next, but she realized with irritation that her wrists were restrained to the bed.
A nurse walked in to replace her IV bag and she turned open eyes to her, knocking the padding on her wrists against the side of the bed to get her attention.
The nurse didn’t jump and noted Jordan’s mild look of irritation. “Oh, you’re awake now,” she said pleasantly. “There’s a young woman asking to see you.”
Jordan suddenly shook her head no, not wanting anyone to see her with tubes stuck down her throat and her hair a mess. As it was, the itchy hospital gown was already getting to her skin, and she hated the needle stuck in her arm. She looked at her arms, where vivid bruises marked the skin from her collapsed veins.
Jordan began moving her fingers, struggling to remember the sign language she and Ben alone had shared and learned as they grew up. The nurse noticed the twisting movements of her hands.
“Oh, sweetie…I don’t know sign language,” she said, dipping a small sponge into a cup of water and dragging it over Jordan’s dry, chapped lips. “We’ve got a letter board though, would you like that?”
Jordan shook her head, trying not to gag now on the tubes. She leaned her head back irritably, feeling alone and stupid now that her mind was working properly again. She couldn’t sign to anyone, and she noted the white board now to her right that had her age (ew), her weight (jesus, really?) and Perry’s phone number on it.
She squeezed her eyes shut with little more to do now than think. If Perry’s number were on the board, that meant they’d called him. She didn’t even know how she’d gotten here, and the drugs in her system were killing any headache she might’ve had from the hangover. She could barely tell the time, let alone if it were day or night.
Jordan decided to simply lay back and try to fall back asleep again, losing herself in the dead of unconsciousness as the nurse increased the propofol.
The nurse stepped back into the waiting room to update. The older man had stepped away himself to make a call. The blond doctor, however, was curled up in one of the plastic chairs, head buried on her arms and her knees pulled up to her chest. Light snores drifted from her, and her face finally looked peaceful.
The nurse decided it could wait.
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Elliot felt the light shaking on her shoulder, and snapped immediately awake from habits of being on-call. She oriented herself fairly quickly, worry for Jordan overtaking any other concern she might have had.
She frowned when she saw Perry standing in front of her and she slowly uncurled herself from the uncomfortable chair.
“She’s awake. Respiratory’s come down to take her off the vent,” he said gruffly, though the weariness showed in his face. “I want to speak with her privately and then you two can go at it with whatever lesbo thing you deem necessary.”
“That was unnecessary,” Elliot muttered, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and retying her hair away from her face. “And I’m going in with you.”
“Ass out of this one, Barboo,” Perry retorted condescendingly. “The grown-ups need to talk about adult things now. Would you like a coloring book?”
“You’re being hateful because you’re worried about Jordan, so I’ll let that slide,” Elliot replied, the same condescension in her voice. “And if you wanted to talk about the kids, all you had to do was say so.”
Perry snorted. “That would make this somehow easy for you, and I don’t intend to make it any easier then you and Jordan made it for JD and I. Ass out and give us a few minutes.”
Without waiting for a response, Perry followed the nurse back into the ICU ward. He didn’t need instructions or directions, but it wasn’t often he was in the ward as a visitor instead of a doctor. He noted that everything seemed business as usual, which made him want to turn tail, run and go find a resident to beat on about their piss-poor performance as a doctor.
Instead, he gave a nod to Carla, who gave him a look that clearly said she was going to find him later to talk. He could already hear the angry words that she would have, and wondered if he could kindly direct her to blow up at Elliot instead.
Perry entered the private room, shutting the door behind him and glancing at Jordan, who looked, for all intents and purposes, pissed as hell.
“They finally took the damn restraints off,” she muttered with not a greeting to be said. “What are you doing here, Per-per? Come to gloat?”
Her voice was thick and hoarse, her lips dry and chapped from where the medical tape had been across her mouth. She had obviously tried to inject her statement with spite and meanness, but the coarse quality of her voice took away from it and made her sound garbled.
“I have nothing to gloat about,” Perry replied warily, and pulled a chair up to her bed. “Why would you do something so incredibly stupid?”
Jordan shrugged, arms crossed defensively against her chest. “If all you came in here to do was tell me what an idiot I am, save your breath and go back to humping Sally Sensitive.” She coughed to try and strengthen her voice, but it didn’t work.
“What’s this about, Jordan? I thought you and Barbie were really…content,” Perry said, pausing at the word happy. It wasn’t a word in their vocabulary.
Jordan’s fingers ticked unconsciously across her collar bone. She seemed to notice she was doing it, and dropped her hands back to the sheets.
“Why is it,” she finally started in a voice that was so unlike her, Perry had to lean forward to hear properly. “That when I split with you and you find someone new, I feel like I should have to come back and make us both miserable again?”
Perry sighed and carefully took her fidgeting hand. “Maybe it’s because neither one of us know how to just be happy. I don’t know, Jordaroo, I really don’t. I do know that you can’t keep doing this to yourself, to me. To the kids.”
Jordan’s eyes flashed immediate concern. “Do Jack and Jenny know?”
“No. JD’s with them right now until I can get home tonight.”
“Why is it that whenever you mention Baby Spice I feel like I just want to gouge your eyes out?”
Perry shrugged and let go of her hand to stand. “I don’t know. You’re gonna have to figure that one out on your own, princess. Here’s what I do know. You feel free to have your meltdowns and your breakdowns and whatever else it is you have when you get it into your head to stop taking your meds. Do it in front of the kids again, and I promise I will sue you for custody.”
Jordan narrowed her eyes. “Don’t turn this into something we end up using the kids against each other for.”
“I’m not using them against you. I’m looking out for what’s best for them.”
She didn’t have a response for that, and glared down at the sheets. The glare, however, came off more as a vaguely thoughtful look that Perry found unfamiliar on her face. It took years away from her, making her look vulnerable and small in the hospital bed.
Perry sighed and ran a hand through his tangled hair. “You weren’t trying to off yourself, were you?”
“And deprive the world of such perfection? Never.” Jordan leaned her head back, eyes closed now as she thought slowly. “I was sick of Elliot telling me to take them, I remember. And you were telling me to take them. So I took them.”
“Jordan, you know that you’re supposed to take-“
“The recommended dosage. I was angry,” she shot back carelessly. “And stupid. And now that I’ve spent the better half of the day puking up charcoal and taking antidotes that smell like rotten eggs, I’ll just settle for drinking next time.”
Perry sighed. That hadn’t been what he wanted to hear, but he looked at her again. JD was right; he needed to end this cycle now before it kept repeating.
He could still remember having to take Jordan to a different hospital last time so no one would know that she had nearly drowned herself in the bathtub after drinking her post-partum depression away. Jack’s birth hadn’t been easy on either of them.
“Jordan, look. You’ve got a good thing going with Barboo, dare I admit that,” Perry finally settled for saying. “She’s been here for over twenty-four hours and went through hell. Let her care about you. Let yourself care about her.” He gently stroked a hand down her hair, but didn’t kiss her forehead like he might have at one point. “And for god’s sake, would you take care of yourself?”
Jordan didn’t respond right away, so Perry began to head for the door. “Are you really shacking it up with DJ?”
Perry stopped in front of the door, stomach clenching and heart pounding as he debated how to answer. Sure shooting, he’d been about to when Elliot had called, but he still wasn’t sure how to respond to her question.
His hand remained on the door handle, and Jordan eyed his uneasy stance, reading it with the habit of the years she had been with him.
“Just send Elliot in,” Jordan finally responded, not waiting for Perry to answer at all.
“I’m not shacking it up with Newbie,” Perry finally answered, giving her a wary glance that betrayed the lie in his eyes and heart. His hands were pale again, clenching tightly at his side and on the handle. “We’re just sharing the same pain.”
Jordan nodded slowly, still a bit hazy from the sedatives she had been on under the ventilator. “Would you send Elliot in on your way out?”
Perry snorted. “Like I could stop her. Take care of yourself, Jordaroo. Figure this out.” He closed the door behind him, hearing the hammer fall with a loud clack that deafened him.
He passed Elliot on his way out, but didn’t say anything to her more than to jerk his head toward Jordan’s room.
Elliot eyed his uneasy glance and hunched shoulders curiously, but didn’t stop to ask as she ran to Jordan’s room.
Jordan looked up when a pale-faced, messy-ponytailed Elliot all but fell into the room, her face betraying all of the relief and anger she currently felt.
“You look like hell, Blondie. You couldn’t doll yourself up for-“
“Save it,” Elliot said bitingly, and sat down on the bed, moving Perry’s vacant chair out of the way. “Do you really want this with me or are you just in it for poops and giggles?”
“Blunt,” Jordan muttered and tilted her head on the pillow as she stared at Elliot’s tightly-drawn face, her tense features, felt her icy hands close to her own, watched pieces of blonde hair flutter in her eyes as she breathed heavily.
She was beautiful.
“What kind of hell have you gone through?” Jordan finally mused quietly, and closed her eyes against the sheer stupidity of her current situation.
Elliot hadn’t been expecting that answer, and blinked for a few moments. “That wasn’t an answer to my question.”
Jordan leaned up suddenly, and wrapped her arms around Elliot’s shoulders, pulling her close and breathing in the mix of her clean perfume smell combined with the harsh, astringent scent of the hospital. Her arms tightened and she leaned her head on Elliot’s shoulder, pulling her down to the bed with her.
“Well…that wasn’t an answer either,” Elliot finally said after a moment.
Jordan didn’t respond, feeling a tidal wave of intense emotions rising up in her chest as Elliot didn’t hug her back and even pulled away slightly to stare at her. She felt the awful stinging starting at her eyes before she could stop it, felt the frustration clawing at her chest before she could shove it down with a cruel remark.
“Did you ever really love me in the first place?” Elliot finally asked quietly, her face still tired and looking as if she’d been awake for a week instead of just the past day or so.
Jordan stared at her, jaw muscles working as she struggled to find the words to say, struggled to push them out, fought to remain in control, stay cool in light of the tears that were battling to streak down her face.
Elliot sighed. “I’ll start making arrangements then. I really did love you, Jordan.” She stood to leave.
Jordan sat back up and her hand shot out to wrap around Elliot’s wrist and yank backwards. Elliot yelped and suddenly found herself back in Jordan’s arms, feeling the woman sob and shake against her. The quietness with which Jordan let go was more destructive than any loud yelling could have been.
Elliot sat her up, hugging her quietly in the ICU as the monitors beeped, the IV dripped and the rest of the ward went on as normal. Meanwhile, in the quiet room, Jordan fell apart in Elliot’s arms, and Elliot not only fell with her, but promised herself they would put it back together again the right way this time.
Because this time, it really was just as brutally real as it should have been in the first place.
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JD eyed the old woman as she moved around the apartment with a sense of familiarity, cleaning up this and cleaning up that (despite the fact that JD had already done all of that before she got there).
“So how long you been with the family?” JD finally asked conversationally. He didn’t know her very well, and her long, searching looks were finally making him a bit irritable.
“A very long time,” Ivy replied in the same easy tone, pulling small dishes down for Jack and Jennifer’s breakfast.
Cereal today, then, JD thought as Ivy pulled out a box of honey-nut-flavored O’s. “Really. So what happened with Jordan?”
Ivy glanced at him, eyes thoughtful. “Nosy, aren’t we?” she asked carefully.
JD shrugged. “I’ve known Jordan for eight years; I work with her husband.” He sat down at the table, wondering what would put the woman at ease. “She’s always seemed a little off, but not crazy or anything. Just hell-bent on the misery loves company adage.”
“Who isn’t?” Ivy pointed out. “You seem to spread that a little yourself.”
“How do you think?” JD asked defensively.
“Well, why do you think Dr. Cox is still so upset?” Ivy asked curiously.
JD snorted. “His wife left him. I imagine that would make anyone upset for a good while.”
Ivy gave a conclusive shrug. “If you say so. Wasn’t Dr. Reid your girlfriend as well?”
“Well, yeah, but what’s that got to do with Dr. Cox?” JD wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but he knew he didn’t like where she was going.
“I don’t feel comfortable telling you about Jordan, but I can tell you that since your own relationship troubles began, you’ve been angry and upset yourself. And you bring that to Dr. Cox’s plate a fair bit of time. I would imagine that as hard as it is for you, it’s just as hard for him. You’re more vocal.”
JD gave another derisive snort. “Dr. Cox can handle himself. So I needed his help getting through this.”
“You’re still calling it help, are you?” Ivy asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.
JD didn’t respond to that.
Ivy sat at the table then and took his hand in a motherly fashion, patting it gently. “I think once you stop finding people to blame for something that you can’t control, that much happier you and others might be.”
JD still said nothing, watching the wise face in front of him. He sighed and picked at a loose thread in his jeans. “You think?”
“I know. I’ve been working for a variety of people for a very long time, my dear,” Ivy said as she stood again to go and get Jack and Jennifer. “Sometimes it just takes a fresh pair of eyes to see what’s in front of you.”
JD nodded. “I’ll get Jack if you grab Jen,” he offered.
“I’d love the help,” Ivy said, and they headed down the hall together.
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Jordan sat expectantly on the bed, far more comfortable now that Elliot had brought her some of her own clothes and feeling much better now that she had cried herself out. She hated crying more than anything, but had finally broken beneath all of the recent changes. She lay back on the bed, one arm draped over her face.
The IV line dragged a bit, making her put her arm back down in disgust. The sooner she got the damn thing out of her arm the better. As it was, the phlebotomy students had been using her for a pincushion while she’d been in and out of it during her time on the vent.
Her veins were bruised to hell and back too. Jordan looked at her wrist, where greenish-brown marks covered her radial artery. She rolled her eyes, thinking that Perry wouldn’t have stood for that sort of slipshod work.
Now that her lungs were clear and her liver function was up, it was just time for the psychiatrist now.
And Jordan was pretty sure she knew exactly what she could say to get out of a committal. It wouldn’t be the first time she had sweet-talked her way out of a psych ward stay, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.
Well, it would be if Elliot could help it.
Jordan frowned then, wondering just where Elliot had gone off too. She had left quietly when Jordan had cried herself to sleep, returning only once to give her some more comfortable clothing and other items. She had left again then, saying she wanted to see who the psychiatrist was that would be taking her case.
Jordan snorted at that. Elliot was going out of her way to involve herself in this, and while it annoyed her and embarrassed her to no end, Jordan struggled with herself to simply let Elliot do her thing.
So now it was simply time to wait out the psychiatrist and hope that Elliot hadn’t already convinced them to commit her.
Jordan sat up on the bed, trying to strike a perky, upbeat attitude. She then decided relaxing would be better, because being too alert made her look manic. But being too slumped would make her look sad.
And honestly, she hadn’t been trying to kill herself. She had just wanted all of the people around her to quit telling her to take her damn meds.
Elliot’s voice drifted quietly down the hallway, and Jordan looked out the narrow door of her room, wondering why Elliot’s voice had taken on that quality of friendly chat. It wasn’t a voice she used with doctors, normally, only friends.
And the tall blonde woman that came in with Elliot was definitely someone Jordan would call her girlfriend’s friend. Honestly, the two were chatting at the speed of light and it was already giving her a headache.
Being that Jordan had never met the woman who looked like she was getting Elliot more than she herself had ever understood her, Jordan already didn’t like her.
Elliot swung into the room with the psychiatrist with a wide smile. “I called in a favor because I’m pretty sure you could talk your way out of any real treatment. So this is Dr. Molly Clock.”
Molly Clock gave Jordan a smile. “So, I hear you took a bottle of pills. Does that activated charcoal suck or what?” she asked cheerfully, pulling up a chair and holding Jordan’s file in her hands. “It looks like you came out of it okay though. So anyway, I’m Dr. Clock, but you can call me Molly.”
Jordan raised an eyebrow and shot a glance in Elliot’s direction. “Stick, I’m coming after you the minute I get out of here.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t do that,” Molly replied, her tone still cheerful and knowing. “Because then I’ll have to restrain you and it’s a ton of paperwork. Besides, they don’t let you off when you’re taking your meds.” She opened Jordan’s chart. “Elliot?”
Elliot jumped as if she realized then that she wouldn’t be allowed to stay in during the therapy sessions. “Oh, right. I’ll see you in an hour then.” She left the room reluctantly, locking the door behind her.
Molly turned to Jordan, clasping her hands in front of her with a warm smile. “So, you’re bipolar.”
“What was your first clue?” Jordan replied warily. “My chart or the charcoal stains on my mouth?”
“Actually, those are gone by now,” Molly said absently. She leaned back openly in her chair. “So tell me. Why’d you take all of your meds at once? You’ve been taking them long enough to know what would happen.”
“You’re the shrink, you tell me.”
Molly rolled her shoulders. “I’ve got to warn you, I’m a really good psychiatrist. I’d much rather hear it from you.”
“Well, if you’re so good, then I don’t have to say anything, do I?” Jordan knew she was being petulant, but the cheery tone was grating on her.
“Well, you could do that,” Molly said, tapping her pencil on the chart. “But then I’d have to commit you, and Elliot really doesn’t want that. If you don’t talk to me, I can’t know what’s in your head.”
“You’re a shrink, that’s your job.”
“You’re an individual with bipolar disorder, not a bipolar individual,” Molly pointed out. “Not all individuals are the same.”
Jordan crossed her arms huffily. “Well, what do you want me to say then?”
“You know what your meds would do. So tell me why you took them all.”
“Everyone was telling me to take them,” Jordan muttered. “I got tired of listening to it.”
“Everyone? Who’s everyone?”
Jordan rolled her eyes. “Perry, Elliot, even DJ.”
“Oh, Johnny?” Molly asked, eyes sparkling. “How’s he doing?”
“Screwing my ex-husband.”
“Oh. Well, that explains a lot,” Molly said with a nod as she scribbled something down on Jordan’s chart. “I bet you hated that.”
“Why should I hate it? I broke it off.”
“Yeah, but you always fall back on Dr. Cox when you’re unsure. It’s a lot easier to be miserable when it’s all you’ve ever known.”
Jordan didn’t say anything to that right away.
Molly tapped the pencil again. “The pills then?”
“Well, everyone was telling me to take them. So I did a stupid thing and took them,” Jordan replied, slightly uncomfortable now. That evening had been a blurry haze of alcohol that wasn’t entirely clear to her. She remembered being in the bathroom, staring at the mirror, unable to focus on her own face. She had juggled her pill bottles, hearing three distinctive voices screaming in her head, yelling and demanding that she take them, she wasn’t normal, she needed them to be normal all together.
“Took them all,” Molly corrected. “You have to be able to accept and admit what you did.”
“So I took them all,” Jordan snapped. “I was mad, alright? I was just so angry that I couldn’t stand the sound of everyone telling me what to do anymore, so I took them all.” She glared at Molly. “Was that what you wanted to hear?”
“It’s not necessarily about what I want to hear. It’s about what you need to say. What you should let yourself say.”
Jordan sat back at that, quietly mulling over Molly’s words. Well, one thing was for damn sure.
Molly was an excellent psychiatrist.
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